Vital Football

Latest Aston Villa News

Something For The Weekend (286)

Something For The Weekend (286)

Let the football purdah begin!

I'll be taking the phone off the hook and will be telling the butler to tell all callers that I am not at home for the next month and I am looking forward to weeks of never having to think of a more elaborate excuse not to go out, than I am watching the World Cup.

Four weeks of wall to wall top quality footie, only interrupted by the odd England game - is something to look forward to.

As us stalwarts of the sofa know full well, its a bit of a marathon and perhaps some matches will best be recorded and then watched at X2 on the VCR, but it is much better than what I understand to be
called real life.

Close consultation of my notes from 2006 has enabled me to compile a check-list of dos and don'ts, or more accurately a list of don'ts.

Don't drink beer during the daytime matches because you'll fall asleep and get too angry.

Don't eat endless salty snacks because they take the skin of the roof of your mouth. Don't hate the Germans too much because you'll only feel miserable when they win. Don't pretend that the rules of the game can be extrapolated from the decisions that referees make. Don't pretend that the political desire to keep an African team in the competition won't affect the results. Don't think that the word 'mature' can be applied to Rooney. Don't pretend England can win it and that there is a conspiracy to stop them. Don't take it out on the missus just 'cause England lose (mine's inflatable so I can do what I like).

Note to self - send for puncture repair-kit.

Do accept it is going to end in disappointment and that eventually the whole four weeks is only likely to yield enough good bits for a thirty minute TV special at the end of it. Do remember that you'll be expected to return to something like a normal life afterwards.

Oh yes, and four weeks is a long time to spend without thinking about girls, so here's Kylie in her knickers (and who cares about the tune?): (embedding was disabled)

Nice work if you can get it.

Of course its not going to be an easy watch for Villa fans because ever since £30m has been the asking-price for James Milner, you can't help feeling like some bloke who has just discovered he's got a million-pound treasure on the Antiques Roadshow, and is trying to get it home on the bus unbroken.

Let's just hope Villa have updated their insurance on the lad, since his value went up.

But as far as England are concerned, from recent matches, no matter what the papers have said, they don't actually look too bad once Capello quits trying out some bastardised Frankenstein formation, to see if Wright-Phillips could be used in goal, or whether Carrick can actually play.

Milner had a great game playing a little bit further forward, against Platinum All Stars, and Heskey demonstrated how he creates room for other players, for a couple of the goals. Big Emile might not score as many goals as Crouch but he's rather less static, in and around the penalty area. Only fans who are ball-watchers fail to see it. Which basically means most of us.

And I actually quite like the idea of Stevie Gerrard as captain, even if it was hilarious listening to him, telling us how he never swears and how wrong it is to do so.

So England are looking capable if not quite spectacular.

If Barry proves to be fit, he looks capable of providing the sort of protection England's back-four will obviously need and offer enough security for Gerrard to get forward and combine creatively with Rooney.

For me, the key player as regards the tournament is Joe Cole. I just think he adds an extra dimension which is missing when he's not there and provides a lot more variation in the play. He seemed to reach
a peak under Jose at Chelsea, when he gave up the over-elaboration stuff and suddenly looked twice the player he had been up to then. Just like when Villa had the team with two brains, when Merson and
Carbone (still playing at 38) combined so well, I think the combination of Rooney and Cole in those deep-lying areas outside the box, makes for a very tricky combination to deal with. And, played out wide, I think his final-ball is better than the two speed-merchants in the squad. Obviously Villa's Ashley Young has the technique and really should be there, but it seems Capello found him a little too diffident for his liking, this time round.

Next time Ashley, next time!

But that's enough of the positives. If we are going to get through this thing together and not get sucked into that killing maelstrom called hope and expectation, we will need to keep in touch with our negative emotions, too. Four weeks of faith, hope and charity, can only lead to madness.

Luckily there will be plenty of help at hand to keep our teeth grinding, our fists clenched, and our necks stiff with indignation.

This is where the TV commentators will come in handy, with their idiotic opinions, inane banter and simpering apologies for incompetence, foul play and criminally poor refereeing.

There will be that horrible gargling sound which John Motson emits when he's trying to sum up something superlative England might have done, or the nasal braying way he says Wayne Rooney.

Then there will be Clive Tyldesley who is guaranteed to put on that horrible pandering voice, which I always associate with his lick-spittle commentary every time Man United are playing in the Champions
League, as he crawls up Old Trafford's collective arse.

There will be plenty of reasons to flip the channel or throw stuff at the telly, to keep us all nicely grounded.

But don't think for a minute it is going to be easy. Four weeks is one hell of a long time to stay interested and sooner rather than later you are going to suffer hype-fatigue, or witness a game so bad, or a decision so bent, that you'll want to throw the towel in.

The only thing is to hang in there and hope that the next match might be as good as the 1970 final and you will get to witness why they call it the beautiful game.

It just might happen.

And if it does get boring, there is always girls in their underwear to think about: (embedding was disabled)

Keep the faith!

Writer:Steve Wade
Date:Friday June 11 2010
Time: 12:23PM

Best of Vital Network

Vital Boxing - Selby Wants Frampton Next


fantastic post steve. Sendind it on to my non-villa mates. Actually had me laughing out loud. Bon courage for thé next 4 weeks!!!!!
12/06/2010 09:33:00
a classic, especially the closing line... 'and if it does get boring, there is always girls in their underwear to think about...' amen! lol
The Fear
12/06/2010 10:01:00
top notch....great form. Enjoyed your post immensely
Bangkok Villan
15/06/2010 09:36:00
Page 1/1
  1. 1

Login to post a comment

Recent Aston Villa Articles

Video Lowlights Villa Away To Wolves + Stats/Reactions

The full match round up... I could summarise in one word really. Rubbish!

Vital Villa Man Of The Match v Wolves Away

Man of the match v Wolves. Seems more a vote for the best of the worst really doesn`t it?

Aston Villa: "What Do Points Make?"

Apologies for the title - I was looking for an inspirational Bruce quote. Unfortunately, the 'Bruce` I came up with was Forsyth rather than Steve.

Aston Villa Fans Rightly Angry After The Wolves Loss

The Aston Villa fans reactions to the loss v Wolves

Archived Vital Villa Articles

Vital Villa articles from

Site Journalists

J P Fear
Editor email
Mike Field
Editor email
Steve Wade
no email
no email
Turkish Penguin
no email
no email
Chris Heath
no email
M Calucar
no email
JuanPablo Angel
no email

Current Poll (see more polls)

Wolves MotM
Suggested By: Site Staff
Sub - Grealish0%
Sub - Green9%
Sub - Davis1%
ScoopDragon Publishing Entire League Network of Sites

League Table

# Team P W D L Pts. GD
1 Newcastle 26 18 1 7 55 29
2 Brighton 25 16 6 3 54 23
3 Leeds Utd 26 15 3 8 48 11
4 Reading 25 14 4 7 46 3
5 Huddersfield 26 14 4 8 46 0
6 Sheff Wed 26 13 6 7 45 6
7 Derby County 26 11 7 8 40 5
8 Fulham 25 10 9 6 39 13
9 Preston 26 11 6 9 39 3
10 Barnsley 26 11 5 10 38 4
11 Norwich 26 11 4 11 37 3
12 Birmingham 26 9 9 8 36 -5
13 Aston Villa 26 8 11 7 35 1
14 Ipswich 26 9 7 10 34 -3
15 Brentford 26 9 6 11 33 0
16 Wolves 26 8 8 10 32 -1
17 Q.P.R. 26 9 5 12 32 -11
18 Cardiff 25 8 6 11 30 -10
19 Bristol City 26 8 3 15 27 -3
20 Forest 26 7 6 13 27 -8
21 Burton 26 6 7 13 25 -10
22 Blackburn 26 6 6 14 24 -12
23 Wigan 26 5 7 14 22 -9
24 Rotherham 26 4 4 18 16 -29
Vital Football Comment
Latest F1 News
Australia prepares for 2017 F1
Latest Vital Boxing News
DeGale Retains IBF Title in Majority Draw
Write for Vital Football

Recent Aston Villa Results (view all)

Aston Villa Fixtures (view all)

Jan 21 2017 3:00PM : Preston North End (H)
Sky Bet Championship
Jan 28 2017 3:00PM : Bristol City (H)
Sky Bet Championship
Jan 31 2017 7:45PM : Brentford (a)
Sky Bet Championship
Feb 4 2017 5:30PM : Nottingham Forest (a)
Sky Bet Championship
Feb 11 2017 3:00PM : Ipswich Town (H)
Sky Bet Championship
Feb 14 2017 7:45PM : Barnsley (H)
Sky Bet Championship

Vital Members League Table

1.The Fear377
7.Melon Donkey124
The Vital Football Members League