Vital Football

Latest Aston Villa News

The Latest Villa Times From 2017

The Latest Villa Times From 2017
The latest offering from MozVilla (re-published to go in new section Witton Wisdom...?:

Hi there, I`m a slightly older, more jaded Jonathan Fear, and welcome to The Villa Times 2017.

This could turn out to be the most significant week in Villa`s history since that one in 2009 when Doug Ellis was rebuilt as a Cyborg and started the devastating Krulak Wars, leading to the end of The Randy Uprising (as we are now legally, and humorously, obliged to call it).

As we near the 10th anniversary of the 25th anniversary of the European Cup win, when we celebrate ten years since that wonderful day when we celebrated twenty-five years since that wonderful day when we won Europe`s biggest receptacle, RoboDoug has announced his plans to mark the occasion by ceremoniously disembowelling anyone who mentions it and wrapping their corpse in a Sheffield United kit (brings back memories, eh? Sheffield - how I miss it. Still, I hear the scuba diving is quite unique up there; it`s the only place where you can pick up fossilised whippets from the sea bed).

As he approaches twenty years at the villa, and eleven years since his last football match, Lee Hendrie (40) says he still has a host of top clubs from the GlaxoSmithKline MegaPremiership (brought to you by DietHeroin® - "Smack to the Future") queuing up for his signature.

The rest of the squad - 21 clones of Zat Knight - has pledged its collective future to Villa. Thank God.

With the new GlaxoSmithKline MegaPremiership (brought to you by DietHeroin® - "Slam Dunk the Junk") season approaching, The Trinity Road stand is to be rebuilt as a dug-out, as manager David Platt`s circumference is now comparable to that of a high street bank. Looks like that statue of Steve Stride fellating our glorious mechanically-enhanced overlord will have to be moved again.

The Football Fans Census has produced a report calling for a lift to the ban on singing, talking and smiling at all UK football stadia, and will present its findings to the GlaxoSmithKline MegaPremiership (brought to you by DietHeroin® - "Get Down with the Brown") Board of Dictators.

Although the safety issues surrounding singing at football matches have been well-publicised since David Beckham finally figured out what they were singing about his first, third and eighth wives and successfully sued every crowd member at New Wembley, the ban on smiling has courted controversy since its inception. However, recent legislation requiring all attendees at football matches to sit cross-legged on a big rug and watch quietly has been welcomed by all parities as a long overdue, common-sense move.

In related news, Birmingham City have identified and arrested a fan who coughed too loudly during last season`s otherwise silent local derby, causing Karren Brady to wee herself (Click here to watch the hilarious video on YouTube).

Finally, the £5.60 bid by Londis to be our shirt sponsors next season will now enter a consultation period, during which all shareholders` opinions will be sought, collated and quietly ignored.

We`ve only got a short time until the long, agonising pre-season comes to an end - I still maintain that five days is too long to go without football - so here`s looking forward to a new season in the GlaxoSmithKline MegaPremiership (brought to you by DietHeroin® - "Some Skag in a Bag").

By MozVilla

Also by Moz: We Want Ice Cream and Villa Dreams

Why not add your own headlines from 2017 folks?!?!


Writer:Moz Villan
Date:Friday August 17 2007
Time: 12:46PM

Best of Vital Network

Comments

0
You forgot to add that DougEllis Villa applied for re-election to the Megapremiership, for the tenth time, by again promising not to field any recognised defenders in the side, so that our opponents have an easier time scoring goals against us.
Obediah
17/08/2007 15:19:00
0
I suppose we shouldn't laugh to long and loud at MoxVilla's article. The shape of things to come I suspect, if the very game we love and cherish carries on as is.
glensider
17/08/2007 19:00:00
Page 1/1
  1. 1

Login to post a comment

Recent Aston Villa Articles

A Fan Convinced RDM Cannot Arrest This Form

A worrying post from hightrinity on Roberto Di Matteo and his inabilities at all the manager jobs he's had.

Villa Fan Says The Problems Are Not Mental For Players

Glensider says the talk of our problems being a mental issue with the players is hogwash...

Video Highlights & Fans Reactions To Barnsley Draw

Video of the Barnsley draw and Aston Villa fans reactions.

Stats: Barnsley v Aston Villa

All the stats from Barnsley (1) vs (1) Aston Villa, Oakwell, 27/9/16 Att: 15,830

Archived Vital Villa Articles

Vital Villa articles from

Site Journalists

J P Fear
Editor email
Profile
Mike Field
Editor email
Profile
Steve Wade
no email
Profile
Villa_Grizzly
no email
Profile
Turkish Penguin
no email
Profile
Glensider
no email
Profile
Chris Heath
no email
Profile
M Calucar
no email
Profile
JuanPablo Angel
no email
Profile

Current Poll (see more polls)

Barnsley MotM
Suggested By: Site Staff
Gollini2%
Bacuna7%
Elphick0%
Chester0%
Cissokho0%
Adomah0%
Tshibola3%
Jedinak0%
Grealish0%
Kodjia37%
Ayew48%
Sub - Westwood0%
Sub - Gestede3%
ScoopDragon Publishing Entire League Network of Sites

League Table

# Team P W D L Pts. GD
1 Huddersfield 10 7 1 2 22 5
2 Norwich 9 6 2 1 20 6
3 Brighton 10 5 3 2 18 6
4 Brentford 10 5 2 3 17 9
5 Bristol City 10 5 2 3 17 6
6 Birmingham 10 4 5 1 17 4
7 Sheff Wed 10 5 2 3 17 0
8 Reading 10 5 2 3 17 -3
9 Newcastle 9 5 1 3 16 10
10 Barnsley 10 5 1 4 16 6
11 Wolves 10 4 3 3 15 2
12 Fulham 10 3 5 2 14 -2
13 Ipswich 10 3 4 3 13 0
14 Leeds Utd 10 4 1 5 13 -2
15 Forest 10 3 3 4 12 -2
16 Q.P.R. 10 3 3 4 12 -4
17 Aston Villa 10 1 7 2 10 0
18 Burton 10 2 4 4 10 -2
19 Preston 10 3 1 6 10 -4
20 Derby County 10 2 3 5 9 -4
21 Wigan 10 2 2 6 8 -2
22 Blackburn 10 2 2 6 8 -7
23 Cardiff 10 2 2 6 8 -9
24 Rotherham 10 1 3 6 6 -13
The Vital Football Members League
Latest F1 News
Blog: Sepang Preview
Latest Vital Boxing News
Tyson Fury Medical Status Definition Required
Vital Football Comment

Recent Aston Villa Results (view all)

Aston Villa Fixtures (view all)

Oct 1 2016 3:00PM : Preston North End (a)
Sky Bet Championship
Oct 15 2016 5:30PM : Wolverhampton Wanderers (H)
Sky Bet Championship
Oct 18 2016 8:00PM : Reading (a)
Sky Bet Championship
Oct 22 2016 3:00PM : Fulham (H)
Sky Bet Championship
Oct 30 2016 12:00PM : Birmingham City (a)
Sky Bet Championship
Nov 5 2016 3:00PM : Blackburn Rovers (H)
Sky Bet Championship

Vital Members League Table

RankNamePoints
1.The Fear621
2.sirdennis358
3.glensider350
4.Fulford327
5.Silhillvilla234
6.Melon Donkey231
7.villasince67182
8.kefkat176
9.DeanoVilla145
10.JuanPabloAngel142
Write for Vital Football