Playing Away From Home (Villa Preview)
JT, wherever you may be,
You`ve gone and lost the captaincy,
You shouldn`t have seen, Wayne`s lady,
The armband is going to Emile Heskey!
What do you mean I`ve got the wrong location? Oh ok.
It seems, a bit like the former England captain that I have become a tad confused as to just who we`re giving a right going over at the weekend.
Villa actually take on a
West Ham Spurs side that have cemented their position as League Title also-rans in a once-illustrious 4th spot, now seemingly open to your Manchester City`s, Spursses, Aston Villa`s and all them other guys (as 'Arry would say.)
Villa go into the game perhaps slight underdogs after a wobbly period stopped by a vintage performance by Gabby Agbonlahor on one of those "wait a minute I AM a footballer" days.
Terry or Woods?
Dad of the year…ROFLCOPTER!
Arsene Wenger is a key witness in Terrygate, he was quoted as saying:
"I didn`t see what was happening."
Aston Villa "gaffer" (see OS) MONNY! wants Villa to keep the momentum going as he looks to get one over the fellow 4th place hopefuls.
The Tottenham game is a really big, big game for us. It's a difficult match coming up - it is just as big as they come really.
"They have been going great. They've got some real quality players playing now - a bit of strength in depth which is something they might have lacked a couple of years ago. It augurs (isn`t that a cooker?) well for them."
Naturally, like all of us, seeing 'Arry the 'At Redknapp for what he really is, MON was classic in his criticisms:
"Harry has been around for a long time. I think everybody pretty well gets on with Harry.
He's excellent fun and he's a top quality manager. He has proved that there for a long, long time now and he has definitely got an eye for a player."
Oh, ok then.
As a Villa fan, I am sure that I, like you, don`t particularly like having to listen to Harry Redknapp. So I thought rather than regurgitate what he had to say, I would simply list a few of his classic quotes.
"Samassi Abou don't speak the English too good."
"I tape over most of the player videos with Corrie or Neighbours. Most of them are crap. They can f*****g make anyone look good. I signed Marco Boogers off a video. He was a good player but a nutter. They didn't show that on the video."
Suppose I should perhaps say something relevant about the game. Harry spoke to someone about this.
"It's a big game, a very exciting game with two sides wanting to win. Villa are an attacking, open exciting team. James Milner's moved into midfield and doing great.
Moved into midfield? Unless he`s shrank half a foot and grown a full head of hair I`m convinced he previously wasn`t in goal!
"Martin's made good signings, but we are a good team as well. I though we were excellent at Leeds and showed terrific character to win a hard tie.
"Martin understands football and has always done a good job, he knows how to put a team together and get the best out of players. He keeps it basic and gets the best out his players.
"They'll come with two wingers and attack us, they'll come to take us on. They are a good counter-attacking team because of their pace in wide positions."
Spurs Team News:
Spurs are set to name the man-after-Terry, Eidur Gudjohnsen and Spurs/Pompey yo-yo Younes Kaboul on the bench.
Ledley King is expected to return to the starting line-up, however sadly Roman Pavily, Pavel, er…that Russian striker who isn`t very good has a groin injury.
Player to watch: Defo Defoe
Should have had 6 mid-week according to Harry. Jermain Defoe is good at scoring (ignoring Danielle Lloyd) and we really need to watch him like a hawk.
Villa Team News:
Villa are set to welcome back striker John Carew. Where on earth John Carew has actually been we generally have no idea. Shopping? On holiday? Ipswich? No idea.
Stephen Warnock is still struggling with a shin injury, Reo-Coker`s ankle is knackered, Petrov is still playing injured.
Player to watch: Ashley Young
The last time I saw Villa play Spurs, Ashley Young tormented the Spurs` defence so badly they made a substitution within half an hour. Come on Ash, we know what you can do, it seems that you don`t know what you can do. Start taking the guys on and make a difference!
Match Facts & Stats
Villa fans should be aware that tickets for this game are not available via Nathan Baker. Music wise however, Mr Terry, this ones dedicated to you. Taken from the Vital Villa charity album "For John." Not available in any shops.
Contrary to a hilarious poster on the Vital Villa forums. It should be noted that Spurs have NEVER won the European Cup.
Spurs are affiliated with such football powerhouses as the San Jose Earthquakes, Supersport FC (S.Africa) and South China Athletic Association.
SCAA are a Hong Kong based club who have a player called Gerard, and sonic the hedgehog`s German mate Tales Schultz (he`s actually Brazilian.)
White Hart Lane has a capacity of 36,310. When you take into account the over-inflated ego of the average Spud, the capacity is actually 76,492,439,102.
Ahoy! It`s Chris Foy. I am not aware if he really does have any nautical connections, but I am aware that Mr Foy is, (without wishing to be too over the top in my comments) a yellow card mentalist.
Foyzy-baby has dished out 72 yellows and 3 reds in his 24 games. It is his first Villa game of the season.
As I posted on the facebook fanpage. It will be 48-3. Heskey scoring all of them. Shame on you Emile, 3 own goals the day you get made England captain.
Villa have a tricky midweek tie against Manchester United. This one`s at Villa Park. A warm-up for the League Cup Final!
Thanks for reading folks, I`m off to phone a lady in Dubai.