Brand & Deliver!

With Radio 2 presenters Jonathan Woss and Russell Brand hitting the headlines for phoning up Manuel and in plain English (he learnt it from a book you know) explained how the latter may well have had sexual relations with that woman, Miss Voluptua, you`d be forgiven for forgetting that there`s a monstrous session of Premier League Football this evening.

Villa return to the Fortress AVFC Park Dome having tub-thumped a lacklustre Wigan side 4-0 in what must have been an away day that really should have brought about an early rendition of the "Jingle Bells" song.

This week we have Paul Ince using his massive Premier League experience to dismiss our chances of top 4 glory, we have Martin O`Neill on how lap dancers didn`t exist in the 1970`s, and we have all the info you`d ever need to know about Fawlty Towers.

Right girls, t**s out for Carew, it`s another Villa Preview.

I`m not sure, John Carew has had a more enjoyable end-of-week in his entire life, let alone in his illustrious, yet nomadic playing career. Should he be one to write a diary, I think it would read:

Thursday: You should have seen the boobies on that lady, got dropped for Ajax though :-(.

Friday: In trouble with boss, someone saw me in the lap club, ooooops.

Saturday: Big fine, no worries, I earn same amount of money every week, great success!

Sunday: Benched, yet everyone still loved me. Laughed a lot at songs about me, I waved to the crowd. Boss let me on when Bazza hurt his big toe, scored, assisted, was day-long legend!

It seems that following Carew`s amazing performance against Wigan, that even Martin O`Neill is now seeing the funny side of things, with his quote making the BBC Sport Websites funnies page. The song about ladies revealing themselves to big JC however, disappointingly, didn`t. Monny told reporters:

"It was a large oversight on his behalf and the players think he should have been fined double! I used to do it myself - not lap dancing, there weren't such things in my day!"

Meanwhile, captain fantastic Martin Laursen, probably still struggling for breath following Sunday`s amazing run that sadly did not cumulate in a 30 yard pile driver, has called on Villans everywhere to get down to VP and "raise the roof" (at least we`ve got one, seemingly unlike Wigan) as Villa get down to some more floodlit action. Laursen told avfc.co.uk:

"We love Villa Park. We love to play here and we really love to see a lot of people here. We really do appreciate the support we receive.

"The crowd really makes a difference. We don't say it for the sake of it. When Villa Park is rocking and the crowd is singing, it gives you a lift. It will be important against Blackburn.

"The noise levels this season have been unbelievable - particularly against Ajax - and we'd love the fans to continue to make that kind of noise to spur us on for the rest of the season - starting tonight against Blackburn."

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Turning to matters of a Blackburn nature, their highly experienced Premier League manager, highly experienced Paul Ince, believes Aston Villa do not have what it takes to reach the dizzy heights of at least 4th (shows what he knows, we`re winning the thing) in the Premier League this season.

The highly experienced former League Two manager said:
"I don't think it will be this season, and (Aston Villa manager) Martin O'Neill will say the same."

MK Dons to Premier League expert? He did however add:

"But I think definitely over the next two or three years, with the financial clout they've got, they will be challenging the big four."

Incey-Wincey has, on a more serious note, targeted away day success during the floodlit night-night game at the Villa ground. Highly experienced Paul Ince told the official Blackburn Rovers site:

"It is always a strange one. Funnily enough it was the same when I was at Milton Keynes last year.
"We had the best away record since the 1930s, winning 16 or so games. I couldn't put my finger on it as to why that was.
"Maybe it's the backs to the wall mentality that we have when we are away and we want to prove a point."
"At the moment, it just seems to be suiting us."

It won`t be suiting you this evening Paul!

Gareth Barry is expected to return despite limping out of Villa`s 4-0 thumping of Wigan, having been replaced by the John Carew show.

Carew, having scored one and assisted one (well, he had a shot off target that hit Gabby and went in) is likely to slot back into the side, at the expense of someone, I`d say possibly Reo-Coker.

I`d hope Sidwell will get a decent run out, following what was a rather impressive 4 minutes at the weekend!

John Carew, Carew, he stays out till one or two.
He still scored us 1 or 2 (I give Gabby`s goal to him!)
John Carew, Carew!

Chris Samba and Benni McCarthy should be back in action following their recovery from various injuries.

Paul Robinson was an Aston Villa target, until we nabbed Blackburn's rad Friedel. Interesting to see how calamity Paul reacts.

This week`s music has no relevance, other than the sheer brilliance that matches my previews:



Perhaps has some relevance, as from 1230 tomorrow, I am jobless!

The concept of Fawlty Towers, was dreamt up as the Monty Python team stayed in the Gleneagles Hotel in Torquay. Actor John Cleese (you may have seen him in the odd Bond Film these days) became fascinated with the hotel owner for being oh so rude, and created a whole program based on him.

Manuel, played by Andrew Sachs was a Spanish waiter, who came from Barcelona! The nation of Spain was so incensed, they over-dubbed Manuel with an Italian!

Current Villa keeper Brad Friedel is Blackburn`s highest Premier League game-earning goaltender, and has had his name on the score sheet too for the blues & whites.

The first generalised Blackburn Rovers game was in 1875 and is thought to have included John Lewis.

The same as the shop owner? Who knows!

Ewood Park has been Blackburn`s home since 1890, which is even older than some of my awful jokes!

Keith Stroud takes control of this one, Mr Stroud like Mr Jones last time, is a Premier League newcomer for this year at least, having only officiated in two EPL games this season. Keith`s last game came as Cardiff City defeated Nottingham Forest 1-0 on the 25th October.

2-0 to the Villa, I`m confident, and so should all of us!

Another midweek game, as Villa make the long trek to the all swearing all punching, now winning Newcastle United on Monday night.

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