Aston Villa Forum - The Tim Vine style one liner thread.
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The Tim Vine style one liner thread.
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Posted 29/7/2015 06:21
#1542324 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

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Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
I was trying to reassure the wife last night that she would be fine doing the emergency stop on her driving test.

Apparently though, 'pretend you've seen a cake shop' was not the appropriate thing to say


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Posted 29/7/2015 06:22
#1542325 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 48054
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Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
My grandad saw me texting on my phone.

"Young people these days!" he moaned. "Nobody talks face to face any more."

I said, "It's called 'Technology' grandad. It evolves, times change."

"It's just an excuse to be lazy," he added.

"It sure is," I replied, staring at his mobility scooter.


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Posted 29/7/2015 06:26
#1542327 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 48054
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Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
Study: Exercise may help treat Alzheimer's.

It's true. No one forgets to tell you they just exercised.


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Posted 29/7/2015 06:29
#1542328 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 48054
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Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
Are you a senior politician in the House of Lords?

Do you have a liking for group sex with prostitutes?

Word of advice: if the whores start asking for your opinion on expenses, you're probably on camera.


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Posted 29/7/2015 06:29
#1542329 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 48054
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Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
My wife said she was going to chase her dream of becoming slim.

So far the dream has lapped the fat bitch three times.


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Posted 29/7/2015 06:31
#1542330 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 48054
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Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
"I studied at the sorebum," I told the lady interviewing me.

"Surely you mean the Sorbonne," she replied.

"No, the university of Brighton. My arse is still killing me!"


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Posted 29/7/2015 06:32
#1542331 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

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Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
I love that program on TV where people compete with each other to see who's got a child with the greatest disability.

Or 'DIY SOS The Big Build' as some people call it.


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Posted 29/7/2015 06:36
#1542332 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 48054
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Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
I googled "Gary Oldman" and got some pretty disturbing images - he's really let himself go, I thought.

Then I realised I'd left the "R" out.


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