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The Tim Vine style one liner thread.
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Posted 18/9/2014 07:04
#1447603 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 38519
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Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
Ex-pats like Bryan Cox, Sean Connery and Alan Cummings all support the Yes vote in Scotland.

The eyes of the world may be on Scotland but the ayes prefer to fuck off and live abroad.

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Posted 18/9/2014 07:06
#1447604 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 38519
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Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
Balotelli has said that his next destination will be Spain.

He's found a great little beach where he can sell handbags and sunglasses.

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Posted 18/9/2014 14:28
#1447719 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.


Youth Academy

Posts: 196
100252525
How do you make 5lbs of fat look good ? Stick a nipple on it
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Posted 19/9/2014 06:51
#1447885 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 38519
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Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
I've got 69 problems.

My girlfriend is a midget.
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Posted 19/9/2014 06:54
#1447886 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 38519
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Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
I think the wife must have lost a bit of weight lately.

She's just found a tattoo.
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Posted 19/9/2014 06:57
#1447887 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 38519
500050005000500050005000500020001000500
Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
The Royal and Ancient Golf Club has voted in favour of allowing women members for the first time in its 260-year history.

A spokesman said, 'For years we have denied women entrance, and frankly the place now needs a bloody good Hoovering'

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Posted 19/9/2014 06:59
#1447889 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 38519
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Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
If you're being chased by a police dog, try not to go through a tunnel, then onto a little seesaw and then jump through a hoop of fire.

They're trained for that.

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Posted 19/9/2014 07:00
#1447890 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 38519
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Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
The Orkney turnout for the Scottish Independence vote was 83.7 percent.

The other two people couldn't be bothered.
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Posted 19/9/2014 07:02
#1447891 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 38519
500050005000500050005000500020001000500
Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
Tennis star Andy Murray and his brother Jamie tweeted their support for independence.

Guess they won't need any more support from the All England Tennis Club then ?


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Posted 19/9/2014 07:06
#1447892 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 38519
500050005000500050005000500020001000500
Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
My new Apple Watch takes amazing HD photos.

Of my wrist.

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Posted 19/9/2014 07:08
#1447893 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 38519
500050005000500050005000500020001000500
Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
When I was offered teabagging I just assumed it was a straight forward blowjob.



I was pleasantly surprised, it's an entirely different ball game!...

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Posted 19/9/2014 07:10
#1447894 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 38519
500050005000500050005000500020001000500
Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
Just when you think you've come to a posh restaurant, people start dunking their fingers in their lemon soup.
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Posted 19/9/2014 07:12
#1447895 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 38519
500050005000500050005000500020001000500
Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
With the poll results just hours away, Scots are getting tense.

Jimmy Somerville has said he would be getting a few stiff ones in him last night.


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Posted 19/9/2014 07:13
#1447896 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 38519
500050005000500050005000500020001000500
Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
How many Scousers does it take to change a lightbulb?

45,523 - 1 to screw it like the benefit system & 45,522 to hold a minute's silence for the old lightbulb.

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Posted 19/9/2014 07:14
#1447897 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 38519
500050005000500050005000500020001000500
Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
Me and my wife have decide to spice up our love life with some roleplay.

She tells me about her day and I pretend to listen.


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Posted 19/9/2014 07:16
#1447898 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 38519
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Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
I asked a pupil in my science class to name a light source earlier.

The thick fucker said 'diet mayo'.
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Posted 19/9/2014 07:20
#1447899 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 38519
500050005000500050005000500020001000500
Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
I asked my Doctor for Viagra.

"Having trouble achieving full erections?" he asked.

"Only the ones meant for my wife." I replied.
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