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The Tim Vine style one liner thread.
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Posted 1/10/2014 07:30
#1450194 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 38805
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Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
Apparently Muslims now make up over 20% of the population in Britain's schools.

Although in fairness about half of those are adult men.


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Posted 1/10/2014 07:31
#1450196 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 38805
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Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
Finally, George Clooney got married this weekend in Venice ...

breaking the hearts of ugly, fat, delusional women all over the world.


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Posted 1/10/2014 07:34
#1450197 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 38805
500050005000500050005000500020001000500100100100
Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
The Cash in the Attic expert looked at my painting and said,"Well well well,have you ever dreamt about quitting your job and moving to Spain?"

"Yes,all the time." I said excitedly.

He replied," Well keep on dreaming mate,this is worth fuck all."

Bastard.

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Posted 1/10/2014 07:36
#1450198 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 38805
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Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
I realised I should probably smoke less weed.

After I tried to leave my house through my mirror, but some twat kept getting in my way.


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Posted 2/10/2014 07:04
#1450389 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 38805
500050005000500050005000500020001000500100100100
Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
Did you hear about the Chameleon who couldn't change colour?

He was suffering from reptile dysfunction.


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Posted 2/10/2014 07:07
#1450390 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 38805
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Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
So Yusra Hussien is the youngest girl from the UK to go and join ISIS in Syria and is said to want to become a 'Jihadi Bride'.
I'm not entirely sure shes been paying attention.
Shes 15 years old for fucks sake, what self respecting Jihadi Muslim is going to be interested in an old hag?


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Posted 2/10/2014 07:09
#1450391 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 38805
500050005000500050005000500020001000500100100100
Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
My mates called me stingy so I decided to buy them a beer.

Turns out they wanted one each.

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Posted 2/10/2014 07:12
#1450392 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 38805
500050005000500050005000500020001000500100100100
Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
After queueing up for almost half an hour in the chemist last week, I finally got to the counter and the woman looked at me and said, "I'm really sorry about your wait."

In a rattled state, I replied, "You're not so fucking skinny yourself, actually."

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Posted 2/10/2014 07:14
#1450393 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 38805
500050005000500050005000500020001000500100100100
Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
Footballer creates £9 cure for insomnia.

It's called Rio Ferdinand's new book.


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Posted 2/10/2014 07:19
#1450394 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 38805
500050005000500050005000500020001000500100100100
Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
After learning that I'd won the lottery, my brother came running to me saying that he didn't have a pot to piss in and could I help him.

£2.99 later he now has a pot.


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Posted 2/10/2014 07:21
#1450395 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 38805
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Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
MUSIC NEWS;

The police have released something new

It's Dr fox after 8 hours of questioning


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Posted 2/10/2014 07:23
#1450396 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 38805
500050005000500050005000500020001000500100100100
Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
I'm so glad I left my old job as accountant at Tescos. I was getting worried they would sack me when they realised I couldn't count.

This new job with the Microsoft Windows project team is great...


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