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Random quote: it really pains me to say this ..... but thats not a bad idea fear. Badge73
The Tim Vine style one liner thread.
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Posted 28/3/2015 05:30
#1504292 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

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Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
Top Gear was 12 years old.

That's one of the oldest things the BBC staff have fucked.


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Posted 28/3/2015 05:35
#1504293 - in reply to #1504292
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 43477
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The wife made me go to the plumb centre today.

Luckily for me they never keep me in...


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Posted 28/3/2015 05:37
#1504294 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 43477
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My grandad hated arguments and always tried to keep out of them.

Lovely man, terrible lawyer.


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Posted 28/3/2015 05:44
#1504296 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 43477
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Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
Ryanair are to change their cockpit procedures following the Germanwings crash.

If a pilot needs the toilet a standard charge of £5 will apply.


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Posted 28/3/2015 05:46
#1504297 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 43477
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Investigators say the Germanwings copilot suffered from manic depression.

One minute he was up, then he was down.


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Posted 28/3/2015 05:52
#1504298 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 43477
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Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
After a spate of thefts at the bird sanctuary where I work, my boss said to me, "If you catch any of those robbing bastards, shoot them!"

So far I've managed to kill twelve of the little red-breasted fuckers.


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Posted 28/3/2015 05:53
#1504299 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 43477
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The BBC are this morning reporting from Kenilworth Castle.

So if you have any children going there on a school trip, you might want to contact the school and tell them they're sick.


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Posted 28/3/2015 05:56
#1504300 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 43477
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Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
And as Moses gazed upon the burning bush he replied:

"Better put some yogurt on that"


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Posted 28/3/2015 06:01
#1504301 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 43477
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Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
It's all doom and groom at the BBC


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Posted 28/3/2015 06:02
#1504302 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

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Just watched a documentary about the history of the ITV show "The Bill" and I thought what a load of old tosh


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Posted 28/3/2015 06:03
#1504303 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 43477
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What's black, four inches wide and makes my wife moan?

The toast I've just made her.


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Posted 28/3/2015 06:07
#1504305 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 43477
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Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
Sometimes in life when one door closes, you just can't get the damn thing open again.

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Posted 28/3/2015 06:09
#1504306 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 43477
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Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
My wife and I have been going through a bad time and as she knows I love dogs I was quite surprised when she said she was getting me a cross between a Jack Russell and a Shitzu for my birthday.

Fucking bitch got me Jack shit.


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Posted 28/3/2015 06:15
#1504307 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

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I don't know why my spectacles keep steaming up,....I am mystified.



Edited by Pride of Lions 28/3/2015 06:16
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Posted 28/3/2015 08:58
#1504322 - in reply to #1504297
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



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Pride of Lions - 28/3/2015 05:46

Investigators say the Germanwings copilot suffered from manic depression.

One minute he was up, then he was down.




Too soon?
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