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The Tim Vine style one liner thread.
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Posted 27/8/2014 09:29
#1441370 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 37987
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Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
Angel Di Maria is only going to Manchester United because Real Madrid won't give him Tuesday's and Wednesday's off.

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Posted 27/8/2014 09:31
#1441371 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 37987
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Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
I've had the shuts today ... problems with my vowels.

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Posted 27/8/2014 09:33
#1441372 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 37987
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Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
I saw two tramps passionately making out in public.

So I shouted, "Get a box."

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Posted 28/8/2014 06:57
#1441733 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 37987
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Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
I was a bit disappointed not to get my hands on a ticket for one of the 22 Kate Bush concerts;

However I'm already provisionally booked for her next tour scheduled for 2049.
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Posted 28/8/2014 06:59
#1441734 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 37987
50005000500050005000500050002000500100100100100252525
Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
The police caught my wife's rapist after he fell and banged his head.

He should have taken the blindfold off after he was finished.

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Posted 28/8/2014 07:04
#1441735 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 37987
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Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
Why did the Manchester United fan cross the road?

To enquire about ticket prices at the Etihad.

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Posted 28/8/2014 07:05
#1441736 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 37987
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Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
If you throw your tip at a waiter or waitress, is that considered gratuitous violence?

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Posted 28/8/2014 07:06
#1441737 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 37987
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Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
What does a Muslim call a 9 year old girl with a bacon sandwich?

A dilemma.

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Posted 29/8/2014 07:14
#1442119 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 37987
50005000500050005000500050002000500100100100100252525
Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
The government have announced new measures to stop British Muslims traveling to Syria and Iraq to join ISIS.

They're holding a school disco in Rotherham.

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Posted 29/8/2014 07:16
#1442120 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 37987
50005000500050005000500050002000500100100100100252525
Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
Having a beard is a lot like having a penis.

If you have one, you're definitely going to end up stroking it all the time.

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Posted 29/8/2014 07:20
#1442121 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 37987
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Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
I sent away for a penis enlarger.


They sent me back a magnifying glass.

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Posted 29/8/2014 07:23
#1442122 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 37987
50005000500050005000500050002000500100100100100252525
Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
No worrys ' if british members of isis haven't paid their tv licence the bbc will soon track them down


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Posted 29/8/2014 07:25
#1442123 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 37987
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Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
I like my women how I like my car insurance...

For social, domestic and pleasure use only.

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Posted 29/8/2014 07:30
#1442124 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 37987
50005000500050005000500050002000500100100100100252525
Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
What's the difference between a primary school and a brothel?

Nothing according to Muslims.

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Posted 29/8/2014 07:31
#1442125 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 37987
50005000500050005000500050002000500100100100100252525
Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
The NHS have rejected a drug to treat diarrhea as they believe it is weak and ineffective.

There's said to be no solid evidence to suggest it works.

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Posted 29/8/2014 07:33
#1442127 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 37987
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Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
What did a sloth ever do in the Garden of Eden to get placed on the Seven Deadly Sins list?
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