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Random quote: In the immortal words of Col8: What a great day to be a Villa fan.
The Tim Vine style one liner thread.
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Posted 25/4/2015 06:32
#1512253 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 44351
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Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
We should ease up on the jokes about overeaters....

They have enough on there plates already.


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Posted 25/4/2015 06:37
#1512254 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 44351
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Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
I always order oysters on a first date.

It gives me a good idea on whether she spits or swallows.


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Posted 25/4/2015 06:41
#1512255 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 44351
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Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
With the General Election looming, there's quite a lot of political jokes doing the rounds.
The worst thing is, that some of them will probably get elected...


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Posted 25/4/2015 06:46
#1512257 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 44351
50005000500050005000500050005000200020001001001002525
Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
In an attempt to promote peace the Catholic church and Muslims have agreed to practice each others religions for a month.

Unfortunately it was a failure. The Muslims didn't like sex with the choirboys and the priests didn't like sex with nine year old girls.

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Posted 25/4/2015 06:47
#1512258 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 44351
50005000500050005000500050005000200020001001001002525
Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
HSBC have threatened to leave the UK if banking regulation isn't relaxed and they might not be the only ones.

Tricky. What will we do with our bailing out money if they all fuck off?.


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Posted 25/4/2015 06:48
#1512259 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 44351
50005000500050005000500050005000200020001001001002525
Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
Did you hear about the Muslim strip club?

It features full facial nudity!


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Posted 25/4/2015 06:51
#1512260 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 44351
50005000500050005000500050005000200020001001001002525
Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
I invited my Muslim neighbours round to sit in the garden for a BBQ.

Half way through, I informed the husband that his wife had been unfaithful to him with lots of men.

She hadn't but I needed the rockery moving.


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Posted 25/4/2015 07:12
#1512265 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 44351
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Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
It's Paula Radcliffe's last marathon this weekend, I reckon she'll piss it.....


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Posted 25/4/2015 07:14
#1512266 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 44351
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Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
What does Frodo Baggins have in common with your mate getting married?

They both put the ring on and disappear.


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Posted 25/4/2015 07:16
#1512267 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 44351
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Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
As I just came back from the toilet I noticed my date had left for no reason.

Fucking bitch.

She didn't even pay the bill like I told her to.

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Posted 25/4/2015 07:17
#1512269 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 44351
50005000500050005000500050005000200020001001001002525
Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
There Is a great deal of ardour and fervour In my marriage.................

The ardour it gets the fervour she moves away.


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Posted 25/4/2015 07:20
#1512270 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 44351
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Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
I'm not suggesting my girlfriend is rough but she has just been diagnosed with 'kennel cough'.


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Posted 25/4/2015 07:22
#1512272 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 44351
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Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
My neighbour Mohammed had the police called to his home after brutally beating his wife. The court can't decide if it's domestic violence or child abuse.


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Posted 25/4/2015 07:25
#1512273 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 44351
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Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
I'm not saying our house is dirty, but the mice walk around on stilts


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Posted 25/4/2015 07:27
#1512275 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 44351
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Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
Adam Johnson has been charged with 3 offences of sexual activity with a child.

His lawyer has vowed to get the charges overturned for his client, as signing for Sunderland indicates early onset Alzheimer's.


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