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The Tim Vine style one liner thread.
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Posted 1/2/2015 02:19
#1484115 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 41959
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Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
Boris Johnson has declared that terrorists are "literally wankers".

Except Abu Hamza presumably.


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Posted 1/2/2015 02:21
#1484116 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 41959
5000500050005000500050005000500010005001001001001002525
Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
In Saudi Arabia it's illegal for a woman to show her face in public.

Unless it's been separated from her body.


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Posted 1/2/2015 02:25
#1484117 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 41959
5000500050005000500050005000500010005001001001001002525
Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
Apparently, the Popemobile has 3 inch thick bullet-proof glass.

There's fucking faith for you.


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Posted 1/2/2015 02:27
#1484118 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 41959
5000500050005000500050005000500010005001001001001002525
Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
A dance teacher who had sex with two of his 15-year-old female pupils has been jailed for 4 years.

I think that's unbelievable.

A straight dance teacher?


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Posted 1/2/2015 02:29
#1484119 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 41959
5000500050005000500050005000500010005001001001001002525
Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
I tried feeding my baby daughter using the 'here comes the airplane' technique.

But she fell asleep when I was going through the safety procedures.


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Posted 1/2/2015 02:31
#1484120 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 41959
5000500050005000500050005000500010005001001001001002525
Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
Islamic State eyes al-Qaeda lands

Councillors from Bradford and Luton have welcomed the idea...


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Posted 1/2/2015 02:33
#1484121 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 41959
5000500050005000500050005000500010005001001001001002525
Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
My wife said to me, "Would you keep pestering me for sex so much if I was ugly?"

I said, "What do you mean 'if'?"


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Posted 1/2/2015 02:36
#1484122 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 41959
5000500050005000500050005000500010005001001001001002525
Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
There appears to be something lost in translation over a militant of ISIS demanding a female suicide bomber get released.

What he really wanted was the blow up doll he ordered 5 months ago through Yodel.


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Posted 1/2/2015 02:37
#1484123 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 41959
5000500050005000500050005000500010005001001001001002525
Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
I had a fling with a woman from my fencing club.

It was a rather sworded affair.


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Posted 1/2/2015 02:39
#1484124 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 41959
5000500050005000500050005000500010005001001001001002525
Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
My mate wanted me to join him in a ram-raid.

But there's no way I'm ever going to Wales.


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Posted 1/2/2015 02:40
#1484125 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 41959
5000500050005000500050005000500010005001001001001002525
Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
"Terrorists are wankers who are obsessed with porn", said Boris Johnson.

I guess that makes me a terrorist.


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Posted 1/2/2015 02:43
#1484126 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 41959
5000500050005000500050005000500010005001001001001002525
Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
Chris Evans has revealed he's having tests for prostate cancer.

I presume as he always up his own arse he's doing them himself.


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Posted 1/2/2015 02:46
#1484127 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 41959
5000500050005000500050005000500010005001001001001002525
Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
The new Ghostbusters film really improves on a flaw with the original casting.

3 men trying to use a vaccuum? Yeah right!


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