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Random quote: Always liked Villa and remember back to the good old days of Peter Withe, Gary Shaw, Dennis Mortimer etc but you now seem to be the perennial underachievers, potentially a massive club but you need to believe it yourselves (Vital Wigan Ed)
The Tim Vine style one liner thread.
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Posted 21/8/2014 07:32
#1439507 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 37818
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Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
I was in the pub with my wife last night when a bloke approached me in the toilets.

"£200 to sleep with your wife" he said.

"£200?" I laughed. "Sorry pal, it's a nice offer but I don't carry that sort of money around with me."

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Posted 22/8/2014 07:15
#1439814 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 37818
50005000500050005000500050002000500100100100
Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
The CIA have nominated ISIS, al-Qaeda and Boko Haram for the ASL Ice Bucket Challenge.

Or waterboarding as it was once known.
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Posted 22/8/2014 07:18
#1439815 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 37818
50005000500050005000500050002000500100100100
Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
On a Ryanair flight to Spain a woman stripped completely naked and had to be restrained by flight attendants.

Ryanair immediately charged all the other passengers a £256 'entertainment fee'.

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Posted 22/8/2014 07:21
#1439816 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 37818
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Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
I was in the Bank earlier.

The Woman behind the Counter started singing "Downtown".

I thought to myself , "What a Peculiar Clerk".

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Posted 22/8/2014 07:22
#1439817 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 37818
50005000500050005000500050002000500100100100
Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
I consider myself a Guardian of the Galaxy.


I'm a security guard at the Samsung store...

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Posted 22/8/2014 07:26
#1439819 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 37818
50005000500050005000500050002000500100100100
Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
My mate said, "What's your mother-in-law like?"

I said, "To be honest she's ok, we get on well. It's her daughter I can't fucking stand."


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Posted 22/8/2014 07:30
#1439820 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 37818
50005000500050005000500050002000500100100100
Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
A Ryanair flight had to make an emergency landing in Dublin after an engine just disintegrated.

It was so frightening each passenger was later charged by Ryanair for a £35 seat-cleaning fee.

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Posted 22/8/2014 07:32
#1439821 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 37818
50005000500050005000500050002000500100100100
Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
My teenage daughter asked me if she could invite her friends over for a party.

"Will any of them wear strapless top, skimpy dress or mini skirt?" I enquired.

"No daddy," she assured.

"Then they're not coming."

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Posted 22/8/2014 19:47
#1439976 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.


First Team Regular

Posts: 1221
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Andy Capp as Flo walks into the house with shopping.
"Look at that Chalkie. Bread, and not a drop o' beer in the house."
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