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The Tim Vine style one liner thread.
20 December 2016 18:08 Post ID: #1670564 - in reply to #988165
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I applied for a job making sandwiches.

But they called me back and told me the roll had been filled.
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20 December 2016 18:11 Post ID: #1670566 - in reply to #1670564
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I'd tell you a chemistry joke but I know I wouldn't get a reaction.
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20 December 2016 18:20 Post ID: #1670568 - in reply to #1670551
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The Fear - 20/12/2016 16:00

And the good thing is I can steal some of these for my thought for the day - villa times!


When it says ''Fear steals'' all joy there was never a truer word spoken in jest and runs for it grabbing my coat on the way
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21 December 2016 09:06 Post ID: #1670610 - in reply to #988165
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I couldn't quite remember how to throw a boomerang, but eventually it came back to me.
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21 December 2016 09:14 Post ID: #1670611 - in reply to #988165
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What’s the best part about living in Switzerland?

Not sure, but the flag is a big plus.
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21 December 2016 14:46 Post ID: #1670651 - in reply to #1670611
A Wise Man (once sat next to him)
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JuanPabloAngel - 21/12/2016 09:14

What’s the best part about living in Switzerland?

Not sure, but the flag is a big plus.


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21 December 2016 15:35 Post ID: #1670658 - in reply to #988165
A Wise Man (once sat next to him)
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I went to the cemetery yesterday to lay some flowers on a grave.
As I was standing there I noticed 4 grave diggers walking about with a coffin, 3 hours later and they're still walking about with it.
I thought to myself, they've lost the plot!!
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21 December 2016 15:45 Post ID: #1670662 - in reply to #988165
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I got an odd-job man in. He was useless. Gave him a list of eight things to do and he only did numbers one, three, five and seven
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21 December 2016 20:42 Post ID: #1670710 - in reply to #988165
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Good work people
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22 December 2016 10:18 Post ID: #1670782 - in reply to #988165
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What did one cannibal say to the other while they were eating a clown?

"Does this taste funny to you?"
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30 December 2016 00:23 Post ID: #1671804 - in reply to #988165
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From the moment I picked up your book until I laid it down, I was convulsed with laughter.

Some day I intend reading it.
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30 December 2016 00:26 Post ID: #1671805 - in reply to #988165
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I never forget a face, but in your case, I'll be glad to make an exception.
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30 December 2016 00:27 Post ID: #1671806 - in reply to #988165
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Last night I shot an elephant in my pyjamas.

And how he got in my pyjamas, I'll never know.
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