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The Tim Vine style one liner thread.
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Posted 27/4/2015 10:43
#1513134 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 44376
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Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
What do you call an African migrant trying to cross the Mediterranean?

Bob.


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Posted 27/4/2015 10:44
#1513135 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 44376
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Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
My fundamental Muslim cousin is visiting tomorrow and I've got to entertain him. Which is a pain in the arse because he's got absolutely no sense of humour.

Thank fuck I've managed to get us Michael McIntyre tickets.


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Posted 27/4/2015 11:50
#1513143 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 44376
5000500050005000500050005000500020002000100100100252525
Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
Fuck me, that Marathon was hard work.

Mind you, it was in the fridge for 20 years.


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Posted 27/4/2015 11:51
#1513146 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 44376
5000500050005000500050005000500020002000100100100252525
Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
Nigel Farage says he doesn't want Romanians as neighbours.

And he calls himself British? The rest of us don't even talk to our fucking neighbours.


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Posted 27/4/2015 11:55
#1513149 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 44376
5000500050005000500050005000500020002000100100100252525
Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
I asked the wife what she wanted for tea, when she get in from work.
"Suprise me" she said.

So here i am in the pub.


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Posted 27/4/2015 11:58
#1513152 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 44376
5000500050005000500050005000500020002000100100100252525
Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
I said to the wife, "is there any chance I can get a blowjob?"

"I suppose so," she sighed.

"Brilliant! If you need me, I'll be at your sisters'."


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Posted 27/4/2015 11:59
#1513154 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 44376
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Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
Thousands of migrants feared dead.

I suppose that's what Labour call floating voters then.


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Posted 27/4/2015 12:01
#1513155 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 44376
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Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
I have my coffee in my Michael Jackson mug.

It don't matter if it's black or white.

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Posted 27/4/2015 12:03
#1513157 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 44376
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Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
Vin Diesel - American actor or cheap French wine from Aldi?


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Posted 27/4/2015 12:06
#1513158 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 44376
5000500050005000500050005000500020002000100100100252525
Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
The last words people say when they die suddenly have changed in recent years.

It used to be, "Tell my family I love them."

Now it's, "Go to my house and delete my browsing history."

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Posted 27/4/2015 12:22
#1513164 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 44376
5000500050005000500050005000500020002000100100100252525
Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
I was walking past Costa coffee, and thought "I could really do with a lovely, tasty, hot cup of coffee"

So I carried on walking past.


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