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The Tim Vine style one liner thread.
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Posted 17/12/2014 10:55
#1469419 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 41092
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Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
The Sydney terrorist was out on bail for murder and over 40 counts of sexual assault.

He has since been offered a chance to relaunch Top of the Pops by the BBC.


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Posted 17/12/2014 10:57
#1469420 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 41092
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I have finally packed my job in after 20 years of driving a taxi in london. Just got fed up of people talking behind my back all day.



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Posted 21/12/2014 01:25
#1470224 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 41092
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Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
I told my doctor, "My girlfriend thinks I'm paranoid."

"What do you want me to do?" he asked.

I said, "Stop having sex with her."

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Posted 21/12/2014 01:26
#1470225 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 41092
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Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
My girlfriend said that I should use the term 'make love' instead of 'fuck.'

What the make love is she talking about?


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Posted 21/12/2014 01:28
#1470226 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 41092
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Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
50 percent off glasses in Specsavers today.

I Came out with a monocle.


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Posted 21/12/2014 01:29
#1470227 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 41092
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Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
I love my wife, she always gives me 100% sound advice.

99% sound, 1% advice.


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Posted 21/12/2014 01:31
#1470229 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 41092
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Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
I was driving down the road when my car started making a strange sound.

Bump, bump, bump, just like a drum.

Then I realised it was my Tom Tom


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Posted 21/12/2014 01:33
#1470230 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 41092
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Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
Putin: It's too early to decide if I will run for re-election in 2018.

But not too early to decide the results.


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Posted 21/12/2014 01:35
#1470231 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 41092
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Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
I just got a right bollocking off my my wife, during her fathers 90th birthday.

'You're disgusting, selfish and out of touch' she yelled.

Personally, I thought he loved the strippers.


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Posted 21/12/2014 01:39
#1470232 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 41092
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Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
I bought an Internet Explorer advent calendar.

It takes fucking ages to open a window.


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