Aston Villa Forum - The Tim Vine style one liner thread.
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The Tim Vine style one liner thread.
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Posted 9/2/2016 05:51
#1605269 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 55579
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Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
What do the the Superbowl and Coldplay have in common?

Pointless game, pointless band.

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Posted 9/2/2016 05:54
#1605270 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 55579
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Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
I made the mistake of asking an auctioneer the time this afternoon.

"1.25. 1.25. 1.25. 1.25. 1.25. 1.25. 1.26."

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Posted 9/2/2016 05:57
#1605271 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 55579
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Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
Rugby union is played in over 100 countries across six continents; there are 101 full members and 18 associate members of World Rugby.

Yet American invented their own separate copy version of the game which has players wearing crash helmets; body armor, and extra tight leggings to wiggle their arses for each other.

And that is why only yanks like American football.

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Posted 9/2/2016 06:03
#1605273 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 55579
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Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.

I walked out of Anfield on Saturday.

I wasn't alone.

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Posted 9/2/2016 06:04
#1605274 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 55579
50005000500050005000500050005000500050005000500252525
Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
Why do Muslim women wear long black sacks?

So they can tuck their fanny hair in their socks unnoticed.

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Posted 9/2/2016 06:05
#1605275 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 55579
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Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
More than 90 mosques across the UK have opened their doors.

The Muslim Council of Britain said it hoped Sunday's open day would allow all the flies and smell to escape.

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Posted 9/2/2016 06:07
#1605276 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 55579
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Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
Just watched the Super Bowl halftime performance with Coldplay, Beyonce and Bruno Mars, it truly was a memorable occasion.


It marked the first time I've secretly hoped that North Korea had gotten something fucking right for once.

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Posted 9/2/2016 06:09
#1605277 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 55579
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Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
For years Liverpool supporters have been banging on about the 96.

I see things are improving, now they are just banging on about the 77.

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Posted 9/2/2016 06:10
#1605278 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 55579
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Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
Give a Scouser a fish....

....and watch him try to milk it.

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Posted 9/2/2016 06:11
#1605279 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 55579
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Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
My headmaster said I'd never grow up to be much.

I think you'll find my three stars at McDonald's say otherwise.

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Posted 9/2/2016 06:13
#1605280 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 55579
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Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
Jumping on the Liverpool fans band wagon, Huddersfield fans plan a walk out against next seasons ticket price rises, seven and a half minutes into the next home game.

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Posted 9/2/2016 06:14
#1605281 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 55579
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Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
My girlfriend says I'm an idiot because I don't know who Bruce Jenner is......was.

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Posted 9/2/2016 06:15
#1605282 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 55579
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Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
I had a conversation with my missus earlier, well, I say "conversation."

I went for a 20 minute shit halfway through, when I came back, she was still fucking talking.

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Posted 9/2/2016 06:16
#1605283 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 55579
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Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
I've just walked out of the Poundshop in Liverpool after a minute in protest over their prices.

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Posted 9/2/2016 06:18
#1605284 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 55579
50005000500050005000500050005000500050005000500252525
Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
As a joke, I thought I'd sign up one of my mates to a gay dating website.

All was going well until the site came up with, "email address already in use"

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Posted 9/2/2016 06:20
#1605285 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 55579
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Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
My snooty new girlfriend dumped me after one date just because the table I'd reserved was too close to the toilet.

She wouldn't even stay to finish her Big Mac.

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Posted 9/2/2016 06:23
#1605286 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 55579
50005000500050005000500050005000500050005000500252525
Location: Sunny Yogyakarta, Indonesia.
Got an e-mail today from a "bored housewife 32, looking for some action!"

I sent her my ironing, that'll keep the bitch busy.

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