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Random quote: Not that I'd admit it in public, but Jonah just made me laugh with his post. (The Fear)
The Tim Vine style one liner thread.
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Posted 22/10/2014 09:13
#1455068 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 39365
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Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
At a livestock auction I saw a couple of calves up for sale for £200.

Then I saw two lambs for £100 and I thought sheep at half the price

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Posted 22/10/2014 09:19
#1455070 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 39365
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Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
Gareth Bale is out injured for tonights clash with Liverpool

That must be the first time a scouser has been happy to be denied Bale

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Posted 22/10/2014 09:20
#1455072 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 39365
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Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
I've got a friend who circumcises elephants.

The work is terrible, but the tips are huge!!
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Posted 22/10/2014 09:21
#1455073 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 39365
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Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
Why did Mickey Mouse get shot?

Because Donald Ducked.

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Posted 22/10/2014 09:23
#1455074 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 39365
5000500050005000500050005000200020001001001002525
Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
What's a Muslim's favourite band?

Massive Attack.
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Posted 22/10/2014 09:26
#1455076 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 39365
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Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
I bought my wife a diamond ring and she promised anal sex in return.

"This wasn't quite what I had in mind," I said, as she introduced me to Paul, her hairdresser.


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Posted 22/10/2014 09:27
#1455077 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 39365
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Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
My cock is a bit like Oscar Pistorius' jail term.

Everyone wishes it was longer.


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Posted 22/10/2014 09:28
#1455078 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 39365
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Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
Oscar Pistorius got 10 months in jail and is meant to serve the rest of them under house arrest.

Hope his parole officer doesn't need to use the bathroom.
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Posted 22/10/2014 09:31
#1455079 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 39365
5000500050005000500050005000200020001001001002525
Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
I finally understand the practicalities of the burka.

It must be the easiest piece of clothing in the world to convert into a body bag.

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Posted 22/10/2014 09:34
#1455081 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 39365
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Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
A crippled man who was paralysed can walk again after cells were transplanted from his nose to his spinal column.

I'm pretty sure if they had waited till he had a cold they could have had him running.


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Posted 22/10/2014 09:35
#1455083 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 39365
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Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
The Doctor has told me to give up all my vices.

I don't know how I'm going to get a grip.

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