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The Tim Vine style one liner thread.
29 June 2017 13:21 Post ID: #1700879 - in reply to #988165
Team Of 82 Champion
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She was only the fishmonger's daughter, but loved to lie on the slab and say "fillet"
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29 June 2017 14:00 Post ID: #1700883 - in reply to #988165
Team Of 82 Champion
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She was only the roadworker's daughter, but she liked her asphalt
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30 June 2017 14:35 Post ID: #1701008 - in reply to #988165
Has his marbles but lost his fish
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This is my step ladder

...I never knew my real ladder



(download.jpg)



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Attachments download.jpg (3KB - 8 downloads)
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30 June 2017 14:40 Post ID: #1701009 - in reply to #988165
Has his marbles but lost his fish
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I just told my girlfriend she drew her eyebrows too high

...she seemed surprised.

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30 June 2017 15:25 Post ID: #1701024 - in reply to #988165
A Wise Man (once sat next to him)
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30 June 2017 15:25 Post ID: #1701025 - in reply to #988165
A Wise Man (once sat next to him)
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In fact, I'm stealing that for Facebook!
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04 July 2017 13:24 Post ID: #1701570 - in reply to #988165
Has his marbles but lost his fish
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I bought my friend an elephant for his room.

He said "Thanks."

I said "Don't mention it."
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04 July 2017 13:25 Post ID: #1701572 - in reply to #988165
Has his marbles but lost his fish
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My wife told me I had to stop acting like a flamingo. So I had to put my foot down.
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04 July 2017 15:25 Post ID: #1701592 - in reply to #988165
A Wise Man (once sat next to him)
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My girlfriend left me because she thinks I’m weird feeling pasta all the time. I’m feeling cannelloni right now
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06 July 2017 14:55 Post ID: #1701843 - in reply to #988165
Has his marbles but lost his fish
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I have an EpiPen. My friend gave it to me when he was dying, it seemed very important to him that I have it.
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16 September 2017 07:30 Post ID: #1714446 - in reply to #988165
Vital Villa Legend
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“I have kleptomania, but when it gets bad, I take something for it.”


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16 September 2017 07:33 Post ID: #1714447 - in reply to #988165
Vital Villa Legend
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Conjunctivitis.com – now there's a site for sore eyes...


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16 September 2017 07:34 Post ID: #1714448 - in reply to #988165
Vital Villa Legend
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To anyone who needs a drummer for their band, count me in.


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23 September 2017 08:43 Post ID: #1715577 - in reply to #988165
Team Of 82 Champion
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I bought the world's worst thesaurus yesterday. Not only is it terrible, it's terrible.
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23 September 2017 08:48 Post ID: #1715578 - in reply to #988165
Team Of 82 Champion
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Limbo champion walks into a bar... he's disqualified.
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23 September 2017 08:48 Post ID: #1715579 - in reply to #988165
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Why did the partially sighted man fall into a well? He couldn't see that well.
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23 September 2017 08:49 Post ID: #1715580 - in reply to #1701592
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The Fear - 4/7/2017 15:25

My girlfriend left me because she thinks I’m weird feeling pasta all the time. I’m feeling cannelloni right now


My wife thought I was crazy when I told her I was building a car out of spaghetti. You should have seen her face when I drove pasta.
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