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The Tim Vine style one liner thread.
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Posted 30/10/2014 07:40
#1457388 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 39558
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Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
A policeman pulled me over and said,

"Do you know why I pulled you over?"

I said, "Because you wanted to see how tall I am?"

"Step out of the car, sir." he ordered.

I said, "See, I told you."


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Posted 30/10/2014 07:44
#1457389 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 39558
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Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
Knock knock.

Who's there?

Allah.

Allah who?

Exactly.

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Posted 30/10/2014 07:47
#1457390 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 39558
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Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
Nice try NASA but Bonfire Night's next week.


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Posted 30/10/2014 07:48
#1457391 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 39558
5000500050005000500050005000200020005002525
Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
"You went to lunch 3 hours ago!" said my boss. "Where the hell have you been?"

"Sorry," I replied, "I got stuck behind a lady trying to choose a sandwich."

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Posted 30/10/2014 07:51
#1457393 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 39558
5000500050005000500050005000200020005002525
Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
A lorry load of flour has been shed on the M4 near Swindon.

Police have called in Paul Hollywood and Mary Berry to see what they make of it.

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Posted 30/10/2014 07:53
#1457394 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 39558
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Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
Miranda Hart is doing a gig when a man gets up halfway through and walks out. After the show has finished his wife goes up to Miranda and says, "Did you notice my husband walking out." She replies, "Yes, it was a little disconcerting."

The wife replies, "It was nothing personal, he always walks in his sleep."


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Posted 31/10/2014 06:51
#1457564 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 39558
5000500050005000500050005000200020005002525
Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
My wife has just said, "It's Halloween tomorrow and you still haven't carved out the pumpkin to scare the kids."

"No need!" I replied, "I've stuck a picture of Rolf Harris on it instead."

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Posted 31/10/2014 06:53
#1457565 - in reply to #988165
Subject: Re: The Tim Vine style one liner thread.



Vital Villa Legend

Posts: 39558
5000500050005000500050005000200020005002525
Location: usually within arms length from my laptop
I said to my wife, "I know you're worried about losing your looks, so try this beauty treatment." Handing her a carrier.

She opened it and said, "There's nothing in it."

I said, "I know, just pop the bag over your head."

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