UK time is: 13:07:17
Vital Login
Social Login

Choose your club

Other Sites

Network Navigation

Vital Partners

'If It's Football, It's Vital'

@VillasHerc in the Dressing Room Interview & WHU

*We join new Villa boss Paul Lambert being interviewed in the run up to the quickly approaching new season he is joined by new signings Vlaar and El Ahmedi*

Lambert: Hello everyone! Now I'm not sure how Mr.McLeish used to do these conferences but I'd like it to be relaxed, you know casual and we''ll answer as many questions as we can.

Interviewer#1: That's a relief, I once asked Eck if he was expecting a win and he had me kidnapped and tortured for three weeks, sure they claimed to be Somali pirates but why would Somali pirates with suspiciously Scottish accents be driving a transit van around Bodymoor Heath?!

Lambert: ... Um ...

*Faulkner grabs Lambert's microphone laughing nervously*

Faulkner: Please, please any footballing questions for Paul.

Interviewer#2: Mr.Lambert your arrival here draws parallels with Martin O'Neill's term, how will you try and establish yourself as different

Lambert: I'm going to sub on Steve Sidwell at the 80th minute of every match, play Nigel Reo Coker at right back and have a bit of a scrap with him.

*The conference erupts with laughter*

Interviewer#3: Karim, welcome to England, so what are your first impressions of Villa?

El Ahmedi: Excellent! We may have lost our first home match and the fans use of celery is questionable but there is some real quality in the side and Mr.Faulkner has assured me we will win the shiny McDonald's plate next time and even that they will drop the legendary Frank Lampard for me to play!

Interviewer#3: ...Karim I think you may be mis...

*Faulkner grabs Lambert's microphone laughing nervously again*

Faulkner: Next Question!

Interviewer#4: Ron, what have you got to say to the fans concerned that you can only say your own name much like the pokemon cartoon which inadvertently sounds like an old B-Movie Dracula affecting communication across the back line?

Vlaar: Vlaar, Vlaaaaaaar!!!

Interviewer#4: Fair point well made.

**********

*We join the lads gearing up for the first match of the season.Lambert is giving an inspirational team talk pointing at players as he raises their spirits*

Lambert: It's a new dawn, it's a new day, it's a new life!

*Dunne raises excitedly from his chair*

Dunne: For me! And I'm feeling good!

Lambert: You are? Excellent! I'll pen you in next to Ron..

*Lambert scribbles on his notepad*

Dunne: No, no bass I'm injured... it's just the song dere y'know?

Lambert: Song?

Dunne: Feeling good.

Lambert: Yes, I heard, I'm penning you in....

Vlaar: Vlaar Vlaaaaar!

Lambert: Oh, thanks Ron, Richard why didn't you just say I'd inadvertently quoted a popular song's lyrics? Anyway I appreciate all of your efforts over preseason. Some of you have been quite literally kicking my door down to get into the team injuring yourself in the process.

*Lambert casts his gaze on Herd who drops his head, there is commotion at the door, a thoroughly soaked and filthy man wearing a tattered Villa kit staggers into the room*

Lambert: Who in the world...?

Makoun: Mr....McLeish? ... It is I Jean II Makoun! Zis Premier League is crazy non? One moment I am discussing 'ow I feel ze side could be more attacking in pre season ze next I am waking with an 'eadache 'aving to dig ma way out of a shed in Aberdeen with ma bare 'ands. Still it could be worse I could be sent to France like Joey Barton.

Lambert: Um... Yes....That'd be.... Horrible.... Anyway I trust we are... Gabby? Why are you hiding behind your chair?

Gabby: The news said James Collins could come back to haunt us! I didn't even know he was dead... Though it does explain a lot of his performances last season....

Lambert: He's not dead Gabby, he just plays from West Ham now.

Gabby: It's even worse! Poor James, I'll send him my condolences.

Makoun: It could be worse he could have been sent to France, I hate France.

Lambert: Ha ha! Yes let's change the subject..




Use your social login to comment on front page articles. Login using you Facebook, Twitter, Google or LinkedIn accounts and have your say!



Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

The Journalist

Writer: Hercs Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Friday August 17 2012

Time: 3:39PM

Your Comments

Straight back in and tickling the funny bone again eh Hercs. I'm going to strap myself in for this ride, my ribs are going to be aching with laughing at your spoofs again Hercs. Welcome back...
Pride of Lions
;o)) Welcome back for the new season!
The Fear
Vlaar Vlaaaaaar lmfao!!!!!! Ooh aah Ron Vlaar i said ooh aah Ron Vlaar
nottinghamvillain
Nice one Hercs, thanks mate
Charizma
Lol @ Makoun :D
The Ghent Villan
PMSL!! :D
Hansy69
LMAO I was already grinning however when we got to Gabby hiding behind the chair and Collins haunting us I was in stitches. I have had a God awful week however the new season has started on Herc's and it is good. Thanks Herc's
kefkat
Love it :D
sherlockgt
ha! well i guess Vlaar! is going to have some very deep and meaningful incites in upcoming articles! Cant type his name any more without spelling it with an exclamation mark! Great as always Hercs
overlooked_villan
 

Have Your Say

Log in...
with your social network     OR     with your Vital account

Recent Aston Villa Articles

Stats: Aston Villa v Arsenal (Saturday September 20 2014)

Keane's Too Good For TV (Saturday September 20 2014)

Something For The Weekend (466) (Friday September 19 2014)

Lambert - We Have To Build On This (Friday September 19 2014)

Loan Spell Will Do Robinson Good (Friday September 19 2014)

Lawro Tips Arsenal For Victory (Friday September 19 2014)

Lambert - Ron Remains A Doubt (Thursday September 18 2014)

Guzan - Villa Park Will Be Rocking (Thursday September 18 2014)

Lambert Speaks Following Contract Extension (Wednesday September 17 2014)

Archived Aston Villa Articles

List All Vital Villa Articles
Have your say
Click here to suggest an article
Click here to suggest a poll

Vital Members League (view all)

1. Pride of Lions 562
2. ClivetheVillan 559
3. The Fear 495
4. mike_field 264
5. kefkat 234
6. Villan Of The North 221
7. DeanoVilla 205
8. sirdennis 177
9. lewis1980 137
10. Juan Mourep 121

League Results (view all)

League Table (view table)

Team P W D L GD Pts
1. Chelsea 4 4 0 0 +9 12
2. Southampton 5 3 1 1 +6 10
3. Aston Villa 5 3 1 1 +0 10
4. Arsenal 5 2 3 0 +4 9
5. Swansea 5 3 0 2 +2 9
6. Man City 4 2 1 1 +3 7
7. Spurs 4 2 1 1 +2 7

Breaking League News

Vital Report: West Ham United 3-1 Liverpool
Liverpool : 21/09/2014 12:57:00
Leicester v United - Team Sheets
Man Utd : 21/09/2014 12:43:00
The Hotel Inspector?
West Ham : 21/09/2014 11:26:00
Chelsea in Defender Hunt
Chelsea : 21/09/2014 11:21:00
Courtois or Cech?
Chelsea : 21/09/2014 11:15:00

Current Site Poll (view all polls)

Arsenal MotM
Suggested By:  MF
Guzan 3%
Hutton 9%
Cissokho 0%
Clark 4%
Senderos 4%
Delph 0%
Sanchez 0%
Richardson 4%
Cleverley 63%
Agbonlahor 0%
Weimann 4%
Sub - Grealish 9%
Sub - N'Zogbia 0%
Sub - Bacuna 0%