Aston Villa - @VillasHerc in the Dressing Room - Lambert's Lions
UK time is: 19:10:51
Vital Login
Social Login

Choose your club

Other Sites

Network Navigation

Vital Partners

'If It's Football, It's Vital'

@VillasHerc in the Dressing Room - Lambert's Lions

*We join the lads gathered in the dressing room to meet their newly appointed manager Paul Lambert*

Albrighton: I've heard he's positive, and that he'll try and get the best of us rather than making us play like human shields!

Collins: Gutted.

*Lambert Enters, he's wearing long robes and a wizard's hat.*

Lambert: Good mornin' everyone!

*The lads reply in unison with robotic voice like primary school children*

All the lads: Good. Mor-ning. Mr Lambert.

Lambert: What is this!? Where is your life!? Your gusto!? Your Joie De Vivre!?

N'Zogbia: He speaks fluent french! Magnifique!

Lambert: You needn't call me 'Mr.Lambert' Call me Paul, Lambo or the Great Lambini!

*the lads look each other cautiously*

Lambert: Or boss.... Whatever you're comfortable with. I want you to feel able to express yourselves.

*Samir Carruthers stands in panic, hands pressed to the sides of his face.*

Carruthers: Express myself!? What!? I don't know .... Waaaaaaah!!

*Carruthers runs and throws himself out through a nearby window his head then pops up anxiously outside the window frame's broken glass edges looking side to side*

Lambert: Um .... Yes I realise this concept may be .... Difficult for some of you after your last season. Now the media and some fans think I'm going to waltz in here and wave a magic wand and fix all the club's problems. Of course this is not the case.

*the lads look a little disappointed.*

Lambert: Only kidding!

*the lads gasp as Lambert does a few waltz steps before pulling a magic wand from his robe*

Lambert: Alakazam!

*Lambert points the wand at Carruthers who immediately appears back in his seat and calm with the window repaired, the lads gasp in amazement*

Lambert: Hocus Pocus!

*Lambert points the wand at Ireland who promptly sprouts a luxurious mane of blonde hair*

Ireland: Awesome! Finally I can shave meself a mohican and dye it pink!

Lambert: Um ... Maybe not.

*Lambert waves the wand again and Ireland is returned to normal*

Ireland: Ah well.

Lambert: Now it will require some work from you guys.... I've assesed the team and it's failings and will address them.... First, Chris.

Herd: Yes Mr.... I mean um ... Lambo?

Lambert: Yes, look, here we have a door. It is opened like so.

*Lambert calmly approaches the door, gently presses down its handle and it clicks open.*

Lambert: Now you come and have a try.

*Herd joins Lambert tentatively at the door that he has just closed, Herd gives a frightened look at Lambert who nods reassuringly back*

Herd: Just ... Give it a go?

*Lambert nods, Herd begins wildly thrashing and kicking towards the door before looking at Lambert who has simply raised his eyebrows, Herd composes himself and presses down on the door handle*

Herd: ....I did it!

*The lads applaud*

Lambert: Yes. Well Done Chris. You just needed to believe in yourself.

Albrighton: Wow, he did that thing where someone does something good and they say something nice about you!

Lambert: Praise Marc.

Albrighton: He knows my name! Did you hear everyone!? He knows my name!




Use your social login to comment on front page articles. Login using you Facebook, Twitter, Google or LinkedIn accounts and have your say!



Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

The Journalist

Writer: Hercs Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Thursday June 21 2012

Time: 10:20AM

Your Comments (oldest first)

Change to most recent first
lol... mad ! Love it.
The Fear
Report Abuse
21/06/2012 10:28:00

Haha this is great, looking forward to hearing some positive ones this season :D
Greenslade92
Report Abuse
21/06/2012 11:04:00

Derrrr? Hercs,,,,,,,,,,is he showing the whole team the door????
paul muldrew
Report Abuse
21/06/2012 11:10:00

LMFAO - brilliant!
mike_field
Report Abuse
21/06/2012 14:55:00

Awesome! I guess you're looking at an easier year this year : )
steff_the_villan
Report Abuse
21/06/2012 16:33:00

A shame Delph wasnt there to join in. These are the only times I will miss Heskey
Chelt Villan
Report Abuse
21/06/2012 16:37:00

Absolutely superb as ever
kefkat
Report Abuse
21/06/2012 18:14:00

Alakazam...........Brilliant Hercs!
Pride of Lions
Report Abuse
22/06/2012 01:44:00

 

Have Your Say

Log in...
with your social network     OR     with your Vital account

Recent Aston Villa Articles

Lescott, Bennett & Ilori (Tuesday September 1 2015)

Lescott Seals Villa Move (Tuesday September 1 2015)

Lescott Shortly? (Tuesday September 1 2015)

Anderlecht Keeper Joins On (Tuesday September 1 2015)

Calder To Dundee Confirmed (Monday August 31 2015)

Quick Transfer Roundup (Monday August 31 2015)

Sherwood Talks Injuries & Gabby (Monday August 31 2015)

Sinclair Gets BBC Nod (Monday August 31 2015)

Archived Aston Villa Articles

List All Vital Villa Articles
Have your say
Click here to suggest an article
Click here to suggest a poll
ScoopDragon Premier League Network Sites

Vital Members League (view all)

1. Pride of Lions 77
2. ClivetheVillan 55
3. Bonker 36
4. The Fear 22
5. BarosBarryBouma 19
6. 1958Villan 18
7. kefkat 18
8. littleburtonvilla 14
9. goode9 12
10. BodyButter 10

League Results (view all)

League Table (view table)

Team P W D L GD Pts
9. Everton 4 1 2 1 1 5
10. Southampton 4 1 2 1 0 5
11. AFC Bournemouth 4 1 1 2 -1 4
12. Aston Villa 4 1 1 2 -1 4
13. Chelsea 4 1 1 2 -3 4
14. Norwich 4 1 1 2 -3 4
15. WBA 4 1 1 2 -3 4

Aston Villa Fixtures (view all)

Breaking League News

Cherries complete Bennett loan deal
AFC Bournemouth : 01/09/2015 18:46:01
Vuckic Signs New Deal amp; Departs On Loan
Newcastle : 01/09/2015 18:36:01
Papy Djilobodji - Tal Ben Haim 2.0?
Chelsea : 01/09/2015 18:29:01
Camp joins Rotherham
AFC Bournemouth : 01/09/2015 18:28:01
Jedinak To Stoke Falls Through
Crystal Palace : 01/09/2015 18:24:00

Current Site Poll (view all polls)

Aston Villa Player Of August?
Suggested By:  JP Fear
Guzan 2%
Clark 0%
Richards 0%
Amavi 12%
Westwood 4%
Gueye 33%
Sinclair 33%
Gabby 4%
Sanchez 12%
Other 0%