Vital Football

Latest Aston Villa News

@VillasHerc in the Dressing Room - Lambert's Lions

@VillasHerc in the Dressing Room - Lambert's Lions

*We join the lads gathered in the dressing room to meet their newly appointed manager Paul Lambert*

Albrighton: I've heard he's positive, and that he'll try and get the best of us rather than making us play like human shields!

Collins: Gutted.

*Lambert Enters, he's wearing long robes and a wizard's hat.*

Lambert: Good mornin' everyone!

*The lads reply in unison with robotic voice like primary school children*

All the lads: Good. Mor-ning. Mr Lambert.

Lambert: What is this!? Where is your life!? Your gusto!? Your Joie De Vivre!?

N'Zogbia: He speaks fluent french! Magnifique!

Lambert: You needn't call me 'Mr.Lambert' Call me Paul, Lambo or the Great Lambini!

*the lads look each other cautiously*

Lambert: Or boss.... Whatever you're comfortable with. I want you to feel able to express yourselves.

*Samir Carruthers stands in panic, hands pressed to the sides of his face.*

Carruthers: Express myself!? What!? I don't know .... Waaaaaaah!!

*Carruthers runs and throws himself out through a nearby window his head then pops up anxiously outside the window frame's broken glass edges looking side to side*

Lambert: Um .... Yes I realise this concept may be .... Difficult for some of you after your last season. Now the media and some fans think I'm going to waltz in here and wave a magic wand and fix all the club's problems. Of course this is not the case.

*the lads look a little disappointed.*

Lambert: Only kidding!

*the lads gasp as Lambert does a few waltz steps before pulling a magic wand from his robe*

Lambert: Alakazam!

*Lambert points the wand at Carruthers who immediately appears back in his seat and calm with the window repaired, the lads gasp in amazement*

Lambert: Hocus Pocus!

*Lambert points the wand at Ireland who promptly sprouts a luxurious mane of blonde hair*

Ireland: Awesome! Finally I can shave meself a mohican and dye it pink!

Lambert: Um ... Maybe not.

*Lambert waves the wand again and Ireland is returned to normal*

Ireland: Ah well.

Lambert: Now it will require some work from you guys.... I've assesed the team and it's failings and will address them.... First, Chris.

Herd: Yes Mr.... I mean um ... Lambo?

Lambert: Yes, look, here we have a door. It is opened like so.

*Lambert calmly approaches the door, gently presses down its handle and it clicks open.*

Lambert: Now you come and have a try.

*Herd joins Lambert tentatively at the door that he has just closed, Herd gives a frightened look at Lambert who nods reassuringly back*

Herd: Just ... Give it a go?

*Lambert nods, Herd begins wildly thrashing and kicking towards the door before looking at Lambert who has simply raised his eyebrows, Herd composes himself and presses down on the door handle*

Herd: ....I did it!

*The lads applaud*

Lambert: Yes. Well Done Chris. You just needed to believe in yourself.

Albrighton: Wow, he did that thing where someone does something good and they say something nice about you!

Lambert: Praise Marc.

Albrighton: He knows my name! Did you hear everyone!? He knows my name!



Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

Writer:Hercs
Date:Thursday June 21 2012
Time: 10:20AM

Comments

0
lol... mad ! Love it.
The Fear
21/06/2012 10:28:00
0
Haha this is great, looking forward to hearing some positive ones this season :D
Greenslade92
21/06/2012 11:04:00
0
Derrrr? Hercs,,,,,,,,,,is he showing the whole team the door????
paul muldrew
21/06/2012 11:10:00
0
LMFAO - brilliant!
mike_field
21/06/2012 14:55:00
0
Awesome! I guess you're looking at an easier year this year : )
steff_the_villan
21/06/2012 16:33:00
0
A shame Delph wasnt there to join in. These are the only times I will miss Heskey
Chelt Villan
21/06/2012 16:37:00
0
Absolutely superb as ever
kefkat
21/06/2012 18:14:00
0
Alakazam...........Brilliant Hercs!
Pride of Lions
22/06/2012 01:44:00
Page 1/1
  1. 1

Login to post a comment

Recent Aston Villa Articles

Garde Talks Up The Defence

Manager Remi Garde has done his normal midweek piece and in this edition he talks about the 'massive solidarity' amongst our back four.

Premier League Rebrands Ready For Villa Departure

The Premier League have today confirmed that they are rebranding from the 2016-17 season and inevitably the Lion goes.

Fox Will Be Gutted - Shirt Revenues To Drop

Chief Executive in the world of fancy titles Tom Fox will have been gutted to inform long standing members of staff they faced redundancy following his CEOship...

King Outlines His Villa Hopes

Having been appointed to the bridge of his beloved Titanic and joining other people without a background of running anything football related other than possibly the odd...

Archived Vital Villa Articles

Vital Villa articles from

Site Journalists

J P Fear
Profile
Mike Field
Profile
Steve Wade
Profile
Villa_Grizzly
Profile
Turkish Penguin
Profile
Glensider
Profile
Chris Heath
Profile
M Calucar
Profile
JuanPablo Angel
Profile

Current Poll (see more polls)

Norwich MotM
Suggested By: Site Staff
Bunn6%
Richards1%
Okore11%
Lescott9%
Cissokho0%
Bacuna0%
Gana33%
Westwood1%
Gil7%
Agbonlahor25%
Veretout7%
Sub - Clark0%
ScoopDragon Premier League Network Sites

League Table

# Team P W D L Pts. GD
1 Leicester City 25 15 8 2 53 20
2 Spurs 25 13 9 3 48 26
3 Arsenal 25 14 6 5 48 17
4 Man City 25 14 5 6 47 21
5 Man Utd 25 11 8 6 41 10
6 West Ham 25 10 9 6 39 9
7 Southampton 25 10 7 8 37 9
8 Everton 25 8 11 6 35 12
9 Liverpool 25 9 8 8 35 -4
10 Watford 25 9 6 10 33 0
11 Stoke 25 9 6 10 33 -7
12 Crystal Palace 25 9 5 11 32 -4
13 Chelsea 25 7 9 9 30 -2
14 WBA 25 7 8 10 29 -9
15 AFC Bournemouth 25 7 7 11 28 -12
16 Swansea 25 6 9 10 27 -9
17 Newcastle 25 6 6 13 24 -18
18 Norwich 25 6 5 14 23 -20
19 Sunderland 25 5 5 15 20 -19
20 Aston Villa 25 3 7 15 16 -20
The Vital Football Members League
Latest F1 News
Who will be Channel 4's lead presenter?
Latest Vital Boxing News
AUDIO: Hearn: Joshua's next fight will be big
Vital Football Comment

Aston Villa Fixtures (view all)

Feb 14 2016 2:05PM : Liverpool (H)
Barclays Premier League
Feb 27 2016 3:00PM : Stoke City (a)
Barclays Premier League
Mar 1 2016 7:45PM : Everton (H)
Barclays Premier League
Mar 5 2016 3:00PM : Manchester City (a)
Barclays Premier League
Mar 12 2016 3:00PM : Tottenham Hotspur (H)
Barclays Premier League
Mar 19 2016 5:30PM : Swansea City (a)
Barclays Premier League

Recent Aston Villa Results (view all)

Vital Members League Table

RankNamePoints
1.Pride of Lions473
2.The Fear265
3.ClivetheVillan240
4.Fulford237
5.JuanPabloAngel168
6.sirdennis161
7.revdpete156
8.DeanoVilla119
9.Wurzel113
10.He'sBiggerThanMe&You89
Write for Vital Football