UK time is: 03:19:10
Vital Login
Social Login

Choose your club

Other Sites

Network Navigation

Vital Partners

'If It's Football, It's Vital'

@VillasHerc in the Dressing Room - Lambert's Lions

*We join the lads gathered in the dressing room to meet their newly appointed manager Paul Lambert*

Albrighton: I've heard he's positive, and that he'll try and get the best of us rather than making us play like human shields!

Collins: Gutted.

*Lambert Enters, he's wearing long robes and a wizard's hat.*

Lambert: Good mornin' everyone!

*The lads reply in unison with robotic voice like primary school children*

All the lads: Good. Mor-ning. Mr Lambert.

Lambert: What is this!? Where is your life!? Your gusto!? Your Joie De Vivre!?

N'Zogbia: He speaks fluent french! Magnifique!

Lambert: You needn't call me 'Mr.Lambert' Call me Paul, Lambo or the Great Lambini!

*the lads look each other cautiously*

Lambert: Or boss.... Whatever you're comfortable with. I want you to feel able to express yourselves.

*Samir Carruthers stands in panic, hands pressed to the sides of his face.*

Carruthers: Express myself!? What!? I don't know .... Waaaaaaah!!

*Carruthers runs and throws himself out through a nearby window his head then pops up anxiously outside the window frame's broken glass edges looking side to side*

Lambert: Um .... Yes I realise this concept may be .... Difficult for some of you after your last season. Now the media and some fans think I'm going to waltz in here and wave a magic wand and fix all the club's problems. Of course this is not the case.

*the lads look a little disappointed.*

Lambert: Only kidding!

*the lads gasp as Lambert does a few waltz steps before pulling a magic wand from his robe*

Lambert: Alakazam!

*Lambert points the wand at Carruthers who immediately appears back in his seat and calm with the window repaired, the lads gasp in amazement*

Lambert: Hocus Pocus!

*Lambert points the wand at Ireland who promptly sprouts a luxurious mane of blonde hair*

Ireland: Awesome! Finally I can shave meself a mohican and dye it pink!

Lambert: Um ... Maybe not.

*Lambert waves the wand again and Ireland is returned to normal*

Ireland: Ah well.

Lambert: Now it will require some work from you guys.... I've assesed the team and it's failings and will address them.... First, Chris.

Herd: Yes Mr.... I mean um ... Lambo?

Lambert: Yes, look, here we have a door. It is opened like so.

*Lambert calmly approaches the door, gently presses down its handle and it clicks open.*

Lambert: Now you come and have a try.

*Herd joins Lambert tentatively at the door that he has just closed, Herd gives a frightened look at Lambert who nods reassuringly back*

Herd: Just ... Give it a go?

*Lambert nods, Herd begins wildly thrashing and kicking towards the door before looking at Lambert who has simply raised his eyebrows, Herd composes himself and presses down on the door handle*

Herd: ....I did it!

*The lads applaud*

Lambert: Yes. Well Done Chris. You just needed to believe in yourself.

Albrighton: Wow, he did that thing where someone does something good and they say something nice about you!

Lambert: Praise Marc.

Albrighton: He knows my name! Did you hear everyone!? He knows my name!




Use your social login to comment on front page articles. Login using you Facebook, Twitter, Google or LinkedIn accounts and have your say!



Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

The Journalist

Writer: Hercs Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Thursday June 21 2012

Time: 10:20AM

Your Comments

lol... mad ! Love it.
The Fear
Haha this is great, looking forward to hearing some positive ones this season :D
Greenslade92
Derrrr? Hercs,,,,,,,,,,is he showing the whole team the door????
paul muldrew
LMFAO - brilliant!
mike_field
Awesome! I guess you're looking at an easier year this year : )
steff_the_villan
A shame Delph wasnt there to join in. These are the only times I will miss Heskey
Chelt Villan
Absolutely superb as ever
kefkat
Alakazam...........Brilliant Hercs!
Pride of Lions
 

Have Your Say

Log in...
with your social network     OR     with your Vital account

Recent Aston Villa Articles

Drennan Returns - So Time For A Round Up (Wednesday October 22 2014)

Okore Not Ready For Premiership Action (Tuesday October 21 2014)

Nathan Baker Picks Up Hamstring Injury (Tuesday October 21 2014)

Lambert Hoping Everton Was A Blip (Tuesday October 21 2014)

Sanchez Now Ready To Be Relied Upon (Tuesday October 21 2014)

Grealish Back To Nottingham? (Tuesday October 21 2014)

Archived Aston Villa Articles

List All Vital Villa Articles
Have your say
Click here to suggest an article
Click here to suggest a poll

Vital Members League (view all)

1. Pride of Lions 661
2. The Fear 623
3. ClivetheVillan 566
4. thefacehead 438
5. HeathfieldRoad1874 231
6. sirdennis 209
7. kefkat 206
8. Villan Of The North 149
9. Clubpaver 126
10. DeanoVilla 115

League Results (view all)

League Table (view table)

Team P W D L GD Pts
9. Spurs 8 3 2 3 -1 11
10. Stoke 8 3 2 3 -1 11
11. Hull City 8 2 4 2 0 10
12. Aston Villa 8 3 1 4 -8 10
13. Everton 8 2 3 3 0 9
14. WBA 8 2 3 3 -1 9
15. Leicester City 8 2 3 3 -2 9

Breaking League News

Now! That First Penalty Against Maribor!
Chelsea : 23/10/2014 02:00:00
Could the Improbable Happen?
Chelsea : 23/10/2014 01:00:00
Isn't It The Sign Of A Great Team?
Arsenal : 23/10/2014 00:45:00
Captain Cescy?
Chelsea : 22/10/2014 22:23:00
Liverpool : 22/10/2014 21:51:00

Current Site Poll (view all polls)

Which kick off time do you hate the most?
Suggested By:  JP Fear
Saturday 3pm 5%
Saturday 12.30/12:45 etc 10%
Saturday 5:30/5:45 etc 4%
Sunday early 8%
Sunday 4pm 4%
Monday 8pm 23%
All are fine with me 2%
All of them accept Sat 3pm! 44%