Aston Villa - The Real Non Specific ITK Manager Rubbish!!!
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The Real Non Specific ITK Manager Rubbish!!!

I have it on good authority Villa WILL have a new manager any time between now and the next month or so.

A press conference is due to be called at some non specific time and will announce a yet to be specified manager.

I can confirm the manager will indeed be a male between the age of 35 and 100 which should narrow it down for you a bit.

The unspecified manager will or may not have had experience in the Premier League. The manager will definitely, or not, have been a manager, player, coach, or physio before and will if my info is correct 100% be of an unspecified race and religion.

The press conference to announce his arrival will be held at a non specified time, it will be either am or pm or indeed noon and we believe we can exclusively reveal that there is no chance of it being midnight.

We know for a fact that the new manager is from England, has been to England or hasn't in fact ever been English or been to England. He is thought at least to be European unless of course he comes from elsewhere in the World.

We can`t as yet confirm whether the new manager is a tie wearer and if he is whether he will indeed wear a Villa tie or other non football related afore mentioned neck decoration. We think we are safe to reveal that he won't be wearing a novelty tie and isn't thought to be a bow tie wearer unless he is, in fact, a bow tie wearer.

It is expected he will wear a suit, colour to be announced later.

It is thought unlikely said new manager will be smoking a pipe or eating a balti pie at the press conference, although we can't rule out Mat Kendrick doing either. It is thought Pete Colley will be wearing a Lyle & Scott jumper of non specified colour. Our information beleives that Adam Aspinall will ask said new manager whether he has ever played football manager on the xbox and will lose interest if the answer is in the negative or indeed, the positive.

The press conference will have national, local and intergalatic coverage. Unless Liverpool have a new manager on the same day or Wayne Rooney passes wind of course.

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The Journalist

Writer: J P Fear Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Monday May 21 2012

Time: 7:22PM

Your Comments (oldest first)

Change to most recent first
every bit of this article is 100% fact apart from the parts that aren't.
The Fear
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21/05/2012 19:29:00

I did throw my hat in the ring. Buggers threw it straight back at me AND I think they had stamped on it!!!!
The Fear
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21/05/2012 19:36:00

How do you know all that and where did you get your info from?
Report Abuse
21/05/2012 19:47:00

Report Abuse
21/05/2012 19:47:00

C'mon Fear. Spill the beans. Where did you get all this inside info? I'm straight off to the bookies to put a few quid on. Certainty, innit?
chocolate teapot
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21/05/2012 19:51:00

I couldn't possibly comment, my HP (sauces) are very top secret.
The Fear
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21/05/2012 19:55:00

my girlfriend just asked if this came from the official site..
Report Abuse
21/05/2012 20:03:00

as good as qld... I've always told you folks I'm an itk, well, to be fair, you've all always told me I'm a know it all and I think that is the same thing isn't it?!?! lol
The Fear
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21/05/2012 20:05:00

I enjoyed reading that, or I didn't...
Report Abuse
21/05/2012 20:22:00

have you been sneakin on Aston Villa news and views?? cos this smacks of one of their stories
Report Abuse
21/05/2012 20:23:00

Avfc94 we do
Report Abuse
21/05/2012 20:26:00

I KNEW it would be him!!!!..........................or her!
Report Abuse
21/05/2012 20:34:00

If you read between the lines it tells you everything, it's great innit!
Report Abuse
21/05/2012 20:35:00

Poor appointment, lacks ambition and must of been done on the cheap, clearly lerner and Faulkner who know nothing did the interview process, we will clearly struggle to stay up this year.....Oh sorry, jumped the gun a little there...! ; - )
Report Abuse
21/05/2012 20:38:00

I will re-sign Heskey then grab us the league title, the FA cup and the League cup as well as being the first top flight team to ONLY win every match. Man city won't stand a chance! Griff, I'm a male... horse.
Avfc94 we do
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21/05/2012 20:46:00

Oh, and my tactics name is shortened down to 'David Hasselhoof'.
Avfc94 we do
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21/05/2012 20:50:00

How did you know it was Mr Bean, Fear? who told you?
Report Abuse
21/05/2012 21:05:00

Avfc94 we do, so are you Stallion Petrov?
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21/05/2012 21:18:00

Avfc94 we do, so are you Stallion Petrov?
Report Abuse
21/05/2012 21:18:00

Bloody hell Fear! U wanna spoil everyone's fun? I bet you used to report the smokers having a crafty fag at school didn't you!!! Kiljoy!
Report Abuse
21/05/2012 22:18:00

You're gonna look really silly if we appoint a 34 yr old.
Report Abuse
21/05/2012 22:25:00

Oh I am in deed xD
Avfc94 we do
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21/05/2012 22:32:00

Is the Daily Star aware you're moonlighting on Vitalfootball ? I'm sure that's a conflict of interest?
Matt B
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21/05/2012 22:45:00

Well that rules AVB out.
Report Abuse
21/05/2012 23:01:00

Are you trying to get a job with Transfer Tavern or Daily Mail. Are you Bill Howell?
Report Abuse
21/05/2012 23:20:00

I had a hunch Fear knew somehing about the new manager, i just knew it!
Report Abuse
21/05/2012 23:48:00

Laugh?.....I almost wet myself..............Lol
Pride of Lions
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22/05/2012 01:37:00

The job on TalkSport is yours.
Cheshire Villan
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22/05/2012 07:56:00

It really does annoy me when people brag about information nobody else knows. Fear's merely using this as a platform to show how well-connected he is. Bloody show off.
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22/05/2012 09:11:00

The Fear
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22/05/2012 09:51:00

As far as factual information goes this qualifies you for a job on sky as at least your information is not totally incorrect regarding a manager,or what a manager is reported to have said.
Report Abuse
22/05/2012 12:13:00

The new manager will be fabio capello. Unless it isn't ;)
Report Abuse
22/05/2012 12:20:00

My boss told me that Heskey was 66-1 with one of the bookmakers the other day. I asked if that was to be Villa manager or to score a goal next season.
Rowley Villa
Report Abuse
22/05/2012 12:24:00


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