UK time is: 09:19:32
Vital Login
Social Login

Choose your club

Other Sites

Network Navigation

Vital Partners

'If It's Football, It's Vital'

@VillasHerc The Adventures of Eck and Emile

*We join McLeish after his talks and subsequent sacking from Aston Villa Football Club, he has emptied his desk into a box and is leaving the offices for a final time when the box splits and his belongings spill on to the steps.*

McLeish: Balls! Today is NOT Big Eck's day!

*A number of players step over McLeish sniggering as he collects his things, Heskey who is carrying a large holdall carrying the contents of his locker rests it down and helps McLeish*

McLeish: Why thank ye Emile.

Heskey: No problem boss .... Erm ... Mr.McLeish .....Erm Alex?

McLeish: Aye. Alex will do.

*Heskey studies a few of the things he passes back into the now re-assembled box*

Heskey: You have a few Fulham season highlight DVDs, I didn't realise you were a fan?

McLeish: Are ye kiddin'? They have the most nil-nil matches in Premier League history! Captivatin' stuff

Heskey: Um.... Yeah ... I'm sure.

McLeish: Aye Emile. There's a match between them and Derby County, 2007-2008, nil-nil, they just stared at each other for 90 minutes, it was amazin' there was only one shot from both teams, off-target. and that was just the wind blowing the ball from the centre spot half a foot north at the beginning of each half.

Heskey: Wow... That sounds.... Great(!)

McLeish: Ye can come 'round and watch it anytime Emile, me, you I'll get some popcorn an'....

Heskey: ...Um... I won't be able to make it boss....Alex, I'm busy then I'm afraid.

McLeish: I didnae stipulate a date, it was an open invitation.

Heskey: Yeah ... Um I'll be busy.

McLeish: But ye've nae even got a club....

Heskey: ....Busy.

McLeish: Right, OK then, well thanks for tha' hand. See you around.

*McLeish stands again lifting his box and heading to his car.*

*Heskey hoists his bag onto his shoulder, staring after McLeish*

Heskey: Um .... Boss Alex, can you give me a lift maybe?

McLeish: A lift? Ye've got yer own car? what's up with it?

Heskey: Nothing, it's just .... Well it takes me hours to drive home.

*McLeish looks confused*

McLeish: You live ten minutes up the road?

Heskey: Yeah ... But I go to take the left .... I miss it .... I go to take the third exit on the roundabout ... I miss it ... I go ....

McLeish: Yes, yes I understand. Alright Emile I suppose one good turn deserves another.

Heskey: It takes me ages to turn boss I have the turning circle of the Earth Granty says...

McLeish: Yes, anyway hop in, it's open.

*McLeish and Heskey take their seats*

Heskey: Woooo! Road trip!

McLeish: Please Emile, no excited exclamations in my car, it's one of my rules.

Heskey: Right, sorry. Wow look at us, we're like Crockett and Tubbs, Riggs and Murtaugh, whatever the names of Chris Tucker and Jackie Chan are in the Rush Hour films.

*Heskey does Chris Tucker's Rush Hour 'in-car dance'. McLeish is just staring at Heskey*

Heskey: What? You want to be Chris Tucker? I mean I'm fine with being Jackie Chan if...

McLeish: No dancing or any kind of 'rhythmic movement' in the car, it's another of the rules, actually Emile, just read the book in tha' glove box an' save me tha' time.

*Heskey pulls out a thick laminated book labelled 'Car Rules' and reads through them, after a few he remarks....*

Heskey: .... How could you even score a single or multiple goals from inside your car?

McLeish: Ta be honest Emile, that was tha' least of tha rules I was worried about with ye.

*There is a large tearing sound*

Heskey: Um.... Boss.... I may have ripped the book.

McLeish: Ripped it!? It's laminated! And one of the rules is not to rip the rule book! Saints above .... I'm too old for this sh....

Heskey: Hey! I let you be Chris Tucker you're not taking Murtaugh too!




Use your social login to comment on front page articles. Login using you Facebook, Twitter, Google or LinkedIn accounts and have your say!



Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

The Journalist

Writer: Hercs Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Wednesday May 16 2012

Time: 9:27PM

Your Comments

Almost cried!
RiF
With joy!!!!
RiF
When I jokingly wrote "I might write the adventures of Eck and Emile" I had so many people ask "when?" and say they were looking forward I felt I had to write it!
Hercs
LMAO I am looking forward to more when we get our new manager and players
kefkat
I go to take the left... I miss... *instant tears of laughter
CDX_EIRE
Brilliant. (to be continued)?
Pride of Lions
I've got a part 2. I'll post it on the forums though, save clogging the main page with my lunacy
Hercs
 

Have Your Say

Log in...
with your social network     OR     with your Vital account

Recent Articles

Deeney In, Helenius Out? (Thursday April 17 2014)

Lambert Upbeat Ahead Of Saints Clash (Thursday April 17 2014)

Randy In Praise Of Lambert (Wednesday April 16 2014)

Villa Confirm Suspensions (Tuesday April 15 2014)

Culverhouse and Karsa Suspended (Tuesday April 15 2014)

U21s Lose To Chelsea (Monday April 14 2014)

Archived Articles

List All Vital Villa Articles
Have your say
Click here to suggest an article
Click here to suggest a poll

Vital Members League (view all)

1. Pride of Lions 836
2. The Fear 741
3. ClivetheVillan 285
4. Barney2004 245
5. Villan57 220
6. tarzan 193
7. Villan Of The North 190
8. sirdennis 185
9. BlackCountry Villa 173
10. Sussex Villan 172

League Results (view all)

League Table (view table)

Team P W D L GD Pts
11. Crystal Palace 34 12 4 18 -14 40
12. West Ham 34 10 7 17 -9 37
13. Hull City 33 10 6 17 -6 36
14. Aston Villa 33 9 7 17 -14 34
15. Swansea 34 8 9 17 -5 33
16. WBA 33 6 15 12 -11 33
17. Norwich 34 8 8 18 -27 32

Breaking League News

The Liverpool Point Of View
Norwich : 18/04/2014 07:00:00
Michu Could Miss Newcastle Game
Swansea : 18/04/2014 00:22:00
Monk: There Are No Problems Whatsoever
Swansea : 18/04/2014 00:18:00
Mulumbu Wins WBADSC Award
WBA : 17/04/2014 21:53:00
Olsson & Morrison Boost?
WBA : 17/04/2014 21:48:00
The Ped Report City 2-2 Sunderland
Man City : 17/04/2014 21:41:00
Poch - Villa Isn't Just Revenge
Southampton : 17/04/2014 21:33:00

Current Site Poll (view all polls)

Villa v Southampton will:
Suggested By:  Mystic Mug
Win 34%
Lose 33%
Draw 33%