Aston Villa - @VillasHerc in the Dressing Room At Season's End
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@VillasHerc in the Dressing Room At Season's End

*We join the lads unhappy with a poor result and worse season*

Albrighton: Well. It could have been worse. At least we got through the season.

Bannan: Um.....Well most of us did.

*Bannan pokes a motionless Darren Bent who is lying in the middle of the dressing room with a stick, flies are buzzing around him*

Bannan: Poor guy, died of boredom.

Bent: What I'm not dead! ... Just bored!

Albrighton: ... and the flies?

Bent: I'm top-tailing with Emile, he's stinking up the place as usual.

*Heskey is still snoring and talking to himself in his sleep*

Heskey: 'and it's Heskey.... Heskey... HESKEY!!!! Oh. It's gone for a throw'.



Heskey pops to a sitting position, snorts and stretches*

Heskey: Oh hi guys. I was just having a wonderful dream where I was scoring loads of goals. They were definitely all going in.

*the lads are looking at Heskey with scepticism.*

Heskey: What? They were. Every shot.

McLeish: Well lads, next season we'll definitely do better eh? Not tha' this season went that badly of course.

*the dressing room erupts with laughter*

McLeish: What? What is funny? Like I said, next season we ...

*the lads erupt with laughter again*

McLeish: What? Are some of yez leaving or somethin'? I mean Carlos and Emile I know but... Is there some mass exodus?

Ireland: Oh no boss, we're not going anywhere?

*McLeish gasps with horror*

McLeish: You think I am going to be sacked!? I think not. Who steered us out of relegation!?

Albrighton: ... The Baggies?

McLeish: What!? No ... Me. Alex McLeish. It's my second ever highest Premier League finish, they'll be dancing on the streets of Aston!

Ireland: Not just yet they won't....

Mcleish: There's no reason to sack me, they'll back me! Back me I tell you.

Ireland: Aye, back you off a cliff, in a SACK!

*the dressing room erupts with laughter*

Gabby: To be fair boss you are the worst manager since 1890-91 where we also only had 7 wins but that was in a 12 team league so .....

McLeish: 12 teams!? Barely gives you the opportunity to draw enough to make up for your losses does it? Look lads, anyone worried that I'm getting sacked needn't worry.

Hutton: Oh thank God!

*the lads all turn to stare at Hutton*

McLeish: I'm unsackable, totally unsackable.

*Faulkner knocks the door enters and hands McLeish a letter*

McLeish: 'Dear Lex, Please see me in my office on Monday wearing the attire provided for you by Mr.Falconboy'

*McLeish looks at Faulkner who holds out a rope potato sack, McLeish takes the sack flaps it out and reads the text printed on it*

McLeish: 'I've just been 'SACKED' by Randy Lerner!'?

*McLeish looks at Faulkner who shrugs*

Faulkner: American humour.

McLeish: Oh, a joke? So I don`t have to wear this and I`m not sacked.

*McLeish looks at Faulkner hopefully holding the sack back toward him. Faulkner maintains a stern look pushing McLeish`s hand with the sack back to his chest, turns and leaves. Ireland gives McLeish an 'I told you so' look*




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The Journalist

Writer: Hercs Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Monday May 14 2012

Time: 5:19PM

Your Comments (oldest first)

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Very good!
thefacehead
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14/05/2012 17:26:00

pmsl... always a great read!!
Metalvillan
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14/05/2012 17:44:00

"12 teams!? Barely gives you the opportunity to draw enough to make up for your losses does it?" haha Brilliant!
son_of_cher
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14/05/2012 17:48:00

Cheers Hercs, Fear and all Vital for the past Season! It has not been easy at times but ye stuck it out and thanks :) UTV
alcoollie
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14/05/2012 17:48:00

It's a bit weird reading this and not needing it to bring me out of despair
Jongekki
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14/05/2012 18:19:00

My thoughts exactly Jongekki. Thank you Hercs, you have been the ONLY thing to smile about through this season wrt Villa.
Charizma
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14/05/2012 18:49:00

Thanks for the best one of the season, have a good summer mate, Im sure a few of us will now!
Stourbridge Villan
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14/05/2012 19:06:00

ROFL.... love the ref to Heskers giving away more throw-ins than actually threatening the goalie! With Heskey gone and McDraw sacked, will there be opportunities for humour? I believe Hercs will find something to pick up on ;) Thanks m8
thorpyuk
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14/05/2012 21:30:00

I think next years vain of humor will be Babies/Kids - lots of rattles and nappies being changed.
Lost_In_Ca
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15/05/2012 06:55:00

Well done again mate. I have found these harder to read as the season went on, and on, Some light at the end of the tunnel. I currently have a permanent smile that makes me look like I'm insane. UTV!
magicmerson
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15/05/2012 07:37:00

Excellent once again Hercs. Love the Heskey dreaming bit.... brilliant.
Pride of Lions
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15/05/2012 09:52:00

I was at least expecting a good bye for Carlos in his Scottish accent. Maybe Herd and Delph in the hall of maim getting ready for Alex should he not be sacked. Collins looking dozy behind them as back up!!
Chelt Villan
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15/05/2012 15:03:00

 

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