Vital Football

Latest Aston Villa News

@VillasHerc in the Dressing Room At Season's End

@VillasHerc in the Dressing Room At Season's End

*We join the lads unhappy with a poor result and worse season*

Albrighton: Well. It could have been worse. At least we got through the season.

Bannan: Um.....Well most of us did.

*Bannan pokes a motionless Darren Bent who is lying in the middle of the dressing room with a stick, flies are buzzing around him*

Bannan: Poor guy, died of boredom.

Bent: What I'm not dead! ... Just bored!

Albrighton: ... and the flies?

Bent: I'm top-tailing with Emile, he's stinking up the place as usual.

*Heskey is still snoring and talking to himself in his sleep*

Heskey: 'and it's Heskey.... Heskey... HESKEY!!!! Oh. It's gone for a throw'.



Heskey pops to a sitting position, snorts and stretches*

Heskey: Oh hi guys. I was just having a wonderful dream where I was scoring loads of goals. They were definitely all going in.

*the lads are looking at Heskey with scepticism.*

Heskey: What? They were. Every shot.

McLeish: Well lads, next season we'll definitely do better eh? Not tha' this season went that badly of course.

*the dressing room erupts with laughter*

McLeish: What? What is funny? Like I said, next season we ...

*the lads erupt with laughter again*

McLeish: What? Are some of yez leaving or somethin'? I mean Carlos and Emile I know but... Is there some mass exodus?

Ireland: Oh no boss, we're not going anywhere?

*McLeish gasps with horror*

McLeish: You think I am going to be sacked!? I think not. Who steered us out of relegation!?

Albrighton: ... The Baggies?

McLeish: What!? No ... Me. Alex McLeish. It's my second ever highest Premier League finish, they'll be dancing on the streets of Aston!

Ireland: Not just yet they won't....

Mcleish: There's no reason to sack me, they'll back me! Back me I tell you.

Ireland: Aye, back you off a cliff, in a SACK!

*the dressing room erupts with laughter*

Gabby: To be fair boss you are the worst manager since 1890-91 where we also only had 7 wins but that was in a 12 team league so .....

McLeish: 12 teams!? Barely gives you the opportunity to draw enough to make up for your losses does it? Look lads, anyone worried that I'm getting sacked needn't worry.

Hutton: Oh thank God!

*the lads all turn to stare at Hutton*

McLeish: I'm unsackable, totally unsackable.

*Faulkner knocks the door enters and hands McLeish a letter*

McLeish: 'Dear Lex, Please see me in my office on Monday wearing the attire provided for you by Mr.Falconboy'

*McLeish looks at Faulkner who holds out a rope potato sack, McLeish takes the sack flaps it out and reads the text printed on it*

McLeish: 'I've just been 'SACKED' by Randy Lerner!'?

*McLeish looks at Faulkner who shrugs*

Faulkner: American humour.

McLeish: Oh, a joke? So I don`t have to wear this and I`m not sacked.

*McLeish looks at Faulkner hopefully holding the sack back toward him. Faulkner maintains a stern look pushing McLeish`s hand with the sack back to his chest, turns and leaves. Ireland gives McLeish an 'I told you so' look*



Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

Writer:Hercs
Date:Monday May 14 2012
Time: 5:19PM

Comments

0
Very good!
thefacehead
14/05/2012 17:26:00
0
pmsl... always a great read!!
Metalvillan
14/05/2012 17:44:00
0
"12 teams!? Barely gives you the opportunity to draw enough to make up for your losses does it?" haha Brilliant!
son_of_cher
14/05/2012 17:48:00
0
Cheers Hercs, Fear and all Vital for the past Season! It has not been easy at times but ye stuck it out and thanks :) UTV
alcoollie
14/05/2012 17:48:00
0
It's a bit weird reading this and not needing it to bring me out of despair
Jongekki
14/05/2012 18:19:00
0
My thoughts exactly Jongekki. Thank you Hercs, you have been the ONLY thing to smile about through this season wrt Villa.
Charizma
14/05/2012 18:49:00
0
Thanks for the best one of the season, have a good summer mate, Im sure a few of us will now!
Stourbridge Villan
14/05/2012 19:06:00
0
ROFL.... love the ref to Heskers giving away more throw-ins than actually threatening the goalie! With Heskey gone and McDraw sacked, will there be opportunities for humour? I believe Hercs will find something to pick up on ;) Thanks m8
thorpyuk
14/05/2012 21:30:00
0
I think next years vain of humor will be Babies/Kids - lots of rattles and nappies being changed.
Lost_In_Ca
15/05/2012 06:55:00
0
Well done again mate. I have found these harder to read as the season went on, and on, Some light at the end of the tunnel. I currently have a permanent smile that makes me look like I'm insane. UTV!
magicmerson
15/05/2012 07:37:00
Page 1/2
  1. 1
  2. 2

Login to post a comment

Recent Aston Villa Articles

A Special Day In Thanks To Ken McNaught

A message from the Aston Villa Lions & Legends

Trinity Upper Open For Business

Aston Villa have this afternoon confirmed that the Trinity Road Upper stand will be open for the hosting of Birmingham City.

Foreign Owners - An Outsiders View - Competition

Sportswriter Bob Holmes has taken a look at the rise of foreign ownership in the English game and as well as acknowledging the often aired thoughts of the fans, he's also...

What Came First Lee Hendrie. The Chicken Or The Egg?

Lee on the atmosphere and fans last season and why Scott Sinclair had to leave. But is it really down to the fans?

Archived Vital Villa Articles

Vital Villa articles from

Site Journalists

J P Fear
Editor email
Profile
Mike Field
Editor email
Profile
Steve Wade
no email
Profile
Villa_Grizzly
no email
Profile
Turkish Penguin
no email
Profile
Glensider
no email
Profile
Chris Heath
no email
Profile
M Calucar
no email
Profile
JuanPablo Angel
no email
Profile

Current Poll (see more polls)

Vital Villa Player Of March
Suggested By: JP Fear
Baker6%
Chester3%
Johnstone8%
Taylor1%
Jedinak42%
Hutton12%
Hourihane1%
Lansbury0%
Adomah0%
Bjarnason17%
Amavi0%
Bree2%
Gardner1%
Kodjia7%
ScoopDragon Publishing Entire League Network of Sites

League Table

# Team P W D L Pts. GD
1 Newcastle 38 24 6 8 78 38
2 Brighton 38 23 8 7 77 30
3 Huddersfield 37 22 5 10 71 4
4 Leeds Utd 38 21 6 11 69 16
5 Reading 38 20 7 11 67 2
6 Sheff Wed 38 18 8 12 62 9
7 Fulham 38 16 13 9 61 19
8 Norwich 38 16 9 13 57 9
9 Preston 38 15 12 11 57 6
10 Derby County 38 14 11 13 53 3
11 Barnsley 38 14 9 15 51 0
12 Aston Villa 38 13 12 13 51 0
13 Cardiff 38 14 9 15 51 -1
14 Brentford 38 14 8 16 50 3
15 Q.P.R. 38 14 8 16 50 -5
16 Wolves 37 12 9 16 45 -2
17 Ipswich 38 10 15 13 45 -9
18 Birmingham 38 11 12 15 45 -16
19 Bristol City 38 11 8 19 41 -3
20 Forest 38 11 8 19 41 -11
21 Burton 38 10 11 17 41 -14
22 Blackburn 38 9 13 16 40 -11
23 Wigan 38 8 10 20 34 -13
24 Rotherham 38 4 5 29 17 -54
The Vital Football Members League
Latest F1 News
Were Ferrari quicker than Mercedes in Australia?
Latest Vital Boxing News
Saunders Gives Golovkin a Deadline
Vital Football Comment

Recent Aston Villa Results (view all)

Aston Villa Fixtures (view all)

Apr 1 2017 3:00PM : Norwich City (H)
Sky Bet Championship
Apr 4 2017 7:45PM : Queens Park Rangers (H)
Sky Bet Championship
Apr 8 2017 3:00PM : Burton Albion (a)
Sky Bet Championship
Apr 15 2017 3:00PM : Reading (H)
Sky Bet Championship
Apr 17 2017 2:45PM : Fulham (a)
Sky Bet Championship
Apr 23 2017 12:00PM : Birmingham City (H)
Sky Bet Championship

Vital Members League Table

RankNamePoints
1.The Fear430
2.Pride of Lions329
3.HeathfieldRoad1874326
4.sirdennis324
5.JuanPabloAngel298
6.Sasquatch249
7.Silhillvilla189
8.Melon Donkey172
9.BodyButter161
10.mike_field148
Write for Vital Football