Vital Football

Latest Aston Villa News

Why Did Alex McLeish Cross The Road?

Why Did Alex McLeish Cross The Road?

Now that the end of the season's over, we should forget that it ever happened. Time for fun. How about some jokes?

Disclaimer: These jokes are all tongue-in-cheek, meant as a bit of fun and not intended to reflect real life situations, people or events in any way at all!!

Alex McLeish has recently adopted a son from Asia called No-Win In Nine.

Q: What does Alex McLeish do when he`s attacked by the press and fans?

: Stays in his own half and plays for the draw.

Q: What have Alex McLeish and Abu Hamza got in common?

: Neither of them can hold onto a lead.

Q: How many Alex McLeishs does it take to change a light bulb?

: None; they would all rather play in the dark.

Alex McLeish is also remembered from his experiences in the army, when he famously used an assault rifle to deflect the stones being thrown at him. This was how he got started in management.

Alex McLeish is hosting the re-launch of a children`s TV programme involving painting, sculpting and creative design made by Neil`s called Art Defence.

Q: How can you tell when Alex McLeish is worried?

: His team has a 3-goal lead.

The nickname 'Eck` is short for 'Neck`s always on the line in every managerial post he`s been in thanks to lack of tactical awareness and inappropiate use of the team` but it was shortened to 'Eck` by the media.

Alex McLeish loved Sports Day at school, excelling in the long jump and the sack race.

Alex McLeish once worked in the circus as a human jack-in-the-box, but he was fired because he refused to come out of it.

Q: How does Alex McLeish like his hair cut? A: 1 up top, 2 on the sides and 5 at the back.

Alex McLeish has emailed Sir Alex Ferguson requesting the second half of a document he wrote called How To Succeed in Football Management: Defending and Attacking. He hasn`t replied for 6 years.

As a youngster Alex McLeish was frequently asked to clean his room but he refused, as it seemed too much like a chore.

In his teenage years Alex McLeish had a paper round but he quit when he realised he would have to put the papers into the box.

Q: What`s the difference between Alex McLeish and a junkie?

: The junkie can score from a corner.

Alex McLeish has praised mentor Sir Alex Ferguson for the manner in which Manchester United conceded their 8-point lead to lose the Premier League title.

In his playing days Alex McLeish once took a free-kick 25 yards from the opposition goal. He lined it up perfectly, took his run up and blasted it.....all the way back to his keeper.

Alex McLeish once lost a game of cards because his club couldn`t beat hearts.

Being a music lover, Alex McLeish once got £100 worth of HMV vouchers from a friend for his birthday. After walking round the store for 90 minutes he left empty-handed, claiming that his friend needed to be realistic if he thought he`d be able to get something.

lex McLeish was once asked who inspired him the most. His response? "Richard O`Brien. I got through to the final zone of the Crystal Maze once, and Richard`s advice was to ignore the fans and just go for the money. I`ve tried to live my life by that advice ever since."

Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

Writer:Turkish Penguin
Date:Sunday May 13 2012
Time: 9:59PM


knock knock: whos there? its alex. ***** off.
13/05/2012 22:06:00
What's the difference between Alex McLeish and a bag of *****? - The bag.
13/05/2012 22:43:00
Why did Alex McLeish ask the players to change their socks at half time ? Because he could smell defeat !
13/05/2012 23:04:00
Why did Alex McLeish leave the Army? They had to be tactical. Why does Alex McLeish wear clothes? To keep some dignity. Why did chose to be a football manager and not a rugby coach? Because rugby involves physical contact. What did Alex McLeish say to his cat? Nothing because the cat walked off. What is Alex McLeish's favourite colour? He doesn't have one because he's blind. What has Alex McLeish claimed he did on the moon? He claims he spoke to martians.
Avfc94 we do
13/05/2012 23:12:00
Choose* claimed to have done*
Avfc94 we do
13/05/2012 23:14:00
Just heard that McMuppet has been offered a new contract. 2 Years, 400 anytime any network minutes and unlimited texts.
13/05/2012 23:14:00
People are blaming RL for continuing to support him even though he never takes the blame, but as an american he is probably unaware of our old english proverb "a bad tool always blames his workmen"
14/05/2012 01:06:00
so hilarious
14/05/2012 06:25:00
This has cheered me up after €ity buying the league yesterday.
Tottenham Hotcore
14/05/2012 08:01:00
Love the "Art Defence" joke. Has he gone yet?
Adam Deuce
14/05/2012 11:27:00
Page 1/2
  1. 1
  2. 2

Login to post a comment

Recent Aston Villa Articles

Something For The Weekend (550)

Back to back wins stir Villa optimism..

Blues Fan View On This Weekend's Local Derby

Rob Wildey from Vital Blues on the weekend's clash v Aston Villa..

Steve Bruce Hints Gabby Could Be On Bench v Blues?

Steve Bruce thinking over whether to put Gabby on the bench v Blues...

Bruce Previews Birmingham Clash

Manager Steve Bruce has now held his pre game press conference ahead of the Birmingham City derby this Sunday.

Archived Vital Villa Articles

Vital Villa articles from

Site Journalists

J P Fear
Editor email
Mike Field
Editor email
Steve Wade
no email
no email
Turkish Penguin
no email
no email
Chris Heath
no email
M Calucar
no email
JuanPablo Angel
no email

Current Poll (see more polls)

Aston Villa v Blues (away) will:
Suggested By: Mystic Mug
ScoopDragon Publishing Entire League Network of Sites

League Table

# Team P W D L Pts. GD
1 Newcastle 14 10 1 3 31 19
2 Brighton 14 8 4 2 28 9
3 Huddersfield 14 9 1 4 28 4
4 Norwich 14 8 3 3 27 7
5 Sheff Wed 14 7 3 4 24 1
6 Bristol City 14 7 2 5 23 6
7 Birmingham 14 6 5 3 23 3
8 Reading 14 6 4 4 22 -3
9 Preston 14 6 2 6 20 1
10 Leeds Utd 14 6 2 6 20 -1
11 Brentford 14 5 4 5 19 5
12 Barnsley 14 6 1 7 19 3
13 Q.P.R. 14 5 4 5 19 -3
14 Fulham 14 4 6 4 18 -2
15 Burton 14 4 5 5 17 0
16 Aston Villa 14 3 8 3 17 0
17 Ipswich 14 4 5 5 17 -2
18 Wolves 14 4 4 6 16 -1
19 Forest 14 4 3 7 15 -3
20 Cardiff 14 4 3 7 15 -9
21 Derby County 14 3 5 6 14 -4
22 Blackburn 14 3 3 8 12 -8
23 Wigan 14 2 5 7 11 -3
24 Rotherham 14 1 3 10 6 -19
The Vital Football Members League
Latest F1 News
F1 Prediction Competition open for round 19
Latest Vital Boxing News
Joshua on Wilder’s Wish-List?
Vital Football Comment

Recent Aston Villa Results (view all)

Aston Villa Fixtures (view all)

Oct 30 2016 12:00PM : Birmingham City (a)
Sky Bet Championship
Nov 5 2016 3:00PM : Blackburn Rovers (H)
Sky Bet Championship
Nov 18 2016 7:45PM : Brighton & Hove Albion (a)
Sky Bet Championship
Nov 26 2016 3:00PM : Cardiff City (H)
Sky Bet Championship
Dec 3 2016 5:30PM : Leeds United (a)
Sky Bet Championship
Dec 10 2016 3:00PM : Wigan Athletic (H)
Sky Bet Championship

Vital Members League Table

1.The Fear606
8.Stephen Jay Hawkings156
Write for Vital Football