Vital Football

Latest Aston Villa News

Why Did Alex McLeish Cross The Road?

Why Did Alex McLeish Cross The Road?

Now that the end of the season's over, we should forget that it ever happened. Time for fun. How about some jokes?

Disclaimer: These jokes are all tongue-in-cheek, meant as a bit of fun and not intended to reflect real life situations, people or events in any way at all!!

Alex McLeish has recently adopted a son from Asia called No-Win In Nine.

Q: What does Alex McLeish do when he`s attacked by the press and fans?

: Stays in his own half and plays for the draw.

Q: What have Alex McLeish and Abu Hamza got in common?

: Neither of them can hold onto a lead.

Q: How many Alex McLeishs does it take to change a light bulb?

: None; they would all rather play in the dark.

Alex McLeish is also remembered from his experiences in the army, when he famously used an assault rifle to deflect the stones being thrown at him. This was how he got started in management.

Alex McLeish is hosting the re-launch of a children`s TV programme involving painting, sculpting and creative design made by Neil Buchanan......it`s called Art Defence.

Q: How can you tell when Alex McLeish is worried?

: His team has a 3-goal lead.

The nickname 'Eck` is short for 'Neck`s always on the line in every managerial post he`s been in thanks to lack of tactical awareness and inappropiate use of the team` but it was shortened to 'Eck` by the media.

Alex McLeish loved Sports Day at school, excelling in the long jump and the sack race.

Alex McLeish once worked in the circus as a human jack-in-the-box, but he was fired because he refused to come out of it.

Q: How does Alex McLeish like his hair cut? A: 1 up top, 2 on the sides and 5 at the back.

Alex McLeish has emailed Sir Alex Ferguson requesting the second half of a document he wrote called How To Succeed in Football Management: Defending and Attacking. He hasn`t replied for 6 years.

As a youngster Alex McLeish was frequently asked to clean his room but he refused, as it seemed too much like a chore.

In his teenage years Alex McLeish had a paper round but he quit when he realised he would have to put the papers into the box.

Q: What`s the difference between Alex McLeish and a junkie?

: The junkie can score from a corner.

Alex McLeish has praised mentor Sir Alex Ferguson for the manner in which Manchester United conceded their 8-point lead to lose the Premier League title.

In his playing days Alex McLeish once took a free-kick 25 yards from the opposition goal. He lined it up perfectly, took his run up and blasted it.....all the way back to his keeper.

Alex McLeish once lost a game of cards because his club couldn`t beat hearts.

Being a music lover, Alex McLeish once got £100 worth of HMV vouchers from a friend for his birthday. After walking round the store for 90 minutes he left empty-handed, claiming that his friend needed to be realistic if he thought he`d be able to get something.



lex McLeish was once asked who inspired him the most. His response? "Richard O`Brien. I got through to the final zone of the Crystal Maze once, and Richard`s advice was to ignore the fans and just go for the money. I`ve tried to live my life by that advice ever since."

Win FREE pizza with Vital Football!
Select your team and get 50% off if they score twice.
www.papajohns.co.uk/football



Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

Writer:Turkish Penguin
Date:Sunday May 13 2012
Time: 9:59PM

Comments

0
knock knock: whos there? its alex. ***** off.
lerneravfc
13/05/2012 22:06:00
0
What's the difference between Alex McLeish and a bag of *****? - The bag.
SchoolBoyError
13/05/2012 22:43:00
0
Why did Alex McLeish ask the players to change their socks at half time ? Because he could smell defeat !
MASON_PARKER
13/05/2012 23:04:00
0
Why did Alex McLeish leave the Army? They had to be tactical. Why does Alex McLeish wear clothes? To keep some dignity. Why did chose to be a football manager and not a rugby coach? Because rugby involves physical contact. What did Alex McLeish say to his cat? Nothing because the cat walked off. What is Alex McLeish's favourite colour? He doesn't have one because he's blind. What has Alex McLeish claimed he did on the moon? He claims he spoke to martians.
Avfc94 we do
13/05/2012 23:12:00
0
Choose* claimed to have done*
Avfc94 we do
13/05/2012 23:14:00
0
Just heard that McMuppet has been offered a new contract. 2 Years, 400 anytime any network minutes and unlimited texts.
voiceoftheholte
13/05/2012 23:14:00
0
People are blaming RL for continuing to support him even though he never takes the blame, but as an american he is probably unaware of our old english proverb "a bad tool always blames his workmen"
griffgriff
14/05/2012 01:06:00
0
so hilarious
Sajit
14/05/2012 06:25:00
0
This has cheered me up after ÔéČity buying the league yesterday.
Tottenham Hotcore
14/05/2012 08:01:00
0
Love the "Art Defence" joke. Has he gone yet?
Adam Deuce
14/05/2012 11:27:00
Page 1/2
  1. 1
  2. 2

Login to post a comment

Recent Aston Villa Articles

Black Uses The Word Outstanding

Caretaker manager Eric Black has described the efforts of the players in the loss to Watford as outstanding.

Audio - Black On Outstanding Watford Performance

Caretaker manager Eric Black has hailed the players for being 'outstanding' in their efforts against Watford today, and for showing the correct will to win.

Stats: Watford v Villa

All the stats from Watford (3) vs (2) Villa, Vicarage Road, 30/4/16 Att: 20,653

Watford v Aston Villa - Team Sheets

Aston Villa are at Watford today, this is a 3pm kick-off - the line-ups have been confirmed.

Archived Vital Villa Articles

Vital Villa articles from

Site Journalists

J P Fear
Editor email
Profile
Mike Field
Editor email
Profile
Steve Wade
no email
Profile
Villa_Grizzly
no email
Profile
Turkish Penguin
no email
Profile
Glensider
no email
Profile
Chris Heath
no email
Profile
M Calucar
no email
Profile
JuanPablo Angel
no email
Profile

Current Poll (see more polls)

Watford MotM
Suggested By: Site Staff
Bunn5%
Clark52%
Lescott0%
Toner4%
Hutton4%
Westwood4%
Gana0%
Bacuna4%
Cissokho0%
Ayew23%
Gestede4%
Sub - Sanchez0%
Sub - Sinclair0%
ScoopDragon Premier League Network Sites

League Table

# Team P W D L Pts. GD
1 Leicester City 36 22 11 3 77 30
2 Spurs 35 19 12 4 69 39
3 Arsenal 36 19 10 7 67 25
4 Man City 36 19 7 10 64 30
5 Man Utd 35 17 9 9 60 12
6 West Ham 35 15 14 6 59 17
7 Southampton 36 16 9 11 57 14
8 Liverpool 35 15 10 10 55 11
9 Stoke 36 13 9 14 48 -14
10 Chelsea 34 12 11 11 47 7
11 Everton 35 10 14 11 44 6
12 Watford 35 12 8 15 44 -6
13 Swansea 36 11 10 15 43 -13
14 WBA 36 10 11 15 41 -14
15 AFC Bournemouth 36 11 8 17 41 -20
16 Crystal Palace 36 10 9 17 39 -10
17 Newcastle 36 8 9 19 33 -25
18 Sunderland 35 7 11 17 32 -18
19 Norwich 35 8 7 20 31 -26
R Aston Villa 36 3 7 26 16 -45
Write for Vital Football
Latest F1 News
2016 Russia GP - Race
Latest Vital Boxing News
Hughie Fury Wins After Cut Stops Fight
The Vital Football Members League

Recent Aston Villa Results (view all)

Aston Villa Fixtures (view all)

May 7 2016 3:00PM : Newcastle United (H)
Barclays Premier League
May 15 2016 3:00PM : Arsenal (a)
Barclays Premier League

Vital Members League Table

RankNamePoints
1.Pride of Lions43
2.kefkat15
3.sirdennis9
4.villasince677
5.The Fear6
6.Silhillvilla6
7.1958Villan6
8.DeanoVilla6
9.distefano5
10.JW854
Vital Football Comment