Listen Carefully, I Shall Say This Only Once....
Listen Carefully, I shall Say This Only Once....
This week the Villa Ministry of Information began disseminating its agenda via its agents who have told us that we have a "fantastic manager," that he has the "skin of a rhino" (if not its brains and eyes) and that supporters are wasting their breath in letting our "fantastic manager" know the extent of our feelings. All of these "facts"were given to supporters with the reassurance of an orbiting Death Star. I, however, believe that many of the things we are being told are currently untrue. I must speak quickly though, before I am identified and forced at pie point to read a statement, confessing on video that Alan Hutton is a great right back an an astute purchase.
This week saw the annual club awards dinner in which honours for the "Best player of a bad bunch (Petrov excluded)" "Young talented player who will most likely leave for Man Utd" and "Best goal out of the few we have scored" were presented. The Ministry plans that in the event we need a goal on Sunday that the players will throw their awards at Brad Friedel in attempt to distract the zimmer framed keeper long enough for Gabriel Agbonlahor to score his first goal since Diplodocus walked the earth. This will be aided by Agent N'Zogbia who will finally turn off his cloaking device and appear in the game just when Spurs least expect it. It is a cunning plan.
Meanwhile the ministry moves to quash supporter investigation into why we have been unable to defend from set pieces or indeed, score from a corner for the entire season. If they think that cliché statements such as "rub of the green" or "eye off the ball" will work and that parachuting Emile Heskey onto the right wing will make us believe them then we know better, comrades. We will therefore continue to speak to each other in secret about training methods and tactical application until we are all taken away in claret and blue vans to be re-educated, half-witted, unlearned cash cows that we are. Until then freely proclaim your beliefs until you are asked to take down your hastily written on bed sheets and desist from free speech.
We must however, despite a policy of disinformation and an intelligence blackout at B6, continue to hold onto the following dangerous truths:
1.WE ARE IN A RELEGATION DOGFIGHT ON 37 POINTS.
2. EVERTHING WE ARE TOLD IS FALSE.
3. IT IS POSSIBLE WE COULD BE RELEGATED.
With this in mind I present to you the revolutionary ideas that
a) This manager is not fantastic at all and is in fact rubbish.
b) We will sodding well tell him and the players how we feel because we have earned the right to do that in both moral, historical and financial terms.
c) We expect them to ruddy well listen and respect and value our wishes and opinions. Finally,
d) We absolutely, whole heartedly demand that they win a 5th game of football at home before we all spontaneously explode from collective hysteria.
Answers in code as to what we should all do on the players lap of honour at the end of the Spurs game.
Previous from: Villa_Grizzly:
An End To Villa Boom And Bust?
Far From The Madding Crowd
A Dirty No Good Villan
Going Through The Change
When The Fat Lady Sings