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@VillasHerc in the Dressing Room After United

*We join the lads disappointed after their royal hiding*

McLeish: Well lads, if there's one positive ye played tha' match like ye we were defendin' a 1-0 match thoughout. I cannae ask any more than that.

Gabby: How about you ask us to actually try and win?

*McLeish looks at Gabby as though he's just fallen out of the sky, there is a knock at the door, McLeish opens it to Ashley Young who enters dressed in Shakesperian thespian costume*

A.Young: Good afternoon good sirs!

*the lads grumble and mutter negatively*

A.Young: What is this? You've not forgotten me already!? Of course not, for I .... am magnificent

*Young does an over the top royal-type wave*

Gabby: Hi Ash, um, that wasn't very nice what you did to Ciaran, I mean...

*Clark charges at Young and is restrained by a number of Villa players*

Clark: I'll give you something to hit the ground about you diving......!

A.Young: Diving? ... Diving!?

*A.Young takes a few backwards steps and clutches his chest, the lads eye him with disbelief*

A.Young: Why.... These words... From you of all people young Ciaran.... They're like daggers in my heart!

Clark: I wish! You great cheat!

*A.Young gives a great wail as he staggers around the room with the back of his hand on his forehead, an even more angered Clark swipes trying to grab Young, despite the still restrained Clark missing by clear yards A.Young throws himself to the ground as though hit with a wrecking ball*

A.Young: Is this.... The end of Ashley Young .... The greatest player of his generation .... He had barely taken his starring role in this.... The theatre..... of Dreams.

*A.Young launches a ten minute hacking and coughing fit*

A.Young: Yes.... Death's cold hand .... as cruel and unending as your embarrassing run of form without me in the team..... she caresses my face like it was my own....

Clark: It is your own!

*A.Young pauses looks at his hand, shrugs then continues*

A.Young: Goodbye cruel world.... Tell my laptop ..... I loved it.

*A.Young is suddenly still, his tongue hangs out of his mouth and he closes his eyes slowly. The lads look at each other and the door knocks. Mark Halsey enters blowing his whistle and pointing to the ground*

Clark: What? Penalty? We're not even playing any more!? The match is over!

*a dark figure enters the doorway moving forward slowly and appearing to be Sir Alex Ferguson*

S.A.F: Oh ... But you're still at Old Trafford.

*Sir Alex taps his watch and laughs an evil laugh, A.Young hops up to his feet sprinting to Sir Alex's side and joining him in his mocking laughter which Halsey also joins in with as they all back pointing and laughing out of the room*

Gabby: See this is the reason he's my least favourite member of Black Eyed Peas.

*The lads all look at Gabby*

Gabby: What? Fergie, he's evil.




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The Journalist

Writer: Hercs Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Monday April 16 2012

Time: 6:56PM

 

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