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@VillasHerc in The Dressing Room before Man United

*We join the lads gearing up for the game against Man United*

McLeish: Now lads, last match Wigan beat Man United by closing down quickly and making good use of their possesion. Which is why I've decided we should.... Sit back and defend.

Weimann: But ... This is not what Wigan did? This is just what we do every other match!

McLeish: Aye, but we're no Wigan Andi, we're no Wigan.

*the lads look each other with anger*

Gabby: Boss... I think we're easily a match for Wigan and maybe if we adopt similar tactics we could...

McLeish: Tactics? Tactics!? Where do you think you are? Continental Europe? Who am I Alexandra McLeishio!?

Albrighton: Um... Boss 'Alexandra' is just a women's name, not a euro...

*Mcleish casts Albrighton a withering glance, Albrighton shrinks into his chair and silence*

McLeish: If Aston Villa wanted Wigan style 'fancy Dannery' ye'd have gone for Roberto Martinez as boss.

*the lads all look at each other with wide eyes*

McLeish: What? Why are ye lookin' like tha'?

*the lads remain silent*

McLeish: ....Anywee, you! Andi! If you get these Villa fans hopes up again with yer 'goals' so help me I'll do somethin'.... I dinnae know what it'll be because I'm nae good at bein' attack minded, forward plannin' or organisation but it'll be bad! I'm talkin' us defending against set pieces bad!

*Weimann is not paying any real attention and sniffing at the air*

Weimann: Um.. Sure, this will be no problem boss.

McLeish: Ye didnae listen to a word of tha' did ye!?

Weimann: Uh ... Yes, get the fans hopes up ...and some goals. Got it.

*Weimann continues sniffing at the air*

McLeish: Yer sniffing out a goal right now aren't you!?

*Weimann leaps out of his chair frantically looking left to right and back again*

Weimann: A Goal!? Where? This is impossible! I did not smell it!

*McLeish sighs*

McLeish: Now Fabian, I know it's been a wee while since ye played so be wary of tha' pace of tha' game and mind ye don't put in any late tackles.

*the dressing room erupts with laughter. Delph is sniffing the air*

Delph: Got you boss, kill everyone.

McLeish: What!? I didnae say tha'! Fabian? .... Fabian!? Yer sniffing fer blood aren't you!? ... Fabian!?




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The Journalist

Writer: Hercs Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Friday April 13 2012

Time: 12:12PM

Your Comments

Tactics?!?! lol
The Fear
Always brilliant stuff, makes me laugh even given our current predicament!!
Metalvillan
mint or orange? lol
griffgriff
Delph: Got you boss, kill everyone. lol - love it.
worto03
It's so true that I don't know wether to laugh or cry
AstonBilla
"Now lads, last match Wigan beat Man United by closing down quickly and making good use of their possesion. Which is why I've decided we should.... Sit back and defend" ROFL was giggling at my desk like a schoolgirl with this one mate! Brilliant! No matter how bad we are on the field, we know for a certainty that these will always be great :D
thorpyuk
Very accurate lol! For a description of what happened shortly before this pre match briefing, let me set the scene. Kevin Mac and Sid are in front of a tactics board, moving magnetic counters around and drawing arrows which show how they want the team to retain possession, pass and move and look for spaces against the opposition. Big 'Eck walks in, trips and knocks over the tactics board. Sid: "That took me ages to set up Boss. Can you be more careful?" Big Eck: "Sorry Gordon (only his friends are allowed to call him Sid!), I'll set it back up for you." McLeish then takes his hanky from his pocket, dropping a half bottle of Bells Whisky on the floor. He dusts the tactics board down, wiping off all the arrows and dotted lines, knocking all the counters on the floor. Big 'Eck: "Sorry Gordon. Let me fix that!". He then puts them back on the board, placing 10 in the Villa half, with one stood in the centre circle. He then draws a big red line aimed at halfway. Big 'Eck: "That's right isn't it? Or near enough?" *Sid and Kevin Mac roll there eyes and sigh* His work complete he then picks up the Whisky, takes a massive gulp, and asks the players to gather round. McLeish: " Hiccup! Now lads............."
heavy d
"If Aston Villa wanted Wigan style 'fancy Dannery' ye'd have gone for Roberto Martinez as boss." - Brilliant. Really does make me wonder though, how did we go from one extreme to the other??!!
Lion Heart
I'm not so sure I find this funny anymore. I suspect it is more or less what happens. We always play like that so those must be the manager's instructions? No?
chocolate teapot
Brilliant stuff once more Hercs!
Pride of Lions
best one yet for me, hoorah for Hercs! A light in the darkness...
revolutionatlast
 

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