@VillasHerc in the Dressing Room Before Chelsea

*We join the lads preparing for their match against Chelsea*

McLeish: Righ' lads! Settle down. It's time for one of ma' inspirational pre-match talks.

*the dressing room erupts with laughter*

McLeish: Silence! Who's tellin' tha' jokes!? Need I remind you there is a full entertainment ban at Villa Park? Anyway where was I?... Oh. Inspiration. Righ' lads, It'd be unrealistic to expect you to win against Chelsea..... Or draw. I'm nae absolutely certain we can even manage to lose so all I ask is that ye defend.

Gabby: Defend? Defend what!? I don't even know what we're fighting for anymore.

McLeish: Fighting!? I dinnae want te see any fight out there lads. Lets just lose like the stature of our two teams would suggest. Let's nae upset the odds for the bet punters oot there.

Albrighton: Bet punters? What about the Villa fans? I think THEY'll be upset if....

*McLeish turns almost green with rage, he is nearly jumping on the spot yelling with anger*

McLeish: The Villa fans!? What do they know!? 'You don't know what your doing?' that's what they said when I made the substitution of tha' season, nae, tha century! Now go out there and be the lesser of the two teams. As it is on paper, it shall be in practice!

Cuellar: So .... We are ... To lose?.... I do not like losing. It is like winning only without the sweet, sweet victory.

McLeish: What more can we do Carlos? Eh!?

Albrighton: Well.... We could at least try to win... Then if we lose ... Well we knew we tried our best and...

McLeish: Have you been coluding with Villa fans Marc? Telling you their fairytales about beating the likes of Arsenal and Chelsea. Look lads, fine, I'll give you tha' optimisim ye seem te crave...

*McLeish clears his throat and forces an awkward smile the lads lean in intrigued and hopeful*

McLeish: Righ' if ye go out there t'night, we can do it. Some of ye will probably survive and tha' ones that don't .... Well their deaths may be swift..... Probably no' though.

Heskey (wiping a tear from his eye): Beautiful boss .... Beautiful ..... Can I start again?

McLeish: Of course Emile. Now everybody approach the match like Emile, grab the game by the scruff of the neck then put it back down gently and apologise fer thinkin' it was a game we could do something in!

*the lads stare open mouthed at McLeish, a couple give awkward mistimed applause, McLeish bows and exits*

Heskey: He must be descended from Braveheart himself eh lads!? Amazing.

*the lads all turn and stare at Heskey with anger*

Heskey: Ooh I can just see the passion in your eyes guys.

Gabby: It's anger!

Heskey: Oh.... Right.

Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.