Aston Villa - @VillasHerc in the Dressing Room before Bolton
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@VillasHerc in the Dressing Room before Bolton

*we join Alex Mcleish enjoying plain porridge listening to Morrissey in his office whilst reading 'How to Win Friends and Influence People'. He rubs his chin*

McLeish: 'Smiling' eh? People like that do they?

*The door knocks, Peter Grant enters nonchalantly checking his clipboard, McLeish is beaming at him.*

Grant: Hey boss, I.....What in the!?

*On laying his eyes on McLeish's battered grin, Grant instictively throws his clipboard and covers his eyes defensively as his papers gently fall in the air around him*

Grant: Have ... I done something wrong boss? ... Or.... Are you hurt... Or something...?

*McLeish drops his smile adopting his default scowl and slides his book into a waste paper bin*

McLeish: I didnae wan' te 'Win' anything anyway. Nothin' more satisfying than a draw.

Grant(picking up his papers and composing himself): Sorry boss?

McLeish: Nothin', how can I help ye Pete?

Grant: Well... Um ... It's bad news boss.

McLeish: Darren's recovering faster than expected!?

Grant: No boss. It's the boy, Weimann, he scored, again, for the reserves.

McLeish: What!?

Grant: Um... Yeah, I'm also hearing rumours that he lives in the wild, like a fox and that he only wants for goals, which he mostly gets ... In the box.

*McLeish chokes on his porridge*

McLeish: A fox ....in the box!? This lad is going to ruin my plans!

Grant: I know boss...

McLeish: I mean all I want is an easy life. A good nil nil here, maybe one one there...

Grant: Yes boss I know but...

McLeish: And he comes in hungry like the wolf.

Grant: Or a fox boss.

McLeish: Aye, or a fox. I tell ye Pete, this lad is the most evil person ever to have come from Austria, he must be stopped.

Grant: Um... I don't know boss, that seems a little....

McLeish: Stop him!

Grant: I ... Don't think we can boss... The fans seem to like him.

McLeish: Grr, fans! Always watching aren't they? with their eyes!

Grant: Boss, calm down, please. Yer scarin' me.



****Later. Albrighton is catching up with Weimann*****

Albrighton: So, looking forward to the match tonight then Andi!?

Weimann: For us, there is no spring. Just the wind that smells fresh before the storm.

Albrighton: O.....K. How cool was your goal though? I mean in front of the Holte End and to win the match too, that must be an awesome feeling,it's what it's all about eh?

Weimann: To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women.

Albrighton: ......Yeah. Well .... Anyway, good to see you finally breaking into to the team. Maybe now you can start wearing clothes? I mean I'm not judging or anything, just saying.

Weimann: Almost 20 years of pitiless cumber! No rest, no sleep like other men. And yet the spring wind blows, Marc. Have you ever felt such a wind?

Albrighton: Um.... I'm going to move a little over here now. Er.... Good Luck tonight.




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The Journalist

Writer: Hercs Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Friday March 16 2012

Time: 2:23PM

Your Comments (oldest first)

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LOL, that was super,
clivethevillan
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16/03/2012 14:29:00

Erm - Conan the Barbarian, Herc? Not Shakespeare? :o)
BobTheBuilder
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16/03/2012 14:42:00

Ha! I'm glad someone got the Conan the Barbarian stuff. Thought people may have thought I'd gone mad (or more mad). I was most disappointed he sounded more like Hitz than Arnie in his post match interview.
Hercs
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16/03/2012 14:56:00

Yes hercs and a sniff of terry pratchett? fantastically funny hehe
thorpyuk
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16/03/2012 15:11:00

LOL brilliant as usual Hercs :)
Green Villan
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16/03/2012 16:36:00

"McLeish: Grr, fans! Always watching aren't they? with their eyes!" Pure magic they get better and better
villa@herts
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16/03/2012 17:02:00

Classic, thanks :)
Stourbridge Villan
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16/03/2012 19:22:00

Conan the Destroyer is on ITV4 tonight. A sign that Weimann will score a hat trick on Tuesday if ever I saw one.
Hercs
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16/03/2012 19:47:00

Loved it! As usual,,,Mmmmmm Conan, scantily clad women : )
Steff_the_Villan
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16/03/2012 23:14:00

"hungry like the wolf".... love it. Good stuff as usual Hercs....
Pride of Lions
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17/03/2012 09:06:00

Great read Hercs, thanks a bunch!!!
Charizma
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17/03/2012 09:30:00

 

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