Vital Football

Latest Aston Villa News

@VillasHerc in the Dressing Room before Bolton

@VillasHerc in the Dressing Room before Bolton

*we join Alex Mcleish enjoying plain porridge listening to Morrissey in his office whilst reading 'How to Win Friends and Influence People'. He rubs his chin*

McLeish: 'Smiling' eh? People like that do they?

*The door knocks, Peter Grant enters nonchalantly checking his clipboard, McLeish is beaming at him.*

Grant: Hey boss, I.....What in the!?

*On laying his eyes on McLeish's battered grin, Grant instictively throws his clipboard and covers his eyes defensively as his papers gently fall in the air around him*

Grant: Have ... I done something wrong boss? ... Or.... Are you hurt... Or something...?

*McLeish drops his smile adopting his default scowl and slides his book into a waste paper bin*

McLeish: I didnae wan' te 'Win' anything anyway. Nothin' more satisfying than a draw.

Grant(picking up his papers and composing himself): Sorry boss?

McLeish: Nothin', how can I help ye Pete?

Grant: Well... Um ... It's bad news boss.

McLeish: Darren's recovering faster than expected!?

Grant: No boss. It's the boy, Weimann, he scored, again, for the reserves.

McLeish: What!?

Grant: Um... Yeah, I'm also hearing rumours that he lives in the wild, like a fox and that he only wants for goals, which he mostly gets ... In the box.

*McLeish chokes on his porridge*

McLeish: A fox ....in the box!? This lad is going to ruin my plans!

Grant: I know boss...

McLeish: I mean all I want is an easy life. A good nil nil here, maybe one one there...

Grant: Yes boss I know but...

McLeish: And he comes in hungry like the wolf.

Grant: Or a fox boss.

McLeish: Aye, or a fox. I tell ye Pete, this lad is the most evil person ever to have come from Austria, he must be stopped.

Grant: Um... I don't know boss, that seems a little....

McLeish: Stop him!

Grant: I ... Don't think we can boss... The fans seem to like him.

McLeish: Grr, fans! Always watching aren't they? with their eyes!

Grant: Boss, calm down, please. Yer scarin' me.



****Later. Albrighton is catching up with Weimann*****

Albrighton: So, looking forward to the match tonight then Andi!?

Weimann: For us, there is no spring. Just the wind that smells fresh before the storm.

Albrighton: O.....K. How cool was your goal though? I mean in front of the Holte End and to win the match too, that must be an awesome feeling,it's what it's all about eh?

Weimann: To crush your enemies, see them driven before you, and to hear the lamentation of their women.

Albrighton: ......Yeah. Well .... Anyway, good to see you finally breaking into to the team. Maybe now you can start wearing clothes? I mean I'm not judging or anything, just saying.

Weimann: Almost 20 years of pitiless cumber! No rest, no sleep like other men. And yet the spring wind blows, Marc. Have you ever felt such a wind?

Albrighton: Um.... I'm going to move a little over here now. Er.... Good Luck tonight.



Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

Writer:Hercs
Date:Friday March 16 2012
Time: 2:23PM

Comments

0
LOL, that was super,
clivethevillan
16/03/2012 14:29:00
0
Erm - Conan the Barbarian, Herc? Not Shakespeare? :o)
BobTheBuilder
16/03/2012 14:42:00
0
Ha! I'm glad someone got the Conan the Barbarian stuff. Thought people may have thought I'd gone mad (or more mad). I was most disappointed he sounded more like Hitz than Arnie in his post match interview.
Hercs
16/03/2012 14:56:00
0
Yes hercs and a sniff of terry pratchett? fantastically funny hehe
thorpyuk
16/03/2012 15:11:00
0
LOL brilliant as usual Hercs :)
Green Villan
16/03/2012 16:36:00
0
"McLeish: Grr, fans! Always watching aren't they? with their eyes!" Pure magic they get better and better
villa@herts
16/03/2012 17:02:00
0
Classic, thanks :)
Stourbridge Villan
16/03/2012 19:22:00
0
Conan the Destroyer is on ITV4 tonight. A sign that Weimann will score a hat trick on Tuesday if ever I saw one.
Hercs
16/03/2012 19:47:00
0
Loved it! As usual,,,Mmmmmm Conan, scantily clad women : )
Steff_the_Villan
16/03/2012 23:14:00
0
"hungry like the wolf".... love it. Good stuff as usual Hercs....
Pride of Lions
17/03/2012 09:06:00
Page 1/2
  1. 1
  2. 2

Login to post a comment

Recent Aston Villa Articles

Elphick's Superstitions To Continue

New centre half Tommy Elphick has insisted his pre match ritual of attacking the goal posts instead of having a team photo will continue following his move to Aston Villa.

No Sinclair To Celtic - But Crespo Off

It's being reported that Aston Villa have rejected a £2million offer from Celtic for Scott Sinclair, but Jose Angel Crespo wants the 'PAOK' option to bring an end to his time with us.

Petrov To Resume Villa Training

Aston Villa have confirmed that Stiliyan Petrov will join up with the boys for pre season training, and he's been invited by new manager Roberto Di Matteo to join...

Elphick Relishing Promotion Pressure

New signing, and Roberto Di Matteo's first capture from Bournemouth, Tommy Elphick has said he's relishing the pressure of helping Aston Villa return...

Archived Vital Villa Articles

Vital Villa articles from

Site Journalists

J P Fear
Editor email
Profile
Mike Field
Editor email
Profile
Steve Wade
no email
Profile
Villa_Grizzly
no email
Profile
Turkish Penguin
no email
Profile
Glensider
no email
Profile
Chris Heath
no email
Profile
M Calucar
no email
Profile
JuanPablo Angel
no email
Profile

Current Poll (see more polls)

Elphick?
Suggested By: JP Fear
Great, solid signing80%
Ok signing5%
Meh signing15%
ScoopDragon Publishing Entire League Network of Sites

League Table

# Team P W D L Pts. GD
C Burnley 46 26 15 5 93 37
P Middlesbrough 46 26 11 9 89 32
3 Brighton 46 24 17 5 89 30
4 Hull City 46 24 11 11 83 34
5 Derby County 46 21 15 10 78 23
6 Sheff Wed 46 19 17 10 74 21
7 Ipswich 46 18 15 13 69 2
8 Cardiff 46 17 17 12 68 5
9 Brentford 46 19 8 19 65 5
10 Birmingham 46 16 15 15 63 4
11 Preston 46 15 17 14 62 0
12 Q.P.R. 46 14 18 14 60 0
13 Leeds Utd 46 14 17 15 59 -8
14 Wolves 46 14 16 16 58 -5
15 Blackburn 46 13 16 17 55 0
16 Forest 46 13 16 17 55 -4
17 Reading 46 13 13 20 52 -7
18 Bristol City 46 13 13 20 52 -17
19 Huddersfield 46 13 12 21 51 -11
20 Fulham 46 12 15 19 51 -13
21 Rotherham 46 13 10 23 49 -18
R Charlton 46 9 13 24 40 -40
R MK Dons 46 9 12 25 39 -30
R Bolton 46 5 15 26 30 -40
Vital Football Comment
Latest F1 News
Sainz expected to stay with Red Bull stable
Latest Vital Boxing News
Liam Smith Next up for Saul ‘Canelo’ Alvarez
Write for Vital Football

Recent Aston Villa Results (view all)

Aston Villa Fixtures (view all)

Vital Members League Table

RankNamePoints
1.The Fear365
2.BodyButter153
3.sirdennis152
4.Fulford135
5.JuanPabloAngel112
6.kefkat101
7.glensider90
8.DeanoVilla89
9.Melon Donkey76
10.Silhillvilla70
The Vital Football Members League