Vital Football

Latest Aston Villa News

@VillasHerc in the Dressing Room HT at Blackburn

@VillasHerc in the Dressing Room HT at Blackburn

*It's half-time at the Blackburn Villa match, we join a pair of Venky's executives strolling through the halls of Ewood Park.*

Venky #1: This performance is enough to put me off my chicken.

Venky #2: Surely not Venky number vone, you love your chicken.

Venky #1: I do number two, this is going to show how very much I am not enjoying 'Venky's Blackburn Football Club!''s performance today.

Venky #2: Must you always shout it like that? It is most disconcerting.

Venky #1: Yes. I must.

*The guy's conversation halts as they hear all manner of yelling, bawling and objects being launched against a dressing room wall*

Venky #2: Ahh! It sounds as though Mr.Kean is finally earning his drumsticks! Let us go and congratulate him.

*the Venky's executives make their way to the home dressing room, they burst through the door. Kean raises his head from the book he is reading and lowers his reading glasses, realising it is 'Venky's' he immediately adopts a gracious if not grovelling pose and approaches them with haste.*

Venky #1: Mr.Kean, we were hearing you tell off these terrible Blackburn players....

Venky #2: ...Yes, and even though it is not what we told you to do, we are very happy you did so.

Venky #1: Here..

*the Veny's Executive pours some chicken feed from a box into the plam of his hand, Kean immediately pecks at the feed whilst flapping his arms in a happy, chicken-like manner*

Kean (with a mouth full of feed): Why thank you bosses, um but I've nae told off tha' lads.

*The Venky's executives pause to survey dressing room, Johann Pachelbel's 'Canon in D Major' is playing as the Blackburn players are serenely engaging in leisurely pursuits such as card games and billiards, all quite content with life*

Venky #2: Vhat is this!?

Venky #1: Ve heard you Mr.Kean, your unitelligible brand of English is unmistakeable.

Kean: Oh, you mean tha' shoutin' an' hootin'? Tha' was from tha' other dressing room, Big Eck.

Venky #1: Vhat!? Give me back the feed Mr.Kean sir!

Kean: But.... I've swallowed it....

*Kean is trying to make himself regurgitate.*

Venky #2: No.... NO! You keep it! Number Vone let us check the other dressing room.

*Venky's executives peep through the Villa dressing room door which is a tad ajar*

McLeish: What did I tell you!? WHAT!? I give you one simple task, defend! And ye cannae even get that right. Charlie! Sweet Jesus, Mary, Joseph and little donkey what're you doing hitting the ball when it's in the air at the goal like tha'!?

NZogbia: Um.... Ma volley boss?

McLeish: 'Volley' is tha' it!? Well maybe in France they 'volley' with all their la-dee-das and ooh-la-la's! But here this is tha' premier league not la liga!

*Albrighton raises his hand apprehensively*

Albrighton: Um....That's spanish boss.

McLeish: Same thing! From now on volleys are for Tennis! Alrigh'!?

*The lads all drop their heads and robotically reply*

All the lads: Yes boss.

*the Venky's executives look at one another and head back to their box.*

Venky #1: Wow, he really as they say 'tore stips from them' didn't he?

Venky #2: Chicken strips?

Venky #1: Yes! I hunger once more.



Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

Writer:Hercs
Date:Monday March 5 2012
Time: 2:43PM

Comments

0
LOL. Quality from start to finish.
Villan444
05/03/2012 14:50:00
0
Made me smile in these depressing days.......
Pride of Lions
05/03/2012 15:17:00
0
CLASS, i can just see him doing it as well .
andy3221
05/03/2012 15:23:00
0
Really enjoyed this Hercs, well done :)
Mikey Delap
05/03/2012 16:01:00
0
NZogbia: Um.... Ma volley boss? McLeish: 'Volley' is tha' it!? Well maybe in France they 'volley' with all their la-dee-das and ooh-la-la's! But here this is tha' premier league not la liga! Classic , brilliant but tooooooooooooooo truuuuuuuuuuuue
distefano
05/03/2012 19:20:00
Page 1/1
  1. 1

Login to post a comment

Recent Aston Villa Articles

A Barnsley Return & Chelsea Youngster Incoming?

It's been reported today that Steve Bruce will return to Oakwell for another deal over the summer and also that we have our eyes on prolific Chelsea youngster Tammy Abraham.

The Villa Times - 24/04/2017 (Aston Villa News Round-up)

The latest Aston Villa news and views following the ding dong derby via the uno fish ial one...

Video Highlights & Full Post Match Coverage - Villa v Blues

Full round up of the coverage and video match highlights Villa v Blues.

Bragging Rights Won. Blow The Performance. Fan Reaction

For this match (and this match only) blow the performance, it's the win and bragging rights in a local derby. Fan reactions...

Archived Vital Villa Articles

Vital Villa articles from

Site Journalists

J P Fear
Editor email
Profile
Mike Field
Editor email
Profile
Steve Wade
no email
Profile
Villa_Grizzly
no email
Profile
Turkish Penguin
no email
Profile
Glensider
no email
Profile
Chris Heath
no email
Profile
M Calucar
no email
Profile
JuanPablo Angel
no email
Profile

Current Poll (see more polls)

Birmingham MotM
Suggested By:
Johnstone6%
Hutton29%
Chester3%
Baker18%
Taylor4%
Lansbury0%
Jedinak5%
Bacuna0%
Adomah0%
Grealish0%
Hogan0%
Sub-Agbonlahor33%
Sub-Gardner1%
Sub-Hourihane1%
ScoopDragon Publishing Entire League Network of Sites

League Table

# Team P W D L Pts. GD
P Brighton 44 28 8 8 92 35
P Newcastle 44 27 7 10 88 40
3 Reading 44 24 7 13 79 1
4 Sheff Wed 44 23 9 12 78 15
5 Huddersfield 43 24 6 13 78 2
6 Fulham 44 21 13 10 76 27
7 Leeds Utd 44 22 7 15 73 14
8 Norwich 44 19 9 16 66 12
9 Brentford 44 18 9 17 63 12
10 Derby County 44 17 12 15 63 2
11 Preston 44 16 13 15 61 2
12 Aston Villa 44 16 13 15 61 0
13 Cardiff 44 16 11 17 59 -2
14 Barnsley 44 15 12 17 57 0
15 Wolves 43 15 10 18 55 -2
16 Ipswich 44 13 16 15 55 -6
17 Bristol City 44 14 9 21 51 -6
18 Burton 44 13 12 19 51 -12
19 Q.P.R. 44 14 8 22 50 -12
20 Forest 44 13 9 22 48 -11
21 Birmingham 44 11 14 19 47 -22
22 Blackburn 44 10 15 19 45 -15
23 Wigan 44 10 11 23 41 -16
R Rotherham 44 5 6 33 21 -58
The Vital Football Members League
Latest F1 News
F1 prediction competition open for Russia
Latest Vital Boxing News
Has Father Time Caught Up with Klitschko?
Vital Football Comment

Recent Aston Villa Results (view all)

Aston Villa Fixtures (view all)

Apr 29 2017 3:00PM : Blackburn Rovers (a)
Sky Bet Championship
May 7 2017 12:00PM : Brighton & Hove Albion (H)
Sky Bet Championship

Vital Members League Table

RankNamePoints
1.Pride of Lions337
2.JuanPabloAngel335
3.sirdennis242
4.The Fear218
5.Silhillvilla195
6.Melon Donkey163
7.HeathfieldRoad1874152
8.kefkat141
9.Sasquatch133
10.BBJ98
Write for Vital Football