UK time is: 11:35:31
Vital Login
Social Login

Choose your club

Other Sites

Network Navigation

Vital Partners

'If It's Football, It's Vital'

@VillasHerc in the Dressing Room HT at Blackburn

*It's half-time at the Blackburn Villa match, we join a pair of Venky's executives strolling through the halls of Ewood Park.*

Venky #1: This performance is enough to put me off my chicken.

Venky #2: Surely not Venky number vone, you love your chicken.

Venky #1: I do number two, this is going to show how very much I am not enjoying 'Venky's Blackburn Football Club!''s performance today.

Venky #2: Must you always shout it like that? It is most disconcerting.

Venky #1: Yes. I must.

*The guy's conversation halts as they hear all manner of yelling, bawling and objects being launched against a dressing room wall*

Venky #2: Ahh! It sounds as though Mr.Kean is finally earning his drumsticks! Let us go and congratulate him.

*the Venky's executives make their way to the home dressing room, they burst through the door. Kean raises his head from the book he is reading and lowers his reading glasses, realising it is 'Venky's' he immediately adopts a gracious if not grovelling pose and approaches them with haste.*

Venky #1: Mr.Kean, we were hearing you tell off these terrible Blackburn players....

Venky #2: ...Yes, and even though it is not what we told you to do, we are very happy you did so.

Venky #1: Here..

*the Veny's Executive pours some chicken feed from a box into the plam of his hand, Kean immediately pecks at the feed whilst flapping his arms in a happy, chicken-like manner*

Kean (with a mouth full of feed): Why thank you bosses, um but I've nae told off tha' lads.

*The Venky's executives pause to survey dressing room, Johann Pachelbel's 'Canon in D Major' is playing as the Blackburn players are serenely engaging in leisurely pursuits such as card games and billiards, all quite content with life*

Venky #2: Vhat is this!?

Venky #1: Ve heard you Mr.Kean, your unitelligible brand of English is unmistakeable.

Kean: Oh, you mean tha' shoutin' an' hootin'? Tha' was from tha' other dressing room, Big Eck.

Venky #1: Vhat!? Give me back the feed Mr.Kean sir!

Kean: But.... I've swallowed it....

*Kean is trying to make himself regurgitate.*

Venky #2: No.... NO! You keep it! Number Vone let us check the other dressing room.

*Venky's executives peep through the Villa dressing room door which is a tad ajar*

McLeish: What did I tell you!? WHAT!? I give you one simple task, defend! And ye cannae even get that right. Charlie! Sweet Jesus, Mary, Joseph and little donkey what're you doing hitting the ball when it's in the air at the goal like tha'!?

NZogbia: Um.... Ma volley boss?

McLeish: 'Volley' is tha' it!? Well maybe in France they 'volley' with all their la-dee-das and ooh-la-la's! But here this is tha' premier league not la liga!

*Albrighton raises his hand apprehensively*

Albrighton: Um....That's spanish boss.

McLeish: Same thing! From now on volleys are for Tennis! Alrigh'!?

*The lads all drop their heads and robotically reply*

All the lads: Yes boss.

*the Venky's executives look at one another and head back to their box.*

Venky #1: Wow, he really as they say 'tore stips from them' didn't he?

Venky #2: Chicken strips?

Venky #1: Yes! I hunger once more.




Use your social login to comment on front page articles. Login using you Facebook, Twitter, Google or LinkedIn accounts and have your say!



Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

The Journalist

Writer: Hercs Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Monday March 5 2012

Time: 2:43PM

Your Comments (oldest first)

Change to most recent first
LOL. Quality from start to finish.
Villan444
Report Abuse
05/03/2012 14:50:00

Made me smile in these depressing days.......
Pride of Lions
Report Abuse
05/03/2012 15:17:00

CLASS, i can just see him doing it as well .
andy3221
Report Abuse
05/03/2012 15:23:00

Really enjoyed this Hercs, well done :)
Mikey Delap
Report Abuse
05/03/2012 16:01:00

NZogbia: Um.... Ma volley boss? McLeish: 'Volley' is tha' it!? Well maybe in France they 'volley' with all their la-dee-das and ooh-la-la's! But here this is tha' premier league not la liga! Classic , brilliant but tooooooooooooooo truuuuuuuuuuuue
distefano
Report Abuse
05/03/2012 19:20:00

 

Have Your Say

Log in...
with your social network     OR     with your Vital account

Recent Aston Villa Articles

Audio - Sherwood Previewing Newcastle (Friday February 27 2015)

Sherwood Backs Benteke (Friday February 27 2015)

Sherwood Targets Six Wins (Thursday February 26 2015)

Pre Newcastle Injury News for Villa (Thursday February 26 2015)

Sherwood's Youth Focus Already Changing (Thursday February 26 2015)

Sanchez Looking To Kick On (Thursday February 26 2015)

WOW - Takeover 248 Happening Now! (Tuesday February 24 2015)

Archived Aston Villa Articles

List All Vital Villa Articles
Have your say
Click here to suggest an article
Click here to suggest a poll
ScoopDragon Premier League Network Sites

Vital Members League (view all)

1. The Fear 795
2. Pride of Lions 773
3. ClivetheVillan 672
4. thefacehead 461
5. Freeman14 395
6. sirdennis 364
7. kefkat 354
8. Green Tea 262
9. Villan57 261
10. Villan Of The North 257

League Results (view all)

League Table (view table)

Team P W D L GD Pts
14. WBA 26 6 9 11 -10 27
15. Hull City 26 6 8 12 -10 26
16. Sunderland 26 4 13 9 -14 25
17. Q.P.R. 26 6 4 16 -18 22
18. Burnley 26 4 10 12 -19 22
19. Aston Villa 26 5 7 14 -23 22
20. Leicester City 26 4 6 16 -18 18

Breaking League News

Wenger - Everton Response Is Important
Arsenal : 27/02/2015 11:32:00
Chelsea Injury Table - The Walking Wounded List
Chelsea : 27/02/2015 11:24:00
Burnley Injury Table - The Walking Wounded List!
Burnley : 27/02/2015 11:22:00
The Arsenal Injury Table... Walking Wounded List!
Arsenal : 27/02/2015 11:20:00
Aston Villa Injury Table ... And Our Oppo
Aston Villa : 27/02/2015 11:18:00

Current Site Poll (view all polls)

Aston Villa v Newcastle (away) will:
Suggested By:  Mystic Mug
Win 52%
Lose 26%
Draw 20%