Aston Villa - Hercs in the Dressing Room after the City Match
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Hercs in the Dressing Room after the City Match

DISCLAIMER: 'Houllier Out!', 'The End is Nigh!', 'We're all gonna die (or worse be relegated)!', 'Goooodziiillaaaaa!!!' These are all panicked shouts from Villa fans at the minute, maybe not Godzilla but it's safe to say that if Godzilla was to rise from the depths and stamp his way to B6 chances are he'd give our lads a good 5-0 thrashing, an apologetic Houllier (with all the look and mannerisms of the old cartoon dog Droopy) would skulk out and no doubt say 'You know I can't fault the lads performance out there .... but with these injuries ..... and he is several stories high .... and breaths fire, that is always difficult to contend with'

But hey ho, thankfully Godzilla isn't real and neither is the following article ...... Or is it!? (Godzilla, not the article, I can confirm the article is not real ..... I can also confirm Godzilla is not registered to play in the Premier League so we needn't fear it making a further mockery of our club .... That's not to say he doesn't play in the Championship.... I don't watch it to be honest.)

*We join the lads downtrodden after their bad run over Chiristmas, Albrighton is on the phone*

Albrighton: Hello .... Is this Esther?

Caller: Esther?..... Oh, Mrs.Rantzen doesn't actually work the lines, but we're all here to help?

Albrighton: Oh ...OK well, me and a few of my friends keep getting battered and...

Caller: Heavens! OK .... Is this occurring alot?

Albrighton: Well, usually weekends, weekly. But of late we've been getting the odd work day hiding too.

Caller: This is terrible! I'll get some help out to you .... Hello? .... Hello!?

*Albrighton is sobbing into his sleeve, Bannan, Lichaj and Hogg are waivering holding him up to the payphone on each others shoulders (like the Ant Hill Mob) until they all collapse in a heap.*

Houllier: You swines! Why can't you win games ... Like your England cricket team?!

Delph: Can we bring cricket bats on the pitch boss?

Houllier: No!

Lichaj: Can we throw the ball into the net?

Houllier: No! .... Wait a minute .... Maybe you can ..... Can you throw it that far Eric?

Lichaj:.....No.

Houllier: Then why are you asking!?

A.Young: So Fabian you seem pretty upbeat considering we lost and you didn't get a yellow card?

Delph: Check this bad boy out!

*Delph shows A.Young his phone, it's the BBC report of the match*

A.Young: '90:00 +3:04 The match has reached full-time.' I don't really see....

Delph: and the rest....

A.Young: '90:00+1:56 Foul by Fabian Delph on James Milner, free kick awarded.' ... Oh.

Delph: So I says to the ref 'is it injury time?' he says 'yes', then wham! I play to the letter of the law baby.

A.Young: Fabian ... I think you might need some help...

Delph: What with kicking people? I suppose I am a little rusty, you reckon we could talk around Coolio to the cricket bat thing?

A.Young: You mean 'Houllier'?

Delph: Him too if you want.




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The Journalist

Writer: Hercs Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Wednesday December 29 2010

Time: 11:36AM

Your Comments (oldest first)

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Out of the darkness........
Stourbridge Villan
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29/12/2010 11:52:00

Lol, great article.
The Stonah
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29/12/2010 11:56:00

This has made me smile after the shameless debacle yesterday - Thanks Hercs - made thi sold git smile for a change
nazvfc
Report Abuse
29/12/2010 13:05:00

You'll need Jack Bauer to save you this season
pedmachine
Report Abuse
29/12/2010 16:12:00

lol... I like that comment Stourbridge... 'out of the darkness'... So glad we can still laugh!
The Fear
Report Abuse
29/12/2010 17:39:00

'can we bring cricket bats' Priceless. Thanks Hercs!!
Charizma
Report Abuse
30/12/2010 14:10:00

 

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