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Hercs in the Dressing Room After the Baggies

*We join the lads celebrating their win over the Baggies*

Downing: Well ... Another goal for mey like. Does everyone love mey yet?

A.Young: Who are you again?

Downing: It's me.... You know.... Stewart?

*The lads all look at him with confusion*

Collins: .... Ireland?

Downing: ....Downing!

Collins: No pints for me thanks. I'm still in trouble from last time...

Downing: Noor man, not Downing pints, Stewart Downing.

A.Young: It's Ashley and no I'm not going to the pub with you either.

Downing: No I'm Stewart Downing! You know top scorer at the club? What do you have to do around here to win people over?......

*Smoke billows under the door*

Cuellar: Och Noo! A fire!

*Cuellar heroicly runs to the door to tackle the blaze, only to find a fog machine.*

Cuellar: What in tha'....?

A.Young: Can anyone else hear that?

*The faint sound of music can be heard approaching the misty entrance*

A.Young: Is that .... Mark Morrisson?

*The sound reaches deafening volume as Emile puts his stereo down and strides arrogantly into the dressing room clad in leather and sunglasses.*

Heskey: Return of the Mack (Once again!), return of the mack (top of the world!) return of the mack (watch my flow), you know that I'd be back, don't you know!?

A.Young: ... Jesus....

Heskey: Not quite young Ashley, it is I, *Heskey lowers his glasses peering over the lenses* Emile! Though you'd be forgiven for such an error as just like Jesus, I have returned to save you all.

Carew: Boss .... Boss! Emile is singing Mark Morrison's 'Return of the Mack' and gyrating in my face!

Houllier: You would prefer 'Crazy'?

Carew: No....

Houllier: .... 'Horny'?

Carew: No! I would 'prefer' he didn't gyrate.

Houllier: Well John, maybe you score and you can gyrate huh?

Carew: No I don't want to gyrate I want him to STOP gyrating.

Heskey (Now with his hands behind his head): You can't stop the rock John!

Carew: What does that even mean!?




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The Journalist

Writer: Hercs Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Monday December 13 2010

Time: 12:43PM

Your Comments (oldest first)

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Fantastic :-)
Valiant Villan™
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13/12/2010 13:04:00

you can't stop the rock... let that be a warning to us all! lol
The Fear
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13/12/2010 13:13:00

AMAZINGNESS Return of the Mack i can see it now in my head and i cant stop laughing.
Ted 369
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13/12/2010 14:08:00

i knew u were gonna make something of the Heskey return........i just didnt know how :p
sonicdeathmonkey
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13/12/2010 15:01:00

Hercs... can i please request one thing? keep doing this!!! you are often the only thing to make me smile after a poor game. Nice to read after a good result for a change. Excellant! UTV.
mauvaisgarcon
Report Abuse
13/12/2010 19:00:00

"...as just like Jesus, I have returned to save you all" - Absolute quality, Hercs. Hilarious. I was cracking up reading this.
SuperTommyJohnson
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14/12/2010 07:20:00

 

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