Hercs in the Dressing Room Before Arsenal

*We join the lads preparing for the Arsenal match, Houllier enters*

Houllier: Bonjour ma petit pois!

*the lads groan 'hello' back mostly through injury*

Houllier: Look, I know we are ravaged by ze injuries and I 'ave yet again addressed ze situation. I 'ave managed another international star signing boys.

Collins: Oooh ooh boss is it Juniniho? I heard Juniniho was going to sign?

Houllier: What? No. Far bigger than him! I shall call him in. GEEERRRAAAARRRD!

*The lads gasp loudly with excitement*

Depardieu: Bonjour!

Gabby: Stevie? Hi, welcome to the team.

A.Young: Gabby, that's Gerard Depardieu.... In a Villa kit.

Gabby: Oh.... Right ... Who?

A.Young: You know, he was in Hamlet, Asterix and Obelix and Cyrano de Bergerac.

Gabby: The scottish bloke? He's still alive? I thought ....

A.Young: No Gabriel, no. He's an old french actor. Boss are you slowly turning us into a french old boy's club?

Houllier: What!? I'm 'ow you say outraged ... Outraged!

Pires: Outrage!

Depardieu: Outrage!

*There is a knock at the door. Houllier answers it*

Wenger: Gerard ... Gerard .... Robert. So are we ready to party?

Houllier: Not now Arsene.

Wenger: Not now? But I am wearing my party shoes.

*Wenger points to his shiny wingtips as Ashley Young approches*

Houllier: Um ..... Yes goodluck to you in the upcoming match too Mr.Wenger.

Wenger: Match? What is this match you are speaking of? I have not come about a match I am here about ze .....

*Houllier smiles and slams the door*

Wenger: Party..... But ... I have a dance.

*Wenger does a Bruce Forsyth-esque tap dance at the closed door. Finishing with jazz hands then dropping his shoulders and sloping off.*

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