UK time is: 21:02:58
Vital Login
Social Login

Choose your club

Other Sites

Network Navigation

Vital Partners

'If It's Football, It's Vital'

Hercs in the Dressing Room before Man Utd



*We join the lads getting a spirited team talk from Houllier before the Man Utd match*

Houllier: ...Would you be willing to trade all ze days from zis day to zat for un chance, just un chance to come back here and tell our enemies they may take our lives, but zey'll never take ..... Our freedom!!!!

*Houllier punches the air expecting a mighty roar from the lads, but he gets silence.*

Houllier: Freeeeeedom!

*Houllier again gets no reply and looks confused*

Petrov: Boss ... This is the physio room.

Houllier: They physi .... Then why are you all here?

NRC: We're all injured boss.

Houllier: Injured?

Cuellar: Aye bass, more to tha point though, why are ye wearing a kilt?

Houllier: ... I thought it would add to the speech .... Wait a minute ... Why are YOU wearing a kilt?

*Everyone looks at Houllier like he's gone insane*

Cuellar: 'cause I'm Carlos Cuellar.

*Houllier leaves to enter the dressing room speaking as he strolls through the door.*

Houllier: ...So gentlemen I trust we won't show nerves as we did the first half against....

*Houllier scans the empty dressing room seeing Ciaran Clark's head sticking out from behind a chair*

Houllier: Ciaran!

*Clark jumps up visibly shaken*

Clark: y....y...Yes boss?

Houllier: What is ze meaning of zis!?

Clark: We're scared boss .... We've heard that Paul Scholes kicks children.

Houllier: Oh, silly boys come on out all of you.

*Albrighton climbs out of a waste paper bin*

Albrighton: What ... So ...Paul Scholes doesn't kick children?

Houllier: Of course he does. But he is banned from zis match.

*There is a large sigh of relief around the dressing room as the rest of the team climb, slither and crawl from their hiding places.*

Houllier: We have nothing to fear out there and I believe.... Wait who are you two?

Salifou: I'm Moustapha Salifou.

Osbourne: and I'm Moustapha Salifou.

Salifou: You're Isaiah Osbourne! I am Salifou.

Osbourne: Oh .... I thought that...

Houllier: Alright, alright enough of this nonsense, have you any experience of padding a team by sitting on the bench?

Osbourne: Have We! Moustapha wrote the book on sitting on the bench.

*Osbourne holds up a copy of 'Life's a Bench' by M.Salifou*

Salifou: Yeah and Isaiah recorded the audiobook.

*Salifou presses play on a CD player*

CD Player: '....Always, ALWAYS make sure you sit evenly, the last thing you want is a dead cheek at half-time....'




Use your social login to comment on front page articles. Login using you Facebook, Twitter, Google or LinkedIn accounts and have your say!



Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

The Journalist

Writer: Hercs Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Friday November 12 2010

Time: 2:53PM

Your Comments

This, HAS to be the best yet! Hercs, you're a genius mate.
Ruggaboy
Genius !
Stourbridge Villan
Life's a bench, and then you die ...
BobTheBuilder
LOL.
Tr1dent
 

Have Your Say

Log in...
with your social network     OR     with your Vital account

Recent Articles

Vlaar - We Still Need A Win (Saturday April 19 2014)

Lambert Hails Huge Southampton Point (Saturday April 19 2014)

U21 Manchester City Clash Set (Saturday April 19 2014)

Stats: Aston Villa v Southampton (Saturday April 19 2014)

Something For The Weekend (459) (Friday April 18 2014)

Deeney In, Helenius Out? (Thursday April 17 2014)

Lambert Upbeat Ahead Of Saints Clash (Thursday April 17 2014)

Archived Articles

List All Vital Villa Articles
Have your say
Click here to suggest an article
Click here to suggest a poll

Vital Members League (view all)

1. Pride of Lions 904
2. The Fear 777
3. ClivetheVillan 316
4. Barney2004 245
5. Villan57 230
6. Villan Of The North 203
7. tarzan 194
8. sirdennis 192
9. BlackCountry Villa 187
10. Sussex Villan 184

League Results (view all)

League Table (view table)

Team P W D L GD Pts
12. West Ham 35 10 7 18 -10 37
13. Swansea 35 9 9 17 -4 36
14. Hull City 33 10 6 17 -6 36
15. Aston Villa 34 9 8 17 -14 35
16. WBA 33 6 15 12 -11 33
17. Norwich 34 8 8 18 -27 32
18. Cardiff 35 7 9 19 -34 30

Breaking League News

Duo In PFA Nominations
Southampton : 19/04/2014 20:53:00
Pulis - We Don't Get The Credit We Deserve
Crystal Palace : 19/04/2014 20:34:00
Ole - Soft Penalty Galvanised Us
Cardiff : 19/04/2014 20:12:00
The Irony Of It All!
Chelsea : 19/04/2014 19:53:00
Vlaar - We Still Need A Win
Aston Villa : 19/04/2014 19:50:00
Chelsea 1 Sunderland 2
Chelsea : 19/04/2014 19:47:00
Lambert Hails Huge Southampton Point
Aston Villa : 19/04/2014 19:45:00

Current Site Poll (view all polls)

Southampton MotM
Suggested By:  MF
Guzan 7%
Bacuna 0%
Bertrand 4%
Westwood 9%
Vlaar 9%
Baker 0%
El Ahmadi 0%
Delph 0%
Agbonlahor 0%
Albrighton 71%
Weimann 0%
Sub - Holt 0%
Sub - Robinson 0%