Hercs at Match of the Day after the Fulham match

*We join the pundits of MOTD as they discuss the upcoming highlight reel of the Fulham Villa match*

Lineker: Right lads, who's got analysis on the Fulham Aston Villa match?

Hansen: Whoa, whoa, whoa. Astrom Who?

Lineker: Aston Villa.

Hansen: Never heard of them.

Lineker (chuckling): Very funny Alan.

*Hansen is scowling at Lineker*

Linker: Oh... um.... You must have heard of them Alan? They've been around over a hundred years, one of the longest teams in the top flight?

Hansen: No.

*Hansen looks at Shearer who shrugs*

Lineker: So you've not watched the match then?

Hansen: I dinnae need to watch matches any more Gary, I just watch this every week.

*Hansen produces a laptop from behind the sofa, it's playing a video with Ian Rush peeling away in celebration from a goal*

Hansen: Liverpool. The Glory Years.

Lineker: O....K. Alan? Did you watch Aston Villa?

Shearer: Oh aye, I'm still doon with tha' kids like. I love tha JLS. 'Let's just get back togetha we shoulda never broke up..'

Lineker: Alan! Stop that dancing. We're serious BBC sports broadcasters!

Shearer'....Beat Again! It's killin' may!'

Lineker: I mean the football club, not 'Aston' the singer. Stop that, what is it called .... the worm?

*Shearer is doing 'the worm' in the middle of the studio*

Linker: The Premier League trophy is wobbling Alan stop it! Stop it!

Shearer: alreet man alreet. Ya such a spoil sport pet.

Lineker: So I take it I'm the only one who's seen this match then? Right, they fielded alot of players who have progressed through their ranks, quite a triumph really. One of their youngsters Barry Bannan hit a 60-70 yard pass, probably the best assist of the season. So I say we focus on that.

Hansen: Steve Gerrard did you say?

Lineker: No. Bannan.

Hansen: Not interested.

Shearer: Bananaman?

Lineker: No Barry Bannan, he's a kid on the...

Shere: Aye, til he eats a banana, then he's a man. I never got that like....

Lineker: Barry ..... Bannan.

Hansen: Is that the one from that Hulk film?

Lineker: That's Bruce Banner!

Shearer: Oooh I love that film 'Dinnae get me angry, ya wouldna like me when I'm angry like'. He's like you Alan.

*Lineker and Shearer laugh, Hansen lunges at Shearer with fist raised.*

Hansen: I'm nay an angry man! Take it back! TAKE IT BACK!!

Shearer: Alan, put down ya fist man, it was just a jork like.

*Hansen thumps Shearer who slumps to the ground*

Lineker: Good God. Alan... You... You've broken his nose! (to the production crew) Just Roll straight to Wigan! Straight to Wigan!!

Hansen: I dinnae ken what he's complainin' about, ye wouldn't have got a yellow card for that in ma day

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