UK time is: 16:36:02
Vital Login
Social Login

Choose your club

Other Sites

Network Navigation

Vital Partners

'If It's Football, It's Vital'

Hercs in the Dressing Room Post Chelsea



*We join the lads reflecting on their draw with Chelsea, they enter the dressing room to find Heskey face down on a massage table being worked on by two swedish masseurs*

Heskey: Oh, hi lads, I trust you scored no goals?

A.Young: .... No.

Heskey: Well what a surprise.

A.Young: Emile, what exactly is wrong with you?

Heskey: I have 'scorer's back'

Carew: Scorer's back!?

Heskey: I wouldn't expect you of all people to know what that is John.

*Carew growls*

Heskey: being that you don't score goals I mean.

*Heskey begins to choke*

Heskey: um ... Girls, can you ease up on the throat there.

Carew: It's nordic massage!

*the lads all pull Carew from Heskey, Heskey rubs the back of his neck*

Heskey: Dear me, in truth I probably pulled my back carrying the team.

*The lads release Carew. A.Young approaches a crying NRC and rubs his back*

A.Young: Don't worry Nige, no-one out there expects you to score.

NRC: Yeah? Well I guess it was a tough chance, working my way all the way there, then a one on one with Cech at the death...

A.Young: Oh, no Nige, I meant EVER.

Warnock: So ... Guys .... Am I in?

Delph: I don't know man, Sidders what do you reckon?

Sidwell: I suppose of late you have been clocking up the yellow cards ...

Warnock: Yeah, I even fouled Delfouneso out there today, that's got to be worth something?

Delph: Hmmm kicking a youth ....

Sidwell: And our own player at that ... Sure you're in.

*Sidwell puts a line through NRC's name on a board titled 'Hall of Maim' replacing it with Warnock's*

NRC: What!? Come on guys, sure I missed a chance but...

Delph: Where's your card from today Nigel? Huh?

NRC: I didnt get one but I tried my best and...

Sidwell: look Nige, you have a choice, kick people or the ball. You've disappointed us.

*NRC sobs into his shirt*

NRC: Kicked out of the Hall of Maim, This is the worst day of my life! Seriously, it couldn't get worse.

*Houllier enters he is deep in conversation with Duverne*

Houllier: .... Oui, it is very interesting, so what is your favourite french word used in this terrible english language?

Duverne: Eh..... 'Deja Vu' I think.

Houllier: Ah... Mine is 'contretemps'

NRC: Nooooooooooo!




Use your social login to comment on front page articles. Login using you Facebook, Twitter, Google or LinkedIn accounts and have your say!



Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

The Journalist

Writer: Hercs Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Monday October 18 2010

Time: 11:22AM

Your Comments

preferred the pre Chelsea one Hercs... still gotta read every one of these though :-)
Valiant Villan™
Very very good.
revdpete
love how Delph pops up!
The Fear
 

Have Your Say

Log in...
with your social network     OR     with your Vital account

Recent Aston Villa Articles

Robinson Loaned To Preston (Tuesday September 16 2014)

Hutton - I Want To Take This Opportunity (Tuesday September 16 2014)

Bombshell - Hutton Signs Three Year Deal (Tuesday September 16 2014)

Senderos In Team Of The Week Nod (Monday September 15 2014)

Benteke Returns To Full Training (Sunday September 14 2014)

Stats: Liverpool v Aston Villa (Saturday September 13 2014)

Something For The Weekend (465) (Friday September 12 2014)

Lambert On Gabby & Cleverley (Friday September 12 2014)

Archived Aston Villa Articles

List All Vital Villa Articles
Have your say
Click here to suggest an article
Click here to suggest a poll

Vital Members League (view all)

1. ClivetheVillan 441
2. Pride of Lions 438
3. The Fear 411
4. DeanoVilla 195
5. Villan Of The North 194
6. mike_field 190
7. kefkat 179
8. sirdennis 155
9. lewis1980 135
10. Juan Mourep 94

League Results (view all)

League Table (view table)

Team P W D L GD Pts
1. Chelsea 4 4 0 0 +9 12
2. Aston Villa 4 3 1 0 +3 10
3. Swansea 4 3 0 1 +3 9
4. Southampton 4 2 1 1 +5 7
5. Man City 4 2 1 1 +3 7
6. Spurs 4 2 1 1 +2 7
7. Arsenal 4 1 3 0 +1 6

Breaking League News

Something Missing!
» Man Utd : 17/09/2014 13:05:00
Yet More Ronaldo Intrigue!
» Man Utd : 17/09/2014 13:04:00
Everton all set for European challenge
» Everton : 17/09/2014 12:00:00
Everton set to make January move for Deulofeu
» Everton : 17/09/2014 10:45:00
Liverpool: Ludogorets Razgrad Verdict
» Liverpool : 17/09/2014 09:43:00

Current Site Poll (view all polls)

Liverpool MotM
Suggested By:  A very happy MF
Guzan 7%
Senderos 34%
Cissokho 3%
Baker 41%
Hutton 2%
Delph 1%
Cleverley 1%
Westwood 3%
Agbonlahor 7%
Weimann 1%
Richardson 0%
Sub - N'Zogbia 0%
Sub - Sanchez 0%
Sub - Bent 0%