Vital Football

Latest Aston Villa News

Hercs in the Dressing Room Post Chelsea

Hercs in the Dressing Room Post Chelsea



*We join the lads reflecting on their draw with Chelsea, they enter the dressing room to find Heskey face down on a massage table being worked on by two swedish masseurs*

Heskey: Oh, hi lads, I trust you scored no goals?

A.Young: .... No.

Heskey: Well what a surprise.

A.Young: Emile, what exactly is wrong with you?

Heskey: I have 'scorer's back'

Carew: Scorer's back!?

Heskey: I wouldn't expect you of all people to know what that is John.

*Carew growls*

Heskey: being that you don't score goals I mean.

*Heskey begins to choke*

Heskey: um ... Girls, can you ease up on the throat there.

Carew: It's nordic massage!

*the lads all pull Carew from Heskey, Heskey rubs the back of his neck*

Heskey: Dear me, in truth I probably pulled my back carrying the team.

*The lads release Carew. A.Young approaches a crying NRC and rubs his back*

A.Young: Don't worry Nige, no-one out there expects you to score.

NRC: Yeah? Well I guess it was a tough chance, working my way all the way there, then a one on one with Cech at the death...

A.Young: Oh, no Nige, I meant EVER.

Warnock: So ... Guys .... Am I in?

Delph: I don't know man, Sidders what do you reckon?

Sidwell: I suppose of late you have been clocking up the yellow cards ...

Warnock: Yeah, I even fouled Delfouneso out there today, that's got to be worth something?

Delph: Hmmm kicking a youth ....

Sidwell: And our own player at that ... Sure you're in.

*Sidwell puts a line through NRC's name on a board titled 'Hall of Maim' replacing it with Warnock's*

NRC: What!? Come on guys, sure I missed a chance but...

Delph: Where's your card from today Nigel? Huh?

NRC: I didnt get one but I tried my best and...

Sidwell: look Nige, you have a choice, kick people or the ball. You've disappointed us.

*NRC sobs into his shirt*

NRC: Kicked out of the Hall of Maim, This is the worst day of my life! Seriously, it couldn't get worse.

*Houllier enters he is deep in conversation with Duverne*

Houllier: .... Oui, it is very interesting, so what is your favourite french word used in this terrible english language?

Duverne: Eh..... 'Deja Vu' I think.

Houllier: Ah... Mine is 'contretemps'

NRC: Nooooooooooo!



Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

Writer:Hercs
Date:Monday October 18 2010
Time: 11:22AM

Comments

0
preferred the pre Chelsea one Hercs... still gotta read every one of these though :-)
Valiant Villan™
18/10/2010 14:30:00
0
Very very good.
revdpete
18/10/2010 14:40:00
0
love how Delph pops up!
The Fear
19/10/2010 16:47:00
Page 1/1
  1. 1

Login to post a comment

Best of Vital Network

Vital Boxing - Adams Turns Professional

Recent Aston Villa Articles

What Can The Matter Be Ross?

Well this was a little bit of an unexpected turn of events over the weekend...Ross McCormack, a locked gate and disciplinary issues.

Bruce Gives Preston Thoughts

Manager Steve Bruce has mixed reactions following our two all draw with Preston North End last weekend.

New Date For Bristol City

The upcoming Championship game against Bristol City at Villa Park has been moved.

Video Highlights & Post Match Coverage v PNE

Video highlights, select tweets, stats, fan reactions and so much more. Well, not that much more to be fair.

Archived Vital Villa Articles

Vital Villa articles from

Site Journalists

J P Fear
Editor email
Profile
Mike Field
Editor email
Profile
Steve Wade
no email
Profile
Villa_Grizzly
no email
Profile
Turkish Penguin
no email
Profile
Glensider
no email
Profile
Chris Heath
no email
Profile
M Calucar
no email
Profile
JuanPablo Angel
no email
Profile

Current Poll (see more polls)

Player Of January Poll To Follow
Suggested By:
My cup runneth over50%
How very exciting50%
ScoopDragon Publishing Entire League Network of Sites

League Table

# Team P W D L Pts. GD
1 Newcastle 27 19 1 7 58 33
2 Brighton 26 17 6 3 57 24
3 Huddersfield 27 15 4 8 49 2
4 Leeds Utd 27 15 3 9 48 10
5 Reading 26 14 4 8 46 2
6 Sheff Wed 27 13 6 8 45 5
7 Derby County 27 12 7 8 43 6
8 Barnsley 27 12 5 10 41 5
9 Fulham 26 10 10 6 40 13
10 Norwich 27 12 4 11 40 5
11 Preston 27 11 7 9 40 3
12 Birmingham 27 9 10 8 37 -5
13 Aston Villa 27 8 12 7 36 1
14 Ipswich 27 9 7 11 34 -5
15 Brentford 27 9 6 12 33 -1
16 Cardiff 26 9 6 11 33 -9
17 Q.P.R. 27 9 6 12 33 -11
18 Wolves 27 8 8 11 32 -3
19 Forest 27 8 6 13 30 -7
20 Bristol City 27 8 3 16 27 -4
21 Wigan 27 6 7 14 25 -8
22 Burton 27 6 7 14 25 -11
23 Blackburn 27 6 7 14 25 -12
24 Rotherham 27 4 4 19 16 -33
Write for Vital Football
Latest F1 News
Rosberg lacked passion for F1
Latest Vital Boxing News
Adams Turns Professional
The Vital Football Members League

Recent Aston Villa Results (view all)

Aston Villa Fixtures (view all)

Jan 28 2017 3:00PM : Bristol City (H)
Sky Bet Championship
Jan 31 2017 7:45PM : Brentford (a)
Sky Bet Championship
Feb 4 2017 5:30PM : Nottingham Forest (a)
Sky Bet Championship
Feb 11 2017 3:00PM : Ipswich Town (H)
Sky Bet Championship
Feb 14 2017 7:45PM : Barnsley (H)
Sky Bet Championship
Feb 20 2017 8:00PM : Newcastle United (a)
Sky Bet Championship

Vital Members League Table

RankNamePoints
1.The Fear536
2.JuanPabloAngel332
3.Silhillvilla318
4.Fulford301
5.sirdennis283
6.Villan57220
7.Melon Donkey171
8.BodyButter165
9.danvilla2130
10.villasince67127
Vital Football Comment