UK time is: 11:49:55
Vital Login
Social Login

Choose your club

Other Sites

Network Navigation

Vital Partners

'If It's Football, It's Vital'

Hercs in the Dressing Room Post Chelsea



*We join the lads reflecting on their draw with Chelsea, they enter the dressing room to find Heskey face down on a massage table being worked on by two swedish masseurs*

Heskey: Oh, hi lads, I trust you scored no goals?

A.Young: .... No.

Heskey: Well what a surprise.

A.Young: Emile, what exactly is wrong with you?

Heskey: I have 'scorer's back'

Carew: Scorer's back!?

Heskey: I wouldn't expect you of all people to know what that is John.

*Carew growls*

Heskey: being that you don't score goals I mean.

*Heskey begins to choke*

Heskey: um ... Girls, can you ease up on the throat there.

Carew: It's nordic massage!

*the lads all pull Carew from Heskey, Heskey rubs the back of his neck*

Heskey: Dear me, in truth I probably pulled my back carrying the team.

*The lads release Carew. A.Young approaches a crying NRC and rubs his back*

A.Young: Don't worry Nige, no-one out there expects you to score.

NRC: Yeah? Well I guess it was a tough chance, working my way all the way there, then a one on one with Cech at the death...

A.Young: Oh, no Nige, I meant EVER.

Warnock: So ... Guys .... Am I in?

Delph: I don't know man, Sidders what do you reckon?

Sidwell: I suppose of late you have been clocking up the yellow cards ...

Warnock: Yeah, I even fouled Delfouneso out there today, that's got to be worth something?

Delph: Hmmm kicking a youth ....

Sidwell: And our own player at that ... Sure you're in.

*Sidwell puts a line through NRC's name on a board titled 'Hall of Maim' replacing it with Warnock's*

NRC: What!? Come on guys, sure I missed a chance but...

Delph: Where's your card from today Nigel? Huh?

NRC: I didnt get one but I tried my best and...

Sidwell: look Nige, you have a choice, kick people or the ball. You've disappointed us.

*NRC sobs into his shirt*

NRC: Kicked out of the Hall of Maim, This is the worst day of my life! Seriously, it couldn't get worse.

*Houllier enters he is deep in conversation with Duverne*

Houllier: .... Oui, it is very interesting, so what is your favourite french word used in this terrible english language?

Duverne: Eh..... 'Deja Vu' I think.

Houllier: Ah... Mine is 'contretemps'

NRC: Nooooooooooo!




Use your social login to comment on front page articles. Login using you Facebook, Twitter, Google or LinkedIn accounts and have your say!



Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

The Journalist

Writer: Hercs Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Monday October 18 2010

Time: 11:22AM

Your Comments

preferred the pre Chelsea one Hercs... still gotta read every one of these though :-)
Valiant Villan™
Very very good.
revdpete
love how Delph pops up!
The Fear
 

Have Your Say

Log in...
with your social network     OR     with your Vital account

Recent Aston Villa Articles

Lawro v Mystic Mug - Villa v Spurs (Saturday November 1 2014)

Something For The Weekend (470) (Friday October 31 2014)

Tonev Gets Seven Match Ban (Friday October 31 2014)

Steer Returns & Disappears To Yeovil (Friday October 31 2014)

The Villa Times - 31/10/2014 (Friday October 31 2014)

Lambert Out? Or Go Again? (Wednesday October 29 2014)

U21s Gain Wolves Victory (Wednesday October 29 2014)

Archived Aston Villa Articles

List All Vital Villa Articles
Have your say
Click here to suggest an article
Click here to suggest a poll

Vital Members League (view all)

League Results (view all)

League Table (view table)

Team P W D L GD Pts
12. Stoke 9 3 2 4 -2 11
13. WBA 9 2 4 3 -1 10
14. Newcastle 9 2 4 3 -5 10
15. Aston Villa 9 3 1 5 -10 10
16. Crystal Palace 9 2 3 4 -3 9
17. Leicester City 9 2 3 4 -4 9
18. Sunderland 9 1 5 3 -9 8

Breaking League News

Match Day Moments - QPR (h)
» Chelsea : 01/11/2014 09:24:00
Lawro v Mystic Mug - Villa v Spurs
» Aston Villa : 01/11/2014 08:44:00
Gunners Aim at Burnley in No Man`s Land!
» Burnley : 01/11/2014 08:16:00
Everton V Swansea City Match Preview
» Everton : 01/11/2014 08:11:00
Team News: Hull v Southampton
» Hull City : 01/11/2014 08:00:00

Current Site Poll (view all polls)

Villa v Spurs (home) will:
Suggested By:  Mystic Mug
Win 6%
Lose 87%
Draw 7%