Hercs in the Dressing Room Post Chelsea
*We join the lads reflecting on their draw with Chelsea, they enter the dressing room to find Heskey face down on a massage table being worked on by two swedish masseurs*
Heskey: Oh, hi lads, I trust you scored no goals?
A.Young: .... No.
Heskey: Well what a surprise.
A.Young: Emile, what exactly is wrong with you?
Heskey: I have 'scorer's back'
Carew: Scorer's back!?
Heskey: I wouldn't expect you of all people to know what that is John.
Heskey: being that you don't score goals I mean.
*Heskey begins to choke*
Heskey: um ... Girls, can you ease up on the throat there.
Carew: It's nordic massage!
*the lads all pull Carew from Heskey, Heskey rubs the back of his neck*
Heskey: Dear me, in truth I probably pulled my back carrying the team.
*The lads release Carew. A.Young approaches a crying NRC and rubs his back*
A.Young: Don't worry Nige, no-one out there expects you to score.
NRC: Yeah? Well I guess it was a tough chance, working my way all the way there, then a one on one with Cech at the death...
A.Young: Oh, no Nige, I meant EVER.
Warnock: So ... Guys .... Am I in?
Delph: I don't know man, Sidders what do you reckon?
Sidwell: I suppose of late you have been clocking up the yellow cards ...
Warnock: Yeah, I even fouled Delfouneso out there today, that's got to be worth something?
Delph: Hmmm kicking a youth ....
Sidwell: And our own player at that ... Sure you're in.
*Sidwell puts a line through NRC's name on a board titled 'Hall of Maim' replacing it with Warnock's*
NRC: What!? Come on guys, sure I missed a chance but...
Delph: Where's your card from today Nigel? Huh?
NRC: I didnt get one but I tried my best and...
Sidwell: look Nige, you have a choice, kick people or the ball. You've disappointed us.
*NRC sobs into his shirt*
NRC: Kicked out of the Hall of Maim, This is the worst day of my life! Seriously, it couldn't get worse.
*Houllier enters he is deep in conversation with Duverne*
Houllier: .... Oui, it is very interesting, so what is your favourite french word used in this terrible english language?
Duverne: Eh..... 'Deja Vu' I think.
Houllier: Ah... Mine is 'contretemps'