UK time is: 13:07:32
Vital Login
Social Login

Choose your club

Other Sites

Network Navigation

Vital Partners

'If It's Football, It's Vital'

Hercs in The Dressing Room After Spurs

*We join the lads disappointed with the result against Spurs. Heskey enters*

Heskey: Hi guys, sorry I couldn't stick around, had to get to a book signing. You know how it is.

A.Young: Book signing?... You don't even have a book out...

Heskey: I was signing any book Ashley, when your as popular as me that's just how it is. Anyway I trust you all blew the lead I gave you. It does get tiring you know, scoring all the goals.

*Albrighton raises his hand.*

Heskey: Marc? You have a book you want signed? Or perhaps your shirt?

Albrighton: Um... No ... Mr. Heskey.. Um sir... I just wanted to say that it was me who scored the goal and....

Heskey: What!? I think you'll find that my goal bound effort simply deflected off your foot and in. I mean did you see me? I charged down Bassong he dared wrestle me, me! Emile Heskey, can you believe it? So I vanquished the fiend as I do any defender, leaving him broken, in a crumpled heap of ashes and pain, then I duly made my way down the wing with the grace and speed of a gazelle yet with the power and majesty of a lion ....

*Heskey waxes lyrical about his effort for 30 minutes, many of the lads have fallen asleep or are yawning*

Heskey: .... with all the accuracy of a physicist off your tiny frame and in.

Carew: Oh come on Emile, give the lad his due.

Heskey: Due? Due!? The only thing 'due' around here is a goal from one of you other so called 'strikers'. Did you hear what the crowd were chanting today John? 'John Carew, Carew. He's bigger than me and you. He'll probably squander any chance we get, not like Heskey. He's fantastic.'

Carew: What!? That doesn't even rhyme!

Heskey: Poems don't have to rhyme John, I see your knowledge of english literature is about as extensive as your goal scoring ability.

*The Dressing Room erupts with laughter. Carew rolls his eyes. Meanwhile Dunne is hiding with his eyes peeping slightly over a table*

A.Young: Richard .... Are you ... OK?

Dunne: Sssssh! He'll hear you!

A.Young: He who?

Dunne: Van der Vaart ... He's everywhere.

A.Young: Richard the match is over you don't have to ...

*Van der Vaart's head pops out of Young's shirt neck and turns to his face*

VDV: Goedemorgen! Hey Ashley, your shirt is way baggy ja? You may benefit from a tighter fit.

*Ashley Young and Dunne scream*




Use your social login to comment on front page articles. Login using you Facebook, Twitter, Google or LinkedIn accounts and have your say!



Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

The Journalist

Writer: Hercs Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Monday October 4 2010

Time: 12:35PM

Your Comments

Humour in the midlands, whatever next ... good read Hercs agree with paddy should have one of these on each vital team!!!
smashspur
Genius Hercs as always.
P.Avfc
Comedy gold.
judge
pure class as always Hercs!!
Valiant Villan™
 

Have Your Say

Log in...
with your social network     OR     with your Vital account

Recent Aston Villa Articles

Villa Have A Fox In The (Directors) Box (Thursday August 21 2014)

Bennett Makes Loan Move (Wednesday August 20 2014)

Former Villa CEO Linked To Forest (Wednesday August 20 2014)

Arsenal Man Linked As Villa's New CEO (Wednesday August 20 2014)

17th Minute Applause For Two Toon Fans (Wednesday August 20 2014)

U21s - Villa 1 1 Stoke (Tuesday August 19 2014)

Ins and Outs Still For Villa? (Tuesday August 19 2014)

Vlaar In BBC Team Of The Week (Tuesday August 19 2014)

The Villa Times - 18/08/2014 (Monday August 18 2014)

Archived Aston Villa Articles

List All Vital Villa Articles
Have your say
Click here to suggest an article
Click here to suggest a poll

Vital Members League (view all)

1. The Fear 738
2. Pride of Lions 522
3. ClivetheVillan 433
4. Villan Of The North 301
5. Barney2004 235
6. mike_field 201
7. DeanoVilla 197
8. sirdennis 189
9. Juan Mourep 188
10. kefkat 174

League Results (view all)

Latest Results
Stoke 0 - 1 Aston Villa

League Table (view table)

Team P W D L GD Pts
3. Arsenal 1 1 0 0 1 3
4. Liverpool 1 1 0 0 1 3
5. Swansea 1 1 0 0 1 3
6. Aston Villa 1 1 0 0 1 3
7. Hull City 1 1 0 0 1 3
8. Spurs 1 1 0 0 1 3
9. Everton 1 0 1 0 0 1

Breaking League News

Liam Sweeney Funeral Attended By Many
» Newcastle : 21/08/2014 13:06:00
Should Amat Keep Place Despite Fernandez Signing?
» Swansea : 21/08/2014 13:00:00
Villa Have A Fox In The (Directors) Box
» Aston Villa : 21/08/2014 12:53:00
Nani Loaned to Sporting Lisbon!
» Man Utd : 21/08/2014 12:52:00
Not Us?
» Man Utd : 21/08/2014 12:51:00

Current Site Poll (view all polls)

Aston Villa v Newcastle (home) will:
Suggested By:  Mystic Mug
Win 54%
Lose 16%
Draw 30%