UK time is: 07:53:44
Vital Login
Social Login

Choose your club

Other Sites

Network Navigation

Vital Partners

'If It's Football, It's Vital'

Hercs in The Dressing Room After Spurs

*We join the lads disappointed with the result against Spurs. Heskey enters*

Heskey: Hi guys, sorry I couldn't stick around, had to get to a book signing. You know how it is.

A.Young: Book signing?... You don't even have a book out...

Heskey: I was signing any book Ashley, when your as popular as me that's just how it is. Anyway I trust you all blew the lead I gave you. It does get tiring you know, scoring all the goals.

*Albrighton raises his hand.*

Heskey: Marc? You have a book you want signed? Or perhaps your shirt?

Albrighton: Um... No ... Mr. Heskey.. Um sir... I just wanted to say that it was me who scored the goal and....

Heskey: What!? I think you'll find that my goal bound effort simply deflected off your foot and in. I mean did you see me? I charged down Bassong he dared wrestle me, me! Emile Heskey, can you believe it? So I vanquished the fiend as I do any defender, leaving him broken, in a crumpled heap of ashes and pain, then I duly made my way down the wing with the grace and speed of a gazelle yet with the power and majesty of a lion ....

*Heskey waxes lyrical about his effort for 30 minutes, many of the lads have fallen asleep or are yawning*

Heskey: .... with all the accuracy of a physicist off your tiny frame and in.

Carew: Oh come on Emile, give the lad his due.

Heskey: Due? Due!? The only thing 'due' around here is a goal from one of you other so called 'strikers'. Did you hear what the crowd were chanting today John? 'John Carew, Carew. He's bigger than me and you. He'll probably squander any chance we get, not like Heskey. He's fantastic.'

Carew: What!? That doesn't even rhyme!

Heskey: Poems don't have to rhyme John, I see your knowledge of english literature is about as extensive as your goal scoring ability.

*The Dressing Room erupts with laughter. Carew rolls his eyes. Meanwhile Dunne is hiding with his eyes peeping slightly over a table*

A.Young: Richard .... Are you ... OK?

Dunne: Sssssh! He'll hear you!

A.Young: He who?

Dunne: Van der Vaart ... He's everywhere.

A.Young: Richard the match is over you don't have to ...

*Van der Vaart's head pops out of Young's shirt neck and turns to his face*

VDV: Goedemorgen! Hey Ashley, your shirt is way baggy ja? You may benefit from a tighter fit.

*Ashley Young and Dunne scream*




Use your social login to comment on front page articles. Login using you Facebook, Twitter, Google or LinkedIn accounts and have your say!



Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

The Journalist

Writer: Hercs Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Monday October 4 2010

Time: 12:35PM

Your Comments

Humour in the midlands, whatever next ... good read Hercs agree with paddy should have one of these on each vital team!!!
smashspur
Genius Hercs as always.
P.Avfc
Comedy gold.
judge
pure class as always Hercs!!
Valiant Villan™
 

Have Your Say

Log in...
with your social network     OR     with your Vital account

Recent Aston Villa Articles

Villa's Dealings Done? (Monday September 1 2014)

Canales Bid Made? (Monday September 1 2014)

The Villa Times - 01/09/2014 (Monday September 1 2014)

Ron Vlaar Going NOWHERE - Concrete News (Monday September 1 2014)

Dreams Come True At Villa Park (Monday September 1 2014)

Man Of The Match - Villa v Hull (Monday September 1 2014)

Transfer Deadline Day Live Blog (Monday September 1 2014)

Archived Aston Villa Articles

List All Vital Villa Articles
Have your say
Click here to suggest an article
Click here to suggest a poll

Vital Members League (view all)

1. The Fear 47
2. Pride of Lions 39
3. DeanoVilla 35
4. Fulford 26
5. david-avfc 25
6. sirdennis 21
7. Bonker 17
8. littleburtonvilla 16
9. Villan57 16
10. MiniCooper 15

League Results (view all)

Latest Results
Aston Villa 2 - 1 Hull City
Aston Villa 0 - 0 Newcastle
Stoke 0 - 1 Aston Villa

League Table (view table)

Team P W D L GD Pts
1. Chelsea 3 3 0 0 +7 9
2. Swansea 3 3 0 0 +5 9
3. Aston Villa 3 2 1 0 +2 7
4. Man City 3 2 0 1 +3 6
5. Liverpool 3 2 0 1 +2 6
6. Spurs 3 2 0 1 +2 6
7. Arsenal 3 1 2 0 +1 5

Breaking League News

Eleventh Hour Burnley Keane To Make It Three!
» Burnley : 02/09/2014 07:52:00
Hernandez Gets His Dream Move
» Man Utd : 02/09/2014 07:40:00
So How Was It For You?
» Man Utd : 02/09/2014 07:34:00
That Falcao Deal?
» Man Utd : 02/09/2014 07:33:00
Merlin`s Puzzled!
» Chelsea : 02/09/2014 07:20:00

Current Site Poll (view all polls)

Villa Player Of Month (August)
Suggested By:  JP Fear
Guzan 8%
Cissokho 21%
Hutton 51%
Senderos 3%
Vlaar 2%
Delph 2%
Richardson 1%
Westwood 1%
Sanchez 0%
N'Zogbia 0%
Bent 0%
Grealish 3%
Agbonlahor 6%
Weimann 2%