Vital Football

Latest Aston Villa News

Hercs in The Dressing Room After Spurs

Hercs in The Dressing Room After Spurs

*We join the lads disappointed with the result against Spurs. Heskey enters*

Heskey: Hi guys, sorry I couldn't stick around, had to get to a book signing. You know how it is.

A.Young: Book signing?... You don't even have a book out...

Heskey: I was signing any book Ashley, when your as popular as me that's just how it is. Anyway I trust you all blew the lead I gave you. It does get tiring you know, scoring all the goals.

*Albrighton raises his hand.*

Heskey: Marc? You have a book you want signed? Or perhaps your shirt?

Albrighton: Um... No ... Mr. Heskey.. Um sir... I just wanted to say that it was me who scored the goal and....

Heskey: What!? I think you'll find that my goal bound effort simply deflected off your foot and in. I mean did you see me? I charged down Bassong he dared wrestle me, me! Emile Heskey, can you believe it? So I vanquished the fiend as I do any defender, leaving him broken, in a crumpled heap of ashes and pain, then I duly made my way down the wing with the grace and speed of a gazelle yet with the power and majesty of a lion ....

*Heskey waxes lyrical about his effort for 30 minutes, many of the lads have fallen asleep or are yawning*

Heskey: .... with all the accuracy of a physicist off your tiny frame and in.

Carew: Oh come on Emile, give the lad his due.

Heskey: Due? Due!? The only thing 'due' around here is a goal from one of you other so called 'strikers'. Did you hear what the crowd were chanting today John? 'John Carew, Carew. He's bigger than me and you. He'll probably squander any chance we get, not like Heskey. He's fantastic.'

Carew: What!? That doesn't even rhyme!

Heskey: Poems don't have to rhyme John, I see your knowledge of english literature is about as extensive as your goal scoring ability.

*The Dressing Room erupts with laughter. Carew rolls his eyes. Meanwhile Dunne is hiding with his eyes peeping slightly over a table*

A.Young: Richard .... Are you ... OK?

Dunne: Sssssh! He'll hear you!

A.Young: He who?

Dunne: Van der Vaart ... He's everywhere.

A.Young: Richard the match is over you don't have to ...

*Van der Vaart's head pops out of Young's shirt neck and turns to his face*

VDV: Goedemorgen! Hey Ashley, your shirt is way baggy ja? You may benefit from a tighter fit.

*Ashley Young and Dunne scream*



Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

Writer:Hercs
Date:Monday October 4 2010
Time: 12:35PM

Comments

0
Humour in the midlands, whatever next ... good read Hercs agree with paddy should have one of these on each vital team!!!
smashspur
04/10/2010 15:46:00
0
Genius Hercs as always.
P.Avfc
04/10/2010 18:42:00
0
Comedy gold.
judge
05/10/2010 06:22:00
0
pure class as always Hercs!!
Valiant Villan™
05/10/2010 10:09:00
Page 1/1
  1. 1

Login to post a comment

Recent Aston Villa Articles

A Perfect Pitch - Aston Villa Winners

See, Villa do win things!

The Vital Villa Man Of The Match - Villa v Blues

The poll results, man of the match, Villa v Blues.

EFL Grounds Team Winners 2016/17

The Football League have this afternoon announced the divisional winners and runners up in this...

Jedinak Wants Improvement

Midfielder Mile Jedinak knows Aston Villa have to improve in the season of 2017/18 if we are to win promotion back to the Premier League.

Archived Vital Villa Articles

Vital Villa articles from

Site Journalists

J P Fear
Editor email
Profile
Mike Field
Editor email
Profile
Steve Wade
no email
Profile
Villa_Grizzly
no email
Profile
Turkish Penguin
no email
Profile
Glensider
no email
Profile
Chris Heath
no email
Profile
M Calucar
no email
Profile
JuanPablo Angel
no email
Profile

Current Poll (see more polls)

Aston Villa v Blackburn (away) will:
Suggested By: Mystic Mug
Win33%
Lose31%
Draw36%
ScoopDragon Publishing Entire League Network of Sites

League Table

# Team P W D L Pts. GD
P Brighton 44 28 8 8 92 35
P Newcastle 44 27 7 10 88 40
3 Huddersfield 44 25 6 13 81 3
4 Reading 44 24 7 13 79 1
5 Sheff Wed 44 23 9 12 78 15
6 Fulham 44 21 13 10 76 27
7 Leeds Utd 44 22 7 15 73 14
8 Norwich 44 19 9 16 66 12
9 Brentford 44 18 9 17 63 12
10 Derby County 44 17 12 15 63 2
11 Preston 44 16 13 15 61 2
12 Aston Villa 44 16 13 15 61 0
13 Cardiff 44 16 11 17 59 -2
14 Barnsley 44 15 12 17 57 0
15 Wolves 44 15 10 19 55 -3
16 Ipswich 44 13 16 15 55 -6
17 Bristol City 44 14 9 21 51 -6
18 Burton 44 13 12 19 51 -12
19 Q.P.R. 44 14 8 22 50 -12
20 Forest 44 13 9 22 48 -11
21 Birmingham 44 11 14 19 47 -22
22 Blackburn 44 10 15 19 45 -15
23 Wigan 44 10 11 23 41 -16
R Rotherham 44 5 6 33 21 -58
The Vital Football Members League
Latest F1 News
Wehrlein reveals severity of neck injury
Latest Vital Boxing News
Roach Impressed with Quigg’s Preparations
Vital Football Comment

Recent Aston Villa Results (view all)

Aston Villa Fixtures (view all)

Apr 29 2017 3:00PM : Blackburn Rovers (a)
Sky Bet Championship
May 7 2017 12:00PM : Brighton & Hove Albion (H)
Sky Bet Championship

Vital Members League Table

RankNamePoints
1.JuanPabloAngel369
2.Pride of Lions343
3.sirdennis277
4.The Fear244
5.Silhillvilla201
6.Melon Donkey171
7.HeathfieldRoad1874169
8.kefkat156
9.Sasquatch141
10.BodyButter110
Write for Vital Football