Vital Football

Latest Aston Villa News

Hercs in The Dressing Room After Spurs

Hercs in The Dressing Room After Spurs

*We join the lads disappointed with the result against Spurs. Heskey enters*

Heskey: Hi guys, sorry I couldn't stick around, had to get to a book signing. You know how it is.

A.Young: Book signing?... You don't even have a book out...

Heskey: I was signing any book Ashley, when your as popular as me that's just how it is. Anyway I trust you all blew the lead I gave you. It does get tiring you know, scoring all the goals.

*Albrighton raises his hand.*

Heskey: Marc? You have a book you want signed? Or perhaps your shirt?

Albrighton: Um... No ... Mr. Heskey.. Um sir... I just wanted to say that it was me who scored the goal and....

Heskey: What!? I think you'll find that my goal bound effort simply deflected off your foot and in. I mean did you see me? I charged down Bassong he dared wrestle me, me! Emile Heskey, can you believe it? So I vanquished the fiend as I do any defender, leaving him broken, in a crumpled heap of ashes and pain, then I duly made my way down the wing with the grace and speed of a gazelle yet with the power and majesty of a lion ....

*Heskey waxes lyrical about his effort for 30 minutes, many of the lads have fallen asleep or are yawning*

Heskey: .... with all the accuracy of a physicist off your tiny frame and in.

Carew: Oh come on Emile, give the lad his due.

Heskey: Due? Due!? The only thing 'due' around here is a goal from one of you other so called 'strikers'. Did you hear what the crowd were chanting today John? 'John Carew, Carew. He's bigger than me and you. He'll probably squander any chance we get, not like Heskey. He's fantastic.'

Carew: What!? That doesn't even rhyme!

Heskey: Poems don't have to rhyme John, I see your knowledge of english literature is about as extensive as your goal scoring ability.

*The Dressing Room erupts with laughter. Carew rolls his eyes. Meanwhile Dunne is hiding with his eyes peeping slightly over a table*

A.Young: Richard .... Are you ... OK?

Dunne: Sssssh! He'll hear you!

A.Young: He who?

Dunne: Van der Vaart ... He's everywhere.

A.Young: Richard the match is over you don't have to ...

*Van der Vaart's head pops out of Young's shirt neck and turns to his face*

VDV: Goedemorgen! Hey Ashley, your shirt is way baggy ja? You may benefit from a tighter fit.

*Ashley Young and Dunne scream*



Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

Writer:Hercs
Date:Monday October 4 2010
Time: 12:35PM

Comments

0
Humour in the midlands, whatever next ... good read Hercs agree with paddy should have one of these on each vital team!!!
smashspur
04/10/2010 15:46:00
0
Genius Hercs as always.
P.Avfc
04/10/2010 18:42:00
0
Comedy gold.
judge
05/10/2010 06:22:00
0
pure class as always Hercs!!
Valiant Villan™
05/10/2010 10:09:00
Page 1/1
  1. 1

Login to post a comment

Recent Aston Villa Articles

Bruce Isn't The Only One To Be Angry At Lack Of Basics

Steve Bruce is taking the team back to basics in training this week. Disgraceful they should have to be told isn't it?

The Latest Aston Villa Transfer Talk. Anyone Coming?

The latest round up of transfer talk for Aston Villa. Less talk and more players on the pitch would be nice !

Player Leaves Villa - If Only They Arrived As Quickly

Another player departing, this time Aly out on loan. If only we got players IN as quickly.

The Villa Times - 16/01/2017 (Aston Villa News Round-up)

The latest news and views on Aston Villa via the uno fish ial one...

Archived Vital Villa Articles

Vital Villa articles from

Site Journalists

J P Fear
Editor email
Profile
Mike Field
Editor email
Profile
Steve Wade
no email
Profile
Villa_Grizzly
no email
Profile
Turkish Penguin
no email
Profile
Glensider
no email
Profile
Chris Heath
no email
Profile
M Calucar
no email
Profile
JuanPablo Angel
no email
Profile

Current Poll (see more polls)

Play offs?
Suggested By: JP Fear
No chance74%
Yes4%
Still depends on signings22%
ScoopDragon Publishing Entire League Network of Sites

League Table

# Team P W D L Pts. GD
1 Newcastle 26 18 1 7 55 29
2 Brighton 25 16 6 3 54 23
3 Leeds Utd 26 15 3 8 48 11
4 Reading 25 14 4 7 46 3
5 Huddersfield 26 14 4 8 46 0
6 Sheff Wed 26 13 6 7 45 6
7 Derby County 26 11 7 8 40 5
8 Fulham 25 10 9 6 39 13
9 Preston 26 11 6 9 39 3
10 Barnsley 26 11 5 10 38 4
11 Norwich 26 11 4 11 37 3
12 Birmingham 26 9 9 8 36 -5
13 Aston Villa 26 8 11 7 35 1
14 Ipswich 26 9 7 10 34 -3
15 Brentford 26 9 6 11 33 0
16 Wolves 26 8 8 10 32 -1
17 Q.P.R. 26 9 5 12 32 -11
18 Cardiff 25 8 6 11 30 -10
19 Bristol City 26 8 3 15 27 -3
20 Forest 26 7 6 13 27 -8
21 Burton 26 6 7 13 25 -10
22 Blackburn 26 6 6 14 24 -12
23 Wigan 26 5 7 14 22 -9
24 Rotherham 26 4 4 18 16 -29
Write for Vital Football
Latest F1 News
Bottas announcement expected
Latest Vital Boxing News
Jack Re-Match for DeGale at Light-Heavyweight?
The Vital Football Members League

Recent Aston Villa Results (view all)

Aston Villa Fixtures (view all)

Jan 21 2017 3:00PM : Preston North End (H)
Sky Bet Championship
Jan 28 2017 3:00PM : Bristol City (H)
Sky Bet Championship
Jan 31 2017 7:45PM : Brentford (a)
Sky Bet Championship
Feb 4 2017 5:30PM : Nottingham Forest (a)
Sky Bet Championship
Feb 11 2017 3:00PM : Ipswich Town (H)
Sky Bet Championship
Feb 14 2017 7:45PM : Barnsley (H)
Sky Bet Championship

Vital Members League Table

RankNamePoints
1.The Fear400
2.JuanPabloAngel277
3.Silhillvilla241
4.sirdennis203
5.Fulford200
6.Villan57172
7.Melon Donkey124
8.BodyButter100
9.danvilla285
10.kefkat82
Vital Football Comment