Aston Villa - Hercs in The Dressing Room After Spurs
UK time is: 13:10:11
Vital Login
Social Login

Choose your club

Other Sites

Network Navigation

Vital Partners

'If It's Football, It's Vital'

Hercs in The Dressing Room After Spurs

*We join the lads disappointed with the result against Spurs. Heskey enters*

Heskey: Hi guys, sorry I couldn't stick around, had to get to a book signing. You know how it is.

A.Young: Book signing?... You don't even have a book out...

Heskey: I was signing any book Ashley, when your as popular as me that's just how it is. Anyway I trust you all blew the lead I gave you. It does get tiring you know, scoring all the goals.

*Albrighton raises his hand.*

Heskey: Marc? You have a book you want signed? Or perhaps your shirt?

Albrighton: Um... No ... Mr. Heskey.. Um sir... I just wanted to say that it was me who scored the goal and....

Heskey: What!? I think you'll find that my goal bound effort simply deflected off your foot and in. I mean did you see me? I charged down Bassong he dared wrestle me, me! Emile Heskey, can you believe it? So I vanquished the fiend as I do any defender, leaving him broken, in a crumpled heap of ashes and pain, then I duly made my way down the wing with the grace and speed of a gazelle yet with the power and majesty of a lion ....

*Heskey waxes lyrical about his effort for 30 minutes, many of the lads have fallen asleep or are yawning*

Heskey: .... with all the accuracy of a physicist off your tiny frame and in.

Carew: Oh come on Emile, give the lad his due.

Heskey: Due? Due!? The only thing 'due' around here is a goal from one of you other so called 'strikers'. Did you hear what the crowd were chanting today John? 'John Carew, Carew. He's bigger than me and you. He'll probably squander any chance we get, not like Heskey. He's fantastic.'

Carew: What!? That doesn't even rhyme!

Heskey: Poems don't have to rhyme John, I see your knowledge of english literature is about as extensive as your goal scoring ability.

*The Dressing Room erupts with laughter. Carew rolls his eyes. Meanwhile Dunne is hiding with his eyes peeping slightly over a table*

A.Young: Richard .... Are you ... OK?

Dunne: Sssssh! He'll hear you!

A.Young: He who?

Dunne: Van der Vaart ... He's everywhere.

A.Young: Richard the match is over you don't have to ...

*Van der Vaart's head pops out of Young's shirt neck and turns to his face*

VDV: Goedemorgen! Hey Ashley, your shirt is way baggy ja? You may benefit from a tighter fit.

*Ashley Young and Dunne scream*




Use your social login to comment on front page articles. Login using you Facebook, Twitter, Google or LinkedIn accounts and have your say!



Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

The Journalist

Writer: Hercs Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Monday October 4 2010

Time: 12:35PM

Your Comments (oldest first)

Change to most recent first
Humour in the midlands, whatever next ... good read Hercs agree with paddy should have one of these on each vital team!!!
smashspur
Report Abuse
04/10/2010 15:46:00

Genius Hercs as always.
P.Avfc
Report Abuse
04/10/2010 18:42:00

Comedy gold.
judge
Report Abuse
05/10/2010 06:22:00

pure class as always Hercs!!
Valiant Villan™
Report Abuse
05/10/2010 10:09:00

 

Have Your Say

Log in...
with your social network     OR     with your Vital account

Recent Aston Villa Articles

Blackburn Striker Set For Medical? (Thursday July 30 2015)

U21s - Tamworth 3-0 Villa (Thursday July 30 2015)

Audio - Gray's Adebayor Concern (Wednesday July 29 2015)

Adebayor - Now Berbatov - And Baker (Wednesday July 29 2015)

Tamworth Trip Tonight (Wednesday July 29 2015)

Crespo Talks Fish & Chips (Wednesday July 29 2015)

Kozak Brace Almost Sinks Wolves (Wednesday July 29 2015)

Archived Aston Villa Articles

List All Vital Villa Articles
Have your say
Click here to suggest an article
Click here to suggest a poll
ScoopDragon Premier League Network Sites

Vital Members League (view all)

1. ClivetheVillan 1492
2. Pride of Lions 1486
3. The Fear 565
4. DeanoVilla 384
5. Fulford 308
6. kefkat 290
7. sirdennis 262
8. Bonker 259
9. villawill 212
10. Thomas Holte 206

League Results (view all)

Latest Results

League Table (view table)

Team P W D L GD Pts
1. AFC Bournemouth 0 0 0 0 +0 0
2. Arsenal 0 0 0 0 +0 0
3. Aston Villa 0 0 0 0 +0 0
4. Chelsea 0 0 0 0 +0 0
5. Crystal Palace 0 0 0 0 +0 0
6. Everton 0 0 0 0 +0 0
7. Leicester City 0 0 0 0 +0 0

Aston Villa Fixtures (view all)

Breaking League News

Gokhan Inler-Coming?
» Leicester City : 30/07/2015 12:57:00
Out of Character?
» Chelsea : 30/07/2015 12:54:00
Friendly - Rotherham 1-2 Leicester
» Leicester City : 30/07/2015 12:46:01
Binnom-Williams Heads To Burton
» Crystal Palace : 30/07/2015 12:26:00
Wilson`s staying at Bournemouth
» West Ham : 30/07/2015 12:22:00

Current Site Poll (view all polls)

Would you like Ashley Young back at Villa?
Suggested By:  JP Fear
Yes 67%
No 33%