Vital Football

Latest Aston Villa News

Hercs in The Dressing Room After Spurs

Hercs in The Dressing Room After Spurs

*We join the lads disappointed with the result against Spurs. Heskey enters*

Heskey: Hi guys, sorry I couldn't stick around, had to get to a book signing. You know how it is.

A.Young: Book signing?... You don't even have a book out...

Heskey: I was signing any book Ashley, when your as popular as me that's just how it is. Anyway I trust you all blew the lead I gave you. It does get tiring you know, scoring all the goals.

*Albrighton raises his hand.*

Heskey: Marc? You have a book you want signed? Or perhaps your shirt?

Albrighton: Um... No ... Mr. Heskey.. Um sir... I just wanted to say that it was me who scored the goal and....

Heskey: What!? I think you'll find that my goal bound effort simply deflected off your foot and in. I mean did you see me? I charged down Bassong he dared wrestle me, me! Emile Heskey, can you believe it? So I vanquished the fiend as I do any defender, leaving him broken, in a crumpled heap of ashes and pain, then I duly made my way down the wing with the grace and speed of a gazelle yet with the power and majesty of a lion ....

*Heskey waxes lyrical about his effort for 30 minutes, many of the lads have fallen asleep or are yawning*

Heskey: .... with all the accuracy of a physicist off your tiny frame and in.

Carew: Oh come on Emile, give the lad his due.

Heskey: Due? Due!? The only thing 'due' around here is a goal from one of you other so called 'strikers'. Did you hear what the crowd were chanting today John? 'John Carew, Carew. He's bigger than me and you. He'll probably squander any chance we get, not like Heskey. He's fantastic.'

Carew: What!? That doesn't even rhyme!

Heskey: Poems don't have to rhyme John, I see your knowledge of english literature is about as extensive as your goal scoring ability.

*The Dressing Room erupts with laughter. Carew rolls his eyes. Meanwhile Dunne is hiding with his eyes peeping slightly over a table*

A.Young: Richard .... Are you ... OK?

Dunne: Sssssh! He'll hear you!

A.Young: He who?

Dunne: Van der Vaart ... He's everywhere.

A.Young: Richard the match is over you don't have to ...

*Van der Vaart's head pops out of Young's shirt neck and turns to his face*

VDV: Goedemorgen! Hey Ashley, your shirt is way baggy ja? You may benefit from a tighter fit.

*Ashley Young and Dunne scream*



Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

Writer:Hercs
Date:Monday October 4 2010
Time: 12:35PM

Best of Vital Network

Vital Boxing - Conor Benn Wins on Points

Comments

0
Humour in the midlands, whatever next ... good read Hercs agree with paddy should have one of these on each vital team!!!
smashspur
04/10/2010 15:46:00
0
Genius Hercs as always.
P.Avfc
04/10/2010 18:42:00
0
Comedy gold.
judge
05/10/2010 06:22:00
0
pure class as always Hercs!!
Valiant Villan™
05/10/2010 10:09:00
Page 1/1
  1. 1

Login to post a comment

Recent Aston Villa Articles

VIDEO - Highlights of Aston Villa v Newcastle United

As the title says, video highlights of AVFC v NUFC !

Aston Villa Fans Reactions To Newcastle Utd Match

Numerous reactions from Aston Villa fans for the Villa v Newcastle United match

What A Bizarre Match - Aston Villa v Newcastle Utd

What a bizarre match!

Audio - Di Matteo Credits Villa Fightback

Manager Roberto Di Matteo has been giving his thoughts following today's draw with fellow relegated Newcastle United.

Archived Vital Villa Articles

Vital Villa articles from

Site Journalists

J P Fear
Editor email
Profile
Mike Field
Editor email
Profile
Steve Wade
no email
Profile
Villa_Grizzly
no email
Profile
Turkish Penguin
no email
Profile
Glensider
no email
Profile
Chris Heath
no email
Profile
M Calucar
no email
Profile
JuanPablo Angel
no email
Profile

Current Poll (see more polls)

Newcastle MotM
Suggested By: Site Staff
Gollini10%
Chester0%
Elphick2%
Baker0%
Adomah0%
Westwood2%
Jedinak2%
Amavi1%
Bacuna1%
Kodjia34%
Ayew28%
Sub - Tshibola17%
Sub - Gestede0%
Sub - Hepburn-Murphy3%
ScoopDragon Publishing Entire League Network of Sites

League Table

# Team P W D L Pts. GD
1 Norwich 9 6 2 1 20 6
2 Huddersfield 9 6 1 2 19 4
3 Brighton 9 5 2 2 17 6
4 Reading 9 5 2 2 17 0
5 Newcastle 9 5 1 3 16 10
6 Birmingham 9 4 4 1 16 4
7 Barnsley 9 5 0 4 15 6
8 Wolves 9 4 3 2 15 3
9 Brentford 9 4 2 3 14 6
10 Bristol City 9 4 2 3 14 5
11 Sheff Wed 9 4 2 3 14 -1
12 Leeds Utd 9 4 1 4 13 -1
13 Fulham 9 3 4 2 13 -2
14 Ipswich 9 3 3 3 12 0
15 Forest 9 3 2 4 11 -2
16 Q.P.R. 9 3 2 4 11 -4
17 Aston Villa 9 1 6 2 9 0
18 Burton 9 2 3 4 9 -2
19 Preston 9 3 0 6 9 -4
20 Blackburn 9 2 2 5 8 -6
21 Cardiff 9 2 2 5 8 -7
22 Derby County 9 1 3 5 6 -6
23 Rotherham 9 1 3 5 6 -12
24 Wigan 9 1 2 6 5 -3
Vital Football Comment
Latest F1 News
Gutierrez considering options away from Haas
Latest Vital Boxing News
Burton Registers another Win
Write for Vital Football

Recent Aston Villa Results (view all)

Aston Villa Fixtures (view all)

Sep 27 2016 7:45PM : Barnsley (a)
Sky Bet Championship
Oct 1 2016 3:00PM : Preston North End (a)
Sky Bet Championship
Oct 15 2016 5:30PM : Wolverhampton Wanderers (H)
Sky Bet Championship
Oct 18 2016 8:00PM : Reading (a)
Sky Bet Championship
Oct 22 2016 3:00PM : Fulham (H)
Sky Bet Championship
Oct 30 2016 12:00PM : Birmingham City (a)
Sky Bet Championship

Vital Members League Table

RankNamePoints
1.The Fear548
2.glensider335
3.sirdennis310
4.Fulford264
5.Silhillvilla216
6.Melon Donkey196
7.kefkat165
8.JuanPabloAngel135
9.villasince67129
10.DeanoVilla119
The Vital Football Members League