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'If It's Football, It's Vital'

Hercs in The Dressing Room Pre Spurs



*We join the lads preparing for Spurs, Houllier enters*

Houllier: Bonjour ma deja vus

*the lads look at each other, Houllier stops in shock as he eyes NRC, Sidwell and Delph at a table*

Houllier: What is zis!? I will not have gambling in ze dressing room!

NRC: Oh, don't worry boss, it's just a bit of 'Go Fish' and we're not using money...

*Houllier takes Delph's hand of cards off him and examines them*

Houllier: And ... These ... zey are .... FIFA Yellow cards?

Sidwell: Yeah, we added the suits and numbers ourselves.

*they all grin proudly*

Houllier: You have amassed an 'ole deck of yellow playing cards between you!?

Delph: No.

*Houllier sighs with relief*

NRC: Two.

Delph: Well, with no jokers.

*NRC waves the unopened other box of cards*

Houllier: Mon Dieu, zis is terrible!

Sidwell: Not really, I mean most standard games don't use jokers anyway and.....

Houllier: Non! Zat you 'ave zis number of cards!

NRC: Yeah well, we were thinking of springing for another one but we thought three decks would just encourage cheating so...

Houllier: Non zere are too many!

NRC: Oh....

Delph: Too many? But how would you remember you've played a match if you don't get a yellow card?

Houllier: With your memory Fabian.

Delph: Oh yeah, hadn't really thought about it like that.

Sidwell: Hang on, are you saying you can actually play a match and NOT get a yellow card?

Houllier: Yes... Well, no, not for you Steve but for most players zis is possible.

Heskey: Am I getting the goals in today as per boss?

Houllier: Oui Emile.

Heskey: Good, I've been working on a few celebrations, what do you think of this one?

*Heskey pulls a rubber Carew mask from his shorts and lifts his shirt to reveal the word 'Finally!' on his vest.*

Heskey: See what I did ther John? I made it look like YOU scored for once.

*Carew seethes*

Heskey: Whoa now John .... You wouldn't punch yourself in the face would you?

*minutes later*

Paramedic: We're losing him!




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The Journalist

Writer: Hercs Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Friday October 1 2010

Time: 12:41PM

Your Comments

*Heskey pulls a rubber Carew mask from his shorts and lifts his shirt to reveal the word 'Finally!' on his vest.* priceless
intox
Can you get those masks in the club shop?
Villa b
Yes Villa b, but they're unavailable most the time then half the time they are there they don't look right.
Hercs
Superb as ever mate.
revdpete
Another good 'un Hercs. Looking forward to the dressing room after the Tottenham game article, following another three pointer for the claret and blues.
glensider
a laugh a second, thanks Hercs
Charizma
 

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