UK time is: 08:06:04
Vital Login
Social Login

Choose your club

Other Sites

Network Navigation

Vital Partners

'If It's Football, It's Vital'

Hercs in The Dressing Room Post Wolves

*We join the lads celebrating their victory over Wolves. Warnock enters he's wearing a bandana with the japanese 'rising sun' on*

Warnock: Woooooy Yaaaaaah!

*Warnock fly kicks Sidwell in the thigh*

Sidwell: Yeeeaaaaargh! Boss tell him!

*Warnock stands in a karate stance and peers left and right*

Houllier: OK, OK Stephen zis is enough.

Warnock: Hiii Yah!

*Warnock karate chops Cuellar on the shoulder with all his force, Cuellar doesn't flinch*

Houllier: Enough!

Warnock: Oh ... Sorry boss, you know what it's like when you get in the zone.

*Warnock removes his bandana*

Warnock: Enoch Powell! Beverley Knight! Jas Mann from Babylon Zoo! half built bus depot! Your boys just took one hell of a beating!

*The dressing room erupts with laughter, Heskey enters, he's wearing Elton John-esque sunglasses*

Heskey: Greeting peasants! I trust you non-goalscorers enjoyed the game?

*Heskey edges off his driving gloves*

A.Young: Emile, do you not think you're letting it get to your head a bit? I mean where did you even get a full length mink coat between the pitch and here?

Heskey: Oh Mr.Young, nice to see you there. Shame you couldn't play today...

A.Young: Couldn't?.... I did play.

Heskey: Oh, I'm sorry. I just didn't see your name on the scoresheet!

*Heskey presents an A3 poster of the scoreline and scorers*

A.Young: The score .... There's more to my game than goals, I win the ball, flick it on, make the plays...

Heskey: Pah! Like anyone cares about all that. Goals is where it's at, ain't that the truth Gabby?

Gabby: Well ... I do like goals.

Heskey: John?

Carew: I suppose.

Heskey: Sorry John? Speak up I couldn't hear you over your embarrassing lack of goals this season.

*Carew rolls his eyes, Heskey mimics offering Carew some if his famous goal scoring juice*

Carew: Whatever Emile, you're one miss short of everyone hating you again.

Heskey: Please, we both know that's not the case.

*Heskey screws up the poster he was still holding out into a ball and throws it at the bin, it bounces of the rim of the bin and onto the floor.*

Crowd heard outside: Boooooooooo! Donkey! Get 'im off! We want Delfouneso on! We want Delfouneso on!

*Carew raises his eyebrows in an 'I told you so fashion'*




Use your social login to comment on front page articles. Login using you Facebook, Twitter, Google or LinkedIn accounts and have your say!



Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

The Journalist

Writer: Hercs Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Monday September 27 2010

Time: 12:29PM

Your Comments

Genuinely in tears here.
lurman
Sorry John? Speak up I couldn't hear you over your embarrassing lack of goals this season. This actually made me laugh out loud!
AndyFC
There are no more words to describe your super duper awesomeness :P
Astriel
Nice one
Stourbridge Villan
Half built bus depot ....lol
longbridgelion
Delfouneso game after Spurs then ????
tvrwhitey
Anyone else find it strange that Hercs spends all this time in the dressing room and never says a word? Voyeur anyone? ;)
Phartman87
Another quality piece of writing from Hercs. Very enjoyable read sir. I'd say one of your best, but in truth they are all up there on a different level.
glensider
Enoch Powell & Beverley Knight in the same comment - Quality
SuperTommyJohnson
 

Have Your Say

Log in...
with your social network     OR     with your Vital account

Recent Aston Villa Articles

Villa's Dealings Done? (Monday September 1 2014)

Canales Bid Made? (Monday September 1 2014)

The Villa Times - 01/09/2014 (Monday September 1 2014)

Ron Vlaar Going NOWHERE - Concrete News (Monday September 1 2014)

Archived Aston Villa Articles

List All Vital Villa Articles
Have your say
Click here to suggest an article
Click here to suggest a poll

Vital Members League (view all)

1. The Fear 108
2. Pride of Lions 71
3. DeanoVilla 70
4. sirdennis 39
5. david-avfc 34
6. Bonker 33
7. Fulford 28
8. Villan57 23
9. kefkat 22
10. littleburtonvilla 20

League Results (view all)

Latest Results
Aston Villa 2 - 1 Hull City
Aston Villa 0 - 0 Newcastle
Stoke 0 - 1 Aston Villa

League Table (view table)

Team P W D L GD Pts
1. Chelsea 3 3 0 0 +7 9
2. Swansea 3 3 0 0 +5 9
3. Aston Villa 3 2 1 0 +2 7
4. Man City 3 2 0 1 +3 6
5. Liverpool 3 2 0 1 +2 6
6. Spurs 3 2 0 1 +2 6
7. Arsenal 3 1 2 0 +1 5

Breaking League News

An Alternative?
Chelsea : 03/09/2014 07:43:00
Grains of truth, mostly musings, ramblings maybe?
Chelsea : 03/09/2014 07:39:00
Torres - Resigned to Leaving!
Chelsea : 03/09/2014 07:38:00
First Choice Centre-Back!
Chelsea : 03/09/2014 07:36:00
Ben Arfa Deal Exposes Open Wounds
Newcastle : 03/09/2014 00:41:00

Current Site Poll (view all polls)

Villa Player Of Month (August)
Suggested By:  JP Fear
Guzan 9%
Cissokho 20%
Hutton 54%
Senderos 3%
Vlaar 1%
Delph 1%
Richardson 1%
Westwood 1%
Sanchez 0%
N'Zogbia 1%
Bent 1%
Grealish 2%
Agbonlahor 3%
Weimann 3%