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'If It's Football, It's Vital'

Hercs' in The Dressing Room before Wolves



We join the lads preparing for their match against Wolves, Delph is visibly upset*

A.Young: Don't worry too much about it Fabian, I'm sure you'll get the chance to play Wolves in the future.

Delph: It's not just that (sniff), look at this ...

*Delph holds up the fixture list to Young*

Delph: Stoke, Bolton, Blackburn, Wolves I'm missing the lot!

A.Young: You know Fabian some people would consider themselves lucky not to be playing these matches. But I'm sure Gabby is just as gutted as you. Eh Gabby?

Gabby: uh .... Yeah ... Gutted, my back is killing me.

A.Young: Back? I thought it was your calf?

*Gabby rubs his arm*

Gabby: Um ... Yeah, my calf ... Very sore.

A.Young: That's your elbow!

Gabby: Look I'm just injured alright!

*Gabby runs out of the dressing room full pelt*

Collins: I'm with Gabby, I 'relish the physical challenge' as much as the next man but I'm beginning to forget what I look like without a black eye or head bandage or neck collar. I'm like that guy who's always faking his injuries.

A.Young: Avid Merrion?

Collins: No, no, the one with he big hat and glasses, always wears purple....

Heskey: .... The Archbishop of Canterbury?

Collins: Yeah, yeah that's the one.

Heskey: James, that's not a neck brace, it's a dog collar...

Collins: Hey, I didn't judge Stan Collymore, I won't judge that guy either.

Heskey: No, it's not anything like that James he....

Collins: I don't want to know Emile, his business is his business.

*Houllier enters*

Houllier: Bonjure ma eau de toilletes!

*The lads all look at each other*

Houllier: I am 'ow you say a sociable boss, 'ere I 'ave a joke for you. What is ze difference between running through a minefield and our fixture list?

*Houllier scans the room taking in the shrugs of the players*

Houllier: Nothing.

*The dressing room erupts with laughter.*

Houllier: Well I suppose you are less likely to lose a limb in ze minefield. All I ask of you is to win every remaining match zis season.

*The dressing room erupts with laughter*

Houllier: I stopped joking at 'nothing'.

*The dressing room erupts with laughter once more*

Houllier: Silence!

*The dressing room falls silent and the players look at each other uncomfortably*

Houllier: Now Emile, you will play upfront and score all the goals, Stephen you will be playing left back.

Warnock: Finally!

Houllier (mutters under his breath): For Coventry

Warnock: What was that boss?

Houllier: Nothing.




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The Journalist

Writer: Hercs Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Friday September 24 2010

Time: 11:08AM

Your Comments

Hahahahahaha brilliant as always ma eau de toillete!
nottinghamvillain
What's the French equivalent of being sent to Coventry?
andy5759
lol nice one
ClivetheVillan
Thanks mate, it's the one article i really look forward to as i know it will make me chuckle!
Charizma
 

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