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'If It's Football, It's Vital'

Hercs in the Dressing Room Pre Stoke

*We join the lads gearing up for their match against Stoke, Houllier enters*

Houllier: Psssst .... Bonjour ma petit chiens!

*A.Young whispers to Carew*

A.Young: did he just call us his little dogs?

*Carew nods*

Carew: I'm more concerned that he's dressed as a tree.

*Houllier parts the leaves in his disguise.*

Houllier: You imbecille Carew! I am not a tree, I am a shrub! On top of zis, I am not 'ere, I am in France.

*The lads look at each other in confusion*

A.Young: Great, he's only been in the job a few days and he's gone mad.

Houllier: Mad? Mad!? Ha! They said Da Vinci was mad!

Petrov: Da Vinci WAS mad.

Houllier: Yes, well, It is not I who is mad, it is the bureaucrats at the FFF I am like a 'ow you say 'prisoner cell block H'!

Gabby: Wait... So I'm not the only one who can see a talking, spanish bush?

Houllier: French shrub! Now I am 'appy with what I 'ave witnessed in your training. Riise you shall start at left back.

A.Young: Boss, that's not Riise, that's Steve...

Sidwell: Ssssh! Yah boss, Yah! No problem. Guten tag.

Warnock: What!? I'm the left back boss, me! I mean...

*Houllier holds up a hand, silencing Warnock*

Houllier: Stephen, Stephen, we got off on 'ow you say ze 'wrong foot' non? I thought you may react like zis so I have you a gift....

*Houllier hands Warnock a wrapped gift, he opens it.*

Warnock: A Coventry shirt!? With my name on the back? I told you boss I'm not going to Coventry again.

Houllier: Stephen, Stephen, Stephen, you do Coventry a great injustice, think of ze greats of Coventry, Steve Ogrizovic, David Speedie, ze larger lady who was on Big Brother a few years ago.

*Warnock scowls*

Houllier: Marc, you are what we call in France 'a good winger' I want you to play, start out wide, zen come inside your man. Understand?

Albrighton: Yes boss.

Clark: He understands alright.

*the dressing room erupts with laughter.*

Houllier: What is zis laughing? Marc you will 'ave un probleme coming inside your man?

*the lads all turn to look at Albrighton, he hangs his head and mutters under his breath*

Albrighton: No boss.

*the dressing room erupts with laughter.*

Houllier: Enough! Now one I thing I do know is that Emile will score us our goals.

*the dressing room erupts with laughter.*

Houllier: Ze laughing again? Perhaps I say ze wrong thing? Emile will play striker and get the goals, zis is what he is good at yes?

Heskey: Yeah ... about that boss.... I've made some minor 'tweaks' to my game....




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The Journalist

Writer: Hercs Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Monday September 13 2010

Time: 11:58AM

Your Comments

Funny. However Houllier is now the boss and we need to give him some vocal support. I know he is not there tonight (I will be checking trees just in case) but I think an amended version of La Marsallaise (French National Anthem) should do the trick. La la la la la la la la la la la la la la la Hoouulllieerr. La la la (Hoouulliiierrr) la la la (Hoouulliiierrr), Gerard, Gerard Gerard Hooouuullliiierrr. Gerard Houulliieerr. HOULLIER!!
voiceoftheholte
Brilliant once more!!
nottinghamvillain
 

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