Surgery For The Weeman

Aston Villa centre-forward Emile Heskey is set to receive a lifetime achievement award for a career spent refusing to harm barn doors in any way, shape or form. Whilst strikers around the world are happy to hit barn doors with reckless abandonment, Heskey has steadfastly stuck to his pacifist principles and left all barn doors in his path completely unthreatened. As one barn door protection officer explained, “It doesn’t matter if he’s ten, five, or even three yards away, he simply refuses to hit them, and for that ongoing kindness we recognise him with this award today.” “Emile is a magnificent role model to young footballers that a successful career in football doesn’t mean you have to aggressively hit all barn doors that are put in front of you.” “You can make a very decent living by missing just about every single one that finds its way into your path.” Finishing In a typical act of barn door kindness during Aston Villa’s Europa League exit to Rapid Vienna, Heskey showed just why his so deserving of this award. He chose to put his shot yards above the barn door from six yards out after a missed Petrov penalty left the barn door at his mercy, and when strikers with lesser moral fortitude would have taken it off its hinges. “That was typical Emile,” said one barn door owner. “It would have been so easy to smash the ball into the barn door from that distance, hell, you or I could have done it, but it takes a special kind of footballer to miss it so spectacularly under such pressure.” “Emile is to barn doors, what Princess Diana was to landmine victims - and long may he continue.”

Completely disagree VWRA - a striker does not need to be a "fox in the box" but to be a striker without any goal threat whatsoever is just not acceptable. I mean very very very basic finishing and Heskey will miss, it gets beyond a joke when watching chances go by that your old gran could bury. Also your reference to fourth in the table - that is meaningless my friend - 3 games played? One win for Birmingham and results that went their way could see them sitting 2nd - would you read into the table then? No. Heskey is the worst finisher in the premier league and most probably even in the championship. Does last season not tell you anything. Wwith Heskey in the team we were losing games we should be drawing and drawing games we were winning but with Gabby in a 4-5-1 we looked unstoppable at times. Wake up and smell the coffee, Heskey is an appauling striker.

Feared the worst when seeing him get injured in Vienna, so October return is a big bonus

The problem with Heskey is quite simple. He's ****. Lovely guy I'm sure but it's not only his finishing that is the problem - we all know he can't finish. For a man his size he gets easily bullied off the ball. His positioning is poor. His movement even worse. His first touch is terrible. He tries, most of the time, but it's not good enough. The problem with Owen is that his game relied as much on pace as it did on finishing. He had a series of major injuries that have all but destroyed his fitness. Even so if you look at his strike rate, ratio of goals to actual game time, it's still not a bad record from his Newcastle days to date. He just doesn't play anymore because ManU have far, far better options. VWRA doesn't have a point IMO. There is no set standard model of football that is good for all teams and that all teams must play. By advocating the theory that the forward has to be an all round player he's doing no more than advocating a form of total football which has been around for decades. It is not 'modern'. I have seen, and continue to see, tiki-taka styles, total football styles and all manner of teams lose to direct, counter attacking 'kick and rush' football. And of course vice versa. I don't want to see certain styles of football abolished because they don't suit the aspirations of teams that can afford a squad of technically gifted superstars that fall over at the slightest suggestion of contact or a slight gust of wind. I'm not Arsene Wenger. The idea that kick and rush football is supposedly archaic and an extinct style of football is incorrect. England fretted over the supposed insult of being called a kick and rush side by 'the Kaiser' before the England-Germany match, only to see Germany take us (and later a far more technically superior Argentina) apart with a text book display of direct counter attacking football while we passed it around without any real intent or purpose. Admittedly it was a mental attitude however (not so much inherent talent, skill or tactical approach) that caused the England world cup fiasco as much as anything else, just a general malaise and unwillingness to make any sort of concerted effort from the players. But nobody seemed to notice or want to acknowledge that a well drilled, disciplined team could beat a far more technically gifted one with the direct counter attacking style. It detracts from the crusade to make football a non contact sport dominated by the technician. No. I don't want to see teams like Stoke or Blackburn forced into adopting a game they are rubbish at when they can beat teams by playing a more direct physical style. I don't want to see football dominated by one style with all contact banned. No, no, no. I will not join the band wagon that insists football must be played like this or that because everything else is 'old fashioned', and don't assume I'm ignorant of tactics because of it you condescending little pip squeeks. Sorry for the rant but the entire 'modern vs old fashioned' football debate annoys the hell out of me. The right tactic or style is the one that works for the team you have playing the opposition you face and which gets you the result you want.

Speedy recovery Wee Man.

@thorpyUK-With due respect, it's that sort of mentality that has kept Villa in the wilderness for 28 years. It has also prevented England from reaching a major tournement for 44 years....and counting. Not a huge Heskey fan (once wrote that he couldn't kick a beach ball into an aircraft hangar) but know which way the wind is blowing in terms of modern footie. You get what you wish for!!! if you want Villa to be hoofing it up to a 'big man', 'fox-in-the-box', or 'poacher', fine. Just expect another 28 years of pain. Oh, and all those who want Houllier as manager, he's probably EH's biggest fan!