Date:Monday May 10 2010
*We join the lads gearing up for the clash against Blackburn, MON is sporting a wide grin*
A.Young: Why so happy boss?
MON: Because Ashley, a certain player who isn't with us anymore doesn't look like he'll be playing Champion's League next season after all.
Carew: .... Who's not with us any more?
MON: Gareth Barry of course.
Gabby: Gareth's dead!?
MON: What? No of course he's not dead, am I wearing a party hat?
A.Young: Isn't that a bit bitter boss?
MON: Bitter!? In the bible did Judas Ischariot play Champion's League after betraying Jesus?
*The lads shrug at the rhetorical question except Gabby who is pondering an answer*
Gabby: ..... Yes?......
MON: No Gabriel.
Gabby: No?.... Wasn't he the little bloke with the good dribble and the 'hand of God'
MON: That's Maradonna Gabriel and it was the in the World Cup.
Gabby: Was that before she was a singer then boss?
MON: Singer? What are you....?
Gabby: She had 'Unbelivable Tekkers'
MON: Gabriel how many times have I said not to say that silly slogan with that silly voice?
Carew: What slogan boss?
MON: 'Unbelievable Tekkers'
*the dressing room erupts with laughter*
Carew: No one does the voice as good as you boss!
MON: Enough of this foolishness anyway. It's been an eventful season lads ... and ....
*MON is welling up with tears, he sniffs*
MON: and .... Well against a team managed by Sam Allardyce I can imagine some of you won't be making it back.
*The team look at each other in shock*
MON: I mean last time we played Blackburn ..... Well.... Nigel met his end.
NRC: Hey! I'm not dead.
MON: You are to me!
*The dressing room erupts with laughter*
MON: Honestly Nigel you can't just agree with me can you? Always have to put your two penneth in. James ... James, you seem a little distracted today?
*Milner is polishing his young player of the year award, he looks up from the Brasso and rag*
Milner: Aye sorry boss, just admirin' me Young Player of tha Year award like.
Carew: Ah, I won that once, it was the proudest moment of my life.
*A sceptical Ashley Young checks Wikipedia on his trusty ever-present laptop*
A.Young: It doesn't say anything here about you wining young player of the year John?
Carew: Oh I thought you said 'Hung Playa of the Year'
*Ashley checks the laptop again*
A.Young: Oh yeah.
AND ON TO POST BLACKBURN
*We join the lads upset with the loss but over all satisfied with the league's end*
MON: Well lads, we lost to Blackburn again. On the plus side though Sam Allardyce's men didn't kill any of us.
L.Young: What about Steve boss?
*Luke Young points to the coffin rested on three dressing room chairs.*
MON: Oh.... Yes .... Stephen is a sorry loss, his father Neil will be here to pick up his remains.
*MON places a lily on the coffin, a muffled voice chimes from inside it*
Warnock: I'm not dead and Neil's not my dad!
L.Young: Hang on boss, I can hear his voice!
MON: We all can Luke, we all can. He was a great man....
Downing: Noor man, he's alive ... In the coffin like.
MON: Lads, lads lets not get delirious with grief, Robbo take Stephen to his resting place.
*Robertson wheels out a trolley.*
Warnock: No! Wait! This is just the bosses ploy to do his yearly full-back replacement! Let me out!
*MON 'shoos' Robertson to move with more urgency whilst the padlock on it's side jumps each time the lid is banged from the inside.*
Warnock: I'm alive! Aliiii.......
*The door closes behind Robertson as he exits with Warnock*
A.Young: So boss everybody's asking ..... What're you going to do now?
MON: You're right, everybody is asking and all this talk of my 'uncertain future' forced me to search out Glenn Hoddle's psychic.
A.Young: Oh yeah? What did she say?
MON: Not much more than 'don't go to the paralympics'
A.Young: Oh .... Right. Any idea if you're going to be selling anyone over the summer.
MON: Not the foggiest Ashley.
NRC: Boss I can see that you're pointing at your palm in my direction.
MON: What Nigel? I did nothing of the sort.
NRC: You're still doing it! Now you're nodding, winking and appear to be mouthing the words 'Nigel Reo-Coker'
MON: Nigel I'm offended! I would never make my business so commonplace.
Carew: And what about this '20 a season' striker all the fans are calling for?
MON: Not to worry John. That striker is already with us and next season he'll be the '20 a season' man.
Carew: I think it's a little unfair to heap so much pressure on Nathan boss, he is still just a kid and...
MON: Who said anything about Nathan?
*MON tosses Heskey an object, he instinctively catches it and peers down into his hand*
Heskey: Benson & Hedges?
MON: Yes. Twenty.
Heskey: But boss .... I don't smoke and I don't think...
MON: Emile is there anything you do do? No Goal chair!
*Curtis Davies and Bouma chuckle*
MON: Who on Earth are you!? Security! Security!
Date:Monday May 10 2010
Villa Aren't Carrying The Can For Vlaar Contract (Sunday November 23 2014)
Lambert Wants More Progress Against Southampton (Sunday November 23 2014)
Tadic Was Our Failed January Buy (Sunday November 23 2014)
Something For The Weekend (472) (Friday November 21 2014)
Optimism From Lawro - None From Mystic Mug (Friday November 21 2014)
Aston Villa FC - 140 Years And Counting (Friday November 21 2014)
Villa Support 21st Minute Initiative (Thursday November 20 2014)
Injury Update Ahead Of Southampton (Thursday November 20 2014)
Villa In Talks With Justice For The 21 (Thursday November 20 2014)
The Stiliyan Petrov Foundation (Thursday November 20 2014)
|1.||Pride of Lions||760|
|West Ham||0||-||0||Aston Villa|
|Aston Villa||0||-||2||Man City|
|15. Crystal Palace||12||3||3||6||-4||12|
|16. Hull City||12||2||5||5||-3||11|
|17. Aston Villa||11||3||2||6||-11||11|
|18. Leicester City||12||2||4||6||-7||10|
» Newcastle : 23/11/2014 20:36:00
|Villa Aren't Carrying The Can For Vlaar Contract
» Aston Villa : 23/11/2014 19:22:00
|Lambert Wants More Progress Against Southampton
» Aston Villa : 23/11/2014 19:14:00
|Tadic Was Our Failed January Buy
» Aston Villa : 23/11/2014 19:05:00
» Hull City : 23/11/2014 17:49:00