Vital Football

Latest Aston Villa News

Hercs in the Dressing Room for Blackburn Rovers

Hercs in the Dressing Room for Blackburn Rovers

*We join the lads gearing up for the clash against Blackburn, MON is sporting a wide grin*

A.Young: Why so happy boss?

MON: Because Ashley, a certain player who isn't with us anymore doesn't look like he'll be playing Champion's League next season after all.

Carew: .... Who's not with us any more?

MON: Gareth Barry of course.

Gabby: Gareth's dead!?

MON: What? No of course he's not dead, am I wearing a party hat?

A.Young: Isn't that a bit bitter boss?

MON: Bitter!? In the bible did Judas Ischariot play Champion's League after betraying Jesus?

*The lads shrug at the rhetorical question except Gabby who is pondering an answer*

Gabby: ..... Yes?......

MON: No Gabriel.

Gabby: No?.... Wasn't he the little bloke with the good dribble and the 'hand of God'

MON: That's Maradonna Gabriel and it was the in the World Cup.

Gabby: Was that before she was a singer then boss?

MON: Singer? What are you....?

Gabby: She had 'Unbelivable Tekkers'

MON: Gabriel how many times have I said not to say that silly slogan with that silly voice?

Carew: What slogan boss?

MON: 'Unbelievable Tekkers'

*the dressing room erupts with laughter*

Carew: No one does the voice as good as you boss!

MON: Enough of this foolishness anyway. It's been an eventful season lads ... and ....

*MON is welling up with tears, he sniffs*

MON: and .... Well against a team managed by Sam Allardyce I can imagine some of you won't be making it back.

*The team look at each other in shock*

MON: I mean last time we played Blackburn ..... Well.... Nigel met his end.

NRC: Hey! I'm not dead.

MON: You are to me!

*The dressing room erupts with laughter*

MON: Honestly Nigel you can't just agree with me can you? Always have to put your two penneth in. James ... James, you seem a little distracted today?

*Milner is polishing his young player of the year award, he looks up from the Brasso and rag*

Milner: Aye sorry boss, just admirin' me Young Player of tha Year award like.

Carew: Ah, I won that once, it was the proudest moment of my life.

*A sceptical Ashley Young checks Wikipedia on his trusty ever-present laptop*

A.Young: It doesn't say anything here about you wining young player of the year John?

Carew: Oh I thought you said 'Hung Playa of the Year'

*Ashley checks the laptop again*

A.Young: Oh yeah.

AND ON TO POST BLACKBURN

*We join the lads upset with the loss but over all satisfied with the league's end*

MON: Well lads, we lost to Blackburn again. On the plus side though Sam Allardyce's men didn't kill any of us.

L.Young: What about Steve boss?

*Luke Young points to the coffin rested on three dressing room chairs.*

MON: Oh.... Yes .... Stephen is a sorry loss, his father Neil will be here to pick up his remains.

*MON places a lily on the coffin, a muffled voice chimes from inside it*

Warnock: I'm not dead and Neil's not my dad!

L.Young: Hang on boss, I can hear his voice!

MON: We all can Luke, we all can. He was a great man....

Downing: Noor man, he's alive ... In the coffin like.

MON: Lads, lads lets not get delirious with grief, Robbo take Stephen to his resting place.

*Robertson wheels out a trolley.*

Warnock: No! Wait! This is just the bosses ploy to do his yearly full-back replacement! Let me out!

*MON 'shoos' Robertson to move with more urgency whilst the padlock on it's side jumps each time the lid is banged from the inside.*

Warnock: I'm alive! Aliiii.......

*The door closes behind Robertson as he exits with Warnock*

A.Young: So boss everybody's asking ..... What're you going to do now?

MON: You're right, everybody is asking and all this talk of my 'uncertain future' forced me to search out Glenn Hoddle's psychic.

A.Young: Oh yeah? What did she say?

MON: Not much more than 'don't go to the paralympics'

A.Young: Oh .... Right. Any idea if you're going to be selling anyone over the summer.

MON: Not the foggiest Ashley.

NRC: Boss I can see that you're pointing at your palm in my direction.

MON: What Nigel? I did nothing of the sort.

NRC: You're still doing it! Now you're nodding, winking and appear to be mouthing the words 'Nigel Reo-Coker'

MON: Nigel I'm offended! I would never make my business so commonplace.

Carew: And what about this '20 a season' striker all the fans are calling for?

MON: Not to worry John. That striker is already with us and next season he'll be the '20 a season' man.

Carew: I think it's a little unfair to heap so much pressure on Nathan boss, he is still just a kid and...

MON: Who said anything about Nathan?

*MON tosses Heskey an object, he instinctively catches it and peers down into his hand*

Heskey: Benson & Hedges?

MON: Yes. Twenty.

Heskey: But boss .... I don't smoke and I don't think...

MON: Emile is there anything you do do? No Goal chair!

Heskey: But.

MON: Now!

*Curtis Davies and Bouma chuckle*

MON: Who on Earth are you!? Security! Security!



Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

Writer:Hercs
Date:Monday May 10 2010
Time: 12:33PM

Comments

0
Cheered me up after yesterday. I am going to miss this. Can Hercs follow up with a World Cup Squad edition, and maybe a Marbella edition with all the lads away on holiday now?
Stig
10/05/2010 12:57:00
0
Quality every time :-D
Villan444
10/05/2010 16:52:00
0
lol! the last part! hilarious ahahhahah
Gruck
11/05/2010 04:50:00
0
love the last bit
goodb_2
12/05/2010 10:21:00
Page 1/1
  1. 1

Login to post a comment

Recent Aston Villa Articles

Under Armour Through The Shop Window

Late last night eagle eyed fans noticed something at the club shop I believe, and instead of it being the new home and away kit teasers...

Lambert Gets Linked Again?

Aston Villa are again being linked with now West Bromwich Albion striker Rickie Lambert.

Villa Players Return To Training With Familiar Face

Well it's Wednesday, and earlier today the players returned for testing and day one of Roberto Di Matteo's era at Villa Park.

Birmingham Games Switched On Police Advice

Not a great shock to see the home and away games against Birmingham City moved this season is it - if anything the only surprise is the announcement has come this...

Archived Vital Villa Articles

Vital Villa articles from

Site Journalists

J P Fear
Editor email
Profile
Mike Field
Editor email
Profile
Steve Wade
no email
Profile
Villa_Grizzly
no email
Profile
Turkish Penguin
no email
Profile
Glensider
no email
Profile
Chris Heath
no email
Profile
M Calucar
no email
Profile
JuanPablo Angel
no email
Profile

Current Poll (see more polls)

Can Gabby redeem himself and stay?
Suggested By: JP Fear
Yes32%
No63%
Meh, not sure5%
ScoopDragon Publishing Entire League Network of Sites

League Table

# Team P W D L Pts. GD
C Burnley 46 26 15 5 93 37
P Middlesbrough 46 26 11 9 89 32
3 Brighton 46 24 17 5 89 30
4 Hull City 46 24 11 11 83 34
5 Derby County 46 21 15 10 78 23
6 Sheff Wed 46 19 17 10 74 21
7 Ipswich 46 18 15 13 69 2
8 Cardiff 46 17 17 12 68 5
9 Brentford 46 19 8 19 65 5
10 Birmingham 46 16 15 15 63 4
11 Preston 46 15 17 14 62 0
12 Q.P.R. 46 14 18 14 60 0
13 Leeds Utd 46 14 17 15 59 -8
14 Wolves 46 14 16 16 58 -5
15 Blackburn 46 13 16 17 55 0
16 Forest 46 13 16 17 55 -4
17 Reading 46 13 13 20 52 -7
18 Bristol City 46 13 13 20 52 -17
19 Huddersfield 46 13 12 21 51 -11
20 Fulham 46 12 15 19 51 -13
21 Rotherham 46 13 10 23 49 -18
R Charlton 46 9 13 24 40 -40
R MK Dons 46 9 12 25 39 -30
R Bolton 46 5 15 26 30 -40
The Vital Football Members League
Latest F1 News
Pirelli announce driver selections for Austria
Latest Vital Boxing News
Froch Not Sure About Groves!
Vital Football Comment

Recent Aston Villa Results (view all)

Aston Villa Fixtures (view all)

Vital Members League Table

RankNamePoints
1.The Fear460
2.sirdennis198
3.Fulford192
4.BodyButter160
5.glensider148
6.JuanPabloAngel131
7.kefkat116
8.DeanoVilla107
9.Melon Donkey95
10.HeathfieldRoad187492
Write for Vital Football