Date:Monday May 10 2010
*We join the lads gearing up for the clash against Blackburn, MON is sporting a wide grin*
A.Young: Why so happy boss?
MON: Because Ashley, a certain player who isn't with us anymore doesn't look like he'll be playing Champion's League next season after all.
Carew: .... Who's not with us any more?
MON: Gareth Barry of course.
Gabby: Gareth's dead!?
MON: What? No of course he's not dead, am I wearing a party hat?
A.Young: Isn't that a bit bitter boss?
MON: Bitter!? In the bible did Judas Ischariot play Champion's League after betraying Jesus?
*The lads shrug at the rhetorical question except Gabby who is pondering an answer*
Gabby: ..... Yes?......
MON: No Gabriel.
Gabby: No?.... Wasn't he the little bloke with the good dribble and the 'hand of God'
MON: That's Maradonna Gabriel and it was the in the World Cup.
Gabby: Was that before she was a singer then boss?
MON: Singer? What are you....?
Gabby: She had 'Unbelivable Tekkers'
MON: Gabriel how many times have I said not to say that silly slogan with that silly voice?
Carew: What slogan boss?
MON: 'Unbelievable Tekkers'
*the dressing room erupts with laughter*
Carew: No one does the voice as good as you boss!
MON: Enough of this foolishness anyway. It's been an eventful season lads ... and ....
*MON is welling up with tears, he sniffs*
MON: and .... Well against a team managed by Sam Allardyce I can imagine some of you won't be making it back.
*The team look at each other in shock*
MON: I mean last time we played Blackburn ..... Well.... Nigel met his end.
NRC: Hey! I'm not dead.
MON: You are to me!
*The dressing room erupts with laughter*
MON: Honestly Nigel you can't just agree with me can you? Always have to put your two penneth in. James ... James, you seem a little distracted today?
*Milner is polishing his young player of the year award, he looks up from the Brasso and rag*
Milner: Aye sorry boss, just admirin' me Young Player of tha Year award like.
Carew: Ah, I won that once, it was the proudest moment of my life.
*A sceptical Ashley Young checks Wikipedia on his trusty ever-present laptop*
A.Young: It doesn't say anything here about you wining young player of the year John?
Carew: Oh I thought you said 'Hung Playa of the Year'
*Ashley checks the laptop again*
A.Young: Oh yeah.
AND ON TO POST BLACKBURN
*We join the lads upset with the loss but over all satisfied with the league's end*
MON: Well lads, we lost to Blackburn again. On the plus side though Sam Allardyce's men didn't kill any of us.
L.Young: What about Steve boss?
*Luke Young points to the coffin rested on three dressing room chairs.*
MON: Oh.... Yes .... Stephen is a sorry loss, his father Neil will be here to pick up his remains.
*MON places a lily on the coffin, a muffled voice chimes from inside it*
Warnock: I'm not dead and Neil's not my dad!
L.Young: Hang on boss, I can hear his voice!
MON: We all can Luke, we all can. He was a great man....
Downing: Noor man, he's alive ... In the coffin like.
MON: Lads, lads lets not get delirious with grief, Robbo take Stephen to his resting place.
*Robertson wheels out a trolley.*
Warnock: No! Wait! This is just the bosses ploy to do his yearly full-back replacement! Let me out!
*MON 'shoos' Robertson to move with more urgency whilst the padlock on it's side jumps each time the lid is banged from the inside.*
Warnock: I'm alive! Aliiii.......
*The door closes behind Robertson as he exits with Warnock*
A.Young: So boss everybody's asking ..... What're you going to do now?
MON: You're right, everybody is asking and all this talk of my 'uncertain future' forced me to search out Glenn Hoddle's psychic.
A.Young: Oh yeah? What did she say?
MON: Not much more than 'don't go to the paralympics'
A.Young: Oh .... Right. Any idea if you're going to be selling anyone over the summer.
MON: Not the foggiest Ashley.
NRC: Boss I can see that you're pointing at your palm in my direction.
MON: What Nigel? I did nothing of the sort.
NRC: You're still doing it! Now you're nodding, winking and appear to be mouthing the words 'Nigel Reo-Coker'
MON: Nigel I'm offended! I would never make my business so commonplace.
Carew: And what about this '20 a season' striker all the fans are calling for?
MON: Not to worry John. That striker is already with us and next season he'll be the '20 a season' man.
Carew: I think it's a little unfair to heap so much pressure on Nathan boss, he is still just a kid and...
MON: Who said anything about Nathan?
*MON tosses Heskey an object, he instinctively catches it and peers down into his hand*
Heskey: Benson & Hedges?
MON: Yes. Twenty.
Heskey: But boss .... I don't smoke and I don't think...
MON: Emile is there anything you do do? No Goal chair!
*Curtis Davies and Bouma chuckle*
MON: Who on Earth are you!? Security! Security!
Date:Monday May 10 2010
Fewest Goals, Worst Goal Difference, We'll Be Fine (Sunday February 1 2015)
Stats: Arsenal v Aston Villa (Sunday February 1 2015)
2021 (Friday January 30 2015)
Something For The Weekend (480) (Friday January 30 2015)
Drennan Departs Aston Villa (Friday January 30 2015)
Lambert Welcomes Back Options Ahead Of Arsenal (Friday January 30 2015)
Grealish, Alli, Arsenal & Chelsea (Friday January 30 2015)
Sinclair's First Interview & The No 9 Shirt (Friday January 30 2015)
Sinclair Signs Season Long Loan Deal (Friday January 30 2015)
Mystic Mug v Lawro: Arsenal v Aston Villa (Friday January 30 2015)
|2.||Pride of Lions||38|
|9.||Stephen Jay Hawkings||21|
|Leicester City||1||-||0||Aston Villa|
|Aston Villa||0||-||0||Crystal Palace|
|13. Crystal Palace||23||5||8||10||-9||23|
|16. Aston Villa||23||5||7||11||-19||22|
|18. Hull City||23||4||7||12||-13||19|
|Fewest Goals, Worst Goal Difference, We'll Be Fine
» Aston Villa : 01/02/2015 18:05:00
|No Smoke Without Fire For Santon
» Newcastle : 01/02/2015 17:59:00
» Southampton : 01/02/2015 17:59:00
|Stagnant NUFC Almost There
» Newcastle : 01/02/2015 17:33:00
|Salah Heading to Fiorentina
» Chelsea : 01/02/2015 16:11:00