Vital Football

Latest Aston Villa News

Hercs in The Dressing Room before Man City

Hercs in The Dressing Room before Man City

*We join the lads preparing for their clash against Man City. MON is visibly confident*

MON: Chins up lads, we can win this one with ease, They're playing a keeper from the Faroe Islands, as far as I know all that lives there are sheep. They don't even have poseable thumbs! On top of that my scouts have reliably informed me that no-one outside of the british isles can even play football to a worthwhile level.

Delfouneso: What about Messi?

MON: Messy? What is this some of your 'jive', street lingo Nathan?

Delfouneso: What? No boss he's a ...

MON: I'll have none of your hippity hop nonsense in here young man. And...

A.Young: Actually boss the people of the Faroe Islands are considered under the Kindom of Denmark and...

MON: Denmark!? Pah! Who's ever won anything with a danish keeper?

Milner: Besides boss, they've made an emergency loan like.

MON: Emergency loan!? Even better!

*MON is ecstatic jumping on the spot. The lads are confused. MON addresses their confusion*

MON: Two words. Gabor. Kiraly.

*The lads all gasp with horror*

Gabby: I still have jogging trouser nightmares.

*Petrov has fallen to his knees the palms of his hands pressed firmly on his temples, eyes crushed closed*

Petrov: The sweat pants! .... The sweat pants!

MON: Yes! It'll cause uncertainty and no doubt terrible 'keeping. Who is the unlucky player?

Milner: Marton Fulop.

MON: Martin Fuller?

NRC: Fulop boss Fulop.

MON: Full of it am I Nigel!? See if you play again!?!

NRC: What!? ...I didn't..... I mean .. I said.

MON: Not the smart mouth now are you!? Anyway, enough of how we are going to easily defeat Man City. It's time for me to announce the squad.

*MON gestures to some closed claret and blue curtains aside a golden rope*

MON: Now I'm going to let the fringe players have a go as promised.

*The likes of Sidwell, Beye and Ciaran Clark look at each other wide-eyed with excitement*

MON: Robbo!

Robertson: Dah da-da-da-da daaaaaaah!

*MON pulls the golden rope to John Robertson's 'fanfare' the curtains open and the lads lean in to see the team*

Sidwell: Hey! This side is unchanged from the last two games.

MON: Oh but is it Steve?

Sidwell: Yes.

MON: ... Oh but is it!?

Sidwell: YES!

MON: OK ... It is.

Beye: But boss you said the fringe players would....

MON: That I did Habib my good man. First team, under your chairs you will find combs with which you can comb yourself forward a fringe.

*The first team do as such combing their hair forward as requested, Collins, Gabby and Friedel in particular look upset.*

MON: Not to worry lads, for you I have these.

*MON produces a number of wigs.*

MON: Here you go.

*MON hands Friedel a 'dreadlock' wig, Gabby the wig of a '60's news anchorman' and Collins a 'lustrous long curly blonde' wig, he hands thebox to the rest of the short haired players, Cuellar is still struggling to comb a fringe into his hair with Petrov helping*

Cuellar: I cannae do it cap'ain I doon't have the appropriate comb!

*Clark jumps to his feet with an expression of invention*

Clarke: Hey I have a fringe does that mean I can...

MON: Robbo!

*Robertson appears beside Clark deftly snipping off his fringe with barber's scissors.*

Clarke: My fringe!

Sidwell: This is nonsense! You said fringe players anyway not 'fringed'

MON: Yes, but that wouldn't have really worked for the joke would it.

*The first team laugh whilst the fringe players scowl. Brad Friedel produces a guitar and begins singing 'Buffalo Soldier' the lads all unite and sing along*



Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

Writer:Hercs
Date:Friday April 30 2010
Time: 3:03PM

Comments

0
lol, poor old NRC doesn't even stand a chance in spoof land! lol
The Fear
30/04/2010 15:46:00
0
fantastic yet again, whens the book out?
Jongekki
30/04/2010 15:51:00
0
Or anywhere else it would appear. Nice one Me Hercs.
andy5759
30/04/2010 15:54:00
0
brilliant read yet again , too many quotes to cut and paste and laugh at . Dont know where you get your imagination from , but i love every read . Keep up the great work.
jaspervilla
30/04/2010 19:08:00
Page 1/1
  1. 1

Login to post a comment

Recent Aston Villa Articles

Villa's International Injury Update

Another tired and boring international break in the world of football, so here's an update from Bodymoor Heath on our walking wounded.

The Villa Times - 24/03/2017 (Aston Villa News Round-up)

The latest Aston Villa news and views via the uno fish ial one...

Videos. Inside The Aston Villa Dressing Room

Hate international breaks, so hey, thought some of you might have missed these. Quite good fun some of them.

Villa Replicate Reading Offer

With Reading charging our fans (season ticket holders or members) only £20 for our trip to the Madejski Stadium earlier in the season, Villa have reciprocated the deal...

Archived Vital Villa Articles

Vital Villa articles from

Site Journalists

J P Fear
Editor email
Profile
Mike Field
Editor email
Profile
Steve Wade
no email
Profile
Villa_Grizzly
no email
Profile
Turkish Penguin
no email
Profile
Glensider
no email
Profile
Chris Heath
no email
Profile
M Calucar
no email
Profile
JuanPablo Angel
no email
Profile

Current Poll (see more polls)

I have nothing to ask! I hate international breaks!
Suggested By: ;o)
Agree87%
Disagree7%
Whatever 6%
ScoopDragon Publishing Entire League Network of Sites

League Table

# Team P W D L Pts. GD
1 Newcastle 38 24 6 8 78 38
2 Brighton 38 23 8 7 77 30
3 Huddersfield 37 22 5 10 71 4
4 Leeds Utd 38 21 6 11 69 16
5 Reading 38 20 7 11 67 2
6 Sheff Wed 38 18 8 12 62 9
7 Fulham 38 16 13 9 61 19
8 Norwich 38 16 9 13 57 9
9 Preston 38 15 12 11 57 6
10 Derby County 38 14 11 13 53 3
11 Barnsley 38 14 9 15 51 0
12 Aston Villa 38 13 12 13 51 0
13 Cardiff 38 14 9 15 51 -1
14 Brentford 38 14 8 16 50 3
15 Q.P.R. 38 14 8 16 50 -5
16 Wolves 37 12 9 16 45 -2
17 Ipswich 38 10 15 13 45 -9
18 Birmingham 38 11 12 15 45 -16
19 Bristol City 38 11 8 19 41 -3
20 Forest 38 11 8 19 41 -11
21 Burton 38 10 11 17 41 -14
22 Blackburn 38 9 13 16 40 -11
23 Wigan 38 8 10 20 34 -13
24 Rotherham 38 4 5 29 17 -54
The Vital Football Members League
Latest F1 News
2017 Australia GP - Qualifying
Latest Vital Boxing News
Taylor v Joubert – Meadowbank, Scotland
Vital Football Comment

Recent Aston Villa Results (view all)

Aston Villa Fixtures (view all)

Apr 1 2017 3:00PM : Norwich City (H)
Sky Bet Championship
Apr 4 2017 7:45PM : Queens Park Rangers (H)
Sky Bet Championship
Apr 8 2017 3:00PM : Burton Albion (a)
Sky Bet Championship
Apr 15 2017 3:00PM : Reading (H)
Sky Bet Championship
Apr 17 2017 2:45PM : Fulham (a)
Sky Bet Championship
Apr 23 2017 12:00PM : Birmingham City (H)
Sky Bet Championship

Vital Members League Table

RankNamePoints
1.The Fear362
2.Pride of Lions292
3.sirdennis291
4.HeathfieldRoad1874251
5.JuanPabloAngel244
6.Sasquatch175
7.Silhillvilla165
8.Melon Donkey153
9.BodyButter139
10.DeanoVilla129
Write for Vital Football