Vital Football

Latest Aston Villa News

MON The Football Manager - No Not That One!

MON The Football Manager - No Not That One!


MON The Football Manager - No not that one!

Martin O'Neill turns around and unveils his latest purchase.

It's a copy of 'football manager 2010'. He turns to John Robertson:

MON: 'SO then John, ready to give it a try?'
JR: 'Yeah go on then'

Approximately an hour passes with MON really struggling to get the thing loaded onto his works laptop. He twice has to close down the 'Randy-NoComputergameGame-Lock' which ensures MON can't play games or view porn during office hours.

MON: 'Ok, manager setup screen. Age, 36'
*JR raises an eyebrow*
MON: 'Club - Villa. Ok, lets have a look at the squad and get some tactics sorted'
JR: 'We're having tactics?'
MON: 'Don't be foolish John, how can we play football manager without tactics!'
*JR raises his other eyebrow*
JR: 'hang about Martin, you've somehow put Gabby at right back'
MON: 'Yes, and?' JR: 'um, nothing'

MON: 'right then, transfers.. I'll filter the players, hang on'

MON spends about 5 minutes whittling down all the players in the world using the following criteria: Nationality - English, Age: under 24, Flair: less than 3, preferred position: right back, work rate: 20.

Approximately 1 player emerges as a potential target - some unknown Scunthorpe reserves player.

MON: 'HE's THE ONE!!'
JR: 'Quite realistic this is isn't it!' Mon places a bid of £10m which he's convinced will prize him away as it's a tad over the asking price of £20k.
MON: 'right then, lets see what our scouts are doing... hmm.... scouting only England, Scotland, Wales and the Isle of Man! Pfff, that's pathetic, how can it only send scouts to the UK!'

JR: 'Well actually Martin, as a matter of fact...'
MON: 'sweet is a silent tongue John, as I usually say to you on about the 60 minute mark when you suggest a substitute'
JR: 'That's a stupid idea Martin'

MON turns and stares at JR for a good 30 seconds, and then slowly turns round, clicks onto the 'staff' option in the game, and one by one sacks each and every staff member, including JR who he leaves to last

JR: 'hah, you know you couldn't manage without me Martin - remember, when we had the um chicken problem?'
MON: 'Oh good grief yes, that was a fowl issue entirely. Now then, lets play'

The first game starts to play which happens to be a friendly against Colchester at home. MON dances and jumps around the room, occasionally threatening the virtual linesman, and jumping up excitedly when villa attack. Eventually, the final score is Villa 1, Colchester 7.

MON: 'What a completely unrealistic game... 7-1 hah'
JR: 'I know it's unrealistic, Heskey scored for us!'
MON: 'I was referring to the scoreline you imbecile! Anyway, Heskey is doing a sterling job as my flying winger down that left flank. 7-1, we would never lose 7-1 in reality!'
JR: 'um, probably not'

Martin clicks through the post match conference screens, and crowd reaction before looking at the news page. The news is that Nigel Reo-Coker had been injured in training - scuffed toenails, out for 6 months. MON screams at the computer and starts to wrestle the monitor:

MON: 'HAW DARE YOU DEFY ME... I'LL GIVE YOU CLIPPED TOENAILS YOU AWFUL ROTTER!'
JR Finally pulls Martin away kicking and screaming at the monitor, closes the game down and carefully stuffs the CD into the waste basket marked 'Martins secret summer plans for 2010'. The CD just happens to obscure a scrap of paper which, in very illegible handwriting you can just make out 'Bid... Messi, Rooney, Jason Scotland'

thorpyuk



Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

Writer:Thorpyuk
Date:Saturday April 24 2010
Time: 11:40AM

Comments

0
Well, that's half an hour of your life you'll never get back. Maybe if it had actually been funny, it might have been worthwhile. As it is - don't give up your day job.
HeathfieldRoad1874
24/04/2010 15:07:00
0
It took him half an hour to read it?
Doug4ever
24/04/2010 19:07:00
0
Don't be proposterous HF74.... it was ONLY 10 minutes :P
thorpyuk
25/04/2010 14:11:00
Page 1/1
  1. 1

Login to post a comment

Recent Aston Villa Articles

Something For The Weekend (521)

Their priorities are clear but their vision is myopic.

An Open Letter To The FA Over Kalinic

An excellent, in depth, letter to the FA over our failed attempt to buy Lovre Kalinic

The Aston Villa Injury Table... Updated

Our weekly update looking at the injury table for Aston Villa and also comparing with all our competitors in the Premier League.

Garde - No Choice, It Has To Be Three Points

Manager Remi Garde has previewed the weekend's game against Norwich City and tagging the match as 'tremendously important' he knows only three points will do.

Archived Vital Villa Articles

Vital Villa articles from

Site Journalists

J P Fear
Profile
Mike Field
Profile
Steve Wade
Profile
Villa_Grizzly
Profile
Turkish Penguin
Profile
Glensider
Profile
Chris Heath
Profile
M Calucar
Profile
JuanPablo Angel
Profile

Current Poll (see more polls)

Aston Villa v Norwich City will:
Suggested By: Mystic Mug
Win55%
Lose31%
Draw13%
ScoopDragon Premier League Network Sites

League Table

# Team P W D L Pts. GD
1 Leicester City 24 14 8 2 50 18
2 Man City 24 14 5 5 47 23
3 Spurs 24 12 9 3 45 25
4 Arsenal 24 13 6 5 45 15
5 Man Utd 24 11 7 6 40 10
6 West Ham 24 10 9 5 39 10
7 Southampton 24 9 7 8 34 8
8 Liverpool 24 9 7 8 34 -4
9 Watford 24 9 6 9 33 1
10 Stoke 24 9 6 9 33 -4
11 Everton 24 7 11 6 32 9
12 Crystal Palace 24 9 4 11 31 -4
13 Chelsea 24 7 8 9 29 -2
14 WBA 24 7 8 9 29 -8
15 AFC Bournemouth 24 7 7 10 28 -10
16 Swansea 24 6 8 10 26 -9
17 Norwich 24 6 5 13 23 -18
18 Newcastle 24 5 6 13 21 -19
19 Sunderland 24 5 4 15 19 -19
20 Aston Villa 24 2 7 15 13 -22
Vital Football Comment
Latest F1 News
Renault target podium finish by 2018
Latest Vital Boxing News
Wilder Would Face Fury in the UK!
Write for Vital Football

Aston Villa Fixtures (view all)

Feb 6 2016 3:00PM : Norwich City (H)
Barclays Premier League
Feb 14 2016 2:05PM : Liverpool (H)
Barclays Premier League
Feb 27 2016 3:00PM : Stoke City (a)
Barclays Premier League
Mar 1 2016 7:45PM : Everton (H)
Barclays Premier League
Mar 5 2016 3:00PM : Manchester City (a)
Barclays Premier League
Mar 12 2016 3:00PM : Tottenham Hotspur (H)
Barclays Premier League

Recent Aston Villa Results (view all)

Vital Members League Table

RankNamePoints
1.Pride of Lions240
2.The Fear191
3.Fulford185
4.JuanPabloAngel138
5.ClivetheVillan135
6.revdpete133
7.sirdennis119
8.DeanoVilla93
9.Wurzel92
10.He'sBiggerThanMe&You57
The Vital Football Members League