Vital Football

Latest Aston Villa News

MON The Football Manager - No Not That One!

MON The Football Manager - No Not That One!


MON The Football Manager - No not that one!

Martin O'Neill turns around and unveils his latest purchase.

It's a copy of 'football manager 2010'. He turns to John Robertson:

MON: 'SO then John, ready to give it a try?'
JR: 'Yeah go on then'

Approximately an hour passes with MON really struggling to get the thing loaded onto his works laptop. He twice has to close down the 'Randy-NoComputergameGame-Lock' which ensures MON can't play games or view porn during office hours.

MON: 'Ok, manager setup screen. Age, 36'
*JR raises an eyebrow*
MON: 'Club - Villa. Ok, lets have a look at the squad and get some tactics sorted'
JR: 'We're having tactics?'
MON: 'Don't be foolish John, how can we play football manager without tactics!'
*JR raises his other eyebrow*
JR: 'hang about Martin, you've somehow put Gabby at right back'
MON: 'Yes, and?' JR: 'um, nothing'

MON: 'right then, transfers.. I'll filter the players, hang on'

MON spends about 5 minutes whittling down all the players in the world using the following criteria: Nationality - English, Age: under 24, Flair: less than 3, preferred position: right back, work rate: 20.

Approximately 1 player emerges as a potential target - some unknown Scunthorpe reserves player.

MON: 'HE's THE ONE!!'
JR: 'Quite realistic this is isn't it!' Mon places a bid of £10m which he's convinced will prize him away as it's a tad over the asking price of £20k.
MON: 'right then, lets see what our scouts are doing... hmm.... scouting only England, Scotland, Wales and the Isle of Man! Pfff, that's pathetic, how can it only send scouts to the UK!'

JR: 'Well actually Martin, as a matter of fact...'
MON: 'sweet is a silent tongue John, as I usually say to you on about the 60 minute mark when you suggest a substitute'
JR: 'That's a stupid idea Martin'

MON turns and stares at JR for a good 30 seconds, and then slowly turns round, clicks onto the 'staff' option in the game, and one by one sacks each and every staff member, including JR who he leaves to last

JR: 'hah, you know you couldn't manage without me Martin - remember, when we had the um chicken problem?'
MON: 'Oh good grief yes, that was a fowl issue entirely. Now then, lets play'

The first game starts to play which happens to be a friendly against Colchester at home. MON dances and jumps around the room, occasionally threatening the virtual linesman, and jumping up excitedly when villa attack. Eventually, the final score is Villa 1, Colchester 7.

MON: 'What a completely unrealistic game... 7-1 hah'
JR: 'I know it's unrealistic, Heskey scored for us!'
MON: 'I was referring to the scoreline you imbecile! Anyway, Heskey is doing a sterling job as my flying winger down that left flank. 7-1, we would never lose 7-1 in reality!'
JR: 'um, probably not'

Martin clicks through the post match conference screens, and crowd reaction before looking at the news page. The news is that Nigel Reo-Coker had been injured in training - scuffed toenails, out for 6 months. MON screams at the computer and starts to wrestle the monitor:

MON: 'HAW DARE YOU DEFY ME... I'LL GIVE YOU CLIPPED TOENAILS YOU AWFUL ROTTER!'
JR Finally pulls Martin away kicking and screaming at the monitor, closes the game down and carefully stuffs the CD into the waste basket marked 'Martins secret summer plans for 2010'. The CD just happens to obscure a scrap of paper which, in very illegible handwriting you can just make out 'Bid... Messi, Rooney, Jason Scotland'

thorpyuk



Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

Writer:Thorpyuk
Date:Saturday April 24 2010
Time: 11:40AM

Comments

0
Well, that's half an hour of your life you'll never get back. Maybe if it had actually been funny, it might have been worthwhile. As it is - don't give up your day job.
HeathfieldRoad1874
24/04/2010 15:07:00
0
It took him half an hour to read it?
Doug4ever
24/04/2010 19:07:00
0
Don't be proposterous HF74.... it was ONLY 10 minutes :P
thorpyuk
25/04/2010 14:11:00
Page 1/1
  1. 1

Login to post a comment

Recent Aston Villa Articles

Under Armour Through The Shop Window

Late last night eagle eyed fans noticed something at the club shop I believe, and instead of it being the new home and away kit teasers...

Lambert Gets Linked Again?

Aston Villa are again being linked with now West Bromwich Albion striker Rickie Lambert.

Villa Players Return To Training With Familiar Face

Well it's Wednesday, and earlier today the players returned for testing and day one of Roberto Di Matteo's era at Villa Park.

Birmingham Games Switched On Police Advice

Not a great shock to see the home and away games against Birmingham City moved this season is it - if anything the only surprise is the announcement has come this...

Archived Vital Villa Articles

Vital Villa articles from

Site Journalists

J P Fear
Editor email
Profile
Mike Field
Editor email
Profile
Steve Wade
no email
Profile
Villa_Grizzly
no email
Profile
Turkish Penguin
no email
Profile
Glensider
no email
Profile
Chris Heath
no email
Profile
M Calucar
no email
Profile
JuanPablo Angel
no email
Profile

Current Poll (see more polls)

Can Gabby redeem himself and stay?
Suggested By: JP Fear
Yes33%
No62%
Meh, not sure5%
ScoopDragon Publishing Entire League Network of Sites

League Table

# Team P W D L Pts. GD
C Burnley 46 26 15 5 93 37
P Middlesbrough 46 26 11 9 89 32
3 Brighton 46 24 17 5 89 30
4 Hull City 46 24 11 11 83 34
5 Derby County 46 21 15 10 78 23
6 Sheff Wed 46 19 17 10 74 21
7 Ipswich 46 18 15 13 69 2
8 Cardiff 46 17 17 12 68 5
9 Brentford 46 19 8 19 65 5
10 Birmingham 46 16 15 15 63 4
11 Preston 46 15 17 14 62 0
12 Q.P.R. 46 14 18 14 60 0
13 Leeds Utd 46 14 17 15 59 -8
14 Wolves 46 14 16 16 58 -5
15 Blackburn 46 13 16 17 55 0
16 Forest 46 13 16 17 55 -4
17 Reading 46 13 13 20 52 -7
18 Bristol City 46 13 13 20 52 -17
19 Huddersfield 46 13 12 21 51 -11
20 Fulham 46 12 15 19 51 -13
21 Rotherham 46 13 10 23 49 -18
R Charlton 46 9 13 24 40 -40
R MK Dons 46 9 12 25 39 -30
R Bolton 46 5 15 26 30 -40
Write for Vital Football
Latest F1 News
Pirelli announce driver selections for Austria
Latest Vital Boxing News
Froch Not Sure About Groves!
The Vital Football Members League

Recent Aston Villa Results (view all)

Aston Villa Fixtures (view all)

Vital Members League Table

RankNamePoints
1.The Fear455
2.sirdennis193
3.Fulford191
4.BodyButter160
5.glensider146
6.JuanPabloAngel131
7.kefkat115
8.DeanoVilla107
9.Melon Donkey91
10.HeathfieldRoad187487
Vital Football Comment