Vital Football

Latest Aston Villa News

MON The Football Manager - No Not That One!

MON The Football Manager - No Not That One!

MON The Football Manager - No not that one!

Martin O'Neill turns around and unveils his latest purchase.

It's a copy of 'football manager 2010'. He turns to John Robertson:

MON: 'SO then John, ready to give it a try?'
JR: 'Yeah go on then'

Approximately an hour passes with MON really struggling to get the thing loaded onto his works laptop. He twice has to close down the 'Randy-NoComputergameGame-Lock' which ensures MON can't play games or view porn during office hours.

MON: 'Ok, manager setup screen. Age, 36'
*JR raises an eyebrow*
MON: 'Club - Villa. Ok, lets have a look at the squad and get some tactics sorted'
JR: 'We're having tactics?'
MON: 'Don't be foolish John, how can we play football manager without tactics!'
*JR raises his other eyebrow*
JR: 'hang about Martin, you've somehow put Gabby at right back'
MON: 'Yes, and?' JR: 'um, nothing'

MON: 'right then, transfers.. I'll filter the players, hang on'

MON spends about 5 minutes whittling down all the players in the world using the following criteria: Nationality - English, Age: under 24, Flair: less than 3, preferred position: right back, work rate: 20.

Approximately 1 player emerges as a potential target - some unknown Scunthorpe reserves player.

JR: 'Quite realistic this is isn't it!' Mon places a bid of £10m which he's convinced will prize him away as it's a tad over the asking price of £20k.
MON: 'right then, lets see what our scouts are doing... hmm.... scouting only England, Scotland, Wales and the Isle of Man! Pfff, that's pathetic, how can it only send scouts to the UK!'

JR: 'Well actually Martin, as a matter of fact...'
MON: 'sweet is a silent tongue John, as I usually say to you on about the 60 minute mark when you suggest a substitute'
JR: 'That's a stupid idea Martin'

MON turns and stares at JR for a good 30 seconds, and then slowly turns round, clicks onto the 'staff' option in the game, and one by one sacks each and every staff member, including JR who he leaves to last

JR: 'hah, you know you couldn't manage without me Martin - remember, when we had the um chicken problem?'
MON: 'Oh good grief yes, that was a fowl issue entirely. Now then, lets play'

The first game starts to play which happens to be a friendly against Colchester at home. MON dances and jumps around the room, occasionally threatening the virtual linesman, and jumping up excitedly when villa attack. Eventually, the final score is Villa 1, Colchester 7.

MON: 'What a completely unrealistic game... 7-1 hah'
JR: 'I know it's unrealistic, Heskey scored for us!'
MON: 'I was referring to the scoreline you imbecile! Anyway, Heskey is doing a sterling job as my flying winger down that left flank. 7-1, we would never lose 7-1 in reality!'
JR: 'um, probably not'

Martin clicks through the post match conference screens, and crowd reaction before looking at the news page. The news is that Nigel Reo-Coker had been injured in training - scuffed toenails, out for 6 months. MON screams at the computer and starts to wrestle the monitor:

JR Finally pulls Martin away kicking and screaming at the monitor, closes the game down and carefully stuffs the CD into the waste basket marked 'Martins secret summer plans for 2010'. The CD just happens to obscure a scrap of paper which, in very illegible handwriting you can just make out 'Bid... Messi, Rooney, Jason Scotland'


Date:Saturday April 24 2010
Time: 11:40AM


Well, that's half an hour of your life you'll never get back. Maybe if it had actually been funny, it might have been worthwhile. As it is - don't give up your day job.
24/04/2010 15:07:00
It took him half an hour to read it?
24/04/2010 19:07:00
Don't be proposterous HF74.... it was ONLY 10 minutes :P
25/04/2010 14:11:00
Page 1/1
  1. 1

Login to post a comment


Recent Aston Villa Articles

Villa Fan In SHOCK Attempt At Positivity

Your thoughts Villans, clutching at straws I know, but do you have any further positives to throw my way please?

Another Dagger In The Heart

HH on yet another dagger in the heart of great supporters of a once great club

We Deserved A Point - Garde

Manager Remi Garde has said he felt the performance in the game against Watford today should've returned a point for Aston Villa.

Audio - Garde Pleased With Performance

Manager Remi Garde has said he was pleased with the performance Aston Villa put in during today's three two loss to Watford, but he knows a point should've been taken.

Archived Vital Villa Articles

Vital Villa articles from

Site Journalists

J P Fear
Mike Field
Steve Wade
Turkish Penguin
Chris Heath
M Calucar
JuanPablo Angel

Current Poll (see more polls)

Watford MotM
Suggested By: Site Staff
Sub - Traore19%
Sub - Gestede0%
ScoopDragon Premier League Network Sites

League Table

# Team P W D L Pts. GD
1 Man City 14 9 2 3 29 16
2 Leicester City 14 8 5 1 29 8
3 Man Utd 14 8 4 2 28 10
4 Arsenal 14 8 3 3 27 12
5 Spurs 14 6 7 1 25 13
6 Liverpool 14 6 5 3 23 3
7 Crystal Palace 14 7 1 6 22 5
8 West Ham 14 6 4 4 22 4
9 Everton 14 5 6 3 21 8
10 Southampton 14 5 5 4 20 3
11 Watford 14 5 4 5 19 -1
12 Stoke 14 5 4 5 19 -3
13 WBA 14 5 3 6 18 -5
14 Chelsea 14 4 3 7 15 -6
15 Swansea 14 3 5 6 14 -5
16 Norwich 14 3 4 7 13 -8
17 Sunderland 14 3 3 8 12 -10
18 AFC Bournemouth 14 2 4 8 10 -13
19 Newcastle 14 2 4 8 10 -16
20 Aston Villa 14 1 2 11 5 -15
Write for Vital Football
Latest F1 News
Blog: Abu Dhabi GP Report
Latest Vital Boxing News
Lewis on Fury World Title Triumph
The Vital Football Members League

Aston Villa Fixtures (view all)

Dec 5 2015 3:00PM : Southampton (a)
Barclays Premier League
Dec 13 2015 1:30PM : Arsenal (H)
Barclays Premier League
Dec 19 2015 5:30PM : Newcastle United (a)
Barclays Premier League
Dec 26 2015 3:00PM : West Ham United (H)
Barclays Premier League
Dec 28 2015 3:00PM : Norwich City (a)
Barclays Premier League
Jan 2 2016 3:00PM : Sunderland (a)
Barclays Premier League

Vital Members League Table

1.Pride of Lions16
3.Virginia Villan1
Vital Football Comment