UK time is: 02:16:53
Vital Login
Social Login

Choose your club

Other Sites

Network Navigation

Vital Partners

'If It's Football, It's Vital'

Hercs In The Dressing Room Before The Derby

*We join the lads gearing up for their clash against Birmingham City*

MON: Now I know some of you love playing the derby, eh Gabriel?

*Gabby looks confused*

Gabby: I guess?

MON: You guess? You usually love it?

Gabby: I dunno, we've not played Derby for a while, did I score past them?

MON: No Gabriel, not Derby County, 'The Derby' we're playing Birmingham City.

Gabby: Whooooo hoooooooo!!

*Gabby is running around the dressing room arms out like an aeroplane, an injured Delph has his head hung depressed*

MON: I'm sorry Fabian I know as a former European Cup winning player myself it's frustrating to be out with injury, I missed a European Cup final once, but then I came back, back to show them all with magnificent, spectacular displays that dazzled the....

Delph: Boss?

MON: Oh I'm sorry, am I going on about my European Cup winning days again?

Delph: Yeah .... A bit.

MON: When I won the European Cup twice.

Delph: Yeah! Anyway it's not just being injured .... I trained so hard to play in the derby.

*Delph recollects fighting muay thai battles in a hut in Thailand Slums, two foot tackling bears in Siberia and kicking meat carcasses hanging from hooks in abattoirs all whilst listening to encouraging 80's power ballads*

Delph: Push it to the limiiiiiiiii-eeeeeeeeet!!!!

MON: Fabian?

Fabian: Oh Sorry boss, lost in thought a minute there.

*A fly lands on Delph's plastered foot he wiggles his toes in a vain attempt to kill it, it flys off unscathed, Delph frowns*

Collins: I'm really looking forward to the match boss, since I joined the Villa I hate anything blue..... Sorry Steve.

Sidwell: Sorry? Sorry for wha .... Oh my God!

*Sidwell catches sight of his blue motorbike in flames in the car park through the window*

Sidwell: My bike! My beautiful bike!

MON: That's the spirit!

*Sidwell darts out of the dressing room, MON calls after him*

MON: Be sure to be back five minutes before the end of the match!

*Two men appear in the doorway*

Man 1: Hey Villa losers!

Man 2: Losers!

*They chuckle*

MON: Who are you pair and what are you doing in my dressing room?

Man 2: It's me Liam Ridgewell.

*MON shrugs with no recollection*

Ridgewell: I played in defence?

*MON still looks non the wiser*

Ridgewell: I couldn't grow a moustache.

*MON shows a vague recollection.*

MON: Ah yes, Ian Ridgewell.

Ridgewell: Liam.

MON: Whatever, and you?

*Man 1 looks stunned*

Man 1: What? I only just left, it's me, Craig Gardner.

MON: Who? We don't need a gardener our groundskeeper won 'groundskeeper's groundskeeper' and 'groundskeeper of the year' this year.

Gardner: No not 'a Gardener'....

MON: Make up your mind will you? It's your name, it's not that difficult!

*The dressing room erupts with laughter*

Gardner: We played for Villa, now we play for Birmingham City.

MON: Well it says 'Home Team' above the door, can you not read? How many times must I get rid of you?

*The dressing room erupts with laughter again, Gardner steps forward and answers defiantly*

Gardner: I can read! ...

*Gardner puts a hand to the side of his mouth and leans toward Ridgewell*

Gardner: Reading's the one where you say stuff that's on stuff right?

Ridgewell: Yeah ... I think so....

*Gardner reverts to his 'defiant' stance*

Gardner: Yeah!

*The lads all stare silently at the pair*

MON: What are you here for anyway?

Gardner: We have a message for you losers from the chairman.

MON: Which is?

Ridgewell: Can he borrow a few bob for the coach driver? He's a little short til the end of the month.

MON: Get out.

Gardner: He'll pay you back, he's good for it, honest.

MON: Out!

*Gabby breaks the awkward silence 'flying' past*

Gabby: Wheeeeeeeeeeeee!




Use your social login to comment on front page articles. Login using you Facebook, Twitter, Google or LinkedIn accounts and have your say!



Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

The Journalist

Writer: Hercs Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Friday April 23 2010

Time: 12:05PM

Your Comments

"Delph recollects fighting muay thai battles in a hut in Thailand Slums, two foot tackling bears in Siberia and kicking meat carcasses hanging from hooks in abattoirs all whilst listening to encouraging 80's power ballads" Awesome as always : )
steff_the_villan
Wheeeeeeeeeeeeee!
steff_the_villan
the derby brings out the best in you Hercs
vangogo
lol - nice one!
worto03
Quality. Fear should be paying you for these Hercs....
Villan444
Good one hercs, sundays post match one should be a classic.
Madirish
lol.... villan444.... banned! ;o)
The Fear
Again brilliant, it's like, in fact better, than a soap opera. When's the book coming out?
Jongekki
 

Have Your Say

Log in...
with your social network     OR     with your Vital account

Recent Aston Villa Articles

Something For The Weekend (476) (Friday December 19 2014)

Clark Talks Manchester United & Okore (Friday December 19 2014)

Lambert's Big Manchester United Belief (Friday December 19 2014)

Villa Injury News Pre Manchester United (Friday December 19 2014)

Cissokho Relishing Manchester United (Friday December 19 2014)

If They Won't Sign - Let Them Go! (Friday December 19 2014)

Villa In The NON Rip Off List For Mascots (Thursday December 18 2014)

Archived Aston Villa Articles

List All Vital Villa Articles
Have your say
Click here to suggest an article
Click here to suggest a poll

Vital Members League (view all)

1. Pride of Lions 644
2. The Fear 608
3. ClivetheVillan 566
4. kefkat 239
5. Freeman14 196
6. sirdennis 175
7. Villan57 141
8. Sussex Villan 123
9. DeanoVilla 122
10. mike_field 97

League Results (view all)

League Table (view table)

Team P W D L GD Pts
10. Everton 16 5 6 5 3 21
11. Liverpool 16 6 3 7 -3 21
12. Stoke 16 5 4 7 -3 19
13. Aston Villa 16 5 4 7 -10 19
14. WBA 16 4 5 7 -5 17
15. Sunderland 16 2 10 4 -10 16
16. Crystal Palace 16 3 6 7 -5 15

Breaking League News

Team News: City v Crystal Palace
Man City : 19/12/2014 19:57:00
Pellegrini Confident Milner Will Stay
Man City : 19/12/2014 19:54:00
Team News: Hull v Swansea
Hull City : 19/12/2014 19:37:00
Dawson Out For Five-Weeks
Hull City : 19/12/2014 19:36:00
More Than Arfa Chance Hatem Will Leave
Hull City : 19/12/2014 19:35:00

Current Site Poll (view all polls)

Villa v Man Utd will:
Suggested By:  Mystic Mug
Win 49%
Lose 47%
Draw 4%