Date:Friday April 23 2010
*We join the lads gearing up for their clash against Birmingham City*
MON: Now I know some of you love playing the derby, eh Gabriel?
*Gabby looks confused*
Gabby: I guess?
MON: You guess? You usually love it?
Gabby: I dunno, we've not played Derby for a while, did I score past them?
MON: No Gabriel, not Derby County, 'The Derby' we're playing Birmingham City.
Gabby: Whooooo hoooooooo!!
*Gabby is running around the dressing room arms out like an aeroplane, an injured Delph has his head hung depressed*
MON: I'm sorry Fabian I know as a former European Cup winning player myself it's frustrating to be out with injury, I missed a European Cup final once, but then I came back, back to show them all with magnificent, spectacular displays that dazzled the....
MON: Oh I'm sorry, am I going on about my European Cup winning days again?
Delph: Yeah .... A bit.
MON: When I won the European Cup twice.
Delph: Yeah! Anyway it's not just being injured .... I trained so hard to play in the derby.
*Delph recollects fighting muay thai battles in a hut in Thailand Slums, two foot tackling bears in Siberia and kicking meat carcasses hanging from hooks in abattoirs all whilst listening to encouraging 80's power ballads*
Delph: Push it to the limiiiiiiiii-eeeeeeeeet!!!!
Fabian: Oh … Sorry boss, lost in thought a minute there.
*A fly lands on Delph's plastered foot he wiggles his toes in a vain attempt to kill it, it flys off unscathed, Delph frowns*
Collins: I'm really looking forward to the match boss, since I joined the Villa I hate anything blue..... Sorry Steve.
Sidwell: Sorry? Sorry for wha .... Oh my God!
*Sidwell catches sight of his blue motorbike in flames in the car park through the window*
Sidwell: My bike! My beautiful bike!
MON: That's the spirit!
*Sidwell darts out of the dressing room, MON calls after him*
MON: Be sure to be back five minutes before the end of the match!
*Two men appear in the doorway*
Man 1: Hey Villa losers!
Man 2: Losers!
MON: Who are you pair and what are you doing in my dressing room?
Man 2: It's me Liam Ridgewell.
*MON shrugs with no recollection*
Ridgewell: I played in defence?
*MON still looks non the wiser*
Ridgewell: I couldn't grow a moustache.
*MON shows a vague recollection.*
MON: Ah yes, Ian Ridgewell.
MON: Whatever, and you?
*Man 1 looks stunned*
Man 1: What? I only just left, it's me, Craig Gardner.
MON: Who? We don't need a gardener our groundskeeper won 'groundskeeper's groundskeeper' and 'groundskeeper of the year' this year.
Gardner: No not 'a Gardener'....
MON: Make up your mind will you? It's your name, it's not that difficult!
*The dressing room erupts with laughter*
Gardner: We played for Villa, now we play for Birmingham City.
MON: Well it says 'Home Team' above the door, can you not read? How many times must I get rid of you?
*The dressing room erupts with laughter again, Gardner steps forward and answers defiantly*
Gardner: I can read! ...
*Gardner puts a hand to the side of his mouth and leans toward Ridgewell*
Gardner: Reading's the one where you say stuff that's on stuff right?
Ridgewell: Yeah ... I think so....
*Gardner reverts to his 'defiant' stance*
*The lads all stare silently at the pair*
MON: What are you here for anyway?
Gardner: We have a message for you losers from the chairman.
MON: Which is?
Ridgewell: Can he borrow a few bob for the coach driver? He's a little short til the end of the month.
MON: Get out.
Gardner: He'll pay you back, he's good for it, honest.
*Gabby breaks the awkward silence 'flying' past*
Date:Friday April 23 2010
Lambert Confirms What You All Thought About Me (Thursday April 24 2014)
The 'Not The Villa Times' News 24/4/14 (Thursday April 24 2014)
Pre Swansea Injury News + U21 Update (Thursday April 24 2014)
Vital Villa Man Of Match v Southampton (Wednesday April 23 2014)
Sylla - Not As Dramatic As He Sounds (Wednesday April 23 2014)
Robinson Looking For More (Monday April 21 2014)
Villa Fans Praised - By A Villa Fan! (Monday April 21 2014)
Dear Randy...A Fans Retort (Sunday April 20 2014)
Club Statement From Randy Lerner (Sunday April 20 2014)
Randy A Willing Seller - But No Deals Done (Sunday April 20 2014)
|1.||Pride of Lions||1126|
|5.||Villan Of The North||286|
|Crystal Palace||1||-||0||Aston Villa|
|Man Utd||4||-||1||Aston Villa|
|12. West Ham||35||10||7||18||-10||37|
|14. Hull City||34||10||6||18||-9||36|
|15. Aston Villa||34||9||8||17||-14||35|
|Michu Set To Miss Aston Villa Game
» Swansea : 24/04/2014 22:58:00
|Mel Not Phased By The Pressure
» WBA : 24/04/2014 21:16:00
|West Ham Injury News For Albion
» WBA : 24/04/2014 21:10:00
|Jedinak - We Won't Relax Off
» Crystal Palace : 24/04/2014 20:56:00
|Pulis Now Looking To The Future
» Crystal Palace : 24/04/2014 20:51:00
|We Need Mutch Belief, Not Fear
» Cardiff : 24/04/2014 20:26:00
|Lambert Confirms What You All Thought About Me
» Aston Villa : 24/04/2014 20:00:00