Date:Friday April 23 2010
*We join the lads gearing up for their clash against Birmingham City*
MON: Now I know some of you love playing the derby, eh Gabriel?
*Gabby looks confused*
Gabby: I guess?
MON: You guess? You usually love it?
Gabby: I dunno, we've not played Derby for a while, did I score past them?
MON: No Gabriel, not Derby County, 'The Derby' we're playing Birmingham City.
Gabby: Whooooo hoooooooo!!
*Gabby is running around the dressing room arms out like an aeroplane, an injured Delph has his head hung depressed*
MON: I'm sorry Fabian I know as a former European Cup winning player myself it's frustrating to be out with injury, I missed a European Cup final once, but then I came back, back to show them all with magnificent, spectacular displays that dazzled the....
MON: Oh I'm sorry, am I going on about my European Cup winning days again?
Delph: Yeah .... A bit.
MON: When I won the European Cup twice.
Delph: Yeah! Anyway it's not just being injured .... I trained so hard to play in the derby.
*Delph recollects fighting muay thai battles in a hut in Thailand Slums, two foot tackling bears in Siberia and kicking meat carcasses hanging from hooks in abattoirs all whilst listening to encouraging 80's power ballads*
Delph: Push it to the limiiiiiiiii-eeeeeeeeet!!!!
Fabian: Oh … Sorry boss, lost in thought a minute there.
*A fly lands on Delph's plastered foot he wiggles his toes in a vain attempt to kill it, it flys off unscathed, Delph frowns*
Collins: I'm really looking forward to the match boss, since I joined the Villa I hate anything blue..... Sorry Steve.
Sidwell: Sorry? Sorry for wha .... Oh my God!
*Sidwell catches sight of his blue motorbike in flames in the car park through the window*
Sidwell: My bike! My beautiful bike!
MON: That's the spirit!
*Sidwell darts out of the dressing room, MON calls after him*
MON: Be sure to be back five minutes before the end of the match!
*Two men appear in the doorway*
Man 1: Hey Villa losers!
Man 2: Losers!
MON: Who are you pair and what are you doing in my dressing room?
Man 2: It's me Liam Ridgewell.
*MON shrugs with no recollection*
Ridgewell: I played in defence?
*MON still looks non the wiser*
Ridgewell: I couldn't grow a moustache.
*MON shows a vague recollection.*
MON: Ah yes, Ian Ridgewell.
MON: Whatever, and you?
*Man 1 looks stunned*
Man 1: What? I only just left, it's me, Craig Gardner.
MON: Who? We don't need a gardener our groundskeeper won 'groundskeeper's groundskeeper' and 'groundskeeper of the year' this year.
Gardner: No not 'a Gardener'....
MON: Make up your mind will you? It's your name, it's not that difficult!
*The dressing room erupts with laughter*
Gardner: We played for Villa, now we play for Birmingham City.
MON: Well it says 'Home Team' above the door, can you not read? How many times must I get rid of you?
*The dressing room erupts with laughter again, Gardner steps forward and answers defiantly*
Gardner: I can read! ...
*Gardner puts a hand to the side of his mouth and leans toward Ridgewell*
Gardner: Reading's the one where you say stuff that's on stuff right?
Ridgewell: Yeah ... I think so....
*Gardner reverts to his 'defiant' stance*
*The lads all stare silently at the pair*
MON: What are you here for anyway?
Gardner: We have a message for you losers from the chairman.
MON: Which is?
Ridgewell: Can he borrow a few bob for the coach driver? He's a little short til the end of the month.
MON: Get out.
Gardner: He'll pay you back, he's good for it, honest.
*Gabby breaks the awkward silence 'flying' past*
Date:Friday April 23 2010
Delph Must Be Kept - Poll Results (Thursday October 2 2014)
Football vs Golf (Wednesday October 1 2014)
The Villa Times - 30/09/2014 (Tuesday September 30 2014)
Which Villan Would You Most Like To Keep? (Monday September 29 2014)
U21s - Villa 3-0 Bolton (Monday September 29 2014)
Benteke Steps Up His Fitness (Monday September 29 2014)
The Vital Villa Fantasy League Table (Monday September 29 2014)
Lambert Content Following Chelsea Loss (Sunday September 28 2014)
Stats: Chelsea v Aston Villa (Saturday September 27 2014)
Vital Villa Match Day - Villa Away To Chelsea (Saturday September 27 2014)
|2.||Pride of Lions||42|
|Aston Villa||2||-||1||Hull City|
|3. Man City||6||3||2||1||5||11|
|6. Aston Villa||6||3||1||2||-3||10|
|7. Man Utd||6||2||2||2||2||8|
|9. Crystal Palace||6||2||2||2||0||8|
» Arsenal : 02/10/2014 13:16:00
|Delph Must Be Kept - Poll Results
» Aston Villa : 02/10/2014 12:30:00
|Everton fly out to Russia without key players
» Everton : 02/10/2014 10:50:00
|Liverpool: Rodgers Bemoans 'Soft' Goal
» Liverpool : 02/10/2014 08:50:00
» Liverpool : 02/10/2014 08:00:00