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'If It's Football, It's Vital'

Hercs In The Dressing Room Before Hull City

*We join the lads preparing for their clash against Hull City*

MON: Right lads, I think we're ready to go to Hull.

Heskey: Noooooo! Oh sweet Lord what sins have we committed to deserve to go to the eternal pit of anguish and horror!?

MON: No, no Emile, I said HULL, as in Hull City.

Heskey: I know boss.

*The dressing room erupts with laughter*

MON: Now we'll have to be careful against the tigers, they're in the relegation fight and you know what they say about 'an animal backed into a corner' ....

Gabby: That they're rubbish at football?

*The dressing room erupts with laughter*

Gabby: What?

MON: No Gabriel, they say....

Gabby: wait so animals backed into corners are good at football?

MON: No, no I'm saying that when backed into corners they come out fighting.

Gabby: I don't think they'll fight us boss, Jimmy Bullard's really nice, one time he came over and he said....

MON: Not literally fight us Gabriel.

Gabby: Oh you were speaking in metaphorical terms? Why didn't you just say that?

*The lads all stare at Gabby*

Gabby: What?

MON: Now Nathan....

Delfouneso: Oh My God, Oh My God, Oh My God!

MON: Nathan?

Delphouneso: I kicked it ... and .... It went in.

A.Young: Did you not see his face when he scored boss? .... He's still not recovered from the shock.

*A wide eyed Delfouneso stands robotically and mimics the goal he scored, then sits back down again. Then he repeats the process*

MON: O....K, Nathan you're starting. Lads put the ball on that.

*MON points to Delfouneso's boot as he swings it up slowly once more repeating his scoring action.*

A.Young: Really bad news about Fabian with the injury boss.

MON: Yes, terrible shame.

A.Young: Have you not invited him to come along as a spectator?

MON: No .... I think .... He's best just resting for now.

*MON envisions Delph crashing his wheelchair into Hull's players as they arrive using his plastered leg as a battering ram, he shakes his head and returns to focus.*

MON: OK everyone, let's get on the coach.




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The Journalist

Writer: Hercs Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Wednesday April 21 2010

Time: 12:30PM

Your Comments

little soft this time, but still funny
vangogo
Hilarious again. When's the book out?
Jongekki
We should be all right then Mikez ;oP
villan of the north
"the eternal pit of anguish and horror" A perfect description of Hull. Pronounced HOLE by those who live there.
andy5759
hercs does del and delph so well!
benji_starsky_avfc
 

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