Hercs In The Dressing Room Post Chelsea Robbery
*We join MON speaking in the dressing room dejected after the lads loss at Wembley*
MON: Well that went as planned, except for the loss of course, I mean we showed some good fight out there and conceded some late goals and sure the media will blame a tired squad but that is hogwash and we all know.....
*MON is interrupted by loud snoring, he pauses and scans the room to see the dressing room asleep*
Gabby: .... Pregnant!?......
Heskey: ..... By far the proudest of my achievements .... Few strikers get the World Cup Golden Boot....
Delph: ....Die! Die! Die!... Red card!? ... I didn't even touch him!.... Is it because I'm not John Terry!?....
Carew: .....Free dance night!?......
*The lads jumped startled, some of their Aston Villa sleeping caps fly off, Ashley Young raises his head from Carews shoulder and stretches.*
A.Young: What's up boss?
MON: The match lads, though we lost, good effort.
*MON strolls toward Heskey and tears off the 'Respect' patch on his shirt sleeve, waving it it to the lads.*
MON: But this!? You can forget this!
Milner: Mad about tha' penalty and John Terry's attempted murder like boss?
MON: Yes James .... But something more ....
*MON flashes back to his approach to Howard Webb's dressing room post match to dispute his decisions*
*MON knocks on the door, it's a little open already and what sounds like Karaoke is blaring out, MON gently edges the door open further*
MON: Listen Mr.Webb I....
*MON's jaw drops and he is stunned to silence, Howard Webb has his back to MON and is dancing in a long, blonde, curly wig, he is stripped to a vest and his shorts*
Webb: R.E.S.P.E.C.T! Found out what it means to me! ....
*Webb blows the rest of the tune on his ref's whistle, he has fists full of cash with a briefcase sat on the dresser which has 'NOT Bribe Money' embossed on it ... Webb notices MON's presence*
Webb: Oh .... Err Martin .... It's not what it looks like.
MON: So you're not butchering an Aretha Franklin classic?
Webb: Well ... Yes ... I mean I've not been bribed. I can assure you that any decisions throughout the match were down to big four media bias and were not in anyway financially endorsed.
MON: You're reading a statement ... A statement I just saw you pull from the briefcase you have clearly received from Roman Ambromavic.
Webb: What!? Nonsense.
*MON raises the tag on the brief case*
MON: Then what's this?
*The tag is a picture of Roman Ambromavic with a large grin and two thumbs up*
Webb: Well that could be any Russian oligarch!
*MON sighs and strolls back to the Villa dressing room*
MON: Well lads, nevermind, worse things have happened, we all survived.
*Milner is rubbing his leg, a tear rolls down his cheek*
Milner: Sometimes like, I wish I never.
MON: Don't you worry James, we'll have our revenge, first we get as many of you as we can in the England team .... Then ....