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Hercs In The Dressing Room Before The Big Semi

Hercs In The Dressing Room Before The Big Semi

*We join the lads gearing up for their semi-final clash against Chelsea*

MON: Ah I love a semi.

*The dressing room erupts with laughter.*

MON: Alright settle down you filthy lot.

Collins: Oh My God! What're we going to do!? We can't do anything against the Chelsea machine! We're doomed!

*Collins grabs MON by both sides of his tracksuit jacket and screams hysterically in his face*

Collins: Doomed!!!

*Petrov adjusts the captain's armband and slaps Collins about the face*

Petrov: Get a hold of yourself! They are but men!

*Collins ashamedlely lowers his head*

Collins: I'm sorry captain ... I shall issue an apology via Twitter at once.

Petrov: I don't use Twitter, it's weird.

*a grinning Delph slaps Collins*

Delph: Get a hold of yourself!

Collins: Ow! I already had a hold of myself!

Delph: Yeah ... Right ... Sorry.

*MON has a knowing glint in his eye and a wry smile*

Dunne: What's with tha knowin' glint in yer eye dere bass?

Cuellar: Och an ye wee, wry smile?

MON: Easter lads, Frank Lampard will no doubt have stuffed himself to a stupour, look at him.

*MON hits a notice board with his pointer there is a picture of Frank Lampard in action with a '+' sign, then a picture of a foil wrapped easter egg, then an '=' sign then a picture MON jumping for joy*

MON: He has the look of a man partial to a chocolate egg or two does he not? This will exponentially slow him down. Pah! John Terry dared question our discipline and it will be theirs which will be their undoing!

*The lads slowly hide the eggs they have been scoffing throughout the team talk, Ashley Young is sliding an egg underneath his chair with his foot*

A.Young: Great plan boss.

*Cuellar is dusting Cadbury's Flake from his beard*

Cuellar: Aye, brillian'.

*NRC enters, he's beaming and casually eating an easter egg*

NRC: Hey guys great news, the physio says I'm fit to play and .... Why's everyone looking at me like that?

MON: You always have to defy me don't you Nigel?

NRC: Defy you? What ... You want some easter egg?

*The room falls silent and uncomfortable as MON seeths with rage, NRC puts one cupped hand to his mouth and addresses the lads*

NRC (whispering): Is he diabetic?

*Delph breaks the silence slapping Collins*

Delph: Get a hold of yourself!

Collins: I said I'm fine!

Date:Friday April 9 2010
Time: 12:14PM


MON: He has the look of a man partial to a chocolate egg or two does he not? gold
09/04/2010 12:50:00
Good to read that Hercs is in fine form on the eve of our Cup semi-final, nerves not effecting or restricting his humour. Looking forward to reading your take on the post game dressing room celebrations Hercs, after we've seen off John Terry and co.
09/04/2010 22:11:00
'Great plan boss!"
10/04/2010 07:37:00
A great pass by A Young there slipping in the easter egg, lol. Well done Hercs.
holte ender 1969
10/04/2010 10:37:00
Nice one Hercs, laughed my t*ts off!
10/04/2010 13:56:00
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