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Hercs In The Dressing Room Before The Big Semi

*We join the lads gearing up for their semi-final clash against Chelsea*

MON: Ah I love a semi.

*The dressing room erupts with laughter.*

MON: Alright settle down you filthy lot.

Collins: Oh My God! What're we going to do!? We can't do anything against the Chelsea machine! We're doomed!

*Collins grabs MON by both sides of his tracksuit jacket and screams hysterically in his face*

Collins: Doomed!!!

*Petrov adjusts the captain's armband and slaps Collins about the face*

Petrov: Get a hold of yourself! They are but men!

*Collins ashamedlely lowers his head*

Collins: I'm sorry captain ... I shall issue an apology via Twitter at once.

Petrov: I don't use Twitter, it's weird.

*a grinning Delph slaps Collins*

Delph: Get a hold of yourself!

Collins: Ow! I already had a hold of myself!

Delph: Yeah ... Right ... Sorry.

*MON has a knowing glint in his eye and a wry smile*

Dunne: What's with tha knowin' glint in yer eye dere bass?

Cuellar: Och an ye wee, wry smile?

MON: Easter lads, Frank Lampard will no doubt have stuffed himself to a stupour, look at him.

*MON hits a notice board with his pointer there is a picture of Frank Lampard in action with a '+' sign, then a picture of a foil wrapped easter egg, then an '=' sign then a picture MON jumping for joy*

MON: He has the look of a man partial to a chocolate egg or two does he not? This will exponentially slow him down. Pah! John Terry dared question our discipline and it will be theirs which will be their undoing!

*The lads slowly hide the eggs they have been scoffing throughout the team talk, Ashley Young is sliding an egg underneath his chair with his foot*

A.Young: Great plan boss.

*Cuellar is dusting Cadbury's Flake from his beard*

Cuellar: Aye, brillian'.

*NRC enters, he's beaming and casually eating an easter egg*

NRC: Hey guys great news, the physio says I'm fit to play and .... Why's everyone looking at me like that?

MON: You always have to defy me don't you Nigel?

NRC: Defy you? What ... You want some easter egg?

*The room falls silent and uncomfortable as MON seeths with rage, NRC puts one cupped hand to his mouth and addresses the lads*

NRC (whispering): Is he diabetic?

*Delph breaks the silence slapping Collins*

Delph: Get a hold of yourself!

Collins: I said I'm fine!




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The Journalist

Writer: Hercs Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Friday April 9 2010

Time: 12:14PM

Your Comments (oldest first)

Change to most recent first
MON: He has the look of a man partial to a chocolate egg or two does he not? gold
intox
Report Abuse
09/04/2010 12:50:00

Good to read that Hercs is in fine form on the eve of our Cup semi-final, nerves not effecting or restricting his humour. Looking forward to reading your take on the post game dressing room celebrations Hercs, after we've seen off John Terry and co.
glensider
Report Abuse
09/04/2010 22:11:00

'Great plan boss!"
FootyFans
Report Abuse
10/04/2010 07:37:00

A great pass by A Young there slipping in the easter egg, lol. Well done Hercs.
holte ender 1969
Report Abuse
10/04/2010 10:37:00

Nice one Hercs, laughed my t*ts off!
Charizma
Report Abuse
10/04/2010 13:56:00

 

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