Hercs In The Dressing Room 'When Rumours Abound'
*We join MON who's been called for showdown talks with Randy Lerner*
Lerner: Maaaaarty! Long time no see, how's it hangin'?
MON: You're .... not mad about the 7-1?
Lerner: Ah seven one shmeven one. Hell so what if they scored a touchdown and conversion? That's football right?
MON: Well, not exac....
Lerner: Anyway you're hear about Jimmy Milner, I done had a 'grrrrrrreat!' offer for him as Tony the tiger would say.
MON: I didn't realise you had Tony the tiger in America.
*Lerner looks confused*
Lerner: How'd you mean? I take Tony with me everywhere.
*Lerner points to an actual tiger*
Tony: How'd you do?
MON: Hi ... (turning back to Randy) You own a talking tiger?
Lerner: Son when you're a billionaire you can own whatever you like.
MON: right, anyway what was this about Milner.
Lerner: These guys are offering me millions for what I can imagine are a few photoshoots in speedos and with feather boas and stuff.
*MON looks sceptical*
MON: Boss are you su....
Lerner: I mean 'Man United', you can bat for whatever side you want for the kind of money their offering.
MON: Sir, Man United is a football team not some publication for men of a certain persuasion.
Lerner: Nonsense Marty, it'll be the same as that deal with Barry for 'Man City'. You can't underestimate the power of the pink pound.
MON: Sir, Barry PLAYS for them now!
Lerner: He does? Gee I thought he had a homelife with kids and everything, go figure.
MON: No not for ... I give up.
*sources 'close to Villa' get on the internet and radio on MON's resignation*