UK time is: 10:35:23
Vital Login
Social Login

Choose your club

Other Sites

Network Navigation

Vital Partners

'If It's Football, It's Vital'

Hercs In The Dressing Room After Chelsea Game

*We join the lads, heads hung low and glum after their heavy defeat against Chelsea, MON jovially enters whistling as he gets to the front of the room*

MON: Great stuff lads, brilliant, that went exactly as we'd planned.

*MON puts his hands on his hips, throws his head back and bursts out laughing maniacally.*

A.Young (whispering): This is terrible, we've sent him mad.

*A number of the lads fearfully nod*

MON: Excellent, I'm just glad you all got the memo.

Collins: Memo?

Carew: What memo?

MON: Very good you two, the memo, you know.

*MON shuffles the cursor on his laptop and it jumps into life, he clicks on his sent e-mails*

MON: Here we go. 'Lets leave it to Chelsea lads, lure them into a false sense of security then strike in the F.A Cup semi-final' and might I say lads you executed the plan beautifully.

A.Young: Boss, I didn't get your e-mail.

*MON chuckles*

MON: Good one Ashley, you said you went to check you're e-mails a few minutes before the match, I saw you get your laptop you little scamp.

A.Young: Yeah .... um ..... e-mails.

MON: And like I said before kick-off, 'everyone don't forget to check out your e-mails'.

Carew: E-mails? I thought you said check out the females.

Gabby: Yeah me too.

MON: Fema...? Why would I ...? So None of you got the memo? You just ... Lost?

Dunne: Aye bass, every goal was like a dagger to me backside.

MON: Don't you mean your heart?

Collins: Steady on boss, his heart's not that big.

*MON flips to a foul, four-letter word tirade which lasts for 40 minutes*

A.Young: Please boss, calm down, I don't think the last few sentances you yelled even made sense.

MON: Pound sign! Percentage! Asterix! Exclamation mark!

*MON Collapses in an exausted heap. He lays on his side heavy breathing like a dying animal*

Warnock: Boss..... Are you ... OK?

*MON raises a weak arm*

MON: Confound you to Hades!

*Carew and Gabby scan the room*

Carew: What ladies?




Use your social login to comment on front page articles. Login using you Facebook, Twitter, Google or LinkedIn accounts and have your say!

Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

The Journalist

Writer: Hercs Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Tuesday March 30 2010

Time: 4:08PM

Your Comments

Very funny Hercs. I'm left hoping though that the performance wasn't a false sense of security and that we can overcome you at Wembley too.
LifeLongBlue
Very funny Hercs. I'm left hoping though that the performance wasn't a false sense of security and that we can overcome you at Wembley too.
LifeLongBlue
:-) Like it, Hercs.
badger0-0
:-) Like it, Hercs.
badger0-0
Wonderful timing Hercs, just what the doctor ordered on this darkest of dark days. Thank you (from the heart of my bottom).
andy5759
Wonderful timing Hercs, just what the doctor ordered on this darkest of dark days. Thank you (from the heart of my bottom).
andy5759
clicked a random link and glad i did... very funny stuff. hope you get a win this weekend and forget about Chelsea
retroflair31
Hercs, you did it,i can finally laugh about it. "every goal was like a dagger to me backside" inspired mate.
longbridgelion
Hercs, you did it,i can finally laugh about it. "every goal was like a dagger to me backside" inspired mate.
longbridgelion
Best so far from you Hercs!
FootyFans
Best so far from you Hercs!
FootyFans
Hercs excellent articles are almost as good as that Glensider's away match reports. Another great read Hercs. Great stuff. Pity we cant say similar concerning the ninety minutes plus, on which the article is based.
glensider
Hercs excellent articles are almost as good as that Glensider's away match reports. Another great read Hercs. Great stuff. Pity we cant say similar concerning the ninety minutes plus, on which the article is based.
glensider
XD!! The only silver lining of getting pummeled was knowing that this article would crack me up! Nice one mate. Up the Villa
Nel-A
XD!! The only silver lining of getting pummeled was knowing that this article would crack me up! Nice one mate. Up the Villa
Nel-A
excellent stuff again! keep em coming!
LHrover
excellent stuff again! keep em coming!
LHrover
I know that was funny, but I still think its too soon to laugh and make jokes about it. A bit like when Princess Di jokes started flying round.
Stig
I know that was funny, but I still think its too soon to laugh and make jokes about it. A bit like when Princess Di jokes started flying round.
Stig
Brilliant!!!
JT_daniel
 

Have Your Say

Log in...
with your social network     OR     with your Vital account

Recent Aston Villa Articles

Bent Wants Brighton Stay (Sunday December 21 2014)

Lambert To Complete Cleverley Deal? (Sunday December 21 2014)

Stats: Aston Villa v Man U (Saturday December 20 2014)

Lambert - Duo Going Nowhere In January (Saturday December 20 2014)

Something For The Weekend (476) (Friday December 19 2014)

Clark Talks Manchester United & Okore (Friday December 19 2014)

Lambert's Big Manchester United Belief (Friday December 19 2014)

Archived Aston Villa Articles

List All Vital Villa Articles
Have your say
Click here to suggest an article
Click here to suggest a poll

Vital Members League (view all)

1. The Fear 691
2. Pride of Lions 683
3. ClivetheVillan 617
4. kefkat 265
5. Freeman14 236
6. sirdennis 191
7. Villan57 165
8. Sussex Villan 135
9. Fulford 131
10. DeanoVilla 122

League Results (view all)

League Table (view table)

Team P W D L GD Pts
9. Newcastle 17 6 5 6 -5 23
10. Liverpool 17 6 4 7 -3 22
11. Everton 17 5 6 6 0 21
12. Aston Villa 17 5 5 7 -10 20
13. Stoke 16 5 4 7 -3 19
14. Sunderland 17 3 10 4 -9 19
15. WBA 17 4 5 8 -6 17

Breaking League News

Everton to blame for defeat
Everton : 22/12/2014 10:00:00
Saido Berahino?
Spurs : 22/12/2014 09:49:00
Vital Report: Liverpool 2-2 Arsenal
Liverpool : 22/12/2014 08:20:00
Totally Deserved, says Gus Poyet
Sunderland : 22/12/2014 01:34:00
Pardew Will Have To Live With 4 In A Row Tab.
Sunderland : 22/12/2014 01:12:00

Current Site Poll (view all polls)

Man U MotM
Suggested By:  MF
Guzan 8%
Lowton 0%
Okore 54%
Vlaar 0%
Clark 2%
Cissokho 0%
Delph 3%
Sanchez 22%
Weimann 0%
Agbonlahor 1%
Benteke 10%
Sub - Bacuna 0%
Sub - N'Zogbia 0%