UK time is: 11:14:43
Vital Login
Social Login

Choose your club

Other Sites

Network Navigation

Vital Partners

'If It's Football, It's Vital'

Hercs In The Dressing Room After Chelsea Game

*We join the lads, heads hung low and glum after their heavy defeat against Chelsea, MON jovially enters whistling as he gets to the front of the room*

MON: Great stuff lads, brilliant, that went exactly as we'd planned.

*MON puts his hands on his hips, throws his head back and bursts out laughing maniacally.*

A.Young (whispering): This is terrible, we've sent him mad.

*A number of the lads fearfully nod*

MON: Excellent, I'm just glad you all got the memo.

Collins: Memo?

Carew: What memo?

MON: Very good you two, the memo, you know.

*MON shuffles the cursor on his laptop and it jumps into life, he clicks on his sent e-mails*

MON: Here we go. 'Lets leave it to Chelsea lads, lure them into a false sense of security then strike in the F.A Cup semi-final' and might I say lads you executed the plan beautifully.

A.Young: Boss, I didn't get your e-mail.

*MON chuckles*

MON: Good one Ashley, you said you went to check you're e-mails a few minutes before the match, I saw you get your laptop you little scamp.

A.Young: Yeah .... um ..... e-mails.

MON: And like I said before kick-off, 'everyone don't forget to check out your e-mails'.

Carew: E-mails? I thought you said check out the females.

Gabby: Yeah me too.

MON: Fema...? Why would I ...? So None of you got the memo? You just ... Lost?

Dunne: Aye bass, every goal was like a dagger to me backside.

MON: Don't you mean your heart?

Collins: Steady on boss, his heart's not that big.

*MON flips to a foul, four-letter word tirade which lasts for 40 minutes*

A.Young: Please boss, calm down, I don't think the last few sentances you yelled even made sense.

MON: Pound sign! Percentage! Asterix! Exclamation mark!

*MON Collapses in an exausted heap. He lays on his side heavy breathing like a dying animal*

Warnock: Boss..... Are you ... OK?

*MON raises a weak arm*

MON: Confound you to Hades!

*Carew and Gabby scan the room*

Carew: What ladies?




Use your social login to comment on front page articles. Login using you Facebook, Twitter, Google or LinkedIn accounts and have your say!

Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

The Journalist

Writer: Hercs Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Tuesday March 30 2010

Time: 4:08PM

Your Comments

Very funny Hercs. I'm left hoping though that the performance wasn't a false sense of security and that we can overcome you at Wembley too.
LifeLongBlue
Very funny Hercs. I'm left hoping though that the performance wasn't a false sense of security and that we can overcome you at Wembley too.
LifeLongBlue
:-) Like it, Hercs.
badger0-0
:-) Like it, Hercs.
badger0-0
Wonderful timing Hercs, just what the doctor ordered on this darkest of dark days. Thank you (from the heart of my bottom).
andy5759
Wonderful timing Hercs, just what the doctor ordered on this darkest of dark days. Thank you (from the heart of my bottom).
andy5759
clicked a random link and glad i did... very funny stuff. hope you get a win this weekend and forget about Chelsea
retroflair31
Hercs, you did it,i can finally laugh about it. "every goal was like a dagger to me backside" inspired mate.
longbridgelion
Hercs, you did it,i can finally laugh about it. "every goal was like a dagger to me backside" inspired mate.
longbridgelion
Best so far from you Hercs!
FootyFans
Best so far from you Hercs!
FootyFans
Hercs excellent articles are almost as good as that Glensider's away match reports. Another great read Hercs. Great stuff. Pity we cant say similar concerning the ninety minutes plus, on which the article is based.
glensider
Hercs excellent articles are almost as good as that Glensider's away match reports. Another great read Hercs. Great stuff. Pity we cant say similar concerning the ninety minutes plus, on which the article is based.
glensider
XD!! The only silver lining of getting pummeled was knowing that this article would crack me up! Nice one mate. Up the Villa
Nel-A
XD!! The only silver lining of getting pummeled was knowing that this article would crack me up! Nice one mate. Up the Villa
Nel-A
excellent stuff again! keep em coming!
LHrover
excellent stuff again! keep em coming!
LHrover
I know that was funny, but I still think its too soon to laugh and make jokes about it. A bit like when Princess Di jokes started flying round.
Stig
I know that was funny, but I still think its too soon to laugh and make jokes about it. A bit like when Princess Di jokes started flying round.
Stig
Brilliant!!!
JT_daniel
 

Have Your Say

Log in...
with your social network     OR     with your Vital account

Recent Aston Villa Articles

Villa Fan - Rant Mode On... (Tuesday November 25 2014)

AVFC: Relegation Super Storm? (Tuesday November 25 2014)

Lambert On Big Pluses Of Saints Draw (Tuesday November 25 2014)

Stats: Aston Villa v Southampton (Monday November 24 2014)

Tadic Was Our Failed January Buy (Sunday November 23 2014)

Something For The Weekend (472) (Friday November 21 2014)

Archived Aston Villa Articles

List All Vital Villa Articles
Have your say
Click here to suggest an article
Click here to suggest a poll

Vital Members League (view all)

1. Pride of Lions 867
2. ClivetheVillan 844
3. The Fear 660
4. kefkat 291
5. Freeman14 242
6. sirdennis 202
7. DeanoVilla 178
8. Villan57 156
9. gator 114
10. Clubpaver 104

League Results (view all)

League Table (view table)

Team P W D L GD Pts
13. WBA 12 3 4 5 -4 13
14. Sunderland 12 2 7 3 -7 13
15. Crystal Palace 12 3 3 6 -4 12
16. Aston Villa 12 3 3 6 -11 12
17. Hull City 12 2 5 5 -3 11
18. Leicester City 12 2 4 6 -7 10
19. Burnley 12 2 4 6 -12 10

Breaking League News

Fabianski wins Man of the Match Poll vs Man City
Swansea : 26/11/2014 11:00:00
Everton eye European advance
Everton : 26/11/2014 10:00:00
A Perfect Performance Says Di Matteo!
Chelsea : 26/11/2014 10:00:00
New Recruits amp; Transfer Policy
Spurs : 26/11/2014 09:51:00
Kone returns
Everton : 26/11/2014 09:00:00

Current Site Poll (view all polls)

Villa v Burnley (away) will:
Suggested By:  Mystic Mug
Win - phew! 0%
Lose - gulp! 50%
Draw - meh! 50%