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'If It's Football, It's Vital'

Hercs In The Dressing Room Pre Chelsea

*We join the lads gearing up for their game against Chelsea*

Gabby: ... and I said 'I don't even like celery!'

*The lads erupt with laughter*

MON: Alright lads settle down, right it's the warm up to the big semi, no tissues necessary Ashley.

*A.Young folds his arms and looks away with disgust as the lads all laugh at him*

MON: Sorry Ashley. Anyway with Dunne looking unlikely, Luke ... What in the world....

*Luke Young is in full cowboy gear, he slowly lifts his ten gallon hat and spits in a bucket*

L.Young: I done saw on that there Sky Sports News that with Dunne injured I'd be made deputy.

MON: You mean you'd 'deputise'

*L.Young removes his hat and begins taking off his cowboy garb*

L.Young: Oh. Balls.

MON: Yes, it's quite the injury crisis. Luke, centre back.

L.Young: Centre back but I was thinking that Carlos would ....

MON: Exactly! If that's what you think, that's what everyone will think. They won't know what's hit them with you in the middle and Carlos on the right.

L.Young: But...

MON: But nothing, in the Art of War Sun Tzu said 'Always mystify, mislead and surprise the enemy if possible'

*Gabby is nodding*

Gabby: It's true.

*The lads all turn and stare at Gabby*

Gabby: What? I read.

*The lads are still staring at Gabby*

Gabby: I read!

MON: Anyway imagine their surprise at my masterful tactics. This one's going to be a rout I tell you!

***Meanwhile in the Chelsea dressing room***

Ancelotti: I don't know much about this Martin O'Neill other than he is what us russians call 'insane'

Terry: insane's an english word boss.

Ancelotti: Is always England, England, England with you John. I would tell you 'take break' but the other players they say 'Keep John busy boss' and 'I love my wife boss'. Anyway, O'Neill will probably do something crazy like play all his defenders out of position so just harrass them and it will be what we call in Russia a 'rout'.

*Terry opens his mouth, then thinks better of remarking*




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The Journalist

Writer: Hercs Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Friday March 26 2010

Time: 12:49PM

Your Comments

Before it's said Yes I know Ancelotti is Italian. I like to think Ambromavic forces you to switch allegiance as well as surrender your soul in the Chelsea manager contract. Besides look at him, he couldn't look more Russian ..... Well I suppose he could wear one of those hats with the flaps.
Hercs
Gabby: What? I read. Priceless.
Stig
Funniest read on the site I actually look forward to these especailly after you guys have dropped points! ;)
daveeeeed ginola
Funniest read on the site I actually look forward to these especailly after you guys have dropped points! ;)
daveeeeed ginola
Yeah I like them them too,good work Hercs,funnier than cockeril v everyone else on our site.
CoxintheBox
Yeah I like them them too,good work Hercs,funnier than cockeril v everyone else on our site.
CoxintheBox
Love the thought of O'Neil basing his teams on The Art of War!!
Just as funny as ever Hercs, keep em coming, sadly though a lot of truth in this one!
davidsands1982
Love the thought of O'Neil basing his teams on The Art of War!!
Just as funny as ever Hercs, keep em coming, sadly though a lot of truth in this one!
davidsands1982
I dont know why we're laughing. Hercs has probably got this nailed spot-on. You have to laugh though dont ya, otherwise you'd just breakdown and cry.
glensider
I dont know why we're laughing. Hercs has probably got this nailed spot-on. You have to laugh though dont ya, otherwise you'd just breakdown and cry.
glensider
Nice one.
Chelsea24/7
Nice one.
Chelsea24/7
brilliant stuff! certainly brightened my day
LHrover
brilliant stuff! certainly brightened my day
LHrover
 

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