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Hercs In The Dressing Room Post Sunderlad Game

*We join the lads indifferent after a draw with Sunderland, MON is wearing a black tie over his tracksuit jacket, his face is streaked with tears*

A.Young: Wow the boss is taking this really hard. Hey boss, you're not upset about the whole 'throwing it away in March' thing are you?

*MON is looking away, silent and solemn*

A.Young: I mean we're trying our best, aren't we guys?

*The lads all nod and audibly agree. MON's bowed head is unmoving*

A.Young: I know the defence aren't as stingy as they've been....

*Collins and Dunne flashback to a conversation before the game with Frazier Cambpell*

.....

Campbell: Hey guys, I know it's cheeky to ask but mind if I score a goal? I'm only young and trying to find my way in the game.

*Collins and Dunne look at each other then back at Campbell*

Cambell: I mean it's hard going, Darren scores all the goals. My mum and dad come to all my matches, they think I'm a goalkeeper!

*Campbell bursts into floods of tears, Dunne puts a comforting arm around him*

Dunne: OK dere buddy, but just tha' one.

*Dunne winks, Cambpell immediately stops crying and beams*

Campbell: Yay!

.....

MON: No,no, it's not that, it's Emile, his injury ... It's finished his career.

*The lads all gasp, MON raises a framed picture of a young, grinning Heskey in his Leicester strip*

Heskey: What? My career's not over. The physio said...

MON: Oh I'll never be able to put his sweet name on my team sheet again.

Heskey: I can play again boss, I'm fine.

MON: When they stretchered him off the pitch I knew that was that. No more Emile in the team, it's almost more than I can bear.

Heskey: I didn't get stretchered off, I just have a knock, look.

*Heskey vibrantly kicks the air and jogs on the spot*

MON: Oh how the Villa faithful will miss his flair and panache.

*Ashley Young pats Heskey on the back*

A.Young: It was nice playing you with you big fella.

Heskey: I'm not...

*Milner presents Heskey with a card, Heskey reads it*

Heskey: 'Sorry you had to RETIRE'?!

*The card is a comedy one with an old man changing the tyres on a broken down vintage car.*

Heskey: Wait, this is signed by everyone, how long have you had this?

MON: Sorry Emile.

*MON is now Sheperding Heskey out of the dressing room with an arm, Heskey is turned looking over his shoulder.*

Heskey: Hey ....I'm not finished guys .... I...

*The door is closed and Heskey is stood outside alone, he can hear Kool and the Gang's 'Celebration' begin to chime from the room, peering in he sees MON dad dancing, his tie now around his head and Nathan Delfouneso jigging on a table in a party hat.*




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The Journalist

Writer: Hercs Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Thursday March 25 2010

Time: 11:41AM

Your Comments (oldest first)

Change to most recent first
hahahahhaahhahaaaahhaaaah!
Gruck
Report Abuse
25/03/2010 14:44:00

loll... You lot hate Heskey, eh? Why did you buy him then?
JT_daniel
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25/03/2010 15:01:00

JT_daniel - its not as if we as fans had a choice!
Mikey D-Man
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25/03/2010 15:27:00

I actually love Heskey (I know I'm in the minority) but I genuinely think he's a great player and a benefit to the club.
Hercs
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25/03/2010 15:52:00

I'm with you Hercs, and here I was thinking I stood alone. He was never going to succeed here, it just wasn't on. He gets flak no matter what, despite the times he performs as well as anyone else out there. Easy scapegoat. Yes his lack of goals are a problem, frustrating, but MON knew what he was getting when he bought him.
glensider
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25/03/2010 21:21:00

I'm with you Hercs, and here I was thinking I stood alone. He was never going to succeed here, it just wasn't on. He gets flak no matter what, despite the times he performs as well as anyone else out there. Easy scapegoat. Yes his lack of goals are a problem, frustrating, but MON knew what he was getting when he bought him.
glensider
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25/03/2010 21:21:00

How can Delboy get 6% on the MoM vote? He had 80 minutes of being bullied by Ferdinand and Hutton. When he had a chance he fluffed it. His scoring record is non existent and, unlike Heskey, he brings nothing else to the team. Beats me.
chocolate teapot
Report Abuse
25/03/2010 22:08:00

How can Delboy get 6% on the MoM vote? He had 80 minutes of being bullied by Ferdinand and Hutton. When he had a chance he fluffed it. His scoring record is non existent and, unlike Heskey, he brings nothing else to the team. Beats me.
chocolate teapot
Report Abuse
25/03/2010 22:08:00

Might want to give the lad a couple of games before you throw him out the team. Kinda ridiculous to judge him on one game. And I still wonder what heskey brings to the team. Its not tackles won or goals scored or assists... He probably is winning time spent lying on the ground though. Very valuable...
Astriel
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26/03/2010 07:57:00

Might want to give the lad a couple of games before you throw him out the team. Kinda ridiculous to judge him on one game. And I still wonder what heskey brings to the team. Its not tackles won or goals scored or assists... He probably is winning time spent lying on the ground though. Very valuable...
Astriel
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26/03/2010 07:57:00

Brilliant!
Matt_Us
Report Abuse
26/03/2010 12:34:00

 

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