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Hercs In The Dressing Room Pre Sunderland Match

*We join John Carew and Gabriel Agbonlahor approaching the dressing room before the match against Sunderland, they're much earlier than usual*

Gabby: I like goals.

Carew: I know Gabby, I know.

Gabby: Yeah ..... Like when you kick it in and the crowd goes 'Yay!'

Carew: Yeah, yeah. That's nice, sometimes I just like to relax out there too you know? Watch a game go by but it's is pretty cool to score.

Gabby: ... and you're all like 'Yippee!' and they're all like 'you're the daddy!' and you're like 'Again?'

*Carew looks confused*

Carew: O...K

*The lads can hear singing from the dressing room as they approach it.*

Heskey: Emile Heskey, Heskey. He's bigger than you or me, he's gonna score two or three, Em Heskey, Heskey!

Gabby: Is that Emile?

Carew: He's nicking my song!

*Gabby and Carew hurry to the doors, as they enter Heskey scrambles to screw a piece of paper in his hand into a ball and tidy away a subbuteo set*

Gabby: Wow subbuteo! Can I play?

Heskey: er... No the games over, sorry.

Gabby: That's OK we can start a new one.

*Gabby unfolds the pitch which was covering most of the players, he scans the the selection of Sunderland and Aston Villa figures, then gasps with horror*

Gabby: My legs!?

*The Gabby subbuteo player has had the base and legs broken off, Gabby touches his actual legs to confirm that they are intact*

Heskey: Yeah.... I ..... You're injured.

Carew: And what injury is it that I have!?

*Carew picks up his figure, only identifiable by the 'Carew 10' on the back .... The head has been removed*

Heskey: I .... Um.....

*Carew snatches the ball of paper from Heskey, shaking his head whilst lifting the Heskey player which literally has the ball glued to it's feet.*

Carew: And whats this ... The score?..... Aston Villa 8 - Sunderland 3? ...... You scored all our goals, won man of the match? ..... And .... I scored an Own Goal Hatrick!?

Heskey: You had a tough time out there, you're playing injured.

*Gabby holds up a dictaphone*

Gabby: What's this?

*Gabby presses play, the 'Em Heskey, Heskey' chant comes to an end, the tape continues*

Dictaphone-Heskey (with a commentator's voice): And can anyone stop Heskey? He's cutting through the Sunderland defence like a hot knife through butter.

*Carew and Gabby look sceptically at Heskey*

Heskey: What? His words not mine.

Dictaphone-Heskey (with a high pitched/ girl's voice): We love you Emile!

Dictaphone-Heskey (with a gruff, burly voice): You're useless Carew, absolutely useless!

*Gabby and Carew look at Heskey, eyebrows raised*

Heskey: What? You can't argue with the fans they ARE the club.

*MON enters the dressing room he's cleaning his glasses*

MON: Right Emile so are we ready to finish our preview of the mat..... Gabriel? John? .... You're .... Early.




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The Journalist

Writer: Hercs Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Wednesday March 24 2010

Time: 1:02PM

Your Comments

funny as ever!
overlooked_villan
Copying dirtytackle.net ideas huh? Good imagination Villa fans lol.
IanWrightsUglyWife
Copying dirtytackle.net ideas huh? Good imagination Villa fans lol.
IanWrightsUglyWife
Well not sure where Hercs gets his ideas from, but who cares....it was funny. So go do one and try to annoy people on another vital site.
Villa4Europe
Well not sure where Hercs gets his ideas from, but who cares....it was funny. So go do one and try to annoy people on another vital site.
Villa4Europe
I never said it wasn't funny - I was saying it's not original there is a difference. Although to be fair it is not that funny. Could of been written much better given a grade above C in GCSE english.
IanWrightsUglyWife
I've never heard of "dirtytackle" thankyou very much! I can assure you I ripped the idea of scripts from an Arsenal supporting friend and have been doing them stretching back to last season. The cheek! lol
Hercs
I suppose I should 'fess up, I didn't originate "scripted word". I also didn't realise academic grades were a gauge for funniness, I've missed a trick by not just scanning my degree certificate and posting it up every week above the statement "Laugh it up boys!" lol
Hercs
Now that would be funny because i heard your GCSE, grades when put next to each other, spell DUNCE :)
IanWrightsUglyWife
Hercs - this is the best one yet mate... hilarious! Love the dictaphone Heskey :D If he cuts through their defence like a hot knife through butter, i'll eat my hat and sau-wester! IanWrightsUglyWife - talking of grammar, i think you'll fine you added an additional comma there after 'GCSE' :p
thorpyuk
thorpyuk - Who said anything about grammar? Should of gone to spec savers. But whilst we are talking about grammar i didnt add an extra comma, i just placed it in the wrong place. Also its spelt "find" not "fine" :)
IanWrightsUglyWife
Awesome, I always look forward to this series!
JT_daniel
Run for cover! It's full blown grammatical warfare!
Hercs
nice one again, always keep an eye out for these! but what I find funnier is that IanWrightsUglyWife seems to be only person getting frustrated in this grammatical warfare after he started the abuse! HAHAHA, what a loser!!!
Mikey D-Man
Mikey D-Man - Lol and thats coming from someone who can't spot "tongue in cheek" if it was to come up, do a dance, and slap him in the face haha come on man sort it out. I even put smiley faces in to help you on your way.
IanWrightsUglyWife
:-)
Mikey D-Man
UglyWife doesn't seem to know the difference between the abbreviation of the verb 'to have' and a common preposition. This casts doubts on his own GCSE achievements, especially as the first 'offense' was in the same sentence in which he cast doubt on Hercs GCSE abilities, sigh..... But back on topic, once again brilliant stuff Hercs love it.
Jongekki
'CONJUGATE THE VERB' for Frith's sake!!!!!
ljkal
'CONJUGATE THE VERB' for Frith's sake!!!!!
ljkal
I am a teacher IanWrightsUglyWife and I know for a fact that GCSEs are graded on an A*-G scale, below which is a U for Ungraded. Therefore enabling your comment on the word DUNCE to be false as a 'N' grade in not possible. Thank you Sir and goodnight!!
deano.avfc
I am a teacher IanWrightsUglyWife and I know for a fact that GCSEs are graded on an A*-G scale, below which is a U for Ungraded. Therefore enabling your comment on the word DUNCE to be false as a 'N' grade in not possible. Thank you Sir and goodnight!!
deano.avfc
From what i have read here it is my honest opinion that UglyWife got his GCSE from Prof. Wenger at the school of ''Well i didn't see it''
av-jc-86
deano.avfc - Then things are different where you are. Here U is as you say ungraded where not enough marks can be given for a pass. But N is for Not attained, or Not attended whatever way you look at it, its where you don't bother turning up for the exam. I should know i got one myself for not bothering to go to the religious education exam :) As you said, thank you sir and goodnight. Jongekki - God man don't take everything so seriously lol i never said i was any good at english infact i had to resit my english GCSE to even pass the ****er! Again as i said above tongue in cheek, dont get so wound up
IanWrightsUglyWife
get a life and sod off from my site ianwrightsuglywife, what a pathetic set of posts from you.
The Fear
get a life and sod off from my site ianwrightsuglywife, what a pathetic set of posts from you.
The Fear
Hahaha @ The Fear.
IanWrightsUglyWife
Hahaha @ The Fear.
IanWrightsUglyWife
These Posts get a good response off other vital members. I find them funny as well. if you dont like them IanWrightsUglyWife then stop reading them.
Eaton_thevillafan
IanWrightsUglyWife ''But N is for Not attained, or Not attended'' I didnt attend and I got A for Absent :/ Goodwork Hercs
Blitz
fact, dirtytackle.net copies from Herc :D nice one bud
Gruck
fact, dirtytackle.net copies from Herc :D nice one bud
Gruck
Nice one.
Glad you're all young enough to have GCSE's. I only got a grade C in my "O" level, although they were much harder in those days!
RiF
IanWrightsSadLife
Doug4ever
 

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