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Hercs In The Dressing Room Pre Sunderland Match

Hercs In The Dressing Room Pre Sunderland Match

*We join John Carew and Gabriel Agbonlahor approaching the dressing room before the match against Sunderland, they're much earlier than usual*

Gabby: I like goals.

Carew: I know Gabby, I know.

Gabby: Yeah ..... Like when you kick it in and the crowd goes 'Yay!'

Carew: Yeah, yeah. That's nice, sometimes I just like to relax out there too you know? Watch a game go by but it's is pretty cool to score.

Gabby: ... and you're all like 'Yippee!' and they're all like 'you're the daddy!' and you're like 'Again?'

*Carew looks confused*

Carew: O...K

*The lads can hear singing from the dressing room as they approach it.*

Heskey: Emile Heskey, Heskey. He's bigger than you or me, he's gonna score two or three, Em Heskey, Heskey!

Gabby: Is that Emile?

Carew: He's nicking my song!

*Gabby and Carew hurry to the doors, as they enter Heskey scrambles to screw a piece of paper in his hand into a ball and tidy away a subbuteo set*

Gabby: Wow subbuteo! Can I play?

Heskey: er... No the games over, sorry.

Gabby: That's OK we can start a new one.

*Gabby unfolds the pitch which was covering most of the players, he scans the the selection of Sunderland and Aston Villa figures, then gasps with horror*

Gabby: My legs!?

*The Gabby subbuteo player has had the base and legs broken off, Gabby touches his actual legs to confirm that they are intact*

Heskey: Yeah.... I ..... You're injured.

Carew: And what injury is it that I have!?

*Carew picks up his figure, only identifiable by the 'Carew 10' on the back .... The head has been removed*

Heskey: I .... Um.....

*Carew snatches the ball of paper from Heskey, shaking his head whilst lifting the Heskey player which literally has the ball glued to it's feet.*

Carew: And whats this ... The score?..... Aston Villa 8 - Sunderland 3? ...... You scored all our goals, won man of the match? ..... And .... I scored an Own Goal Hatrick!?

Heskey: You had a tough time out there, you're playing injured.

*Gabby holds up a dictaphone*

Gabby: What's this?

*Gabby presses play, the 'Em Heskey, Heskey' chant comes to an end, the tape continues*

Dictaphone-Heskey (with a commentator's voice): And can anyone stop Heskey? He's cutting through the Sunderland defence like a hot knife through butter.

*Carew and Gabby look sceptically at Heskey*

Heskey: What? His words not mine.

Dictaphone-Heskey (with a high pitched/ girl's voice): We love you Emile!

Dictaphone-Heskey (with a gruff, burly voice): You're useless Carew, absolutely useless!

*Gabby and Carew look at Heskey, eyebrows raised*

Heskey: What? You can't argue with the fans they ARE the club.

*MON enters the dressing room he's cleaning his glasses*

MON: Right Emile so are we ready to finish our preview of the mat..... Gabriel? John? .... You're .... Early.

Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

Writer:Hercs
Date:Wednesday March 24 2010
Time: 1:02PM

Comments

0
funny as ever!
overlooked_villan
24/03/2010 13:11:00
0
Copying dirtytackle.net ideas huh? Good imagination Villa fans lol.
IanWrightsUglyWife
24/03/2010 13:13:00
0
Copying dirtytackle.net ideas huh? Good imagination Villa fans lol.
IanWrightsUglyWife
24/03/2010 13:13:00
0
Well not sure where Hercs gets his ideas from, but who cares....it was funny. So go do one and try to annoy people on another vital site.
Villa4Europe
24/03/2010 13:20:00
0
Well not sure where Hercs gets his ideas from, but who cares....it was funny. So go do one and try to annoy people on another vital site.
Villa4Europe
24/03/2010 13:20:00
0
I never said it wasn't funny - I was saying it's not original there is a difference. Although to be fair it is not that funny. Could of been written much better given a grade above C in GCSE english.
IanWrightsUglyWife
24/03/2010 13:48:00
0
I've never heard of "dirtytackle" thankyou very much! I can assure you I ripped the idea of scripts from an Arsenal supporting friend and have been doing them stretching back to last season. The cheek! lol
Hercs
24/03/2010 13:50:00
0
I suppose I should 'fess up, I didn't originate "scripted word". I also didn't realise academic grades were a gauge for funniness, I've missed a trick by not just scanning my degree certificate and posting it up every week above the statement "Laugh it up boys!" lol
Hercs
24/03/2010 14:03:00
0
Now that would be funny because i heard your GCSE, grades when put next to each other, spell DUNCE :)
IanWrightsUglyWife
24/03/2010 14:37:00
0
Hercs - this is the best one yet mate... hilarious! Love the dictaphone Heskey :D If he cuts through their defence like a hot knife through butter, i'll eat my hat and sau-wester! IanWrightsUglyWife - talking of grammar, i think you'll fine you added an additional comma there after 'GCSE' :p
thorpyuk
24/03/2010 14:58:00
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