Vital Football

Latest Aston Villa News

Hercs In The Dressing Room Pre Sunderland Match

Hercs In The Dressing Room Pre Sunderland Match

*We join John Carew and Gabriel Agbonlahor approaching the dressing room before the match against Sunderland, they're much earlier than usual*

Gabby: I like goals.

Carew: I know Gabby, I know.

Gabby: Yeah ..... Like when you kick it in and the crowd goes 'Yay!'

Carew: Yeah, yeah. That's nice, sometimes I just like to relax out there too you know? Watch a game go by but it's is pretty cool to score.

Gabby: ... and you're all like 'Yippee!' and they're all like 'you're the daddy!' and you're like 'Again?'

*Carew looks confused*

Carew: O...K

*The lads can hear singing from the dressing room as they approach it.*

Heskey: Emile Heskey, Heskey. He's bigger than you or me, he's gonna score two or three, Em Heskey, Heskey!

Gabby: Is that Emile?

Carew: He's nicking my song!

*Gabby and Carew hurry to the doors, as they enter Heskey scrambles to screw a piece of paper in his hand into a ball and tidy away a subbuteo set*

Gabby: Wow subbuteo! Can I play?

Heskey: er... No the games over, sorry.

Gabby: That's OK we can start a new one.

*Gabby unfolds the pitch which was covering most of the players, he scans the the selection of Sunderland and Aston Villa figures, then gasps with horror*

Gabby: My legs!?

*The Gabby subbuteo player has had the base and legs broken off, Gabby touches his actual legs to confirm that they are intact*

Heskey: Yeah.... I ..... You're injured.

Carew: And what injury is it that I have!?

*Carew picks up his figure, only identifiable by the 'Carew 10' on the back .... The head has been removed*

Heskey: I .... Um.....

*Carew snatches the ball of paper from Heskey, shaking his head whilst lifting the Heskey player which literally has the ball glued to it's feet.*

Carew: And whats this ... The score?..... Aston Villa 8 - Sunderland 3? ...... You scored all our goals, won man of the match? ..... And .... I scored an Own Goal Hatrick!?

Heskey: You had a tough time out there, you're playing injured.

*Gabby holds up a dictaphone*

Gabby: What's this?

*Gabby presses play, the 'Em Heskey, Heskey' chant comes to an end, the tape continues*

Dictaphone-Heskey (with a commentator's voice): And can anyone stop Heskey? He's cutting through the Sunderland defence like a hot knife through butter.

*Carew and Gabby look sceptically at Heskey*

Heskey: What? His words not mine.

Dictaphone-Heskey (with a high pitched/ girl's voice): We love you Emile!

Dictaphone-Heskey (with a gruff, burly voice): You're useless Carew, absolutely useless!

*Gabby and Carew look at Heskey, eyebrows raised*

Heskey: What? You can't argue with the fans they ARE the club.

*MON enters the dressing room he's cleaning his glasses*

MON: Right Emile so are we ready to finish our preview of the mat..... Gabriel? John? .... You're .... Early.

Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

Writer:Hercs
Date:Wednesday March 24 2010
Time: 1:02PM

Comments

0
funny as ever!
overlooked_villan
24/03/2010 13:11:00
0
Copying dirtytackle.net ideas huh? Good imagination Villa fans lol.
IanWrightsUglyWife
24/03/2010 13:13:00
0
Copying dirtytackle.net ideas huh? Good imagination Villa fans lol.
IanWrightsUglyWife
24/03/2010 13:13:00
0
Well not sure where Hercs gets his ideas from, but who cares....it was funny. So go do one and try to annoy people on another vital site.
Villa4Europe
24/03/2010 13:20:00
0
Well not sure where Hercs gets his ideas from, but who cares....it was funny. So go do one and try to annoy people on another vital site.
Villa4Europe
24/03/2010 13:20:00
0
I never said it wasn't funny - I was saying it's not original there is a difference. Although to be fair it is not that funny. Could of been written much better given a grade above C in GCSE english.
IanWrightsUglyWife
24/03/2010 13:48:00
0
I've never heard of "dirtytackle" thankyou very much! I can assure you I ripped the idea of scripts from an Arsenal supporting friend and have been doing them stretching back to last season. The cheek! lol
Hercs
24/03/2010 13:50:00
0
I suppose I should 'fess up, I didn't originate "scripted word". I also didn't realise academic grades were a gauge for funniness, I've missed a trick by not just scanning my degree certificate and posting it up every week above the statement "Laugh it up boys!" lol
Hercs
24/03/2010 14:03:00
0
Now that would be funny because i heard your GCSE, grades when put next to each other, spell DUNCE :)
IanWrightsUglyWife
24/03/2010 14:37:00
0
Hercs - this is the best one yet mate... hilarious! Love the dictaphone Heskey :D If he cuts through their defence like a hot knife through butter, i'll eat my hat and sau-wester! IanWrightsUglyWife - talking of grammar, i think you'll fine you added an additional comma there after 'GCSE' :p
thorpyuk
24/03/2010 14:58:00
Page 1/4
  1. 1
  2. 2
  3. 3
  4. 4

Login to post a comment

Recent Aston Villa Articles

Garde - A Long Road Ahead Of Us

Manager Remi Garde has admitted we still need to focus on 40 points to avoid the drop this year, and Gabby Agbonlahor and Joleon Lescott have talked fight.

January Loan Update

Aston Villa have a few players out on loan this season, so here's an update following on from the last month.

Garde On Much Needed Norwich Victory

Manager Remi Garde actually had something to smile about at the weekend as Villa took the 'no choice' victory over Norwich City.

Kozak Out For A Month

Didn't quite get to the pre Norwich injury news, so another setback for Libor Kozak slipped through.

Archived Vital Villa Articles

Vital Villa articles from

Site Journalists

J P Fear
Profile
Mike Field
Profile
Steve Wade
Profile
Villa_Grizzly
Profile
Turkish Penguin
Profile
Glensider
Profile
Chris Heath
Profile
M Calucar
Profile
JuanPablo Angel
Profile

Current Poll (see more polls)

Norwich MotM
Suggested By: Site Staff
Bunn3%
Richards1%
Okore10%
Lescott10%
Cissokho1%
Bacuna0%
Gana30%
Westwood1%
Gil11%
Agbonlahor29%
Veretout4%
Sub - Clark0%
ScoopDragon Premier League Network Sites

League Table

# Team P W D L Pts. GD
1 Leicester City 25 15 8 2 53 20
2 Spurs 25 13 9 3 48 26
3 Arsenal 25 14 6 5 48 17
4 Man City 25 14 5 6 47 21
5 Man Utd 25 11 8 6 41 10
6 West Ham 25 10 9 6 39 9
7 Southampton 25 10 7 8 37 9
8 Everton 25 8 11 6 35 12
9 Liverpool 25 9 8 8 35 -4
10 Watford 25 9 6 10 33 0
11 Stoke 25 9 6 10 33 -7
12 Crystal Palace 25 9 5 11 32 -4
13 Chelsea 25 7 9 9 30 -2
14 WBA 25 7 8 10 29 -9
15 AFC Bournemouth 25 7 7 11 28 -12
16 Swansea 25 6 9 10 27 -9
17 Newcastle 25 6 6 13 24 -18
18 Norwich 25 6 5 14 23 -20
19 Sunderland 25 5 5 15 20 -19
20 Aston Villa 25 3 7 15 16 -20
Vital Football Comment
Latest F1 News
Schumacher outlook 'not good' says Di Montezemolo
Latest Vital Boxing News
Whyte Would Take Haye Fight
Write for Vital Football

Aston Villa Fixtures (view all)

Feb 14 2016 2:05PM : Liverpool (H)
Barclays Premier League
Feb 27 2016 3:00PM : Stoke City (a)
Barclays Premier League
Mar 1 2016 7:45PM : Everton (H)
Barclays Premier League
Mar 5 2016 3:00PM : Manchester City (a)
Barclays Premier League
Mar 12 2016 3:00PM : Tottenham Hotspur (H)
Barclays Premier League
Mar 19 2016 5:30PM : Swansea City (a)
Barclays Premier League

Recent Aston Villa Results (view all)

Vital Members League Table

RankNamePoints
1.Pride of Lions402
2.The Fear231
3.ClivetheVillan230
4.Fulford230
5.JuanPabloAngel155
6.sirdennis146
7.revdpete143
8.Wurzel113
9.DeanoVilla109
10.He'sBiggerThanMe&You88
The Vital Football Members League