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'If It's Football, It's Vital'

Hercs In The Dressing Room Post Wolves

*We join John Carew who has been called for a meeting with MON after the draw with Wolves*

MON: Hi John,

Carew: Hi boss.

MON: Take a seat. Look, people are questioning whether you were offside for your two goals.

Carew: What? Even after the referreeing decisions at the league cup final?

MON: Yeah I know, I said that, ridiculous. But nonetheless football is a 'business' now, so like a business if you are seen to flagging in an area you must be re-trained.

Carew: Re-trained? But I score goals, well when I feel like it I do.

MON: Don't worry John, it won't be anything intensive just a bit of offside training, we'll be adopting the 'explaining offside to your girlfriend' method.

Carew: What's that?

*MON pushes forward a number of random items on his desk.*

MON: OK John, now you are this 1979 European Cup winners medal. The one I almost single handedly won.

Carew: O...K

MON: and the salt is a defender.

*MON holds up a salt shaker, Fabian Delph sticks his head around the door*

Delph: Assault a defender?!

MON: No Fabian.

*Delph groans and hangs his head.*

MON: Hang on, what's that in your hands?

Delph: This? It's Kevin Doyle's leg, Stilyan thought I might like it.

MON: Fabian! Give that back to Kevin at once! Right, what was I saying? Salt, last defender .... Oh ... John imagine my glasses case is Ashley Young.

Carew: Hi Ashley. How are you? Thanks for setting me up with that cross and....

MON: No, I mean just that it's a player and he has the ball.

Carew: Right.

MON: now if he plays you ... the medal ... (that I won) the ball when you're past the salt....

Carew: Here you go boss.

*Carew hands MON the salt*

MON: No, no I don't want the salt.

Carew: Why did you ask for it then?

MON: I didn't, I was just .... Forget it! Just score goals out there.

Carew: Right you are boss.

*Carew stands up to leave*

MON: Oh and don't forget your certificate.

*MON hands Carew a certificate*

Carew: A GNVQ in offside?

MON: Congratulations.




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The Journalist

Writer: Hercs Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Monday March 22 2010

Time: 10:47AM

Your Comments

I wonder what certificates Heskey has got?! brilliant.
claretandbluearmy
about as funny as aids
Adbo9
"about as funny as aids, Adbo9" well that one's going on the billboard poster for the book above 5 stars lol
Hercs
well done hercs...
vangogo
well done hercs...
vangogo
Good 'un Hercs. A much needed pick me up after Saturday's disappointment. Pity your articles aren't required reading in the dressing room, pre and post game. Keep 'em coming.
glensider
Good 'un Hercs. A much needed pick me up after Saturday's disappointment. Pity your articles aren't required reading in the dressing room, pre and post game. Keep 'em coming.
glensider
 

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