Hercs In The Dressing Room Post Wolves
*We join John Carew who has been called for a meeting with MON after the draw with Wolves*
MON: Hi John,
Carew: Hi boss.
MON: Take a seat. Look, people are questioning whether you were offside for your two goals.
Carew: What? Even after the referreeing decisions at the league cup final?
MON: Yeah I know, I said that, ridiculous. But nonetheless football is a 'business' now, so like a business if you are seen to flagging in an area you must be re-trained.
Carew: Re-trained? But I score goals, well when I feel like it I do.
MON: Don't worry John, it won't be anything intensive just a bit of offside training, we'll be adopting the 'explaining offside to your girlfriend' method.
Carew: What's that?
*MON pushes forward a number of random items on his desk.*
MON: OK John, now you are this 1979 European Cup winners medal. The one I almost single handedly won.
MON: and the salt is a defender.
*MON holds up a salt shaker, Fabian Delph sticks his head around the door*
Delph: Assault a defender?!
MON: No Fabian.
*Delph groans and hangs his head.*
MON: Hang on, what's that in your hands?
Delph: This? It's Kevin Doyle's leg, Stilyan thought I might like it.
MON: Fabian! Give that back to Kevin at once! Right, what was I saying? Salt, last defender .... Oh ... John imagine my glasses case is Ashley Young.
Carew: Hi Ashley. How are you? Thanks for setting me up with that cross and....
MON: No, I mean just that it's a player and he has the ball.
MON: now if he plays you ... the medal ... (that I won) the ball when you're past the salt....
Carew: Here you go boss.
*Carew hands MON the salt*
MON: No, no I don't want the salt.
Carew: Why did you ask for it then?
MON: I didn't, I was just .... Forget it! Just score goals out there.
Carew: Right you are boss.
*Carew stands up to leave*
MON: Oh and don't forget your certificate.
*MON hands Carew a certificate*
Carew: A GNVQ in offside?