Vital Football

Latest Aston Villa News

Hercs In The Dressing Room Post Wolves

Hercs In The Dressing Room Post Wolves

*We join John Carew who has been called for a meeting with MON after the draw with Wolves*

MON: Hi John,

Carew: Hi boss.

MON: Take a seat. Look, people are questioning whether you were offside for your two goals.

Carew: What? Even after the referreeing decisions at the league cup final?

MON: Yeah I know, I said that, ridiculous. But nonetheless football is a 'business' now, so like a business if you are seen to flagging in an area you must be re-trained.

Carew: Re-trained? But I score goals, well when I feel like it I do.

MON: Don't worry John, it won't be anything intensive just a bit of offside training, we'll be adopting the 'explaining offside to your girlfriend' method.

Carew: What's that?

*MON pushes forward a number of random items on his desk.*

MON: OK John, now you are this 1979 European Cup winners medal. The one I almost single handedly won.

Carew: O...K

MON: and the salt is a defender.

*MON holds up a salt shaker, Fabian Delph sticks his head around the door*

Delph: Assault a defender?!

MON: No Fabian.

*Delph groans and hangs his head.*

MON: Hang on, what's that in your hands?

Delph: This? It's Kevin Doyle's leg, Stilyan thought I might like it.

MON: Fabian! Give that back to Kevin at once! Right, what was I saying? Salt, last defender .... Oh ... John imagine my glasses case is Ashley Young.

Carew: Hi Ashley. How are you? Thanks for setting me up with that cross and....

MON: No, I mean just that it's a player and he has the ball.

Carew: Right.

MON: now if he plays you ... the medal ... (that I won) the ball when you're past the salt....

Carew: Here you go boss.

*Carew hands MON the salt*

MON: No, no I don't want the salt.

Carew: Why did you ask for it then?

MON: I didn't, I was just .... Forget it! Just score goals out there.

Carew: Right you are boss.

*Carew stands up to leave*

MON: Oh and don't forget your certificate.

*MON hands Carew a certificate*

Carew: A GNVQ in offside?

MON: Congratulations.

Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

Writer:Hercs
Date:Monday March 22 2010
Time: 10:47AM

Comments

0
I wonder what certificates Heskey has got?! brilliant.
claretandbluearmy
22/03/2010 11:28:00
0
about as funny as aids
Adbo9
22/03/2010 12:15:00
0
"about as funny as aids, Adbo9" well that one's going on the billboard poster for the book above 5 stars lol
Hercs
22/03/2010 13:56:00
0
well done hercs...
vangogo
22/03/2010 14:41:00
0
well done hercs...
vangogo
22/03/2010 14:41:00
0
Good 'un Hercs. A much needed pick me up after Saturday's disappointment. Pity your articles aren't required reading in the dressing room, pre and post game. Keep 'em coming.
glensider
22/03/2010 19:23:00
0
Good 'un Hercs. A much needed pick me up after Saturday's disappointment. Pity your articles aren't required reading in the dressing room, pre and post game. Keep 'em coming.
glensider
22/03/2010 19:23:00
Page 1/1
  1. 1

Login to post a comment

Recent Aston Villa Articles

Villa's International Injury Update

Another tired and boring international break in the world of football, so here's an update from Bodymoor Heath on our walking wounded.

The Villa Times - 24/03/2017 (Aston Villa News Round-up)

The latest Aston Villa news and views via the uno fish ial one...

Videos. Inside The Aston Villa Dressing Room

Hate international breaks, so hey, thought some of you might have missed these. Quite good fun some of them.

Villa Replicate Reading Offer

With Reading charging our fans (season ticket holders or members) only £20 for our trip to the Madejski Stadium earlier in the season, Villa have reciprocated the deal...

Archived Vital Villa Articles

Vital Villa articles from

Site Journalists

J P Fear
Editor email
Profile
Mike Field
Editor email
Profile
Steve Wade
no email
Profile
Villa_Grizzly
no email
Profile
Turkish Penguin
no email
Profile
Glensider
no email
Profile
Chris Heath
no email
Profile
M Calucar
no email
Profile
JuanPablo Angel
no email
Profile

Current Poll (see more polls)

I have nothing to ask! I hate international breaks!
Suggested By: ;o)
Agree85%
Disagree8%
Whatever 7%
ScoopDragon Publishing Entire League Network of Sites

League Table

# Team P W D L Pts. GD
1 Newcastle 38 24 6 8 78 38
2 Brighton 38 23 8 7 77 30
3 Huddersfield 37 22 5 10 71 4
4 Leeds Utd 38 21 6 11 69 16
5 Reading 38 20 7 11 67 2
6 Sheff Wed 38 18 8 12 62 9
7 Fulham 38 16 13 9 61 19
8 Norwich 38 16 9 13 57 9
9 Preston 38 15 12 11 57 6
10 Derby County 38 14 11 13 53 3
11 Barnsley 38 14 9 15 51 0
12 Aston Villa 38 13 12 13 51 0
13 Cardiff 38 14 9 15 51 -1
14 Brentford 38 14 8 16 50 3
15 Q.P.R. 38 14 8 16 50 -5
16 Wolves 37 12 9 16 45 -2
17 Ipswich 38 10 15 13 45 -9
18 Birmingham 38 11 12 15 45 -16
19 Bristol City 38 11 8 19 41 -3
20 Forest 38 11 8 19 41 -11
21 Burton 38 10 11 17 41 -14
22 Blackburn 38 9 13 16 40 -11
23 Wigan 38 8 10 20 34 -13
24 Rotherham 38 4 5 29 17 -54
The Vital Football Members League
Latest F1 News
More calls to ban the shark fins
Latest Vital Boxing News
Taylor v Joubert – Meadowbank, Scotland
Vital Football Comment

Recent Aston Villa Results (view all)

Aston Villa Fixtures (view all)

Apr 1 2017 3:00PM : Norwich City (H)
Sky Bet Championship
Apr 4 2017 7:45PM : Queens Park Rangers (H)
Sky Bet Championship
Apr 8 2017 3:00PM : Burton Albion (a)
Sky Bet Championship
Apr 15 2017 3:00PM : Reading (H)
Sky Bet Championship
Apr 17 2017 2:45PM : Fulham (a)
Sky Bet Championship
Apr 23 2017 12:00PM : Birmingham City (H)
Sky Bet Championship

Vital Members League Table

RankNamePoints
1.The Fear360
2.Pride of Lions280
3.sirdennis279
4.JuanPabloAngel239
5.HeathfieldRoad1874217
6.Sasquatch161
7.Silhillvilla156
8.Melon Donkey143
9.BodyButter132
10.DeanoVilla127
Write for Vital Football