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'If It's Football, It's Vital'

Hercs In The Dressing Room Pre Wolves Match

*We join the lads preparing to play Wolves.*

MON: OK lads OK, lets calm down. Now the March hoo-doo has been dealt with I expect us to 'march' on to triumph!

*MON pauses for a laugh. There isn't one*

Carew: Boooooooo!

MON: Boo!? Did someone boo my joke?

*The lads all point at Heskey, MON cuts him an icy stare*

Heskey: What!? It wasn't .... I mean I didn't ... erm..... I wasn't booing I said 'Boorilliant'...... I was doing a Black Country accent.... Because we're playing Wolves.

MON: Oh... Right. Anyway, against Wolves these two are the pair we're really going to have to look out for.

*MON extends a telescopic pointer and taps on two pictures on the board. Ashley Young points to the first*

A.Young: Who's that?

MON: Who's that? It's Steve Bull! "Bully", look at him there with his cheeky smile.

A.Young: Who?

MON: Steve Bull, you know Wolves player, played for England, great striker.

A.Young: Never heard of him.

MON: That's because he has what few players have nowadays. Loyalty, like Alan Shearer he didn't wander to one of the 'big teams' for glory.

Collins: So basically they were scared of the challenge and failure?

*MON points the pointer at Collins*

MON: Bingo.

Milner: and who's tha other wun like?

MON: This? This is Noddy Holder.

Milner: Does he play football like?

MON: Heavens no, their players aren't going to be a threat, I just thought I'd give you something to look for out there when you're tired of giving Wolves a hiding.

*MON pauses again*

Carew: Boooo!

MON: Thankyou. Now people have questioned whether I will rotate the team like I said I would. First team, stand up.

*The familiar first team line-up stand up*

MON: Now turn 180 degrees.

*They all turn, Gabby is spinning in circles like dog chasing it's tail, Heskey takes considerably longer to make the turn*

MON: And again.

*They all turn again facing MON once more*

MON: And sit. Rotation complete.




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The Journalist

Writer: Hercs Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Friday March 19 2010

Time: 11:41AM

Your Comments (oldest first)

Change to most recent first
Haha classs
p.villa
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19/03/2010 11:58:00

Haha classs
p.villa
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19/03/2010 11:58:00

No way Heskey would complete a full turn without falling on his arse.
IanSymes
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19/03/2010 12:12:00

The Noddy Holder line is a gem. Maybe if Noddy and Bob Plant were sporting the black and old gold of Wolverhampton Wanderers tomorrow, then the Molineux faithful might just have sold out their complete ticket allocation. Another good read there Hercs, well done sir.
glensider
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19/03/2010 12:32:00

love the rotation system!
The Fear
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19/03/2010 13:13:00

Nice one Hercs, thanks for the laughs!!
Charizma
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19/03/2010 15:09:00

LOL... Thanks just had the entire room stare at me after I burst out laughing after reading "Rotation complete" :D
Astriel
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19/03/2010 15:13:00

LOL... Thanks just had the entire room stare at me after I burst out laughing after reading "Rotation complete" :D
Astriel
Report Abuse
19/03/2010 15:13:00

Look at that grin on Bully's face it forced me to edit the article. My mum's friends with Steve Bull's sister, true story, I can barely live with the fame some days lol.
Hercs
Report Abuse
19/03/2010 15:21:00

 

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