Hercs In The Dressing Room Post Final Match

*We join the lads glum after their narrow defeat in the final*

MON: I want to see chins up lads, you're all champions to me and the fans out there!

Gabby: Does that mean we get the cup boss?

MON: No Gabriel.

*Gabby frowns then removes a large bag of pears from his shorts and sets them on a table, the lads look at each other confused*

Gabby: Well, that didn't work then.

MON: Gabriel, why did you bring a bag of pears on the pitch?

Gabby: I was watching Match of the Day before we went out and Alan Shearer said 'The real threat to Man United will be Agbonlahor's pears'

MON: Pace Gabriel, pace. It's just his regional accent.

*Gabby looks confused*

Gabby: Accent? I thought you had to be english to play for England?

MON: Gabriel he's .... Ah nevermind. Anyway lads I can only apologise, I had concentrated so much of our pre-match preperation on Wayne Rooney I hadn't even considered Manchester United's most potent threat. Phil Dowd.

Dunne: He was just everywhere on the pitch bass, unplayable.

MON: I know Richard, I know. He's a quite a talent.

*The door knocks, MON opens the door to Sir Alex Ferguson and Phil Dowd arm in arm Ferguson with the Carling Cup full of champagne, Dowd is holding the bottle.*

MON: Hi Sir Alex congrat....

SAF: That's Sir Alex!

MON: I said ...

SAF: Don't interrupt when I'm talkin' ta ye I'm a sir! Anyway ... What was I saying?

Dowd: Woooooooo! United! .... er .... I mean Wooooooo! Unbiased fairness!

SAF: Aye that was it, I thought you might want to congratulate me and Phil.

MON: I just tried to con ....

SAF: Will ya stop interruptin' me Martin'?

MON: You'd stopped talking Sir Alex. Besides why would I congratulate Phil Dowd?

Dowd: I got Man of the Match. Can I celebrate now Mr.Sir Alex sir?

SAF: Yes, dance .... The Charleston.

*Phil Dowd dances the Charleston on the spot whilst constantly looking for Ferguson's approval, MON closes the door.*

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Hello all, I usually don't put my own opinions on these things but I thought I'd just say I was proud of the lads on Sunday, we played some decent football and never looked in awe of what was a big game, on a big stage, against one of the biggest teams in the world. Of course for us Villa fans the match may have been a little tainted by some bad referreeing decisions but we're a relatively young team and a lesson to take out of the final was if life gives you lemons, use your pears. Anyway ...... We're getting there. U.T.V!

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