Hercs 'In The Dressing Room' Post Spurs
*We join the lads reflecting on their 0-0 draw against Spurs, MON is nowhere to be seen*
A.Young: Has anyone seen the boss?
Milner: Last I saw, Harry was trying to sell him a truckload of video players like.
Delph: You mean DVD players.
A.Young: Well, we better look for him.
*The players split up in search of MON at White Hart Lane, Eventually they happen on him, asleep in the dugout*
MON: ... And make sure he's british ......
MON: .....With none of that 'fancy Dan' stuff ......
*MON Snores loudly then jumps with a start*
MON: GET AT THEM! PUSH UP! MAN ON!
A.Young: Boss .... The match is over.
*MON raises his glasses, rubs his eyes and removes his claret and blue striped sleeping cap*
MON: Oh right .... Nil nil was it?
*Everyone returns to the Dressing Room*
MON (yawning and stretching): Well another outstanding show of defence, you should be proud of yourselves lads we defended the hell out of Spurs out there. Richard.
Dunne: Yes dere bass?
MON: Richard, Richard, Richard.
Dunne: Yes? .... Bass?
MON: When I put your name on the team sheet I know no goals will be scored..... Much like you Emile.
*The dressing room erupts with laughter*
Heskey: It's not my fault boss, I got injured, I planned to score at least three goals.
*The dressing room erupts with laughter again*
Heskey: What's funny? I can score goals!
*The dressing room erupts with laughter once more*
Heskey: Besides I help out at the back and like they say the best form of Offence is a good defence boss.
MON: Who? Who says that Emile? They're wrong! The best form of offence is offence that's why they called it 'offence'
*Sidwell and Delph are whispering at the back of the dressing room*
Delph: I'm so fed up, I didn't get to kick anyone ... Anyone! I mean I tried to kick John Robertson and he kept dodging me, he's like an old ninja.
Sidwell: I know, why'd he start with Stilyan? I mean I heard he was injured.
Delph: I heard he's dead .... and the boss still plays him.
*Sidwell and Delph look over at Petrov who is unblinking and rigidly in a standing position but leaned resting on a chair*
MON: What're you two talking about back there!?
Delph & Sidwell: Nothing boss.
MON: Stilyan, what were they talking about?
*Everyone turns to Petrov, he doesn't move and remains silent*
MON: Is that right Stilyan? OK then.
*The lads all look at each other, Petrov's hand falls off*
MON: Fabian, go and get the physio, tell him to bring the tape.