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Hercs 'In The Dressing Room' Post Spurs

*We join the lads reflecting on their 0-0 draw against Spurs, MON is nowhere to be seen*

A.Young: Has anyone seen the boss?

Milner: Last I saw, Harry was trying to sell him a truckload of video players like.

Delph: You mean DVD players.

Milner: Noor.

A.Young: Well, we better look for him.

*The players split up in search of MON at White Hart Lane, Eventually they happen on him, asleep in the dugout*

A.Young: Boss?

MON: ... And make sure he's british ......

A.Young: Boss!?

MON: .....With none of that 'fancy Dan' stuff ......

A.Young: BOSS!?!?

*MON Snores loudly then jumps with a start*

MON: GET AT THEM! PUSH UP! MAN ON!

A.Young: Boss .... The match is over.

*MON raises his glasses, rubs his eyes and removes his claret and blue striped sleeping cap*

MON: Oh right .... Nil nil was it?

A.Young: Yeah.

*Everyone returns to the Dressing Room*

MON (yawning and stretching): Well another outstanding show of defence, you should be proud of yourselves lads we defended the hell out of Spurs out there. Richard.

Dunne: Yes dere bass?

MON: Richard, Richard, Richard.

Dunne: Yes? .... Bass?

MON: When I put your name on the team sheet I know no goals will be scored..... Much like you Emile.

*The dressing room erupts with laughter*

Heskey: It's not my fault boss, I got injured, I planned to score at least three goals.

*The dressing room erupts with laughter again*

Heskey: What's funny? I can score goals!

*The dressing room erupts with laughter once more*

Heskey: Besides I help out at the back and like they say the best form of Offence is a good defence boss.

MON: Who? Who says that Emile? They're wrong! The best form of offence is offence that's why they called it 'offence'

*Sidwell and Delph are whispering at the back of the dressing room*

Delph: I'm so fed up, I didn't get to kick anyone ... Anyone! I mean I tried to kick John Robertson and he kept dodging me, he's like an old ninja.

Sidwell: I know, why'd he start with Stilyan? I mean I heard he was injured.

Delph: I heard he's dead .... and the boss still plays him.

*Sidwell and Delph look over at Petrov who is unblinking and rigidly in a standing position but leaned resting on a chair*

MON: What're you two talking about back there!?

Delph & Sidwell: Nothing boss.

MON: Stilyan, what were they talking about?

*Everyone turns to Petrov, he doesn't move and remains silent*

MON: Is that right Stilyan? OK then.

*The lads all look at each other, Petrov's hand falls off*

MON: Fabian, go and get the physio, tell him to bring the tape.




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The Journalist

Writer: Hercs Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Monday February 8 2010

Time: 8:18PM

Your Comments

MON: When I put your name on the team sheet I know no goals will be scored..... Much like you Emile. Brilliant.
claretandbluearmy
MON: When I put your name on the team sheet I know no goals will be scored..... Much like you Emile. Brilliant.
claretandbluearmy
absolutely brilliant....keep them coming
Bangkok Villan
absolutely brilliant....keep them coming
Bangkok Villan
left me laughing outloud at work again like a fool, so thanks for that Hercs!

Sometimes (only very briefly mind you) I do feel a little sorry for Emile.
davidsands1982
left me laughing outloud at work again like a fool, so thanks for that Hercs!

Sometimes (only very briefly mind you) I do feel a little sorry for Emile.
davidsands1982
 

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