UK time is: 13:00:34
Vital Login
Social Login

Choose your club

Other Sites

Network Navigation

Vital Partners

'If It's Football, It's Vital'

Hercs 'In The Dressing Room' Pre-Spurs

*We join the lads preparing for their clash against Spurs*

MON: Right, settle down lads, now for this match I ....

*There is a knock at the door, MON (quite annoyed at being interrupted) answers it. It's Harry Redknapp and Peter Crouch*

Redknapp: Marty! 'Ow are you me auld china!?

MON: I'm fine thanks Harry.

Redknapp: Sir 'Arry, please.

MON: You're not a knight of the realm Harry and I have no issue beginning a word without a vowel.... Anyway as you can see I'm quite busy, how can I help you?

Redknapp: I was wonderin' if you'd like to buy this job lot of captain's armbands ..... Crouchie!

*Crouch lugs a massive cardboard box dropping it at MON's feet, MON opens the box*

MON: What am I going to do with a box of hundreds of armbands Harry? And why do they all have a large capital 'E' on?

Crouch (whispering): I told you he'd notice boss!

Redknapp: Shut it Crouchie you plonker! Marty, obviously it stands for ''E's the captain'

MON: No thanks Harry .... and why are you pair dressed as Batman and Robin?

Redknapp: Long story ..... Wembley Tickets?

*Redknapp thrusts a fistful of Wembley tickets toward MON.*

MON: Hang on ... Where did you get those? ..... NATHAN!?

*MON turns to see Nathan Baker has disappeared*

A.Young: He said something about the Costa Del Sol boss.

*MON sighs and slams the door in Redknapp and Crouch's faces*

Crouch: Well that went better than I thought it would.

Redknapp: Don't worry Crouchie my son, my next scheme's going to make us millions, first we buy Pompey, then ....

Crouch: Can we not just play football boss?

*Back in the dressing room*

MON: I only have one tactic for this match lads.

*MON pulls down a rolled up poster, unveiling a large picture of Jermaine Defoe's face, he's smiling widely and is surrounded by a bold red circle with a line through it*

MON: Stop. Jermaine. Defoe

*Delph and Sidwell's eyes widen and gleam*

Sidwell: You mean 'Stop him', 'stop him' boss?

MON: Well I ....

*MON turns, Delph is repeatedly kicking holes in the face poster*

MON: Fabian!?

Delph: What?...... I like kicking people.

MON: Steven!?

*Sidwell stops growling and raises his eyebrows, a piece of poster his hanging from between his teeth like an oversized tongue*




Use your social login to comment on front page articles. Login using you Facebook, Twitter, Google or LinkedIn accounts and have your say!



Click here to join in the debate on the club forum.

The Journalist

Writer: Hercs Mail feedback, articles or suggestions

Date:Friday February 5 2010

Time: 11:09AM

Your Comments

Nice mental images produced from that, made me s******* at my desk!
davidsands1982
Nice mental images produced from that, made me s******* at my desk!
davidsands1982
Redknapp and Crouch - Del and Rodney! I love the images you paint in my mind, hercs!
benji_starsky_avfc
Redknapp and Crouch - Del and Rodney! I love the images you paint in my mind, hercs!
benji_starsky_avfc
on a side note, would love to see Delph feature tomorrow evening.
benji_starsky_avfc
on a side note, would love to see Delph feature tomorrow evening.
benji_starsky_avfc
if you lot kick Defoe tomorrow we will have proof that it was a conspiracy. by the way great one again.
vangogo
if you lot kick Defoe tomorrow we will have proof that it was a conspiracy. by the way great one again.
vangogo
what a great reference to Only Fools and Horses! It's so true as well. ...
FootyFans
what a great reference to Only Fools and Horses! It's so true as well. ...
FootyFans
Fast forward an hour. There's a knock at the Spurs dressing room door. Redknapp answers it. Standing there is an overweight oafish looking chap donning a woolly hat. Redknapp:Who are you? "Benny Hawkins" replies the chap." Mr Martin next door is complaining about 3 lost points and I came to see if they were in here."
hodfoundgodwithapass
Fast forward an hour. There's a knock at the Spurs dressing room door. Redknapp answers it. Standing there is an overweight oafish looking chap donning a woolly hat. Redknapp:Who are you? "Benny Hawkins" replies the chap." Mr Martin next door is complaining about 3 lost points and I came to see if they were in here."
hodfoundgodwithapass
i found that unbelievably realistic, especially dirty arry buying Pompey. Storrie wud give it to him tax free
av-jc-86
i found that unbelievably realistic, especially dirty arry buying Pompey. Storrie wud give it to him tax free
av-jc-86
Thank you Hercs.
andy5759
Thank you Hercs.
andy5759
by the way hodgod since when has a match only been an hour long
av-jc-86
by the way hodgod since when has a match only been an hour long
av-jc-86
 

Have Your Say

Log in...
with your social network     OR     with your Vital account

Recent Articles

Something For The Weekend (459) (Friday April 18 2014)

Deeney In, Helenius Out? (Thursday April 17 2014)

Lambert Upbeat Ahead Of Saints Clash (Thursday April 17 2014)

Randy In Praise Of Lambert (Wednesday April 16 2014)

Villa Confirm Suspensions (Tuesday April 15 2014)

Archived Articles

List All Vital Villa Articles
Have your say
Click here to suggest an article
Click here to suggest a poll

Vital Members League (view all)

1. Pride of Lions 877
2. The Fear 777
3. ClivetheVillan 313
4. Barney2004 245
5. Villan57 226
6. Villan Of The North 202
7. tarzan 193
8. sirdennis 192
9. BlackCountry Villa 184
10. Sussex Villan 181

League Results (view all)

League Table (view table)

Team P W D L GD Pts
11. Crystal Palace 34 12 4 18 -14 40
12. West Ham 34 10 7 17 -9 37
13. Hull City 33 10 6 17 -6 36
14. Aston Villa 33 9 7 17 -14 34
15. Swansea 34 8 9 17 -5 33
16. WBA 33 6 15 12 -11 33
17. Norwich 34 8 8 18 -27 32

Breaking League News

Ups and Downs for Sam!
Chelsea : 19/04/2014 12:52:00
No Longer Fake!
Chelsea : 19/04/2014 12:32:00
Cole Out in the Cold?
Chelsea : 19/04/2014 12:16:00
Hazard Remains a Doubt for Atletico Trip
Chelsea : 19/04/2014 12:10:00
Spurs v Fulham - Team Sheets
Fulham : 19/04/2014 12:00:00
A Minutes Applause for Dylan
West Ham : 19/04/2014 11:50:00
Hammers - It Refuses to Go Away
West Ham : 19/04/2014 11:46:00

Current Site Poll (view all polls)

Villa v Southampton will:
Suggested By:  Mystic Mug
Win 36%
Lose 45%
Draw 19%