Hercs 'In The Dressing Room' Before Arsenal
*We join the lads preparing for their match against Arsenal*
MON: OK lads, settle down. Craig Gardner is gone, he was a long serving player here so I thought I'd begin today's team talk with an opportunity to talk about the memorable moments he had at the club.
*MON stares at the lads, minutes pass in silence, Carew is twiddling his thumbs, Gabby is watching a fly buzz around the room, he begins matching it's buzzing noise*
MON: Now come on, there must be something? How about you Big John? Memories?
*Carew sits to attention looking sharply left and right*
MON: No, Craig Gardner memories!?
Carew: Oh, Well ..... He scored a cracking goal for Jamaica a while back, World Cup I think, I mean I have respect for anyone who manages to captain their country.
MON: That's Ricardo Gardner. Right someone must have something, Gabriel! Stop following the fly!
MON: Craig Gardner moment?
Gabby: I liked the bit where he got caught having an affair with that Eva Longoria lady.
MON: Are you talking about THE gardener from the televison programme, 'Desperate Housewives' Gabriel?
Gabby: No Craig Gar.... No, no, you're right yeah, Desperate Housewives.
MON: Right so we've got nothing then?
A.Young: Well what's your favourite Craig moment boss?
*MON strokes his chin deep in thought ... Drifting to his favourite memory of Craig Gardner....*
MON: Hi Craig!
Gardner: Hi boss, why have you called me to your office? Is it to talk about Villa? I love the Villa boss, I'm a lifelong fan!
*Gardner kisses the badge on his shirt*
MON: Um ... Yes sort of, I just need you to sign something.
*MON pushes forward a piece of paper with another sheet on top obscuring most of the details*
Gardner: What is it boss?
MON: It's just something to say that you want to play first team football.
Gardner: I've not had to sign anything like that before boss?
MON: Well you don't play first team football Craig, you wouldn't know would you?
Gardner: Guess not boss.
*Gardner signs and exits whistling 'Holte Enders in the Sky' to himself*
*MON removes the top sheet to reveal Gardner's new Birmingham City contract and opens his draw to look at the bundles of Hong Kong Dollars*
A.Young: Boss? ...... Boss?
*MON is chuckling to himself*
MON: Oh sorry, yes Ashley?
A.Young: Nevermind, kick off's soon what's the plan against Arsenal?
MON: ...... Kick them.