Hercs 'In The Dressing Room' Before Arsenal

*We join the lads preparing for their match against Arsenal*

MON: OK lads, settle down. Craig Gardner is gone, he was a long serving player here so I thought I'd begin today's team talk with an opportunity to talk about the memorable moments he had at the club.

*MON stares at the lads, minutes pass in silence, Carew is twiddling his thumbs, Gabby is watching a fly buzz around the room, he begins matching it's buzzing noise*

MON: Now come on, there must be something? How about you Big John? Memories?

*Carew sits to attention looking sharply left and right*

Carew: Mammaries?

MON: No, Craig Gardner memories!?

Carew: Oh, Well ..... He scored a cracking goal for Jamaica a while back, World Cup I think, I mean I have respect for anyone who manages to captain their country.

MON: That's Ricardo Gardner. Right someone must have something, Gabriel! Stop following the fly!

Gabby: Bzz?

MON: Craig Gardner moment?

Gabby: I liked the bit where he got caught having an affair with that Eva Longoria lady.

MON: Are you talking about THE gardener from the televison programme, 'Desperate Housewives' Gabriel?

Gabby: No Craig Gar.... No, no, you're right yeah, Desperate Housewives.

MON: Right so we've got nothing then?

A.Young: Well what's your favourite Craig moment boss?

*MON strokes his chin deep in thought ... Drifting to his favourite memory of Craig Gardner....*

~~~~~~~~

MON: Hi Craig!

Gardner: Hi boss, why have you called me to your office? Is it to talk about Villa? I love the Villa boss, I'm a lifelong fan!

*Gardner kisses the badge on his shirt*

MON: Um ... Yes sort of, I just need you to sign something.

*MON pushes forward a piece of paper with another sheet on top obscuring most of the details*

Gardner: What is it boss?

MON: It's just something to say that you want to play first team football.

Gardner: I've not had to sign anything like that before boss?

MON: Well you don't play first team football Craig, you wouldn't know would you?

Gardner: Guess not boss.

*Gardner signs and exits whistling 'Holte Enders in the Sky' to himself*

MON: Excellent.

*MON removes the top sheet to reveal Gardner's new Birmingham City contract and opens his draw to look at the bundles of Hong Kong Dollars*
~~~~~~~~

A.Young: Boss? ...... Boss?

*MON is chuckling to himself*

MON: Oh sorry, yes Ashley?

A.Young: Nevermind, kick off's soon what's the plan against Arsenal?

MON: ...... Kick them.

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